Somewhere a Clock is Ticking
by Ly Merrick
Summary: Quinn finds herself jealous and confused when her former best friend becomes Rachel Berry's protector and confidante. Faberry w/ Pezberry Friendship
1. This Feeling

Title: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

Pairing: Quinn/Rachel, Rachel/Santana (Friendship)

Synopsis: Quinn finds herself jealous and confused when her former best friend becomes Rachel Berry's protector and confidante.

A/N: So, I'm going to be working on this fic the same time as "In the Broken Night, Set Against the Sky" so I've yet to actually decide if I'm going to write all of this out before publishing it or not, but it's going to be a 13 chapter story with a similar set-up to the one I've used in my other stories. If I do get too impatient to wait to finish the story before publishing the chapters, please be patient with me on updating both - I spend about six hours on each chapter I write in each story, so I might stagger each story every-other-day but I may try to keep up a 2-chapter-a-day pace. Lyrics will be from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol, one of my personal favorites by the band. Anyway, here's hoping you enjoy! _(Thanks to HappyLaura for spotting my grammatical errors, lol, I really appreciate it. xoxox)_

##

Chapter 1: **This Feeling**

_I've got this feeling there's something that I've missed..._

###

Either Quinn Fabray had woken up in some bizzaro world or things were wrong in a very big way. It was as if everything was going very, very, slow, and Santana was swimming through the air like in some big action flick starring Tom Cruise, a familiar snarl on her face as she tackled Karofsky to the ground.

"You better watch it, Karofsky!" Santana was flying and everything was speeding back up to regular-time, the Latina throwing fists and colliding into a very confused Karofsky. "If I have to tell you one more time not to slushie Berry, you're going to be in a body cast!"

It was loud, and Quinn was pretty sure that was the ocean rushing in her ears, because Santana was angry that Karofsky had slushied _Rachel. _Rachel Berry. Everything in her brain was quite confused and Quinn thought maybe she'd banged her head against a particularly hard wall that morning and forgotten about it. The blonde looked around, as if searching for cameras or a clue that this was some sick joke.

Santana was defending Rachel. _Rachel. _Good God, maybe Quinn had lost it. Maybe Santana had lost it. Maybe Brittany had put Santana up to it. The taller Cheerio was quite sweet and didn't seem to care about social status, so maybe that was it.

"You freak! Get off me!" Karofsky tried to shove Santana off but she was all fists and Latin fury, a raging bull charging at the sight of a red flag.

"Whoa, whoa!" Sue Sylvester's voice boomed down the hall, "As much I appreciate a gladitorial display of female fury," Quinn could hear the familiar buzz of Sue's megaphone as she cut off transmission. The crowd gathered around the fight parted in fear, "I'm not allowed to encourage this kind of behavior between students, although I wouldn't mind breaking the rules if one William Schuester was the target of this particular attack." She was still shouting into the microphone even as she stood feet away from Quinn.

The ex-Cheerio flinched away from the loud buzz of the megaphone and clutched her books confusedly to her chest. Rachel was still standing on the other side of the hall in shock, wiping grape slushie from her eyes and sputtering. One of the taller football players had wrapped an arm around Santana's waist and was pulling her back - not without great effort - and the Latina was still shouting curses in Spanish as she was detained by another two football players. Brittany was standing close beside Rachel, watching with trepidation, and her hand rested on Rachel's shoulder.

The Cheerios were defending Rachel. Quinn again tried blinking away the scene before her, the impossibilities. True, Rachel and Santana had been seen striding down the hall together, talking, but Santana had always been the first to put Rachel down when Quinn was still a Cheerio. Now the HBIC had nothing to do with her, and apparently had become the new vigilante for McKinley's trampled youth.

"Karofsky! My office, pronto, before I shove that weirdly shaped skull and those beady little eyes of yours into Schuester's hair gel and make you recite the alphabet backwards!" Sue boomed through the megaphone, causing Quinn to jump again, and sidle away from the coach. Quinn watched Karofsky skulk away, Coach Sylvester barking orders at his back as he held his right eye socket. Santana had apparently landed a punch.

Santana was struggling against a football player's arm and apparently sank teeth into his hand because Quinn saw an arm fly away in surprise, just long enough for Santana to launch forward and shove the other football player back, "Get off me, you pigs!" Santana barked and flew past Quinn, joining both Brittany and Rachel, looping a tan arm around Rachel and guiding her down the hall, shoving people out of the way and sometimes a glare was enough to send someone's papers flying in fear as they darted away. Nobody wanted to mess with Lopez when she was that pissed off. What Quinn was absolutely horrified and confused about was why in the hell she was that pissed off in Rachel's defense. Her stomach twisted as she faltered, considered following them into the bathroom and asking what the hell all that was about, but since none of the three girls now gathered in the girls' bathroom liked Quinn very much, it just didn't seem like a good idea when Quinn was seeing red. Nonetheless, curiosity was too much and Quinn found herself standing outside the door, hovering, listening for any sign that it was some weird joke.

"Tip your head back," Santana was saying, although Quinn could barely hear through the door. She heard a rushing of water and assumed Rachel was being assisted with getting slushie out of her hair. Quinn swallowed, felt slightly sick. "I can't believe him. My cousins already drove by his house once and busted out a window - "

"Santana! It's not necessary to perpetuate such violence in my defense. Before our .. friendship, I was quite content holding my head high and I don't like the idea of charges being pressed because you feel the need to watch over me now," Rachel's voice bubbled from the other side of the door, hidden behind the sound of the faucet running.

Brittany joined in, "Santana's like some kind of Amazon. And now that you're one of us," Quinn frowned at that. One of _them? _What did she mean? Brittany continued on, unaware of the eavesdropping ex-Cheerio on the other side, "Santana will protect you. Like the time she beat up Jacob Ben Isreal for vlogging about our special spot behind the bleachers."

None of this was making any sense. Quinn swallowed, felt her stomach churning, "I've died and gone to hell, this makes no sense. God, I should've listened to my mother when she was preaching to me about abstinence. I'm in hell now," she mumbled to herself, deciding she'd heard enough to confuse her for the day and pushed away from the door. Books clutched to her chest, she turned her gaze back just in time to see Rachel coming out of the restroom, looking a little disoriented, and brown eyes caught hazel just for a second before Quinn found herself turning away and walking faster.

###

Lunch time made the whole situation far worse than it had been that morning. Quinn watched in horror, from her spot alone in the corner of the lunchroom, as Santana and Brittany made a bee-line for the Glee table. Instead of sitting with their fellow Cheerios, they sat beside a smiling Rachel Berry, and Santana apparently was too hilarious for Rachel not to laugh every five seconds. It made Quinn feel ill all over again. This had to be some kind of joke. She'd been insisting that to herself all day. She hadn't had any friends, even in the Glee club, since they'd returned from winter break. She'd alienated herself from both the popular crowd and the Glee club, unintentionally, during her pregnancy and then to her return to bitch-mode afterward. Quinn set her spoon down, and as she looked down at her jello, she suddenly felt a wash of nausea. She didn't know why, particularly, just that it had started this morning. Silently, she rose and tossed her food into a garbage bin, folded her arms over her stomach and tucked her chin to her chest. The ex-Cheerio walked as fast as she could, a little extra speed in her step as she heard Santana's voice near her, with Rachel's voice following in amusement.

Rachel Berry had friends. Rachel Berry had _her _friends. Or at least, friends that were once hers. Rachel Berry had more friends than Quinn right now. Something was very wrong with this. She felt a hand at her shoulder and glanced back, "Hands off me," she had assumed it was some jock trying to cop a feel, but as she swung around she almost stumbled back in shock as she saw Rachel standing there, looking apprehensive and upset. "What do you want, Berry?" Quinn's tone was harsh and Rachel visibly flinched under Quinn's sharp gaze. Good, Quinn thought, at least some things were still normal. A fist clenched at her side, she swallowed and fought against the nausea washing against her in waves.

"You look particularly uhm ... " Rachel hesitated.

Quinn's eyes flashed up to Santana, who was approaching slowly, like a cat about to pounce on its victim, "Spit it out, Berry!"

"Watch your tone!" Santana shoved Quinn's shoulder back sharply.

Quinn's eyes narrowed and she slapped away Santana's hand, "Don't touch me, Lopez!"

"You look ill today, as if you're not feeling so well," Rachel mumbled from between them, looking demure as she folded her hands carefully in one another and her dark brown eyes darted to the floor.

Quinn's anger deflated into confusion, "What's it to you?"

"I swear to God, Quinn," Santana stepped forward, but was stilled as Rachel reached an arm back and gently pressed against Santana's stomach.

"Don't. I told you, I don't want you continuing such a violent streak. Quinn is merely posing a question," Rachel lifted her chin and sized Quinn up, and Quinn had to do her best not to sink under Rachel's softening gaze, "I'm merely pointing out you look as if you don't feel very well, and I suggest maybe going to the nurse? I'm quite sure the last time you were ill, you had mono, and - "

"I just feel sick from looking at," Quinn waved her hand, flailed it between Rachel and Santana, "whatever the hell kind of joke this is, Berry."

"You're just jealous because she has friends and you have nobody, you ridiculous piece of - "

"Santana!" Rachel barked, glared, and huffed.

Quinn couldn't take anymore. She wheeled around and ignored the angry tears stinging her eyes as she ran. She kept running until she was panting breathlessly in the girls' bathroom stall. It was all too much, too weird, and for some reason it was making Quinn feel sick to her stomach. Her former best friend was all of a sudden a raging bull in defense of someone they'd mutually agreed they despised, someone short and irritating and completely obnoxious. A wave of nausea hit, and Quinn felt her stomach heave. She hated getting sick, but here she was, doing just that. She spent the rest of lunch cleaning that horrible taste out of her mouth and sucking on mints to soothe her apparently very upset stomach. The blonde appraised her reflection, searching her own eyes as if she were looking into those of a stranger. She looked at her reflection in disgust, and found herself driving a hand against the glass of the mirror. "I am a piece of shit," Quinn snarled at the broken shards and ignoring the fact her knuckles were bleeding. "Pregnant at 16, abandoning my daughter to someone I don't even know, torturing people I shouldn't even acknowledge, now getting sick over this stupid ... " Her voice trailed off. The venom in her voice was clear. She continued mumbling insults against herself until she heard the door swing open. She had half a mind to ignore it, until she saw a hesitant Rachel standing in the doorway, hands tucked in front of her, brows knit in concern. Stupid Rachel, always sticking her nose in where it didn't belong. "Get out, RuPaul!" Quinn all but shouted, "Get out, get out! God! Can't I have one moment alone?"

Rachel didn't move, only flinched at the harshness flying out of Quinn's mouth.

"What did I say?" Quinn's voice raised in volume and she momentarily forgot that she was bleeding and by all definitions injured. Her anger continued to grow as Rachel only stepped forward, and Quinn faltered backward, fumbling against the sink and finding no way out as Rachel stared up at her. Brown eyes dropped to her injured hand, and Rachel's small, soft hand reached out to find Quinn's injured one. The diva was gentle, and as Quinn registered that Rachel was touching her, she yanked her hand away, "Don't touch me," she emphasized each word.

Rachel still didn't say a damn word and it was infuriating. Quinn was angry, beyond angry.

"Where's your pitbull, freak?" She bit out.

"I told Santana to remain in the lunch-room." Rachel seemed unaffected by Quinn's insults and harsh tone, and it was only making Quinn's temper worse. As Quinn tried to pull away her hand a second time, Rachel only kept a firm grip, "would you just stop for one second, Quinn Fabray? I realize we're far from friends but I don't hate you and you're bleeding, and for goodness' sake you need to just stop yelling at me for one moment so I can clean this up."

Quinn faltered. Nausea hit her again, confusion, and a vague sense of unease, "Have I died and gone to hell? I mean first Santana acting like a raging bull in your defense and now you're standing here scolding me for not standing still but forgive me for being fucking confused right now." She fought the urge to pull her hand away again as she saw Rachel bite her lip in concentration and begin dabbing away the blood at Quinn's knuckles.

"You're impossible, and cruel, and I rather think you need to go to etiquette classes," Rachel stated simply, and Quinn ignored the fact that Rachel's hands were really soft and she was being excrutiatingly gentle. "But you're also in pain, bleeding, and alone."

"Spare me the psychoanalysis, Berry, and hurry up."

"You're much like an injured bear when you're upset and confused," Rachel mused thoughtfully as she continued dabbing at the wounds, before she broke away and unhitched the latch at the first-aid kit mounted on the wall. She fished around for a moment, leaning up on her tip-toes, and returned to Quinn with gauze. "Hold this," she demanded softly and Quinn knew she should've said no, but instead she held a finger down at the edge of the gauze as Rachel slowly and tightly wrapped it around the wound. "I don't have disinfectant, at least I didn't see any in there, so you'll need to monitor this closely so it doesn't get infected."

Quinn mumbled, "Nobody gives a damn." She hadn't meant it in any particular way, but the way Rachel had stopped and was now looking at her with absolute pain in her eyes, Quinn felt herself shrink away from the gaze and instead focused on studying the shards of glass in the sink beside her.

"That is very much a lie," Rachel's voice was painfully quiet. "If you believe that, you're less intelligent than Finn, and that's saying something."

Quinn flinched, "Whatever. Are you done?" She willed the venom back into her voice as she felt Rachel finish wrapping her hand and secure the gauze.

"Yes." Rachel turned, quietly, and began cleaning up the shards of glass. "Either you'll leave first or I will, but as we're finished here I assume you're going to walk out while trying to say something scathing directed at me."

"Jesus, do you ever stop talking?" Quinn rolled her eyes and began to move past Rachel, when she felt a hand on her elbow. She didn't look in Rachel's direction, only stopped, froze, as if Rachel's touch was made of ice. She pulled her elbow away, ignoring the fact Rachel's expression contorted in her periforal vision.

"Santana's just looking out for me. I'm worried about you," Rachel's voice was so soft and so damn caring that it made Quinn flinch. She felt like she'd been struck, and swallowed. Her heart hammered defiantly.

"Why? I don't give a damn about anyone else so why should anyone give a damn about me?" Quinn snapped, closed her eyes.

"Because you cannot control how others regard you, no matter how hard you try to hide. You're a liar, Quinn, not an actress. If you were, you wouldn't be a very good one. Anyone can see you're in pain most of the time."

"Get a fucking degree in psychology and leave me alone," Quinn finished finally, throwing daggers over her shoulder in Rachel's direction and ignoring the earnest expression in her eyes. She pushed open the bathroom door and for the second time that day, found herself running down the hallway. Confusion painted her features as she glanced in the direction she'd come from, afraid to see Rachel there. Apparently, being alone was not in the cards today, because she made it to her locker only to find Santana standing there with a scowl on her face. "Christ, are you serious right now?" She felt like crying, she was so frustrated. "Leave me the hell alone, Santana," she mumbled and opened her locker, gathering her books for the last half of the day.

"How about you stop being a bitch for once and pay attention?"

"Pay attention to what? You trying to get Rachel's virginity?"

"Listen," Santana snarled and slammed Quinn's locker shut, shoving two fingers hard against Quinn's shoulder, "I'm telling you to stop being such a bitch for once and open your eyes. Or did giving up that kid of yours leave you completely heartless?"

Quinn's stomach dropped, her heart broke, and she was pretty sure she stopped breathing, "How," she gasped out the words, felt her senses strangled by rage, "dare you. Don't you ever bring that up, you have no right, no right at all!" Quinn shoved Santana against a locker, watched as students started to gather around. Two fights in one day was too much excitement for them.

"Oh really? Just like you have a right to treat everyone else like shit? I'm sorry if I don't kiss your feet but I don't think you have any right to target anyone for being lesser than you. And you wonder why we aren't friends," Santana shoved Quinn back, and before Quinn knew it they were being wrestled apart by Mr. Schuester.

It was all blurry, all confusing, and Quinn didn't like any of it. As she felt a pair of hands encircle her waist and pull her back, she realized she was leaning against someone shorter than her and the patch job Rachel had done on her hand was ruined, her books were splayed on the floor beside her, and the moment she realized Rachel was the one pulling her back from Santana, she wheeled around, shoved the diva backward, "Everyone needs to leave me alone!"

And they did, for the most part. Quinn stumbled into the nurse's office, feeling confused and numb. Her hand hurt, because at some point when the gauze came off, her hand had connected with Santana's face. Santana had shaken off the blow and answered with one of her own, and Quinn's head was throbbing. She nodded dumbly as the nurse asked her if she needed to lay down, and gratefully closed her eyes as the curtain made a quiet _shinkshinkshink _as it was dragged shut along the length of the pole above the bed. Quinn breathed in the silence, examined her feelings on this very strange day.

She knew a few things at the moment, but only a few. Santana, Brittany, and Rachel were all friends because of something they had in common. Rachel was being too damn nice, and Santana was warning Quinn to start paying attention. Pay attention to what? Quinn pursed her lips, felt her jaw clench. With her luck today, she'd end up seeing Rachel standing at the foot of her bed with a stuffed bear, singing Barbra, and Santana cracking her knuckles behind her just in case things went wrong. Her head throbbing painfully, she buried her face against the stiff pillow and groaned tearfully.

###

Quinn was standing outside Glee club, considering not going today. It had already been a terrible day and she really didn't feel like listening to more threats of violence if she didn't pay attention to whatever it was that Santana was threatening her over and Rachel was helping her with. Quinn rolled her eyes, moved into the room hoping to be not as noticeable. Of course, she was the last to arrive and everyone else was already in the middle of some conversation. She took a seat on the farthest side of the room, folded her hands in her lap, and pulled out a notebook. The least she could do to get her mind off everything was doodle. An envelope fell out, and she looked confusedly at it. Scrawled in neat handwriting was her name. Some kind of letter. That familiar wave of nausea hit. She looked around as if to spot who'd given it to her, but nobody was even looking in her direction. Mercedes was belting out a song and everyone else was watching with rapt attention. Quinn felt her head throbbing again, and she shoved the note roughly in her pocket, resigning herself to hiding the letter. She played it off, as if she'd recieved nothing, until she heard someone sink into the seat beside her. Brown hair. Argyle skirt.

"No," Quinn stood, rapidly, not caring as eyes turned on her. "No," she insisted angrily. Rachel had sat beside her. As if they were friends. As if Quinn was supposed to put up with all the ridiculous nonsense that had been going on all day. Santana flashed her a heated glare, Mercedes had stopped her performance and started going on about Rachel never getting interrupted during a performance. Schuester was looking hopelessly confused and afraid that a fight was going to break out.

Rachel was breathing a little short, as if she was a little upset. She searched Quinn's face, Quinn still standing frozen on the spot.

Quinn kicked over her own empty chair before she stormed out, leaving behind a perplexed Glee club and a very angry Latina.

###

Quinn managed to convince her mother over the next two days that she needed to stay home. Although she undoubtedly could have made it through Thursday and Friday physically, she didn't know if her emotions could handle it. Her phone had been ringing off the hook and she'd recognized the ringtone: Santana had been calling her for the first time in months.

Finally, it seemed that her former best friend had resigned to texting her, since Quinn wasn't going to answer.

_I was serious when I said u needed to pay attention. U arent HBIC anymore & need to chill the fck out. - S_

Quinn frowned, rolled her eyes, and buried her face in her blankets.

_I'm not the one throwing punches and trying to make friends or fuck buddies. - Q_

When Santana didn't text her back, she felt a mixture of relief and irritation. For all Rachel knew, Santana was just using her to get in her pants. After all, Santana loved a good chase. And Quinn, for the life of her, couldn't understand why she was so upset. She thought it probably had something to do with the fact that Santana had formerly been her best friend, and was now protecting Quinn's only enemy. It was Friday afternoon and Quinn couldn't help feeling a bit pissed off that she was spending the majority of her day thinking about the whole situation. She did her best to distract herself, occasionally getting up to grab a book or something to draw on, and when she picked up her sweater from the day before, the envelope from Wednesday fell out.

Quinn wasn't sure if her stomach was still with the rest of her organs, because she was pretty sure she felt it fall through the floor. She contemplated burning the letter. Considering all the strangeness coming from her former best friend and her rival, it seemed all-together a bad idea to open up that letter.

She wanted to forget about it, but around dinnner-time, the letter was still sitting beside Quinn's bed. She thoughtfully fingered the seal before opening it. Cautiously, she peeked inside to make sure no one had slipped her anthrax, before she pulled out the paper from inside. Quinn was pretty sure this was some kind of trick, so she flipped over and examined both sides just to be sure there wasn't something else to it. Finally, she opened it, reading it with skepticism.

_Quinn,_

_I know by now you're probably wondering what has spurred the sudden companionship between myself and Santana and Brittany. I wish I could tell you, but it seems as if you may not be able to get over your dislike of me. There are many things I wish I could say, but for now I will settle for my own persistence. Maybe one day you won't hate me so much. I prepare myself for extra slushies, because I'm sure you'll find a way to get them to me in reprecussion for my forward behavior. I wish I could say that it mattered, but it won't. You and I have been at odds for so long, I'm not sure things can ever change. I've tried reaching out to you, tried explaining things to you before, and there have been moments where your hatred of me has softened a little. Yet, I don't foresee any immediate change in our relations. I just want you to know, I'm sorry for the times you've lost things you care about. I see you, Quinn, even when you don't want me to. I'm not going to stop being kind just because you can't handle someone caring about you._

_Warmly and sincerely,_

_Rachel Barbra Berry_

Quinn didn't know if she was more surprised or annoyed, and she sat there staring dumbly at the letter in front of her. A wave of nausea hit, and she surged from the bed. She didn't know why all of this was making her sick to her stomach, but it was. She vaguely heard her mother come into her room.

"Quinnie?"

Quinn didn't answer. She couldn't, really, and as she perched herself next to the bathtub and took her head in her hands, she crumpled up Rachel's letter and threw it in the garbage. Her mother jiggled the door handle, and Quinn heard a resigned sigh on the other side of the door.

"I'll leave your soup by your bed, Quinnie."

"Okay," Quinn breathed out, closed her eyes. She hated herself for many reasons, one of the main reasons being that she couldn't accept any act of kindness from anyone. Maybe it was some kind of streak she got from her father, but she felt particularly cruel when anyone showed weakness - and Quinn thought of emotion as weakness. Quinn hated that about herself, and she wished desperately that she could change it if only to stop being such a miserable person, but when she had tried, she'd lost greatly. She'd lost Beth.

The thought stung, and Quinn tucked her knees against her chest and buried her face against her legs. She cursed her weakness, her emotions, and heard Rachel Berry's words running through her head. Quinn couldn't handle someone caring about her, Rachel had been right. She definitely couldn't handle someone she'd targeted as her enemy being the person to offer kindness. Quinn saw it as pity, charity, and she didn't need that from anyone. In the other room, distantly, she heard her phone ringing and ignored it.

###

It was a couple hours later, and Quinn was laying in bed, staring at the blank wall beside her mattress. Her lips were pursed and her brow was knit in thought, despite trying to clear her head. She heard a knock on her door, ignored it, but when her mother cracked open the door carefully, Quinn only listened.

"Quinnie? You have a guest," her mother hesitated in the doorway. "Go ahead, sweetie," she spoke to whoever was in the room with her. "I'll leave you two alone."

Quinn didn't roll over. She just assumed it was Santana, since the Latina had been harassing her via phone for the last two days. "Go away, Lopez," she murmured, eyes closed, and she felt a small weight shift on the mattress, as if someone had sat down on the very edge of the bed. "Isn't it bad enough you've been blowing up my phone for two days?"

It wasn't Santana.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken."

Rachel Berry.

"Christ," Quinn cursed, shot up, and recoiled like she'd been doused in ice cold water. She leaned against her wall, tugging her comforter around her as if she was exposed in some way - though she wasn't, since she was in pajamas. "Berry, is there a reason I shouldn't kick you out right this second?" It was at this very moment she realized two things: Rachel wasn't wearing argyle, and she was holding a plate of cookies. It felt like someone squeezed the air out of her lungs because Rachel was wearing a black shirt and jeans, her hair straightened over her shoulders and bangs hinting at her eyes.

"You have every right to ask me to leave, but you're ill, or at least that's what I assume since you were sick at school on Wednesday and have missed two days hence," Rachel offered the small plate of cookies to Quinn, eyes darting to the plate and her hands as if afraid Quinn was going to react violently, "so I brought you something to brighten your spirits and make you feel a little better, perhaps."

Quinn swallowed, hazel eyes shooting from Rachel's face, to the plate, and again back to Rachel's face. She blinked confusedly, took the offered plate of cookies, and set them on her bedside table. She folded her hands in her lap, tried to remember to keep breathing. "Have I gone insane? Santana's fighting for you, you're writing me letters and bringing me cookies and this is all really fucking confusing and out of the blue."

"I understand why you might feel that way. Santana, Brittany, and my friendship is not as sudden as it may seem. We've bonded over some common factors - "

"What, hating me?"

Rachel looked hurt, and she swallowed. Quinn saw that flash of pain in Rachel's eyes as she glanced up at the diva, and she felt a wave of nausea. Rachel realized she'd lost her composure, apparently, because she cleared her throat and dignified her expression with a shake of her head, "I don't hate you. Santana may be angry with you but she doesn't hate you, and Brittany couldn't hate anyone. And you're not insane. You're just scared."

"God I just - " Quinn couldn't even finish her own sentence as she collapsed back on her bed and took her pillow, covering her face with it and groaning into the down-feathers. "Don't touch me," she barked from beneath the pillow as she felt a tentative hand brush her arm, "God, Berry, what don't you get about the words 'I don't like you' because I'm pretty sure I've made it clear that I do not want anything to do with you, and this kindness act is really driving me nuts, I wish you'd just go back to trying to steal whoever I'm dating - "

"I'm fairly certain you're not dating anyone," Rachel looked conflicted and stung, her hand frozen in midair, "and just because you're not okay with having a friend - "

"We aren't friends, Rachel, we never have been. We're enemies. That's how this works. I hate you and hurt you and you hate me and do that wounded thing you do," Quinn felt herself fuming again, only without as much conviction and with even a little hesitation. "This .. this doesn't work this way," she motioned between them and indicated the cookies, "you don't bring me 'get well' cookies."

Rachel sighed, "Santana told me you'd be difficult, but I didn't imagine you'd be this much in denial of someone's outreach." She picked at some invisible flaw in her jeans and looked down. Quinn noticed the way Rachel's bangs fell in her eyes, the way Rachel's lips moved when she was thinking of what to say next. "I suppose I'll go, but I'm going to leave these cookies here. I have a proposition for you," Rachel stood after a moment. "Santana, Brittany, and I are going to the mall tomorrow. Santana's told me that I need a bit of a varied wardrobe, and I've already inquired as to how they'd feel if I invited you. They've agreed to the arrangement as long as you're kind and keep the insults to a minimum."

Quinn scoffed, looked away, glaring darkly at her wall. Rachel still hadn't left yet and she was inviting Quinn to go shopping, "I've clearly gone insane or this is some kind of nightmare."

"I'll be outside your house tomorrow morning at approximately 11 a.m. Santana will be picking us up, if you agree to go," Rachel persisted, quietly. "And I nearly forgot, I hope you read the letter before you threw it away."

Quinn had read it, but she wasn't going to tell Rachel that. Quinn wondered why she felt like crying, why she felt dismantled, angry, confused, but what was most perplexing was why she hadn't kicked Rachel out. Her bottom lip quivered. "Can you go now?" Her voice rasped out in a quiet plea, softer than she'd intended.

Rachel complied, noiselessly leaving the bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Quinn ignored the sound of Rachel's voice as she thanked Judy for allowing her to stop by to visit Quinn, and ignored the fact that she felt guilt pouring into her lungs like lead weights, making it hard to breathe.

###

Quinn stared at her alarm clock the next morning. She felt ridiculously depressed, anxious, confused. She didn't like change, and in the last week she'd experienced too much of it to feel at all happy or at ease. In fact, as the clock blinked at her, she felt unease looming over her.

What did it mean, the fact that her enemy was trying to be her friend, and her friends were trying to protect her enemy? Rachel had hinted that they'd bonded over something they all had in common, but the only thing she could think was that they all had a vendetta against Quinn at some point. Could it be some arrangement to get back at Quinn?

10:50 a.m. She had 10 minutes, because Rachel Berry would of course be right on the dot. Quinn peeled herself from bed, and idly wondered what in the hell she was doing putting on clothing and getting ready to go to the mall, not only with the girl she'd just punched in the face two days ago, but also with the girl she'd spent the last three years of high school fighting with.

10:57 a.m. Quinn's stomach churned, and she sighed. She brushed her hair, wondered if it looked alright, and applied a light foundation and some powder, just enough makeup to look natural, and she sighed. If her world was going to turn upside down, she might as well hang herself from the ceiling and hang on for dear life. She made her way down the stairs, knowing that the house was empty and both parents were gone for the day. She rifled through the jar atop the fridge, pulled out $50 for spending money, and shoved it in her pocket. She fixed her jeans, smoothing them over. She'd chosen a yellow shirt that hung loosely on her, the hem just below the largest part of her thighs. Quinn sighed, quietly, and glanced nervously at the clock. She made her way to the front door, stepped outside. No sign of Rachel yet, and Quinn looked around, suspicious that perhaps she was about to get egged, and stepped carefully behind the safety of her porch railing, and sat down. Legs hanging through the slats, she sat down and looped her arms through the railing as well. And she waited.

As expected, Rachel arrived at 11 a.m. on the dot, with two cups of something in her hand. She looked far too happy to see Quinn, and Quinn nervously stood up, running her wrists up and down the thighs of her jeans - a nervous action she used to do when she was younger.

"I see you've decided to take me up on my proposition. In that case, I've brought you hot chocolate to start the morning, since I don't know your stance on caffeinated beverages," Rachel beamed up at Quinn from the bottom of the stoop, offered her the styrofoam cup, and Quinn hesitated before she took it.

Quinn peeled off the lid, peered inside just in case, suspicious of some kind of trick, and she nodded as she put the lid back on, "Thank you," she spoke quietly, aware of how raspy her voice could be in the morning. "I'm .. I didn't mean to be rude yesterday."

"It's quite alright. I understand. We've never been on good terms, so I understand your hesitation and your confusion at the sudden change," Rachel never failed to find the most words for everything, and it was making Quinn's head hurt. Instead of replying with something mean or bitter, she merely sipped at the hot chocolate Rachel had given her. She looked around, and awkwardly rocked on her heels before sitting down. Rachel took it as a queue to do the same, because she sat down next to Quinn on the stoop, and they both sat in quiet awkwardness for a few moments. "You read my letter?"

Quinn didn't really want to answer that, because she'd have to admit that she did read it and by not refuting the letter and accepting this invitation for the shopping trip, she'd silently agreed to accept Rachel's kindness. She chewed on her bottom lip and wondered if she could pretend that she hadn't heard Rachel, but Quinn wasn't stupid and she knew Rachel would persist. So, she settled for nodding her head briefly and darting her eyes to Rachel. Rachel was watching her expectantly.

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't wasted, then," Rachel merely sipped at whatever she had to drink, and glanced down at the vast space between them. They really couldn't have sat farther apart without moving off the porch entirely. Quinn cleared her throat, shrugged her shoulder noncomittally.

Quinn didn't know what to say. She felt as if she'd eaten a box of chalk.

"I realize we aren't friends," Rachel almost sounded a bit sad at the words, "but I hope this will begin something, Quinn. I'm tired of fighting with you. It's nearly halfway through our junior year of high school and I've realized it is an incredible waste of energy to be battling someone who I very much ... " Rachel hesitated, shifted nervously, and out of the corner of her eye, Quinn saw Rachel dig the toe of her shoe into the ground beneath them, "care about. As I've told you. So, this.. today, is my truce. My white flag. I won't fight with you any more. I can only hope that you'll come to a place of acceptance at some point, and that this won't somehow lead to worse harassment."

Quinn frowned. Too many words. Here was Rachel, telling her she was done fighting with her. If Quinn was being honest with herself, she also knew that she was tired of the fighting. It took a lot out of her, constantly picking fights with Rachel, lashing out. Quinn was so tired some days, she just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. "Okay."

Even though the word was all Quinn could manage, it seemed to be enough for Rachel, who bounced beside her and beamed at Quinn.

Quinn smiled lamely in return, hazel eyes lingering for only a second before she resumed sipping at her hot chocolate. "Thanks for the drink," she mumbled from the lid of her cup, fingers drumming on the side. This was a start, right?

Rachel smiled even larger, if that was possible. "You're quite welcome."

They waited the rest of the time in silence, until Quinn spotted Santana's car pulling up in her drive. It had been months at the most since she'd seen that car in her drive, since she and Santana had begun fighting in place of their friendship. Quinn really couldn't even remember what had driven them apart, but she figured it was probably her fault. She hadn't exactly been kind to anyone in a long time, and Santana wasn't the person to take people's shit.

"Preggo, I'm surprised you agreed to come. When Berry said she wanted to invite you I told her you were too much of a bitch these days to come with us," Santana's words weren't exactly friendly, but her tone wasn't cutting. Quinn's first instinct was to sling an insult her way, but she bit her tongue and watched Rachel climb into the backseat of Santana's car. The blonde got in after her, suddenly wishing Santana's car was bigger because she could feel Rachel's arm against her side and it made her feel ill.

Quinn darted her gaze between Brittany and Santana, "Yeah, well, I guess you were wrong," she tried to keep the venom out of her voice but it didn't completely work - she could tell by the way Rachel and Brittany were exchanging nervous glances with one another. Rachel's fingers were drumming on the door beside the diva and Quinn wondered why Rachel was nervous. "Thanks for having me."

"Don't think me, Britt and Rachel talked me into it." Santana shrugged a shoulder and when their eyes connected, Quinn's gaze faltered in shame. She'd been such a horrible friend for so long, she didn't exactly blame Santana for her behavior or her reactions lately.

They fell into silence, but soon Santana had cranked up the music as they cruised along the highway, on their way to the mall - it was just out of town - and for the next 30 minutes, Quinn witnessed just exactly how close her old friends and her enemy had gotten. They were singing along to the Scissor Sisters together, Rachel was laughing brilliantly and hanging her arm over the back of Santana's chair. Quinn felt a surge of jealousy, and she swallowed it down as she looked out the window, trying to distract herself from the conflicted pool of feelings inside of her head. Her head started to pound a bit. She was thinking too much. She was sure Rachel had forgotten all about her even being there - that is, until she felt a warm hand on her arm. Quinn wanted to jump out of her seat but there wasn't near enough room to move much less move away from the touch.

Rachel was searching Quinn's face, concern etched on her unique features, and Quinn swallowed a bit nervously. Rachel's finger was delicately tracing the vein running down Quinn's wrist into her hand and Quinn wondered if she really had eaten a box of chalk this morning, because as she tried to speak, she felt her tongue still against the roof of her mouth like it was petrified in stone. As if realizing she was making Quinn nervous, or confused, or all of the above, she pulled away her hand after a moment.

Quinn knew Rachel was trying to offer comfort, friendship, but Quinn's head was spinning and she was wondering if attaching herself to the ceiling while Rachel single-handedly spun her world upside-down would be enough to make Quinn feel any sense of ease. Santana was singing into the mirror, her eyes lingering on Quinn, and Quinn's expression relented to a softer one. She tried to communicate a silent apology to the Latina, but felt uncertain as she glanced away. Rachel was still laughingly leaning across Quinn's lap to drape her arm over the top of Santana's chair as they all belted out lyrics. This was one of those times Quinn wished she could disappear, but instead settled for sinking lower in her seat.

Again, she felt a warm hand, this time on her knee. She looked up, half expecting to see Rachel staring at her, but Rachel wasn't looking at her at all. She was still singing, her hand casually resting on Quinn's knee as if it belonged there.

Quinn knew she should move that hand, should stop it, because it was an all-too-painfully-clear visual representation of exactly what was flipping her world upside down and over again. It made her dizzy, added to her confusion. Her heart pattered and halted nervously as she felt Rachel's fingers squeeze her kneecap. Hazel eyes darted between Rachel's hand and Rachel's face - Rachel seemed completely unaware that she was even squeezing Quinn's knee, but Quinn saw her brown eyes flicker over to catch Quinn staring, open-mouthed.

Rachel offered her a quiet smile, and her eyes smoldered as she looked at Quinn. No, she had to be imagining that. Quinn felt frozen in place as the car sped down the highway. She had to have been imagining it. She really had lost her mind somewhere and she was having some kind of weird nightmare. Down the rabbithole somewhere, she was falling, cascading into some weird world where Santana Lopez actually cared about Rachel Berry as a friend and she wasn't screeching in protest as Rachel's hand rested comfortably on her knee.

Quinn's face was burning, and she felt absolutely hazy and confused as she watched Rachel lapse in singing, Brittany and Santana too lost in singing to notice. Rachel's face was flush with laughter and singing, still, but she wasn't singing right now. She was just looking at Quinn with sparkling eyes, hand squeezing her knee delicately again. The blonde was fairly certain she couldn't breathe. Rachel was using The Force or something to squeeze the air out of her lungs. Quinn's hands were awkwardly fisted in her own lap, Rachel's eyes were threatening to dismantle her. Rachel was leaning against the backseat, eyes not even wavering as they took Quinn's gaze in. Quinn was watching Rachel with confusion, fear. She figured she probably looked like a deer in the headlights.

Rachel didn't waver even though Quinn probably looked terrified. Quinn felt herself trembling a little, offered a lame half-smile, and she glanced down, face flushed. She felt guilty. Felt so many things. Most of all she felt heat radiating up the leg Rachel was touching. Experimentally, she reached out and touched Rachel's fingers, drew away, glanced at Rachel. Rachel was smiling quietly, gaze unmoving. Again, Quinn experimentally rested, halted her fingers just above Rachel's, and rested her hand on top of Rachel's for a brief second. She offered a squeeze of Rachel's hand. Rachel beamed next to her and withdrew her hand.

Quinn felt air gust back into her lungs, grateful that Rachel had taken the squeeze as good enough for now. Quinn thought it was going to be quite a long day, but she wondered who had decided to turn everything she knew around on her, who had decided to paint everything in inverse colors.

The group arrived at the mall shortly after Quinn figured out how to clear her brain a little bit - humming in her head - and they all piled out of Santana's car and headed toward the mall. Quinn lagged a little unsurely behind the trio, watching as Rachel skipped ahead and laughingly threw herself against Brittany's arms, the duo skipping together as if they were Dorothy and the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz. Quinn glanced aside, where Santana strode, smiling affectionately at the pair before her expression hardened in Quinn's direction.

"Don't think this means everything is all better," Santana stated defensively.

Quinn swallowed. Her first reaction was to fight Santana on it, but she only nodded mutely.

"Rachel wanted you here so that's why you're here."

"Why..? I mean.."

"I'm not supposed to explain things to you," Santana rolled her eyes. "Listen, Q, I know you've been through a lot of shit but it doesn't mean you've ever had any right to lash out at your friends like you have."

Quinn felt that wave of guilt and nausea. "I know."

"So?"

"I have no excuse," Quinn offered quietly. What else could she say? She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how this worked - apologizing, feeling guilty - she was heartless and a bitch, Santana had said it herself. She scuffed her foot against marble as they entered the mall.

Rachel had lagged a bit, tugged Brittany by the hand, and was flushed with laughter, "Are you two coming?" She inquired softly, concerned eyes darting first over Santana - Quinn felt jealousy but putshed it away - and then Quinn, secondly. She'd looked at Santana first.

The hell did she feel jealous for? Quinn glanced away from those brown eyes.

"We're good, short stuff," Santana teased, grinned. "Talking and shit, you know."

"Just don't kill each other. You promised me we'd go to Build-a-Bear," Brittany chimed in softly and pulled Rachel along ahead of them.

Santana chuckled warmly.

"What's your angle?"

"Excuse me?" Santana's eyes narrowed as she appraised Quinn, "Did you really just ask me that?" Santana sounded offended, and was trying to stay quiet apparently so she didn't draw attention to them.

"Your friendship with Rachel," Quinn knew she had no right to ask, no reason to pry, but she couldn't help it. And as if it wasn't confusing enough, she was actually worried about Rachel getting hurt, now that she thought about it.

Santana huffed, "No game. Unlike you, Q, I've turned over a relatively new leaf and I suggest you do the same."

Quinn was left in the dust for a moment, before she jogged to catch up, "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... piss you off, but come on, with how things had been before all this now all of a sudden you three are friends and Rachel's being nice to me even though you hate me and I'm just ... fuck, S, I'm confused, okay?"

Santana rolled her eyes, folded her arms over her chest, "Fine, understandable. I have no angle. We ... have stuff in common and it's just nice to be around people who don't judge me, alright?"

Quinn hesitated, nodded, swallowing the rest of her questions for later on in the day.

###

Later on in the day, Quinn found herself yet again walking behind the three amigas, hands shoved in her pockets. She'd tried a few times to make conversation or join in but she just felt awkward and unsure and guilty. She stopped at a window, looking at some shoes as Santana hopped onto Brittany's back and the pair charged through a crowd, Santana shouting in Spanish and startling a large group of elderly people. Rachel laughingly chased after them until she realized Quinn wasn't nearby, and Quinn felt eyes on her as she stood at the window, felt a warm hand on her arm.

Quinn felt the urge to jerk away, but couldn't force herself to. She merely stayed put, didn't look at Rachel immediately. She felt the hand at her arm sliding down, and when she looked over, she saw Rachel staring at Quinn's arm in awe. She tried her best not to be affected, but Rachel's gaze quite obviously smoldered as she watched the trail of her own hand down Quinn's arm. Quinn felt her breathing shorten. When the hell did Berry start looking at her that way? She felt Rachel's fingers graze her palm, and Rachel glanced up at Quinn, just now noticing that Quinn was watching her in a mixture of confusion and ... something else that made Quinn's face feel hot. Quinn's fingers twitched in response to Rachel's fingers as they danced along the back of her own.

"You guys coming?" Santana yelled back through the crowd.

Quinn jerked away in surprise, like she'd been doused in ice, and Rachel's face flashed with disappointment. "Yeah," she yelled back in response. She wanted to tell Rachel to stop. Stop making her dizzy, stop looking at her like that, stop spinning the globe around on its axis, but Quinn couldn't speak. All she could do was offer a gentle squeeze to Rachel's shoulder as she jogged ahead, caught up with Santana and Brittany, and tried to stop her head from swimming in confusion.

Rachel caught up, linking her arm with Santana and skipping alongside her. She looked over at Quinn as she did so, flashing Quinn a brilliant grin that Quinn could only return. Quinn's eyes darted unsurely afterward, and saw Brittany looking at her with a quiet smile. The next thing she knew, Brittany was picking her up in her arms the way a groom would his bride, and Quinn was laughing, "Oh my god, Britt, put me down."

"Nope. I missed you, Q. I know you and San hadn't been getting along but I'm glad you came today," Brittany stated happily and shrugged her shoulders.

Quinn smiled, felt her face flush, "Yeah...I'm...you know."

"I know, you're sorry. Even though you never say it, I know when you're sorry." Brittany set Quinn down a moment later. "Now come on, you have to help me decide what to make when we get to Build-a-Bear. San's buying me whatever I want." She took Quinn's hand, and before Quinn could protest, she was being dragged into Build-a-Bear.

Quinn couldn't help the smile on her face. At least if things were going to be uber-weird, she could enjoy herself along the way.

"I like the hippo," Britt said thoughtfully, reaching in the bin. "San? Help me pick out clothes," she took Santana by the hand and the pair strode off.

Quinn's stomach dropped, mostly because so far every moment alone with Rachel today contained extra confusion and weirdness, but as she looked aside, she saw Rachel looking longingly at a bear with a gold star on the stomach. She pondered what she was about to do. Quinn thumbed the 50 in her pocket, and swallowed. Her eyes darted from Rachel to the floor.

"Let's pick out some clothes," Quinn spoke, felt her lungs strangle in confusion. Quinn cleared her throat awkwardly as Rachel looked at her in disbelief. "For uhm," Quinn hesitated, faltered, picked up the bear with the gold star, "for Stritchy," she offered lamely, "in honor of.." Quinn was getting ever more nervous because Rachel was just staring at her, mouth agape, "in honor of a truce."

Rachel's eyes filled with tears, and for a moment Quinn felt like bolting out of the store, but she nearly fell over when Rachel leapt into her arms and hugged on to her like she'd just won the Tony Awards. "Let's get it stuffed, then," Rachel sniffled as she pulled away, nodding tearfully, and hesitating before she took Quinn gently by the hand and led the taller girl to where an associate waited to fill the bear with just enough stuffing to make it huggable. Quinn didn't know why she was doing this, why she was buying Rachel a bear, but she was, and she stood awkwardly nearby as Rachel eagerly waited, and then smiled brilliantly. "I'm impressed that you know who Elaine Stritch is," she admitted, a bashful tint to her voice as she looked down, thumbing the seam of the bear's back.

"I guess I'm full of surprises today," Quinn mumbled softly, and when Rachel looked at her unsurely, she merely offered a half-smile. "So uh...clothes for Stritchy?"

"Of course!" Rachel beamed, hesitated and chewed thoughtfully on her full bottom lip, and Quinn nearly slapped herself in the face when her eyes dropped to Rachel's lips. She didn't have to, though, because Brittany was crashing in between them.

"You guys are going to make one, too? Oh, it's perfect for you, Rachel!"

"Yeah, it definitely is," Rachel probably couldn't have smiled any bigger if she had tried, Quinn thought, and she wondered why she was here. In her mind, she was strapping her feet to the ceiling and blood was rushing to her head. Rachel glanced over, met Quinn's eyes, "Quinn has good taste."

Quinn was pretty sure her gulp was audible, and she glanced behind Brittany, where Santana was watching the scene with an air of a pitbull that was carefully observing the person they were supposed to protect. She gave Quinn a meaningful stare before she came over, taking Brittany's hand.

"Come on, B, let's pay for yours," Santana pulled her away.

Quinn could only awkwardly glance away from Rachel, and pulled a white button-up shirt from the wall, "Stritchy," she offered lamely at Rachel, and tried to ignore the rushing sound in her ears when Rachel beamed at her and nodded.

"Shoes to match," the brunette grinned, bumped her hip against Quinn's, as she picked up a pair of black high heels.

"Stockings." Quinn was surprised at the sound of her own laugh - she hadn't laughed in what seemed like so long, and for the moment forgot that she was supposed to be miserable.

"I haven't heard you laugh in forever," Rachel murmured, softly. Her eyes darted nervously over at Quinn, and the brunette tucked a long, dark lock of hair behind her ear. She looked ... bashful? Shy? Something. Her cheeks were flushed. "I think it's a lovely sound."

Quinn blushed, and inwardly cursed herself for going along with this whole weird upside-down world thing that was going on. Of course, maybe Santana had been on to something. Maybe some things were changing. No matter how many times Quinn fought it in her head, she just couldn't convince herself that she was imagining this. "Thanks," she mumbled, softly, "let's get Stritchy dressed and pay for her," she offered, showing Rachel the 50.

Rachel reached over, squeezed Quinn's hand and held it for a moment too long, causing Quinn to flush red again. "You have no idea what it means."

For the truce...yeah. That's what it was for. After all, being nice to Rachel had to be easier than being mean to her. She hoped.


	2. Could Do Anything

Title: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

Pairing: Quinn/Rachel, Rachel/Santana (Friendship)

Synopsis: Quinn finds herself jealous when her former best friend become's Rachel Berry's confidante and protector.

A/N: So, when I started this story I didn't know if it would be very popular but so far on both sites I have it published on, it seems to be pretty well-taken. ^_^ I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten and so far I'm still going to try to publish at least a chapter a day for each story I'm writing. They may get posted at weird hours because I'm an insomniac and have a terribly odd sleep-schedule, but I promise I will do my best to update every day or every other day at most. Thank you so much! (Title and lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol)

_Black_Fang_02: LOL I know, poor Quinn is such a pressed lemon, it's sad. She is a little bit like a timid animal in this one, frightened. After all, if you think of everything she's lost and the fact that she really does have such deep insecurities because of it all, it's reasonable. Eventually she'll get better, though.  
>HappyLaura: Haha, more like spoiling myself - I think I enjoy writing them as much if not more than you guys enjoy reading them, honestly. I get to spin this whole lovely story in my head and it distracts me from real life. :P Things won't be all rosy, but you'll get to see quite a bit of Shy!Rachel, because she's quite adorable, haha. Quinn's got a way to go before she's comfortable, but she'll get there and it'll be worth the wait (read).<br>scissorhands17: She really is quite oblivious. :P  
>Cam: YAY SOMEONE PICKED OUT ALL MY REFERENCES. I'm so excited right now. Haha. I always put in these obscure references and I'm sure no one will get them but someone awesome like you comes along and I get all happy. Thank you for the kind review!<br>Vaneeeyuh: When you read this - COME BACK. IS IT WEDNESDAY YET? SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE YOU COME BACK. T_T_

###

Chapter 2: **Could Do Anything**

_I could do most anything to you..._

###

The events at the mall plagued Quinn. She was currently hiding in her bathroom, or rather hiding in her bathtub, sunk beneath the water and holding her breath. The humming of her heartbeat was the only thing in her ears, and the quiet thrum of the piping beneath the flooring. She submersed herself for long enough, her mind attempting to stay blank. Finally, she rose out of the water, rested her head against the back of the tub. She rose a hand from the water, let the bubbles fall from her fingers and drift back on to the surface. It was as if she was trying to piece together a puzzle, yet all the pieces were the same color. So of course, it seemed utterly impossible to make heads or tails of anything.

Taking a cue from Rachel Berry's habits, she began to make a list in her mind. In one column were the things she understood, the things that made sense: Santana held a grudge because Quinn had treated her terribly in the last months of their friendship, Brittany didn't hate her because Brittany couldn't hate anyone, and Rachel was too nice. Those things made perfect sense, and left no questions in Quinn's mind. What didn't make sense, well, that list was short but complex: S, B, and Rachel all had something in common, something which Santana said she 'didn't want to be judged' for, Rachel was now under Santana's protection because of that common bond, Rachel acted quite strangely toward Quinn on their day at the mall. The knee-squeezing, stroking Quinn's arm and looking absolutely enamored with her skin, and nearly crying when Quinn made a gesture of surrender by purchasing Stritchy for her. Quinn had a feeling all those things were possibly directly related to one another, but she was missing the underlying theme. She tried again and again to read between the lines, see the common thread, but she couldn't make sense of it. She sighed, sunk into the water again. Her thoughts were drowned out by the thrumming of her heartbeat. Steady beats, it made sense, the sound of her heart.

Many things didn't make sense. Especially the way she'd felt a need to reach out to Rachel and close the distance, call a truce, "Buy her a freakin' bear," Quinn groaned as she re-emerged, her head _thunk_ing against the marble of the tub. "Stupid .. stupid," she slapped the surface of water with her palm, then noticed her fingers were getting pruned. She climbed out of the tub, the water draining out, toweled off, and slipped into a comfortable pair of pajamas. "At least I'm not getting nauseated every damn second, though," she spoke aloud to the empty bedroom as she came in, collapsed into her computer chair. "That's something," the blonde let out a long exhale.

Quinn opened up Facebook and a few other tabs, scrolling through them for a little while before she got bored, closed her laptop up. She boredly collapsed into bed, covered herself up. "It's probably right in front of my face," Quinn muffled against the surface of her pillow, and felt her phone buzzing at her side. Not bothering to look, she slapped haplessly at the matress beside her until her hand fumbled upon the phone.

_Thnks 4 coming. We need to have a srs tlk though smtime. - S_

The message blinked at her in the dark room. A displeased expression fell on her features and she looked at the phone as if it'd just told her she was adopted. Quinn sighed, rolled over on her back, and began composing a text back. She deleted a snarky response, deleted a simple response, til finally she scolded herself for being stupid about all this.

_Tomorrow night? Mom will be gone, so will Dad, so you can come over and we'll hang or something. - Q_

Quinn drummed her fingers against the screen of her phone, waiting impatiently for a response.

_Yea, thats fine. 7pm? U, me, Britt. - S_

_Okay. Sounds good. - Q_

Would it be worth it? She didn't really know. She could openly admit that life without friends was rather lonely - popularity or not, she felt lonely more than anything else. It wasn't easy being so stuck in her own head that she had absolutely nobody to confide in. Quinn had felt prisoner since .. well, since everything. First, when she had been pregnant with Beth, she felt prisoner of a fate she didn't want for herself or her child. Second, after Beth, she'd felt imprisoned by her family's expectations and social expectations. In the process of it all, she'd not only lost her daughter but everyone she'd considered to be a good friend.

"Still, you buy her a freakin' BEAR?" Quinn exclaimed aloud, a hand splayed in the air. It was a mistake, because a second later she was groaning and holding her nose because for a moment she'd forgotten her phone was in her hand. Henceforth, the phone had dropped directly onto her face. "Perfect," she grumbled against the palm of her hand, sighed helplessly. Quinn had just spent all day with people who were supposed to hate her, one that did, one that definitely didn't, and one that quite simply was a puzzle in and of herself. Rachel. "With my luck she'll - " her phone buzzed against her shoulder and caused Quinn to jump a bit, " - text me," her tone dropped to a remarkably cranky one.

_Stritchy is settled in here. Thank you again for your company today, I know it was not easy for you to come out with us, and I'm sure you would've rather spent your Saturday elsewhere. - R.B.B._

Quinn had the temptation to write a very unhappy message. Something like 'Stop confusing me,' or 'how did you get my number?' but all that ended up coming out was something short and simple, of course, because that seemed to be all Quinn was capable of without hurting anyone's feelings.

_It's ok. I had a nice time. Glad you like the bear. - Q_

Quinn barely set the phone down before it buzzed again. Quinn groaned, very seriously considered turning her phone off.

_Did you really? - R.B.B._

_What? - Q_

_Did you really have a nice time? - R.B.B._

_Yes, of course. - Q _

That was sort of a lie. She'd had a good time, but adding 'of course' made it seem as if she'd expected to. Truthfully she'd expected to end up in a fight with Santana, or expected to have a miserable time and maybe make Rachel cry. Instead she'd ended up buying Rachel a bear with a gold star on the stomach, and getting flustered when Rachel stared at her skin like she wanted to - "Stop that!" Quinn knew it wasn't normal or sane to be talking to the darkness, taking to herself, but her brain was acting just as strangely as everyone else was.

_I'm so glad... - R.B.B._

Quinn read the text over and over, didn't know what on earth to even say. As she recounted the events of the day in her head, she remembered the solid flush of heat everytime Rachel looked at her in that smoldering way. She was pretty sure Rachel had never looked at her that way, ever. Quinn probably would've remembered that, because it apparently left her dismantled and confused.

_You kind of said why, in the letter, and this might seem stupid, but I still don't get it. - Q_

_I know you don't. I wish I could explain better but it may be best to wait. - R.B.B._

_'Til when? - Q_

_I cannot reasonbly explain something to you that I'm not quite ready to deal with myself. Needless to say, I want to put the past behind us if nothing else. - R.B.B._

_Not ready to deal with? - Q_

_Goodnight, Quinn. - R.B.B._

Quinn felt deflated, and thought if she wasn't already laying flat against her mattress, she would've flattened herself even more, maybe sunk into the fabric and groaned out of frustration. It didn't seem this puzzle was going to be put together any time soon, especially with Rachel playing at cryptic-diva and Santana refusing to tell anything she might have known.

###

"Open up, Fabray, god, don't tell me you're that slow," Santana's voice was muffled at Quinn's front door, the doorbell having announced her five minutes ago.

Indeed, Quinn wasn't that slow, but she'd just woken up and thrown on some clothes for fear of Santana's harsh words if she saw Quinn in pajamas. The last thing Quinn needed was the give Santana retaliation-ammunition if things went sour from this whole situation. "Sorry," she apologized as she swung the door open, "I just woke up, I've been kind of napping on and off all day." Really, she'd had no other reason than stress and laziness, but she could at least fall back on the flu excuse.

"Seriously? It's 7," Santana made her way in the house, Brittany in tow, "lazy."

"Just not feeling well I guess," Quinn lied, hoping they'd believe her. She felt Brittany hug her in greeting, and she hugged the blonde back briefly before stepping away and closing the door. "So uh...what are you.. I mean, what do we...need to talk about?" Quinn had a general idea, but she was feeling a little bit like someone who'd been called to the principal's office, the way Santana and Brittany had come in and settled themselves in the livingroom - not just across from Quinn's chair, but on the very couch her father had stood in front of, shouting, before he kicked her out. Quinn nervously settled into the chair across from the couch, eyes darting from the floor, to the wall, to Santana, to the wall again.

"The fact you blew us off three months ago and treated us like hell?" Santana offered sarcastically and narrowed her gaze, "I mean really, Q, you have to ask?"

"I just ... yeah." Quinn's eyes dropped in shame. She was busily chewing on the inside of her lip and rubbing her hand along her thigh, sighing and trying to come up with reasons. "I have no excuse for any of it. I treated you like shit and I wish saying 'sorry' would make up for it but it won't, I'm not dumb."

Santana folded her arms over her chest. It felt a little like good cop - bad cop, because Brittany's expression was soft and concerned. She even spoke next, which made the whole thing feel ridiculously rehearsed. Quinn glanced around as if she expected a spotlight, or expected Santana to light a cigarette and slam her hand on the coffee table.

"Quinn, I know San's really sad at you, not mad. 'Cause we missed you and she won't admit it but she talked about you a lot, and she even cried a couple times," Brittany spoke honestly, ignoring the glare being sent her way by the Latina beside her. "So like, I think she just kind of wants to hear you say you're really sorry and you missed us."

"I _am _sorry. And I did miss you guys," Quinn admitted, barely above a mumble. She was toying with the edge of her shirt and staring into her lap as if she expected someone to place evidence in front of her, reasons she should feel guilty. "I have no excuses, and I don't expect anyone to forgive me. Trust me, I've punished myself enough to make up for all that you probably wish you could do to me," Quinn glanced up at Santana briefly, and glanced down again. "That's why I don't get this whole - situation. I don't deserve Rachel being so nice to me and I figured you'd just spend the rest of high school hating me."

"It's that new leaf thing I was telling you about. Yeah, I might be a hard ass and everything but it doesn't mean that I never gave a damn. And I didn't," she glared pointedly at Brittany, who merely shrugged her shoulder, "cry twice. I only cried once." Santana glanced aside, away from the both of them, ponytail swinging lightly as she did so. "Rachel has her own reasons, that's none of my business to tell you."

"So you do know something?" Quinn looked up, a little in disbelief. "She's told you stuff, about why she's being so nice and why she looked at me like - " Quinn shook off the rest of the sentence, sucked air in through her teeth and closed her eyes, "The fact is there's something to know and I'm not being told."

"It's not my business to share," Santana refuted.

Quinn took that as a confirmation, "How uh.. how close are you guys?" She hesitated to ask this, because it meant hearing something that for some reason flared some weird jealousy in her. Maybe she'd been so used to getting Santana or Rachel's attention, not watching them give attention to one another. "And you swear you're not just trying to get laid?"

"If I want to get my lady mack on then I have Britt for that," Santana huffed, rolled her eyes. "Besides, why do you care if I'm trying to sleep with Berry?"

Quinn flinched, glanced away darkly, "I don't. I just .. wouldn't think it's very nice or whatever," she grumbled.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, lemon."

Quinn glared in Santana's direction afterward. They shared a tense moment of silence.

"You're really sorry?"

"I am," Quinn relented quietly, dropping her challenging gaze. "I was just .. reeling. I'd just lost Beth and I .. it was all messed up. I was acting horrible because I felt horrible. It's no excuse but ..."

"Fine, that's all I wanted to hear."

"What?"

"The truth." Santana stood, glanced at Brittany as if she was ready to go. The pair began to leave and Quinn immediately stood.

"You guys are leaving?"

"Well, I didn't think we'd be staying very long," Santana turned around unexpectedly, causing Quinn to step back a step.

Quinn swallowed all her questions, and only let one filter out distantly, "Are we... okay?"

"No."

Quinn's heart fell.

"Just give San time. Being nice to Rachel will help," Brittany advised as Santana made for the door. "We're all really good friends now, so if you're nice to Rachel then Santana might trust you."

The ex-Cheerio swallowed, her eyes on Santana's back. She nodded mutely.

"I just ... need time. I missed you, Q, but I don't feel like I can trust you yet," Santana spoke, back still turned, and she opened the front door, shooting a glance backward as Brittany followed. "See ya."

Quinn's hand hesitated in the air as she offered a mute wave, frowning as her door shut and she was left standing alone on the foyer. She folded her arms over her stomach before making her way back into the livingroom and collapsing onto the couch. It took her a good half an hour of sniffling and thinking to arrive at the conclusion she was making slow but steady progress. She felt a little bit like Atreyu when he was making his way through the swamp. It was hard not to sink in despair, especially when she felt like she'd already lost everything important in the muddy water. She imagined herself trudging through the mud, deeper and deeper, and to be honest she didn't know if she was going to make it out or not. At the end of the day, she was still alone.

The blonde made her way upstairs, deciding to skip dinner even as her stomach protested, and fell into bed again. She didn't bother to change out of her clothes, but found her phone blinking its LED alert at her. She refreshed the screen and saw a few missed texts.

_I hope you've had a pleasant day, Quinn. I apologize if I was short with you last night. - R.B.B._

_In regards to the previous text, please don't make a joke about my height. I realize I'm below average height. - R.B.B._

_Perhaps you'll text me back? - R.B.B._

Quinn scrolled through the texts, found herself absentmindedly chuckling at the second one, and rolled her eyes. She smacked her forehead, grumbling at herself for actually finding Rachel amusing. What was the world coming to this last week? Maybe if she got close to the diva, she could figure out what mysterious thing they all had in common and what exactly Rachel had told Santana, confided in her.

_Hello, sorry, I slept on and off all day. Santana and Britt just left so I didn't get to my phone in time. I'll spare you the height joke for now. - Q_

It didn't take long and a text was delivered in response, as if Rachel had been waiting around to hear from Quinn.

_I appreciate that. Santana and Brittany? What were they there for? - R.B.B._

_Concerned? - Q_

_What? No, of course not. - R.B.B._

_They were here to talk about stuff. The way I treated them in the past, mostly. - Q_

_Reconciliation, then? - R.B.B._

_Yes. It went okay, I guess. I don't think Santana will ever fully forgive me. - Q_

_She will. - R.B.B._

Quinn actually believed her, which felt strange. She was laying in bed having a conversation with Rachel Berry and she wasn't horrified or making fun of her. It was as if her instincts were fighting these new impulses that told her what she should do now to bring about change. Or at the very least, figure out what was going on.

_I hope so. - Q_

_Are you all right otherwise? - R.B.B._

_Fine, thanks. - Q_

This felt like one of those moments where you knew you were supposed to say something else but you didn't have the adequate vocabulary. She bit her lip in concentration.

_How are you? - Q_

_I'm doing well! I've exercised this morning, had lunch with my fathers, and a solitary dinner before my studies. Thank you for asking - R.B.B._

_Sure. - Q_

_I'm surprised you're actually talking to me, to be honest. - R.B.B._

_Well you've been so nice and all. Me too, though, I guess. - Q_

_It's a start, right? - R.B.B._

A start to what, though? Quinn pondered that question as she lay there staring at Rachel's words. Rachel seemed so eager to talk to her, and had looked at her so strangely yesterday in the car and at the mall. She'd even started the strange behavior before that.

_Yes. Why now though? - Q_

_You seemed to need someone. - R.B.B._

_Oh... - Q_

_Someone who could understand being isolated...I mean. - R.B.B._

_I guess. - Q_

_And I just wanted to overcome the turbulent past we've been through. - R.B.B._

_We've never been friends though. - Q_

_Does that mean we can't be now? :/ - R.B.B._

Quinn gulped. Well, this was tricky. She hadn't even really considered the possibility, but she supposed you didn't just text people that you didn't want to talk to. Did that mean she wanted to talk to Rachel? Did it mean she, too, had some part in making this puzzle more complicated than it already seemed? Moving pieces around the board unknowingly?

_I didn't mean that... - Q_

_It's okay if you did... - R.B.B._

_I didn't. I'd like to try. I'm not sure I'll be very good at it. I'm pretty confused as it is. - Q_

_I understand... - R.B.B._

_I said I'd like to try, though, Rachel. Read that part of the text, because I know you're reading everything but that. - Q _

Quinn wished there was a way to text an eye-roll in there, but she satisfied herself by sighing aloud and rolling her eyes anyway.

_Sorry. Weird that you know that. So .. you'd like to try to be friends? - R.B.B._

_Like you said, I need someone. - Q_

Boy, that sounded all kinds of odd. If someone were reading that looking for some kind of hint, someone would think she'd just said she needed Rachel. Yet, she didn't want Rachel to think she was some kind of second-choice or someone to put on the backburner just so she felt someone cared about her.

_I was hoping you'd admit that. You don't mind if that someone is me? - R.B.B._

_I guess I don't. - Q_

_I will do my best. Perhaps we'll do a trial run? Some kind of friendly activity. - R.B.B._

_A test run for friendship? - Q_

_I don't know how else to put it. To go slow, so to speak. I know you'll bolt the other way if you feel I'm dragging down your social status. - R.B.B._

Not like it could really go any lower, anyway. Quinn mused and sighed. Her head dropped back on her pillow and she stared at the ceiling. How did she approach this?

_I can't make any promises. - Q_

_I won't go anywhere. I've never given up on the hope of being your friend. - R.B.B._

_You don't make sense. - Q_

_Why do you say that? - R.B.B._

_Because I've been horrible to you ... - Q_

_It didn't make me stop caring about you. - R.B.B._

_I don't deserve it. - Q_

_You deserve more than you think. - R.B.B._

Why did Rachel have to be so kind? Who willingly offered someone friendship to someone who was as horrible to her as she'd been to Rachel? It didn't make any sense and Quinn lay there, just as perplexed as she had been the day before.

_Stop being nice to me, it's confusing. - Q_

Quinn surprised herself with her blatant honesty, and she buried her phone under her covers with the hopes it would somehow magically ward off any more texts. No such luck, Quinn groaned into her pillow as she felt the phone buzzing against the mattress. She sighed. Just don't answer it. "Just don't answer it, dumbass," Quinn murmured to herself but her hands didn't seem to listen because they were already making for the phone.

_How is it confusing? - R.B.B._

_I don't know, just stop. - Q_

_No. - R.B.B._

The noise that came from Quinn's throat was something of a mix between a throaty groan and a growl, her frustration getting worse.

_You're so frustrating, Rachel. - Q_

_You keep calling me by my name... - R.B.B._

_You'd rather I call you Baggins? - Q_

_No... - R.B.B._

_'Cause I can.. - Q_

_That's not nice, Quinn - R.B.B._

_When have you ever known me to be nice? - Q_

_You were yesterday. - R.B.B._

Good one, Berry. Quinn was in a stalemate with the brunette, annoyed and intrigued by her persistence.

_You deserve a better friend than I could ever be. - Q_

_And the fact you think that says a lot more than you think it does, Quinn. - R.B.B._

_Stop... - Q_

_No. - R.B.B._

_Please? - Q_

_No. - R.B.B._

_You're impossible. - Q_

_I like to try. Stop rolling your eyes. - R.B.B._

Quinn glared at the screen.

_And don't glare at me, either. - R.B.B._

_Creep. - Q_

_I am not. - R.B.B._

_Well you're certainly not shy about wanting to be my friend. - Q_

_Do you want me to be? .. - R.B.B._

_No. - Q_

What? Quinn looked at her own text as if someone else had written it. It'd just been sent so fast she had barely a second to register that she'd actually said no. Her eyebrow raised in question at the way her own brain was working.

_So you want me to be forward, is that correct? - R.B.B._

_That sounds weird .. - Q_

_My apologies. You don't want me to stop? - R.B.B._

_Still weird ... - Q_

_Sorry .. - R.B.B._

_I'm joking. Kind of. - Q_

Quinn could almost see the faces Rachel was making as she got each text. And then she felt a little bit like a creep because she actually knew what kinds of faces Rachel made for certain situations.

_Oh. Good. - R.B.B._

The blonde hesitated, tapped the side of her phone like she was trying to communicate some S.O.S. to the chip in her phone that formulated the text on the screen, willing it to know what to say, to send something for her, but the screen remained idle until she sighed.

_I guess I'll see you tomorrow? - Q_

_Yes, of course. - R.B.B._

_Goodnight.. - Q_

_Goodnight, Quinn. - R.B.B._

She swallowed, and swore she heard the sound of Rachel's voice as she read the last text. A sigh tumbled from her lips and she watched the screen a little while longer. Why did she feel like she wanted to keep texting Rachel?

"Now who's the creep?" She spoke aloud to the empty room and tossed her phone with a soft _thud _to the floor beside her. Quinn buried her head under a pillow and willed her brain to stop functioning for a while.

###

Not much changed in the halls of McKinley to start with. In fact, besides the occasional head-nod, wave, or spoken greeting, things continued on as they had. Attacks on Rachel had ceased completely, the diva still hung out with Santana and Brittany in passing although of course maintained her rigid schedule so she didn't have a lot of free time for her two (apparently) closest friends. Santana wasn't sending as many glares in Quinn's direction and Brittany would sometimes hug Quinn in passing, but that was it. It was as if Quinn had dreamed up most of it. The only difference was that she wasn't mean to Rachel, just quiet. She was afraid, for a lot of reasons, but mostly afraid that she was going to mess up this whole redemption thing she was on. That's when she decided she probably did have a hand in some of what was happening, although admittedly not much that she knew of.

Quinn still ate lunch alone. All week, in fact, and it wasn't until Friday that Rachel approached her at lunch.

"Hello," Quinn offered lamely, surprised to see Rachel standing in front of her, beaming. Quinn swallowed her bite of sandwich and thought maybe she looked a little fearful. Her eyes darted behind Rachel, where Santana had a watchful eye on the scene. Ever the pitbull.

Rachel beamed, took the greeting as an invitation to sit down, so she did so. "I have another proposal for you," her tone was a mix between sweet and excited, her brown eyes sparkling as she looked at Quinn. Her hands were folded excitedly in her lap.

Quinn arched an eyebrow, fought the urge to gulp, or run away, or throw her sandwich on the ground so Rachel would balk about the reprecussions of litter instead of whatever she was about to propose. Instead, Quinn took another bite, big enough to fill the side of her cheek, eyes darting about as she chewed. She probably looked like a nervous squirrel to everyone else, she mused. Quinn tried not to snicker, and remembered she was supposed to be listening to Rachel.

"I'm spending the night at Brittany's house, Santana will also be in attendance, and in an effort to make even further amends, I thought I would offer you the chance to come as my guest," Rachel looked so damn hopeful it hurt.

Quinn nodded mutely, took another big bite of sandwich as an excuse not to talk, because she was pretty sure anything she'd say right now would sound stupid or bitchy and she didn't particularly want to respond either of those ways.

"Good! Tonight, at 8pm, my dads and I will pick you up and I suggest you bring a swimming suit. Brittany said something about a jacuzzi, which I'm sure will be relaxing," Rachel smiled brightly, bounced a little in excitement at Quinn's agreement. "Are you hungry?"

Quinn smiled lamely without opening her mouth, cheek ballooned with a large bite of food. She hoped it'd be enough of an answer, and as Rachel nodded in understanding, Quinn wondered when it was that Rachel might go away so she could swallow her food and stop worrying about what might come out of her mouth - words and food alike.

"Well, I'll see you tonight then!" Rachel launched herself off the seat, bounced happily on her heels right in front of Quinn before she wheeled around and headed to her lunch table, where Santana and Brittany were trading pudding.

When did Rachel's skirts get that short?

Quinn nearly choked at her own thoughts, forced her eyes away from long, tan legs, and found herself gagging on her sandwich. She managed to get it down with some water, eyes watering themselves, and started grumbling as she threw away the remainder of her lunch. "First you buy her a freaking bear and then you agree to go to a slumber party with her and stare at her legs like you're Puck," Quinn mumbled to herself, spotted a freshman looking at her, "What?" She barked out angrily before she gained her composure and made her way out of the lunch-room, ignoring eyes on her, particularly ones that belonged to Rachel Berry. A very happy Rachel Berry.

###

Quinn drummed her fingers nervously on the side of the door, and as she glanced over at the girl beside her in the car, she saw Rachel blush and look away as if she'd been caught doing something. Quinn swallowed, wondered what would make Rachel blush from looking at her. The blonde watched Rachel for a moment. She'd never felt so incredibly awkward before. In the front seat, Leroy and Hiram chatted away with one another. Apparently they didn't hate Quinn, which was a huge surprise for her. She was pretty sure, with the way she treated the diva, that they'd have a bat sitting in the back seat with 'Reserved for Quinn's Face' written on it in angry red letters. No such thing, though, to her pleasant surprise.

Rachel glanced up again, and flushed an even brighter color as she saw Quinn looking at her absentmindedly, "I'm glad you're coming, I .. I think it'll give you a chance to make it up to Santana," Rachel's hesitation to speak was obvious, and her hand hovered in between them before grasping Quinn's and pulling back just as quickly as it'd come.

Quinn nodded, glanced down, "Yeah, it'll be fun." The blonde made a few awkward clicking noises on the roof of her mouth. The tension was palpable. She wanted some kind of comfort, something to talk about, some kind of damn manual that explained how to be a good friend to someone you'd tortured most of your life. There was no manual though, not even any handy YouTube videos to tell her what she should do - she'd looked.

"Quinn," Rachel's voice lowered to a whisper, and the brunette reached across, and her fingers danced over Quinn's as if asking permission to touch the ex-Cheerio.

Quinn's fingers twitched but didn't move away. She felt Rachel's hand settle atop her own and offer a comforting squeeze. Little sparks moved up her arm and she resisted the urge to shake it off. Her throat went dry as she followed the trail of Rachel's hand, up her arm, her shoulder, and finally to her eyes. Any idiot could've seen the way Rachel looked at Quinn was so soft that it would hurt anyone who was trying to stay hard, trying to stay mean. Quinn wanted to be an ice queen, wanted all this weirdness to end, wanted the world to stop spinning upside down at will. She felt dizzy, warm, and her face flushed as she exhaled quietly, then sucked in air nervously. "Yeah?"

Those brown eyes were searching Quinn's entire soul. She was more than sure that Rachel was secretly a Sith-Lord because every time Rachel looked at her in that deep, meaningful way, it was as if Darth Maul himself was squeezing the air from Quinn's lungs. Rachel wasn't saying anything, and those full, pink lips were parted slightly as if the words were just on her tongue but refusing to come out.

Boy, this was getting confusing real fast. Quinn gulped.

"Thank you," Rachel breathed, softly, and she was again squeezing Quinn's hand.

Jesus. Rachel didn't even have to say anything and Quinn was dismantled, but when she did, the blonde was absolutely helpless. She offered a quiet nod and wondered why Rachel's hands seemed so warm and why Rachel's fingers were trailing over Quinn's wrist. Rachel's eyes took on that strange, smoldering look as those dark eyes followed the trail of her finger. It was as if Rachel was trying to drink in the sight of Quinn's skin. The pad of her finger danced over Quinn's pulse, trailed her wrist like Rachel was trying to memorize it. It felt intimate, felt exhiliarating, felt ... terrifying. Quinn couldn't breath. "Goddamn Sith," she grumbled. At this, Rachel's touch stilled - but didn't remove itself - and she looked at Quinn confusedly.

"What?"

"Oh.. nothing. I just said .. uh.. I don't remember," Quinn faltered, feeling caught. She still couldn't breathe because Rachel nodded simply and began trailing her finger again over Quinn's wrist. Momentarily the blonde considered wearing wristbands or something from now on if Rachel was going to touch her skin like that because it was not supposed to feel like that when your friend touched your skin. Nonetheless, electricity jumped up her arm, increased her pulse, and her fingers were curled so far into her palm that she was sure there would be half-moon marks there from her short fingernails. Rachel's was gliding her touch slowly up Quinn's arm, watching with rapt attention as if she was watching something absolutely fascinating.

"We're here!" Hiram chirped from the front seat. "Have fun, girls!" He grinned back at the pair.

Quinn practically dove out of the car. The loss of contact was like jumping into cold water, but she really, really needed Rachel to stop having that weird affect on her. It was like she was having some kind of reaction she didn't even want to face at the moment. Everything was strange enough without throwing her own complications into the mix. Rachel caught up to her and offered a hopeful smile.

The front door plowed open as Brittany dashed out, already dressed in a cute pair of frog pajamas. She and Rachel greeted each other happily. Apparently they were closer than Quinn thought, and she felt a bit left out until Brittany hugged her hard enough to elicit an 'oof' from her mouth at the force. "Hey, Britt," she breathed out as she peeled herself from Brittany's arms after a moment.

"I'm so glad you're here! San picked a bunch of zombie movies 'cause she said you liked those," Brittany announced proudly, and it was then that Quinn saw Santana standing in the doorway and watching the scene carefully. Quinn offered a smile, and Santana merely looked her over and nodded. It was a start.

"Yay," Quinn responded with a quiet smile. She held on to her backpack a little tighter and she watched curiously as Rachel charged up the stairs and flew into Santana's arms like they hadn't seen each other in months. Quinn looked away, feeling a surge of jealousy. Well, that was weird. She swallowed it down and shook her head. It was all this crazy behavior going on around her. She wasn't actually jealous. Not a bit.

Okay, she was. Rachel's face was buried in Santana's shoulder and Santana swung the shorter girl around before setting her down. If Quinn didn't know better, she'd think they were dating. Or something. Jealous, jealous, "Not jealous, not jealous," she mumbled to herself.

"What?" Brittany turned around as she headed up the stairs.

"Nothing, sorry," Quinn stated with an apologetic smile. She really had to stop talking to herself. That or she needed to spend time with real people so she'd stop substituting internal dialogue for the real kind. She dropped her bag in the livingroom, which had been set up for the foursome. The house was empty and Brittany's parents were apparently out of town.

Santana took Rachel's bag for her and set it down next to her own. Rachel grinned in gratitude and sat down on the couch. Quinn awkwardly rocked on her heels, and settled in the chair near the couch, hands folded in her lap. Apparently that wasn't good enough for Rachel because the brunette was up and tugging her to the couch before she could say otherwise.

"I'm gonna get some popcorn ready. Rach, you wanna go grab the movies? I think they're in Britt's room," Santana stated through a mouthful of something, and received a nod in response.

Rachel got up from the couch, not before meaningfully planting Quinn's hand on the spot beside her as if to indicate she was to stay where she was and save Rachel's spot next to her. Brittany sat on Quinn's other side, and promptly laid her head on Quinn's shoulder.

"I didn't know if you'd come tonight, I'm glad you did though, it'll be like old times, but you and Rachel get to be in the jacuzzi together while Santana and I do other things," Brittany stated simply, ignoring the sound of protest from the kitchen.

Quinn knew Santana and Brittany were physically involved, but judging from the warm display of greeting earlier, was it possible Santana was in some kind of relationship with her too? Was that what they all had in common? Was it a weird threesome thing? She confused herself at that thought, because she was sure that was jealousy she was feeling when she thought of Rachel acting the way she had with Santana. It wasn't making any sense. And Brittany talking about Rachel in the hot tub wasn't helping, either.

"Quinn?" Brittany must have realized Quinn was elsewhere, because she had sat up and was gently nudging her arm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I just spaced out. Thank you for inviting me, or .. you know, having me here," she offered earnestly and she felt Brittany lay her head back on her shoulder. The taller girl squeezed Quinn around the waist and remained there. The microwave beeped in the kitchen, and Brittany got up and headed into the kitchen to join Santana in .. dishing out the popcorn? Quinn wasn't all-together sure what seemed to be taking Santana so long in the kitchen.

Rachel made her way down the stairs, and had a few movies in hand. The diva smiled genially at Quinn, and when their eyes locked, Quinn felt a nervous pang. Odd. Weird. Strange. All of these things described everything in Quinn's life right now. The blonde offered a quiet smile in return and felt her stomach flutter about like a fish out of water as Rachel sat next to her, closer than before. She cursed Rachel Berry for her short skirts and gorgeous legs as her skin brushed Quinn's. Wearing a sundress was a bad idea. Rachel's hand hesitantly reached out and her fingers wrapped around Quinn's wrist. It was as if Rachel was trying to say something without saying anything at all, and Quinn couldn't decipher the language of Rachel's eyes. It was too complex. She felt anchored by those eyes, confused, terrified by how starkly honest they were. Rachel's free hand joined the other, and Quinn's wrist was encompassed by the warmth of Rachel's wandering fingers. A thumb was stroking her wrist and Quinn resisted the urge to recoil or feign a cough because she knew Rachel was a germaphobe.

Santana and Brittany came in, the taller Cheerio flicking off the livingroom light and falling into the recliner with Santana. The pair snuggled together as Santana hit play on the remote and the movie started rolling. This felt oddly like a double-date that Quinn hadn't been informed she was going on. She tried her hardest to focus on the movie - it was the original, the best. Night of the Living Dead. Her favorite. She even mouthed "They're coming for you, Barbara," as the line came up, and tried to ignore the feel of Rachel's fingers gliding up and down her wrist.

Quinn felt her heart patter nervously as Rachel's fingers refused to just stay still on her skin. Soon, one hand was trailing up Quinn's arm and the warmth of Rachel's head resting on her shoulder was adding to the absolute overload. Rachel's hand moved its way over Quinn's forearm, the sensitive skin above her wrist, and to the inside of her elbow. Quinn swore she felt Rachel's eyes on her again as she felt Rachel's head lift.

The light of the television was enough to make out Rachel's earnest features - those big brown eyes, the beautiful lips - and Quinn couldn't breathe.

"By all the Sith powers," Quinn mumbled under her breath and she glanced away. Her lungs were being squeezed.

Rachel's gaze didn't waver, only to drop slightly lower once in a while, and Quinn didn't know why but that made her more nervous than Rachel touching her skin. She felt goosebumps because she was sure, pretty sure at least, that Rachel was looking at her lips.

Quinn took a breath and tore her gaze away a second time, pretending to watch the movie when really all she could do was see Rachel from the corner of her eyes. Rachel's fingers had trailed back down to Quinn's wrist, and again they were dancing along the back of Quinn's fingers as if asking a silent question. Quinn's fingers twitched in response, and Quinn felt her breath completely expell as Rachel took her hand into her own, the other wrapped delicately around her arm as if afraid if she let go, Quinn was going to run.

Quinn very well might, because she was losing her mind. Rachel's hand shouldn't have felt that nice in her own, it shouldn't have felt amazing as Rachel held her hand close to her body. Quinn shouldn't have been aware of the exact positioning of their hands in Rachel's lap, or the way Rachel's bare knees were brushing against her thighs as the brunette shifted into her and rested her head on her shoulder. The ex-Cheerio knew she should move, get up, make an excuse, but instead of doing any of that she only reached into the popcorn bowl in front of her and stuffed her mouth full of popcorn. Stuffing her mouth full of food seemed to be the only thing she could do when Rachel was touching her or asking her anything or apparently even looking at her. Most definitely Quinn would gain weight if she wasn't careful about her Rachel-exposure.

Santana's eyes were on them, and as Quinn looked over she saw the brunette appraising her. What the hell did it all mean? Why was she letting Rachel hold her hand and why was Santana looking at Quinn the way a big brother would at a boy on a date with his sister? None of it was making any sense and Quinn felt dizzy. Her free hand moved to her temple and she rubbed hard enough to make the dizziness stop, and willed herself to focus on the movie.

At some point, the movie seemed to be over and all of a sudden Quinn was left with empty space where Rachel had been and they were all taking turns in the bathroom changing into their swimsuits. Quinn was of course, the last to change, and she was grumbling to herself about bringing a bikini and cursing the fact it was all she had. She could've lied and said she forgot a swimsuit, but knowing Brittany she'd have something equally if not more revealing. Quinn fixed her bikini top and tied her hair back, made her way out of the bathroom. She expected Rachel to be there waiting for her, but instead she saw Santana waiting impatiently.

"About time," Santana stated with an arched eyebrow. "Nice abs," she commented with an approving nod before she motioned for Quinn to follow. It was the most she'd said to Quinn all night, but Quinn felt a sense of relief, a release of tension between them. "Come on, Q, get in. We have wine, too."

Marvelous. She was already getting moony over Rachel touching her wrist and now Santana was offering her wine. This could only end fabulously, and by fabulously she meant not at all. She swallowed and climbed into the hot tub gratefully. Her muscles released the tension of trying not to melt into Rachel all night because friends didn't melt into their friends unless they were Santana and Brittany. Quinn exhaled a quiet sigh. She felt the brush of wet skin beside her own as Rachel scooted closer to make room for Britt. Her eyes fluttered open. Rachel had gotten in as well, and her skin felt really good under the water. The brunette offered her a small smile.

"Wine for everybody!" Santana clinked her glass with Britt before handing Quinn and Rachel both glasses.

Quinn was quite surprised that Rachel even drank. She expected lectures on underage drinking, not Rachel partaking in it. She shrugged a shoulder in silent answer to herself and sipped at the wine.

"So, as your first night back," Santana's gaze had slid to Quinn, "I figured I'd offer you an apology."

"Apology?" Quinn's eyes widened in shock.

"Yeah. Been talking to B and Rach about it. I wasn't the best to you either. I should've been more patient and whatever. I mean I. . I'm not saying we're like best friends again or anything, but I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Santana stated quietly.

Quinn nodded, simply, after digesting the fact the Latina was really apologizing, "I forgive you. I mean I already had."

After that, the tension seemed to release a little as the foursome began talking about different things - school, glee, anything that came up. Santana was more than tipsy and had drank half a bottle, at some point lapsing into making out with Brittany, even when Rachel balked about not wanting to watch people make out.

Quinn was on her third glass, and her head felt heavy from the alcohol. She laughed lazily at Rachel's protests, her hand resting on Rachel's shoulder, "Oh they're just having fun," she slurred softly in Rachel's direction.

As if it was some kind of code word or cue, Santana got out of the tub and dragged Brittany with her. Quinn was drunk, but she was sure that she didn't want to interrupt what they were going to do, much less leave the jacuzzi. The water massaged all the tension out of her muscles and she was leaning her head back against the tub's edge. Rachel was silently watching her, Quinn could feel.

"Quinn?"

"Mm?" Quinn drunkenly responded, lifting her head and willing her eyes to open fully. Rachel looked a little blurry, and she sipped the rest of her wine down. The blonde went to pour another glass, giggling as she nearly fell out, "Oh, woop," she giggled til her stomach hurt, and felt Rachel's wet hands encircling her waist and pulling her into the water.

"Be careful."

"Are you even drunk?" Quinn appraised Rachel, leaned forward, "You're blurry."

"I'm not drunk. I had one glass. You've had .. well, you're working on your fourth apparently," Rachel sounded a little displeased as she watched Quinn sip at the next glass.

"I don't remember pouring that much," Quinn slurred. "Listen, Blurry Rachel, if you're going to be all concerned then fine but I'm here to have fun, remember?" The last syllable came out a little sloppy and Quinn smiled as Rachel laughed.

"I know. I'm just .. yeah, you're right. Sorry."

"Blurry Rachel, you should have another glass," Quinn offered the glass in her hand.

"No thank you," Rachel said through quiet laughter.

"So why are you so nice to me anyway?"

Rachel's hands slipped around Quinn's waist as she pulled the blonde up a bit - Quinn was slipping lower on the seat without realizing it, wine glass tipping dangerously to the side. Quinn couldn't feel much, but she did wonder why Rachel's skin felt that good. Curiously, Quinn chugged the rest of her wine, making a disgusted expression, and set the glass down. She was definitely drunk. Her hands slipped around Rachel's neck as Rachel once again tugged her up on the seat again. Quinn leaned close, eyes squinting.

"You're all fuzzy around the edges," Quinn stated simply before she tried to peel herself from Rachel's arms. She started to sink again and giggled.

Rachel sighed softly, "Quinn, I don't want you to drown," her voice was soft and pleading, and she'd apparently decided that holding Quinn around the waist was the only way to keep the blonde from sinking.

"I won't drown, Blurry Rachel will be my lifeguard." Quinn's head dropped against the back of the hot tub. "You never answered my .. " Quinn squinted, thinking hard. She couldn't think of the word. "Question."

"Because I can be," Rachel insisted simply, and though Quinn couldn't make out much of Rachel's features, she looked like she was a little nervous, and maybe blushing. Maybe it was the alcohol. Quinn sighed simply.

"Liar."

"What?"

"You're a liar," Quinn murmured drunkenly, poked Rachel's nose. She really didn't realize how close she was until she felt Rachel's breath hitch against the skin of her cheek, Rachel catching Quinn from tipping forward.

"Why .. why am I a liar?" Rachel's hands trembled. "Oh, please sit up, Quinn," she whimpered softly as Quinn started tipping forward again.

Quinn decided leaning against Rachel was okay, even if their skin was all pressed together and Rachel was in some kind of distress from the way she was biting her lip nervously and her fingers were kind of digging into Quinn's hips as she tried to keep some distance between their bodies. "'Cause you have other reasons, you told Santana but you won't tell me." Quinn pouted.

Rachel sank against the back of the seat, Quinn's body slipping into her arms with ease. Quinn felt the rise and fall of Rachel's breath and her fingers sifted through Rachel's damp hair. She swore Rachel mumbled something like, 'mailman' but she couldn't be sure in her state. "I j-just.. I can't tell you right now, Quinn. Let's get out of the water, okay?"

Quinn shrugged her shoulders and pulled away. She tried to stand but someone turned on the sixty-times gravity, because she nearly fell over. Rachel caught her with slick hands and helped her out of the hot tub. Quinn was giggling, latched onto Rachel. The shorter girl seemed to be struggling to carry her, but she held most of Quinn against her as they walked into the bathroom.

"I'll .. I'll leave you here. You should change into your pajamas and we can sit on the couch, okay?"

Quinn nodded, leaning heavily against the sink. "Okay, Avoidy-Blurry Rachel."

Rachel's laughter came from the closed door and Quinn smiled.

It took Quinn quite a few tries and some stumbles to get her bathing suit off and pull her sweatpants and tank-top on, but she managed to get it done. She opened the door, saw Rachel standing in her own pair of dry pajamas. "Nice legs," Quinn slurred before she tromped drunkenly to the couch and sat down. Rachel started blushing, and Quinn squinted. "Where are Santana and B?"

"Uhm.. probably upstairs ... uh," Rachel blushed as she sat down on the couch.

Quinn started humming the bars of the k-i-s-s-i-n-g song, then started giggling in amusement. She rested her head on Rachel's shoulder as she giggled, and felt Rachel hesitate before she gently touched Quinn's head.

"You should drink some water before you fall asleep tonight, it will help with the headache in the morning," Rachel warned softly. She didn't seem as eager to touch Quinn now, the blonde noticed. In fact when Quinn experimentally reached to touch Rachel's hand, Rachel suddenly found the tv remote and started flipping through the television stations before she settled on starting the second zombie movie.

Quinn frowned a little. First Rachel had her hands on her and now she didn't want them anywhere near her? She sniffled once, then twice, and started tearing up, "You don't want to be my cuddle friend anymore," she stated tearfully.

Rachel looked something between horrified and saddened, "What? What's that?"

"You held my hand and now you don't want to," Quinn sniffled. She wasn't sure why, but it made her very sad as she looked at those familiar brown eyes.

"Oh, Quinn," Rachel seemed to deflate softly, and she reached over, touched Quinn's face, "you're so drunk," she laughed warmly, and Quinn thought it sounded like a bubbling creek when she did that. Quinn's eyes fluttered shut as Rachel's thumbs ran over her cheeks. "You're so very drunk," Rachel's tone took on a different sound but Quinn couldn't figure out what that meant right now.

When Quinn opened her eyes, she saw Rachel staring at her in that smoldering way and chewing on her bottom lip. Quinn's hazel eyes dipped to Rachel's mouth, "You do that a lot," she poked the corner of Rachel's mouth.

"Oh.. habit."

"Nervous habit?"

Rachel looked terrified, and she nodded, "Yes, a nervous habit," she looked the way she did when she was trying to keep her composure.

"I make you nervous?" Quinn cocked her head to the side, felt Rachel's hand stroke her face gently. "That feels nice," she dipped her skin against Rachel's gentle touch and closed her eyes.

"You do."

Rachel felt like she was trembling, Quinn noted. Everything was fuzzy. "Blurry Rachel," she murmured simply before resting her head on Rachel's shoulder again. "When you do this it feels strange," Quinn slurred and guided Rachel's hand to her wrist, where Rachel's fingers moved up and down the skin of her wrist normally. Quinn mimicked the motion with Rachel's fingers and lifted her hand when Rachel seemed to do it on her own.

"Strange how?" Rachel's voice even sounded like she was trembling a little, her fingers trailing against Quinn's pulse.

"Like my stomach is an acrobat," Quinn dipped her head against the back of the couch and sighed contentedly as Rachel continued the motion.

Rachel didn't say anything, only stared at Quinn wide-eyed, from what Quinn could make out from the side. The blonde observed this the best she could through one eye, the other one just didn't want to stay open. She felt Rachel's other hand gently stroke her jaw, trail through locks of her hair, "You're so drunk," she crooned gently. She almost sounded sad, looked a little confused.

It wasn't until Santana and Brittany came downstairs that Quinn realized Rachel's hands felt really good on her face and skin. She dipped her head against Rachel's shoulder and soon blackness found her as she passed out, hearing the sound of Santana's voice like she was miles away saying something like 'sorry to interrupt.'

###

Quinn awoke with an elephant sitting on her skull. Or rather, bouncing on her skull. She groaned. The clock flashed 3 a.m. and Santana was draped over Brittany on the floor. She was sober, but her head was killing her and she decided it was a good idea to find some aspirin. Rachel was nowhere to be found. Quinn stumbled from her spot on the couch and made her way upstairs. She found Santana's bathroom in the dark and fumbled for the light, almost tripping over the pile of clothing on the bathroom floor. Quinn wondered who'd turned the volume up as she rifled through the bottles of pills and found some aspirin. She gulped down the pills with a palm full of water and made her way out of the bathroom, cursing the light.

Quinn made her way down the stairs, and nearly tripped a second time when she saw Rachel splayed on the floor beside the couch. Quinn felt a wash of confusion. Her drunk conversation with Rachel was in bits and pieces, so even if she had somehow gotten answers from Rachel while she was drunk, she wouldn't have been able to remember it. Rachel shifted in her sleep, and those big doe eyes fluttered open as Quinn stood there dumbly.

"Sorry to wake you," Quinn hushed into the darkness and was about to lay down on the couch when she felt Rachel sit up and grasp her hand.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Quinn chuckled, then groaned at the wave of nausea, "No," she murmured and held her head.

"Come here," Rachel said thickly, and something about the way she said it made Quinn feel extra dizzy. Quinn lowered herself to the ground beside Rachel, and the brunette sat beside her. Before Quinn could ask what she was sitting there for, she felt fingers on either side of her temples, gently rubbing away her headache. Quinn's eyes fluttered shut and she felt herself lean against Rachel as Rachel massaged the hangover out of her head. "Better?" Her voice was a soft hush in her ear, and Quinn nodded.

Rachel continued, seemingly entranced, and Quinn felt a familiar warmth on either side of her face as Rachel examined her as if making sure she didn't have some kind of concussion. Had she fallen? Quinn felt Rachel's thumb trace her jaw and felt confusion wash over her.

"Are you and Santana dating?"

Rachel pulled away as if Quinn had poured gasoline on her hands. "What?"

"You.. the way you guys hug," Quinn suddenly felt ashamed. It was clear that the answer was no, but she couldn't help but ask.

"Why does it matter?" Rachel sounded a little defensive, and her brows knit together.

Quinn blinked. She didn't know why, "I.. I.. uhm.." Run, run Quinn! Run! Her brain shouted at her. Do anything, say anything, this was all weird and strange. Quinn felt confused, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business."

"We're not," Rachel stated amidst silence, but she still sounded upset. "I don't see why you care."

Quinn didn't know why she did, either. She just sat there staring stupidly at Rachel as if she expected Rachel to clarify what the hell was going on, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Rachel laid down, leaving Quinn to lean against the couch by herself. Her back was to Quinn.

"I was .. I must have been channeling Finn. That was stupid of me," Quinn apologized a little more clearly and her hand gently grazed Rachel's shoulder. "Forgive me?"

"Of course," Rachel still sounded cold.

Quinn felt frustrated, frowned. She huffed quietly and she forcefully rolled Rachel over on her back and leaned over her, meeting her eyes directly, "You're a liar." Deja vu.

"You've said that," Rachel's voice hitched a little as she looked up at Quinn.

Rachel looked completely vulnerable and Quinn felt completely confused by the fact she looked beautiful that way. Quinn swallowed thickly and looked down at Rachel. Her fingers gently traced Rachel's shoulder, and made the path down to Rachel's hand.

The brunette beneath her looked petrified, confused, and helpless, but she also looked completely taken with Quinn.

Friends didn't do this.

Quinn didn't do this.

Not with girls, anyway.

Yet here she was, touching Rachel's skin and marvelling at how soft it felt. She was amazed at the way Rachel's fingers flexed into her touch, the way Rachel's skin had goosebumps from her shoulder to her wrist. Quinn was startled by how _good _that felt, to know she'd done that to Rachel. She saw brown eyes dip down to her lips, and Quinn swallowed again. Her mouth felt dry, her throat felt even more so.

"Quinn," Rachel breathed out her name as delicately as any prayer.

Quinn snapped out of her trance, her eyes locked on Rachel's, "Tell me why, tell me what's going on?"

Rachel shook her head mutely.

"Please," she pleaded quietly. Quinn needed clarity, needed some answers, needed to know why Rachel was so kind and why Quinn was at a slumber party with her, staring down at her in the dark like she was enchanted by her.

Rachel shook her head again, and her lip quivered, "Quinn, please, don't ask me .."

"What is it? The thing you all have in common?"

"Please, Quinn, don't ask me that, don't ask me that..." Rachel was pleading desperately and she sat up slowly, without intending to, she put their bodies closer, their voices. Her fingers traced Quinn's face, "You can't ask me that, please," her voice was so close, so unbearably close.

Quinn's eyes fell to Rachel's mouth as she pleaded, "Tell me," her voice was barely a whisper. She thought maybe she knew the answer - at least, maybe she knew the answer right now.

"Please," Rachel's conviction was leaking from her voice rapidly, and her fingers were dancing along Quinn's collar, "You don't know what you're asking of me right now," she sounded as if she was saying so much more than her actual words conveyed.

The blonde didn't realize her breathing had shortened so much until she had to wet her lips. She was so close to Rachel she could smell Rachel's perfume. And Quinn really, really was confused, because the only thing she could think about right now was kissing Rachel.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy, this was ... this was way too confusing. Quinn felt dizziness spinning her world around again as she remained stagnant, not giving an inch and not taking one, either. Rachel seemed just as frozen as she was, and those brown eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I promise, I'll tell you, Quinn, but right now isn't the right time."

Quinn was aching in a different way than she ever had. She saw Rachel's mouth moving. She needed answers, she didn't know how in the hell she was going to get them.

Rachel's breath was short as well - it was coming in short hot bursts in the air between them. That is, until Quinn closed the gap between them and captured Rachel's lips in her own without even realizing she'd made the move to do so. Quinn knew four things right now: she was kissing Rachel, she was really confused, Rachel was kissing her back, and Rachel was whimpering into her mouth.

Rachel was whimpering into the kiss and it felt really good. Quinn didn't know why, but it did and she didn't want it to stop. Rachel's fingers gripped the back of Quinn's neck, fingernails raking gently into her skin, and suddenly the kiss was needy and hungry and explorative. Rachel was whimpering in a way that made it seem like she was about to cry. Quinn felt like she might, too, from the sheer intensity of how damn good this felt.

Quinn pressed further, found herself tangling her fingers in Rachel's thick locks. Eventually, though, they had to come up for air. So break apart they did, both flushed, aroused, and fully confused. Realizing what she'd just done, Quinn's hand flew to her lips and Rachel's eyes were wide with confusion and those unshed tears were surfacing.

"Quinn," Rachel reached out, grasped Quinn by the shirt collar, and without even asking permission, was attacking Quinn's mouth hungrily. To Quinn's surprise, she wasn't telling Rachel to stop. She really didn't want Rachel to stop. Oh, this was scary as hell, because she was kissing a girl and it felt good. Not just any girl. Rachel. She was kissing Rachel. Blood felt like it was rushing in her ears and all she knew was that Rachel's hands were on her hips, tugging her down into a passionate lip-lock.

Maybe she could blame it on being drunk. Just maybe.

Rachel whimpered as they broke apart a second time, and Quinn was panting against Rachel's lips, dipping her mouth against Rachel's once in a while to reconnect them. Again and again, Quinn found herself dipping her mouth and crushing it against Rachel's.

"We have to stop, Quinn, we have to," Rachel pleaded softly against Quinn's mouth - yet she sounded completely unconvinced of her own words.

"I know," Quinn breathed against Rachel's mouth, "I don't know why I just - "

"We can't do this, you can't do this, you'll go away, Quinn, you'll run away as soon as you realize what you're doing," Rachel breathed and Quinn realized that Rachel was crying into the kiss, "please, please," and Quinn was sure she was begging her not to run away.

"I just.. shut up," Quinn closed her eyes and pulled Rachel into another heart-wrenching kiss. Rachel was clinging to Quinn like a life-raft, and Quinn didn't know why she was doing this. She didn't know what this meant, why Rachel had tears in her eyes, why this felt so good. All the puzzle pieces were suddenly disorganized again.

Rachel broke away, pushed Quinn by the shoulders, "Please, Quinn," her lip quivered.

Quinn stopped, and the realization slammed into her like a semi. She'd been kissing Rachel, and she'd liked it. A lot. Panic was one of the things she felt. Some sadness, but mostly panic and confusion. In her head there were a lot of tiny people running around as Godzilla-Quinn destroyed everything they'd known. In real life, she was panting against Rachel Berry's mouth, and wanting more.

"What does this - what am I.. - Rach..?"

Rachel shook her head, affectionately traced Quinn's face, "Quinn, you're going to run away now, I know it," she was crying, quietly crying, and burying her face against Quinn's shoulder.

Quinn didn't know if she was going to run away, but her arms slipped around Rachel anyway, and she rocked the brunette soothingly against her, hushed her until she heard Rachel stop sniffling.

Things just got a whole lot more complicated and confusing.


	3. Don't You?

**Title**: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing**: Quinn/Rachel

**A/N**: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. Thank you guys for the kind reviews and for the enormous amount of people subscribing to get alerts when I update, it means so much to me that you're apparently enjoying this. To those of you who are worried about Quinn or Rachel, or worried things happened too fast: don't worry. ^_^ It's going to be a bumpy road, admittedly, but I'm going to take this story down paths you may not quite expect but will most certainly enjoy.

HappyLaura: I always love your reviews! They make me all giddy 'cause you have so much to say, so ramble on, please! I'm glad you feel it's getting better. I think it changes depending on the story, my confidence, because of the different characterizations and my personal limitations with certain experiences. I'm glad I made you giggle, also! Writing this chapter was intense for me, but also had me giggling at scenes in my head, so yeah. I was right with you on this one.  
><span>fan1:<span> Here's your update! I'm glad you love the story so far. -heart-  
><span>indie:<span> It was heart-wrenching to write! Rachel's obviously feeling a lot of things and Quinn's getting more and more confused .. ahh, the angst.  
><span>J:<span> I'm glad you think it's lovely!  
><span>Catrien Ayala:<span> Hang in there with me! ;) I have a plan, I always have a plan. I'm glad you liked the Sith references and the texting. ^_^  
><span>Princesskarlita411:<span> I'm happy you like it! Thanks for reviewing!  
><span>I Wear the Crown:<span> Ahhh yay another person picked out one of my obscure references! I love NeverEnding story, haha, and I was like ATREEEEYUUUUU, and AAAARTEEEEEX. You know, like sane people do when they're writing.  
><span>Magician:<span> I'm glad you're enjoying this one! :D I actually really like this particular fic, writing it, because of the way I'm picturing Quinn in my head. I'm always more comfortable writing from Rachel's perspective so I guess this was my way of challenging myself to examine Quinn more fully.  
><span>RVFlorida: <span> Thank you! :D I'm glad it's working out and seems realistic!  
><span>ljam86:<span> I love the friendships, too. Quinn will get there, it just might take her a few stumbles. Haha.  
><span>Cam:<span> Hahaha, yes, Quinn really is a closet Star Wars fan in this one. I mean if you were isolated from friends socially for a long period of time you'd probably sink into watching anything that might suck you in, right? Bahaha. Quinn's always been a closet-nerd in my head anyway, so I wanted to bring that out a bit in this.  
><span>ch3lsk0 :<span> Thank you for the kind review! I'm sorry I kept you up late, but I'm glad you're enjoying it! :P Really though, thank you so very much!

###

Chapter 3: **Don't You?**

_Don't you breathe..._

###

If Quinn thought she'd felt awkward on the car ride to Santana's, it was nothing compared to the car ride from Santana's. She probably could've sat further away from Rachel - that is, if she'd sat on Leroy's lap in the front-seat, or possible tied herself to the hood of the car. Mind you, Quinn wasn't the one who'd chosen to sit so far. Rachel hadn't said a word to her all morning, not since the pair had woken up next to each other on the couch. Quinn remembered waking up to the smell of Rachel's shampoo, the feeling of Rachel's arm draped over her own. They'd apparently gone from making out, to sleeping, to spooning. Quinn thought this was usually the part of the film where the protaganist disappears or runs away to Narnia, but unfortunately this was no film and she was firmly grounded in the real world. It felt so real, blindingly real. She couldn't even blame it on being drunk, which would have been easier to pass off. She'd made the conscious action to kiss Rachel.

Quinn had replayed it about a million times in her head, and she'd never felt so foolish. Idiotic. She was careening down a hill top speed with no helmet on, about to hit a brick wall, and she might as well have put on Brittany's "I'm with Stoopid" shirt because that's how she felt. Not to mention, recalling Rachel's passionate response followed with her whimpering and pleading for Quinn to stop, pleading for Quinn to stop before she ran away, guilt was the primary sponsor of her thoughts that morning. In fact, right before she and Rachel had gotten picked up, Quinn had reached out to touch Rachel's arm in a way to get her attention, and when the brunette realized it was Quinn touching her? She'd pulled away like Quinn's hands were made of acid. Clearly, Quinn's actions had really upset Rachel. Their test run had crashed right out of the starting gate. She obviously sucked at being anyone's friend, and Quinn had told Rachel she deserved a better friend than her. Exhibit A: good friends don't kiss their friends when they're telling them to stop.

To top it off, Quinn felt so disorganized and unsure that she hadn't even known why she'd decided to kiss Rachel. She'd just been so close, her voice had been so desperate, and it'd felt like the only way to get a real answer out of the brunette. It had been like a neon sign saying, 'If you do this, you'll understand!' but that neon sign was a blatant lie because Quinn didn't understand any better than she did before.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," she grumbled in the palm of her hand, and although Quinn didn't particularly want Rachel thinking that she was a crazy person for talking to herself, she couldn't help the self-depricating words that came out of her mouth. The ex-Cheerio had worked out that she mostly felt like kissing Rachel had taken advantage of her in some way, and in turn felt like the worst friend ever. Quinn honestly wanted to cry. Normally, she'd want to lash out at Rachel and blame her, possibly organize a slushie ambush, but right now she just wanted to apologize and tell Rachel that she knew she was a horrible friend, knew she'd taken advantage of Rachel and she didn't even know why she'd done so. It was like there was a rambling Quinn in her head pacing back and forth through her brain, when in reality she was sitting in the back seat with Rachel, trying to think of what to say.

As Quinn pulled herself out of her circular thoughts, she glanced over in Rachel's direction. The brunette's eyes on her, and they looked just as confused as Quinn felt. If this was yesterday, Rachel might have reached out to touch Quinn's arm to comfort her during her self-flagellation, but this was today. Quinn's eyes searched Rachel's uncertainly, apologetically. Rachel's eyebrows were knit together and she looked like she wanted to say something, or maybe yell at Quinn for being a pig or taking advantage of their friendship by kissing her. The two stared at each other for the last few moments of the ride, and as the car parked in front of Quinn's house, Quinn said goodbye to Rachel's dads.

"Text me?" Quinn inquired hopefully, dipping her head back in the window just for a second. Not that she really wanted to talk about what had transpired, but her instincts told her not to run away from it, either. She'd only just begun to repair her damaged friendship with Santana, and started to make amends for her past cruelties with Rachel, not to mention she was probably closer than she thought to figuring out this whole damn situation. Quinn gulped down her pride and searched Rachel's eyes, "please," she pleaded quietly.

Rachel hesitated, as if she was considering saying no. She was slightly open-mouthed, and those brown eyes were darting from Quinn to her fathers, who were watching with curiosity. The brunette hesitated, started to say something, and closed her mouth. For a moment, Quinn felt sick, because she was pretty sure Rachel was going to say no.

Instead, Rachel gave a quick nod and turned her gaze to her lap.

Quinn watched the car pull away, and it wasn't until it was around the corner that Quinn willed her legs to move. As if Quinn hadn't screwed up enough in the past, there she was making a complex situation even worse.

She couldn't explain why she felt guilty, couldn't explain why she hated herself for being so completely insensitive. You couldn't just go from a girl's enemy to kissing her in your post-drunken stupor. There had been no reason for it. The blonde headed inside her house, numbly acknowledged her mother, and disappeared into her room. She and the mattress were becoming good friends, and would be especially close by the time this whole mess was over, if it kept going this way - because as soon as Quinn got in her room, she fell face-first into the mattress.

"Way to go," she muffled into the mattress, Quinn's words harsh and scolding, "she wants to be your friend, you can't say no so you buy her a freaking bear," the bear. Blame it on the bear. If it hadn't been for the bear, that damn gesture of a truce, things might be halfway normal, "then you go to a slumber party, get drunk, make out with her when you're sober as if that's going to answer all your damn questions. Quinn, you probably couldn't be more like Finn if you tried."

Quinn hated herself. She was screwing everything up. She'd gotten a small taste of friendship and taken it way too far. The ex-Cheerio realized she probably should move soon or she wouldn't be able to breathe - after all, having your face smashed into your mattress wasn't really conducive to proper oxygen intake. Quinn rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling.

After a good half an hour of yelling at herself internally, she managed to find some calm in her mind and closed her eyes, "Okay, so you know a few things. Rachel, Santana, and Brittany are good friends. Rachel liked making out with you. Santana and Brittany like making out with each other." The empty room wasn't listening but Quinn needed to vocalize the facts.

"Girls!" Quinn shot up, but forgot she'd collapsed very near the edge of the mattress and instead of sitting up like she'd intended to, she toppled onto the floor with a solid _thunk _and groaned in pain. "Wonderful, perfect, good ending, just awesome." Quinn peeled herself from the carpeted floor, angrily brushing herself off.

That's what they all had in common. They all liked girls. Quinn felt pretty stupid now that she hadn't put that piece of the puzzle in there. What did it have to do with Quinn, though? Santana showed no interest to begin with, in terms of mending their friendship. It was Rachel who had extended the truce, Rachel who'd said she wanted to put the past behind them. Rachel had been the one who wanted a friendship with Quinn, against the apparent wishes of her two closest friends.

That brought a little clarity to the situation, but not completely. Especially now that she'd gone and screwed it up by taking advantage of Rachel's attraction to girls. Quinn wasn't attracted to girls, was she? Quinn couldn't even fathom what had been going through her mind when she thought it was a good idea to kiss Rachel. Well, okay, she'd never though it was a particularly brilliant idea but it certainly didn't seem like a horrible one at the time.

"I don't like girls but I kiss a girl who likes girls just because she's sitting too close to me?" Quinn groaned and sat down on her mattress. The proximity had certainly been a factor, that and Rachel had looked so beautiful and vulnerable -

"Oh my god, just .. really!" Quinn realized yelling at herself wasn't normal. Or sane. Or in any way lending to some kind of conclusion.

"Okay, so what can we do?" After a bit of pacing, Quinn sat down at her desk. "What would Rachel do in this situation? Probably write a noterized letter - " Quinn snorted, but then her expression fell. Letter! She could write an apology letter, explain that she hadn't known what she was thinking and she didn't want to screw everything up - her friendship with Santana, her possible future friendship with Rachel - and just beg for forgiveness. Or something.

Her phone buzzed, and her stomach dropped. Nausea washed over her and Quinn frowned. "Breathe," she murmured to herself in the dimly lit room.

_I apologize if I wasn't very warm with you this morning, it was rude of me. - R.B.B._

Rachel was apologizing to her? Good God this girl's capacity to forgive apparently knew no bounds. Quinn's hands shook a little as she tried to work out what to say. She even rehearsed a couple responses out loud.

_You're apologizing to me? You're kidding right? I don't blame you for hating me. - Q_

_I don't hate you. - R.B.B._

_You should. I screw everything up, I told you. You deserve a friend who won't take advantage of you like I did. I feel sick with myself for acting like a pig. - Q_

_You didn't act like a pig .. - R.B.B._

_I took advantage of you. - Q_

_Would you just accept my apology? - R.B.B._

_No, because there's nothing to forgive. - Q_

_Please, Quinn, don't be difficult. I'm confused enough as is. - R.B.B._

_I forgive you. - Q_

_Thank you. - R.B.B._

_Santana's going to kill me. - Q_

_She's planning on it. - R.B.B._

Quinn gulped audibly, then whined a little. The afternoon sun was beaming in her window and Quinn absolutely felt scared that Santana was going to come flying through her front door and plow her into the wall.

_Why did you do it? - R.B.B._

_I don't know. - Q_

Rachel didn't respond, even after a good ten minutes. By the end of ten minutes, Quinn was drilling her pencil into her computer desk. The tip broke off and her patience wore out.

_I just wanted to understand what's happening, why you're being so nice, why I feel like everything I know has been ripped out from underneath me. - Q_

_That was poetic, Quinn. - R.B.B._

It felt cold, distant. Rachel definitely had to hate her.

_I ran our test-run into a brick wall and smashed it to bits. - Q_

_Not necessarily. - R.B.B._

_Please don't let Santana kill me. - Q_

_I wouldn't anyway. Did you figure anything out? - R.B.B._

_Besides the fact I'm a terrible human being and an even worse friend, to you, S, and everyone else who's ever tried to help me? - Q_

Boo-hoo, Quinn. Get more pathetic. Disdain rose up in her throat like bile and Quinn ducked her head on the table. She let out a soft but strangled groan.

_You're none of those things. You are however very bad at answering questions. - R.B.B._

_Is it girls? - Q_

_What? - R.B.B._

_The thing you all have in common, the reason you guys are friends. - Q_

Radio silence. Or vengeance. Payback. Whatever she called it, it was torture and Rachel not responding to her was like a nail being hammered into her foot - in other words, it did not feel very good at all.

_Yes. - R.B.B._

_I'm the worst person alive. - Q_

_Stop that.. - R.B.B._

_No, I had a chance to mend things with Santana, I had a chance to show you I'm not a horrible person and I just threw all that in the garbage. - Q_

_Was I that bad of a kisser? - R.B.B._

Quinn's jaw dropped a little bit, and her eyes went wide. Was Rachel _joking _about this? Was she seriously making some kind of joke about Quinn making the stupidest mistake she'd ever made? Quinn was stunned.

_I'm joking. Kind of. - R.B.B._

_Oh.. - Q_

Tables were reversed this time.

_It took you a while to figure out that the three of us were all attracted to women. What else could we possibly have in common? - R.B.B._

_I don't know. None of you wear flannel ... - Q_

There, that's okay. Joke back a little. Joking back can repair friendships. It can make it seem like you're okay when you're really falling apart and confused.

_Hah hah. Very funny, Quinn. I know you're probably over there beating yourself up for what you did.. - R.B.B._

_Maybe a lot. - Q_

_Why, though? It's not as if I made much of an effort to stop you. - R.B.B._

_Because I took advantage of you, screwed everything up. We could've been good friends, I just needed someone and I could've finally stopped feeling so miserable .. - Q_

_You took advantage of a peculiar situation. I wasn't being honest with you and you were confused and wanting answers. I have equal blame - R.B.B._

_So what now? - Q_

_I don't know. - R.B.B._

Quinn felt the distinct urge to cry.

_You deserve a better friend than I can ever be. I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm only going to end up screwing this whole thing up. - Q_

There was no response for far too long. At least, it seemed like ages. The phone lay next to Quinn's tapping fingers, eyes glued to the screen.

_I'm not going to let you disappear just because you're afraid you're going to hurt me. I still want to be your friend. - R.B.B._

_Don't be stupid, Rachel. - Q_

Quinn expected a scathing response, expected Rachel to tell her that it was rude to say such a thing. Instead, her phone rang, loudly. Rachel's name popped up on the screen. Rachel was calling her. All the air was simultaneously shot from her lungs in one long exhale, and her hand trembled a bit as she picked up the phone.

"I don't appreciate the insinuation that I'm not intelligent, Quinn Fabray," Rachel's voice greeted her immediately with a stern tone.

"I wasn't .. saying .. I just .." Good, Quinn. So good with words, you really are. Quinn scolded herself, felt every word in her vocabulary fly out the window. She settled for breathing. Breathing was a start.

"You really need to learn how to treat yourself with kindness," Rachel's voice softened a little. "Although yes, I am a little upset over the whole situation I don't think you understand any of what's happened, so it's understandable that you'd be perplexed and you might act in ways you wouldn't otherwise."

Quinn swallowed thickly, "Santana's going to kill me, isn't she?" Shit, was her chin quivering? What was she doing? Why did all of this bother her so much.

"I won't let her do that, Quinn," Rachel's voice was so soft, and Quinn could hear the same tone she'd been showered with the night before when she'd been drunk. She didn't remember much, but she remembered Rachel's fingers gliding over her face as she observed how drunk Quinn was.

"Stop being so nice to me, Rachel," Quinn pleaded and closed her eyes. "I don't understand. I mean I get it now, why you're all friends, but why am I involved? Why are you trying to make amends with me? We've never been friends and you should really just hate me more than anyone else but you don't, you never have, and that doesn't make sense and I'm so frustrated," her voice broke away and she felt a distant red flag go off that if she kept ranting like that she was going to cry, and the last thing she needed was Rachel showing up with cookies that said 'don't cry' atop them.

"I will do no such thing." Rachel stated, but offered no further answers. "I can't hate you, Quinn, and I refuse to, quite frankly. You don't deserve hatred. I told you, I've seen you in pain for so long and I feel like you need somebody. I'd like to be that somebody."

"You shouldn't want to be my friend," Quinn shook her head pathetically and flattened herself onto her mattress after she realized her pacing might wear a path in the carpet.

"Was the kiss really that terrible?"

Quinn's throat dried immediately. Rachel sounded genuinely concerned, genuinely upset that she might have been a bad kisser, "Sorry, what?"

"Was it such a mistake? Haven't you ever kissed someone .. when you weren't intending to?"

"Not really, no," Quinn's voice wavered and she closed her eyes. To tell the truth, the reason she felt so terrible was that she had enjoyed it. She'd enjoyed it far too much and she felt like that violated Rachel in some way.

Rachel stayed silent for a moment, and it sounded like she might have been drumming her fingers on some hard surface in the background, "Do you regret it?"

"Don't you?"

Well, this was just awkward.

"Rach, I -"

"I should really let you go," Rachel was suddenly distant, cold. Hurt. Quinn had hurt her.

"No, no," panic ensued, and it was clear in Quinn's voice. "No, listen, no, please," oh and there the waterworks started. Perfect. Her voice cracked and she thought this possibly couldn't get any worse, "please don't hang up on me..." If she held her phone any tighter she might break the thing.

"Okay," Rachel relented.

Quinn exhaled, let out a shaky breath, "I just feel like I .. violated your trust or something. I feel like I stepped over some boundaries and I just really wanted to be a good friend to you, to Santana, to Britt."

"Did you kiss them too?"

"How can you joke about this?"

"Because I think this is what Santana would refer to as a 'gay panic' moment and as I've said, I don't feel you've done anything wrong at all. I did feel .. admittedly surprised and a little upset," Rachel's tone softened on the other line, and the brunette sighed quietly, "but I think it's best if we just put it behind us."

Quinn blinked in disbelief. Rachel should really be scolding her, or running away from her, anything but offering forgiveness and friendship. Maybe that was the lesson here - Quinn questioned everything too much. Maybe the universe was telling her to relent for once, to give up control and understanding in the spirit of discovering what it meant to grow up. She still felt terrified, though, of why she'd enjoyed it so much. Why she'd done it in the first place.

"I still want to pursue friendship with you, Quinn, I truly do, so I hope you'll be able to put it behind you and stop worrying about something you can't change," those words, coming from Rachel's mouth, sounded cryptic in a way that Quinn couldn't put her finger on. What couldn't she change? What had happened? Or something else?

Quinn swallowed, made a small sound of acknowledgement, "Okay," she spoke quietly, unaware that she still had tears in her eyes.

"Have you been crying, Quinn?" Rachel sounded quiet, concerned.

"No." Lie. Lie. Lie. Keep lying, it'll help you cover your tracks. In her mind, army-Quinn was dodging through thick jungle brush and covering her tracks with a false trail. To admit that she'd been crying would admit that the whole thing was much bigger than she was ready to accept.

"You're a bad liar," Rachel soothed over the line. "Please don't cry. I still want to be your friend, Quinn. I never stopped. I apologize for being distant this morning, I just .. didn't know what to make of what happened."

"Stop being nice," oh god. Quinn's voice cracked and she full on began to cry. She was berating herself for being so upset, but being this confused and being this scared was hard for her. She didn't know how to handle it. Quinn buried her face in her palm. "I'm so confused, Rach."

"Quinn," Rachel's voice was like a warm summer day. It was sweet and sultry, soothing. It sounded the way it had the night before, the moment Rachel had decided she'd initiate another kiss with Quinn. The way her fingers had dragged over the back of Quinn's neck.

Quinn shivered, felt tears continuing to well up. She sniffled. "I'm sorry. I don't know what we do now."

Rachel had never really sounded overly sad before, but she did now, "We pretend it didn't happen and continue working on this new friendship we're trying to form."

Why was Rachel sad?

Quinn nodded, then realized Rachel couldn't see her nod, so she cleared her throat, "Okay," she murmured over the line.

"Would it be terribly inappropriate to invite you over to my house tonight? I was planning on doing so before .. before last night - happened." Rachel sounded hesitant. "I was going to have us bake something together and watch movies, in an effort to sort of .. seal the truce. To officially make this a friendship. I know it sounds strange and perhaps it is, but I feel that all friends need one night where it becomes official, when they both decide that they're going to be as such and that the friendship isn't just saying hello in the hallways at school."

Quinn should've said no. Should've said anything. Yet nothing was going the way she thought it should, or the way she was planning. "Yes."

Rachel made a sound of delight.

After all, if they were going to put it behind them, then they should continue on as if the kiss hadn't happened. Quinn decided that letter could wait. If she screwed up again, then she could write Rachel a letter. First, she had to try to push through whatever the hell mess she was making. "What time should I be there?"

"Daddy said we can pick you up at 7, if that's okay with you. He and Dad are going out to dinner and a movie, so it has to be perhaps a little earlier. Is 7 appropriate?" Rachel inquired happily.

Quinn blinked. So, apparently, Rachel was very good at acting as if nothing had happened. That was either really beneficial or really insulting. "Yeah, 7's fine. And .. Rachel?"

"Yes, Quinn?"

"The kiss wasn't bad."

Rachel inhaled quietly on the other end of the line.

###

Making a mistake. Making a very big mistake. That's what Quinn kept telling herself. For all she'd tried, she couldn't let it go, couldn't stop being angry with herself for violating Rachel's trust. Rachel had apparently no difficulty with that. The blonde was pacing back and forth on her foyer, waiting. It was nearly 7p.m.

It made sense, though. If she didn't agree to stay at Rachel's, she would've just been acting as if the kiss had been a problem for their friendship. By agreeing to stay, the ex-Cheerio was essentially doing exactly what Rachel had proposed they do - act as if nothing happened. There was always the option of running away, changing her name to Charlie, and falling off the face of the earth.

For once, she wished she could just stop thinking.

Like the answer to all her wishes, Rachel Berry rang her doorbell and waved demurely in the window to the foyer. Quinn's brain stopped. Her lips quirked upward in a strange, fluttering smile. She opened the door. "Hey," she stated, feeling absolutely awkward. Rachel beamed at her anyway and took her bag from her.

"Come! Daddy said he'd like to drop us off right away so he can pick up Dad from work and take him to their dinner date," Rachel all but skipped down the sidewalk.

Quinn, however, forgot how to walk for a moment. Damn Rachel and her short skirts. Friend thoughts, friend thoughts. Right, friend thoughts. Quinn made her way down the sidewalk and climbed into the car beside Rachel. Just as she was about to say something, her phone buzzed.

_Staying with Rach 2nite? - S_

_Yes .. - Q_

_She was rly upset 2day. - S_

_I know. I'm sorry. I was out of line. I don't know what happened. - Q_

_She was upset tht u were upset, not tht u made an ass of urself. - S_

_What? - Q_

_U can read. - S_

Quinn's eyes darted beside her, where Rachel was regarding her curiously. She looked a little uneasy, and the brunette spoke hesitantly, "Was that Santana?" Quinn nodded mutely. "Has she yelled at you or anything similar? I spoke to her and told her that all was well, so I was hoping she wouldn't.."

"She didn't yell," Quinn spoke quietly, not sure if she was reassuring Rachel or hiding her own embarassment. She offered a small half-grin. Her hazel eyes lingered on Rachel for a moment.

Rachel let out a breath she'd apparently been holding in, and the relief was visible as Quinn regarded her. Hazel eyes blinked questioningly. Rachel only offered a small smile, "I just want you two to make amends. I know you're both very important to one another, and she often mentions how she misses your friendship, despite the fact she'll refute that claim - so I'd appreciate it if you don't mention that part to her."

Quinn nodded mutely, her eyes lingering on Rachel a moment too long because she thought Rachel looked absolutely stunning and she didn't know how she'd missed Rachel's beauty this long. Even if she hadn't been interested in -

Wait. Wait just a moment. Army-Quinn was staring down the barrell of a gun in her head, hands in the air as a well-armed guerilla poked her in the nose with the gun, threatening her in a language she couldn't understand. Army-Quinn's face was painted with mud, and she was gritting her teeth defiantly. In real life, Quinn had glanced away from Rachel and stared out her window as if the window had just told her some horrifying secret.

No. Nope. No.

Not interested in any person. She was a sponge. Sponges were asexual. She could be a sponge. Sponges didn't have feelings. Her heart hammered defiantly and distantly, Army-Quinn was flinching at the sound of an empty shell dropping to the ground.

"Quinn? Are you not feeling well?" Rachel's voice brought her back to reality.

"I'm fine," Quinn answered a little too quickly, and offered a soft, reassuring smile, then went to convincing herself that Rachel didn't have the most attractive legs she'd ever seen, because those legs were shifting in her direction and Quinn was so very glad she'd worn jeans today. The last thing she needed was the sensation of Rachel's perfect (_Stop that!_) legs brushing against her own as the brunette shifted.

Quinn was determined above all not to screw this friendship up. If there was one thing she'd learned in the last week or so, it was that she enjoyed having friends, even if they were the unexpected kind. Santana didn't completely hate her, Brittany had missed her, and even Rachel wanted to be her friend. That had been her main source of upset in the aftermath of - _don't think about it _- the fiasco last night. It was then that Quinn decided she needed to stop thinking and just start being a friend. She could do that. She hoped.

Rachel was watching her with a quiet gaze, and it was as if she could hear Quinn's inner-dialogue, because she offered a comforting smile and hesitantly touched Quinn's arm. The blonde offered a grateful smile.

"So baking and movies?"

"Or just movies, if you like," Rachel offered. "I only threw in baking because I know often times doing a task together can bring two people closer."

As if they hadn't gotten close enough last night. Quinn scoffed inwardly. She darted her gaze away, then when she'd regained control of her thoughts, she nodded, "Baking is good."

"Had you tried those cookies I made you when you were ill?"

Quinn nodded, "They were delicious, thank you." Lamely, she tried to come up with some topic of conversation but the only conversation was the one in her head. Trying not to think was like trying not to breathe. Random recollections of the night before were haunting her and Army-Quinn was in hand-to-hand with guerilla men, rapidly losing. She remembered, after she'd told Rachel on the phone the kiss wasn't bad, Rachel had suddenly gotten very nervous and stuttered quite a bit. What she remembered even more clearly was the fact that Quinn had meant to say the kiss was amazing, but those words didn't come out. They shouldn't come out. Ever. She wanted to tell Rachel everything - the fact she'd been more stimulated and swept up by that kiss than she'd ever been by anything else, that feeling Rachel's hand in hers before that had been spectacular, that waking up with Rachel in her arms had felt perfect, _too _perfect, and that's why Santana had been right. The barrel of the gun she was staring down was flashing _gay _all over it, with little unicorns painted along the side. Army-Quinn was insisting she didn't speak 'gay,' but the guerrilla man continued speaking it anyway.

"They were vegan, I wasn't sure if you'd like them but we only had vegan baking supplies at home. I've purchased some non-vegan baking goods, though, if you prefer that," Rachel stated simply, seemingly unaware of the distress Army-Quinn was in. Real Quinn was sitting quietly beside the brunette and glancing out the window every once in a while.

"They were vegan? How can you make vegan eggs?" Quinn responded, and even Army-Quinn wanted to know the answer to that one.

Rachel grinned wryly and shook her head, "Well, I'd tell you but you'd probably not want to eat anything vegan ever again."

"Chemicals?"

"Lots of them," Rachel teased softly, nudged Quinn gently in her ribs. The car slowed to a stop in front of the Berry household. "Thanks, Daddy! Have a good date," she leaned forward and kissed his cheek before she got out of the car.

"Thanks, Mr. Berry," Quinn offered lamely, and just as she turned to open the car door and get out, Rachel was already swinging the door open and offering her hand to help Quinn out. Quinn gulped. Mailman. Mailman.

That vaguely rang a bell from last night, but Quinn didn't want to hear any bells ringing right now. It was something to do with the hot tub. Rachel had mumbled 'mailman.' Quinn did her best not to panic, took Rachel's hand as she climbed out of the car, and grabbed her bag.

This was the first time she'd realized she'd never been to Rachel's house, which was understandable because after all they'd been enemies. As Quinn made her way up the sidewalk, she found herself taking everything in. Rachel seemed a little nervous as she fumbled with the door key and sighed. The brunette turned around, looking a little helpless.

"Here," Quinn offered without thinking, passing off her backpack to Rachel and playing with the key in the lock until she could open the door easily. Rachel felt warm beside her and Quinn tried not to think of that. The brunette offered a quiet expression of gratitude as her hand rested on Quinn's elbow. As the door swung gently open and Quinn stepped inside, she could smell a mixture of Rachel's perfume in the air, as well as splashes of vanilla and baked cookies. She immediately felt enveloped in warmth. She stopped in the doorway, only moving when Rachel seemed to move her out of the way amusedly. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You've never been here before, I hope you find it satisfactory," Rachel's smile was sweet and kind. The brunette set Quinn's bag down near the doorway to the basement. "We'll be sleeping downstairs tonight - I thought perhaps it would be best if we watched movies on the projector screen and the accomodations are a bit larger than you'll find in my room," Rachel seemed to be rattling on a little nervously.

Quinn felt a chuckle rumble in her chest, and she didn't want to smile. It couldn't be helped, though, because she only shook her head, "You don't have to be so accomodating. I'm really not that hard to please."

Rachel blinked, looked conflicted, "Would... would you like a tour of the house?"

Quinn nodded. Friends did this. She could do this. She was in Rachel's house and she hadn't burned to ashes or killed Rachel or kissed her, for that matter. So far, so good. Rachel rewarded her with a dazzling smile and dragged Quinn up the stairs. The shorter diva lead her through the house, room after room, and it was hard not to miss all the pictures of Rachel everywhere. Rachel when she was five, Rachel when she was in middle school - Quinn remembered that Rachel - Rachel in family photos. It was exactly as Quinn expected. So far, so good. It wasn't total overload and by the time Rachel was done showing her around, they'd made it to the basement and Rachel was setting Quinn's backpack on the recliner. Now, if only she could keep herself from saying something stupid, maybe this would all go relatively well.

###

"No, the recipe specifically called for two - " Rachel rattled off, looking frustrated as she searched through the recipe for a third time. "We simply cannot - I thought we had more..."

Quinn laughed. Genuinely laughed, "Rachel, you look devastated that we don't have enough eggs."

Rachel's expression narrowed, "Excuse me if I don't want to - "

Again, laughter. Rachel was making her laugh, and this was okay. Quinn was okay. It wasn't confusing or hard. She was just having a good time. She grabbed Rachel by the shoulders, lowered her gaze to meet Rachel's directly as a parent might, "It'll turn out fine."

The brunette huffed, folded her arms over her chest, "Fine, but if you complain that they don't taste good enough I am going to - " Rachel stopped, inhaled sharply, eyes wide.

Quinn stood watching Rachel's reaction. The blonde had splashed her in the face with water from the sink as she washed flour from her hands, and Rachel looked absolutely shocked, "Rachel Barbra Berry," Quinn said through her warm, raspy laughter, "stop. You're worse than I am."

"I beg to differ. I'm not the one who was in an absolute panic earlier this morning."

Ouch. Sore spot. Quinn looked crestfallen, and her gaze darted away from Rachel's in shame. "I just didn't want to ruin a friendship before it even started," she mumbled quietly. Behind her, Rachel had fallen silent.

The diva recovered quickly, fumbled for the 'fix-it' button in this situation, by the sound of her voice, "I was joking, oh Quinn," Rachel placed her hand fearfully on Quinn's arm, "I swear I was kidding I thought - oh, I always do these things! I always make jokes about things and it never works because my lifelong focus on my talent has stunted my social growth - please, Quinn."

Quinn listened to the purity of Rachel's panic. It's funny, she would have thought spending the night at Rachel's would've complicated things, but right now they seemed simpler than they had in days. Quinn didn't feel confused at all as she watched Rachel pace the kitchen scolding herself. Quinn dried her hands on the towel, stepped away from the counter, and startled Rachel by grabbing her gently by the arms and stopping the diva from pacing a trench into the floor. Hazel eyes searched Rachel's.

Don't breathe. Don't say a word. That's what Quinn had to tell herself as she looked into Rachel's eyes. If she breathed, if she said anything, it might all go terribly wrong and be confusing all over again. This was her friend. Friend. Ignore Army-Quinn and the gay gun pointing in her face.

Rachel's breath appeared to hitch, and her hands caught Quinn's arms by the elbows. So there they stood, face to face, for the first time since last night. A light flush was on Rachel's cheeks.

Quinn narrowed her eyes, as if she was examining Rachel's face. She sighed dramatically, "I mean I'm just going to have to let you know that panic does not do a thing for your complexion," a wry smile crawled its way across her lips.

The diva seemed to relax, but neither of them moved. Quinn, again, didn't take an inch or give an inch. Rachel didn't seem to either. The brunette laughed, sounded relieved, and dipped her head against Quinn's arm. "I guess you're not the only one worried about losing a friendship that hasn't started yet."

That was a relief. A weird one, but a relief nonetheless. Quinn had no answers for herself right now. She had no answers at all. She didn't know if she wanted them. True, if she really took time to think about all of this, she might panic, she might run away. It would be so easy to do so. It was natural for her to be HBIC.

Quinn stood in silence, felt Rachel's head remain gently rested against her forearm, and thought how beautiful Rachel's hair was, cascading over her own pale skin. The warmth flowing through her skin as her thumb stroked Rachel's shoulders to soothe the brunette's panic, these things were so simple but so complex. Her hazel eyes merely observed everything. She liked this, she liked clarity. Comforting Rachel, comforting her _friend _felt nice. Okay, maybe things were going to be confusing when it was all done, but in this moment, it wasn't confusing at all. Quinn liked this. Whatever _this _was. She had never liked torturing Rachel, never liked making Rachel cry. She'd certainly never liked being without any friends or anyone to depend on.

Rachel's head finally tilted away from Quinn's arm, and those brown eyes followed the trail of Quinn's thumb on her shoulder. Quinn could almost feel those eyes raking up her arm, her neck, and finally to her eyes. Rachel swallowed visibly.

Maybe everything didn't have to make sense. It didn't make sense that Rachel made Quinn feel like she couldn't breathe. For now, that was okay. Rachel's grip tightened on Quinn's elbows before they slackened and slid way from Quinn's arms.

She fought disappointment, but only for a moment, as she felt Rachel's hands drop to her waist and encircle her in an embrace. Quinn realized Rachel was hugging her, really hugging her. Not just that kind of hug you give someone to greet them, or comfort them. Rachel was hugging her in the way you hugged a person you wanted to hug you back. The way you hugged someone that meant everything to you. And it clicked.

Rachel didn't just like girls. Rachel, very passionately, liked Quinn.

And it wasn't complicated. It suddenly wasn't complicated at all. Sure, Quinn now felt even worse about taking advantage of Rachel by kissing her, and felt terrified at what that could possibly mean for her own future. Yet, Quinn was bowled over by how amazing it felt, for the first time in a little over a week - something _made sense. _She wasn't confused. She was scared, sure, but she wasn't confused or freaking out.

Her arms hadn't completely caught up with her brain, but Quinn finally kicked her instincts in the ass as her hands slid around Rachel's shoulders - slow. She could feel the curves of Rachel's shoulders. And, without crushing Rachel, she pulled the girl tight against her. Quinn thought everything made perfect sense. That's why Rachel had been so kind. That's why. She liked Quinn in a way she probably had never planned on telling her. All this time, all these years, and she still liked Quinn.

Rachel Berry was an absolutely amazing individual. Her heart was purer than gold.

Quinn tightened the embrace a little bit, and felt Rachel's fingers dig into her shoulder, and sigh. Rachel sighed against her the way someone might the first time they came in from winter cold, the first time they slipped out of a freezing blizzard and into a warm cabin. Relieved. Rachel sounded relieved. As if she'd been waiting, just waiting for one act of kindness. Just one small act of kindness.

Everything made sense. Her reaction to Quinn buying her the bear, constantly extending the hand of friendship even when Quinn slapped it away again and again. She'd bore rejection and torture because she really cared about Quinn, in a way that people only cared about a rare few people in their life. Quinn mattered to Rachel. And suddenly Quinn was in awe, she was bathed in golden light, she was quite emphatically breathless.

Don't breathe. Don't say a thing. She didn't want to. She just wanted this, this moment of realization, this moment of warmth.

Quinn buried her head gently downward against Rachel's shoulder, and released a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, but she'd been holding the air in her lungs for a very long time.

Rachel's grip loosened, and after a long few moments of a very enlightening embrace, she pulled away from Quinn. She was looking up at Quinn as if she was surprised, but lightened in some way. Happy. Quinn had made her happy, instead of hurting her.

"I'm not a very good friend," Quinn glanced down between them, and gently stepped back.

Rachel watched with curiosity, a hang lingering on Quinn's arm as the blonde stepped away.

Quinn had never felt so light, so full of joy. It was so clear to her now. All of it. Her heart had swollen so large in her chest she knew she couldn't breathe, but she smiled anyway. Rachel had cared for her, and waited for her. Even when Quinn didn't deserve it.

Rachel looked a little more confused, mouth slightly agape as she appeared to take in Quinn's beaming smile.

"I can try, though," Quinn finished, and gently shoved Rachel's hand away, as playfully as she could manage.

With the way Rachel smiled at her, the way she completely lit up with a million emotions, Quinn realized she'd given Rachel everything she'd been waiting for - a chance.

"Let's finish these cookies, Baggins," the nickname now lacked all venom, and she grinned quietly as Rachel nodded excitedly. She chuckled throatily and bumped her hip against Rachel's as they stood side by side, laying cookies out on the tray to bake and mixing the rest of the cookie dough.

###

"I just think the ending is totally realistic, I like it," Quinn shrugged her shoulder a bit and glanced over at Rachel, who was moodily brooding over the ending to _My Fair Lady _on the floor.

Rachel huffed, "While I understand that Mister Shaw wanted to portray a realistic ending for both characters, I do believe that Higgins had already warmed beyond that point," she argued simply and shot Quinn a glare.

"Well, he had, obviously," Quinn stuffed a cookie in her mouth and groaned at the delicious taste. "That's the point," she muffled through a mouthful, watching Rachel roll her eyes in disgust. "It was his way of showing Eliza acceptance and affection - acting the way things had always been. Remember, his character was all .. about treating people equally."

Another impatient huff, "You can't really believe that was his way of showing love? Asking her to get his slippers? I mean, it's not only degrading and full of assumption but - "

Quinn covered her ears, hummed a tune as Rachel continued on, and stuck her tongue out at Rachel as the diva approached her. Amusement was the only thing she felt as Rachel stood there, trying to pry Quinn's hands from her ears.

"-can be so rude sometimes, Fabray!" Rachel's voice flooded her ears as the diva finally managed to peel her hands from her ears.

Quinn laughed and playfully batted at Rachel, ducking out of her reach by climbing over the back of the couch. The blonde darted up the stairs, heard Rachel chasing after her. Quinn felt like a 12 year old, and it felt good. It was the first time in years she'd felt carefree, the first time since Beth that she'd felt she still had some chance at joy - the simple fact that she was sleeping over at a friend's house, debating movies, and being chased. The blonde turned around to face Rachel, and Rachel crashed into her. Quinn laughed, head dipping back, and she felt Rachel catch herself on Quinn's legs. Rachel's face was alight with laughter and she dipped her head against Quinn's shoulder.

Warmth surged through Quinn and she found her laughter dying out to be replaced by butterflies. She bit her bottom lip nervously as she watched Rachel laugh. Don't breathe, don't breathe. She repeated the words as a mantra in her brain. Her fingers twitched, her instincts wanted to brush Rachel's hair away from her face. Rachel made her feel like she couldn't breathe.

"You're a Sith, aren't you?" Quinn spoke before thinking, and Rachel's laughter died.

She looked absolutely confused, "What?"

"A Sith. You haven't seen Star Wars?"

Rachel blinked, looked absolutely lost.

Quinn felt the warmth of Rachel's hands on her thighs, realized their placement was precarious at best. She ignored it and continued on, "Sith work with the dark side of the Force." When she received a non-response, she groaned and dipped her head back. "We're definitely renting Star Wars next time."

Rachel lit up, "There's a next time?"

"Well, we're friends aren't we?"

Friends. Pah. Quinn scoffed at her own words but didn't show that as she tried to ignore the guerrilla holding Army-Quinn hostage and speaking the gay, telling Quinn to just fess up and let things happen. Rachel didn't seem to notice any conflict, because her arms slid up Quinn's thighs and wrapped around her waist. Quinn had never hugged someone on stairs before, but it was awkward to say the least. Mostly because Rachel was between her thighs and their bodies were pulled together by Rachel's insistent embrace. "You don't know what it means."

Quinn knew. She couldn't give Rachel what she wanted, not now, but she could give Rachel something. For now, that something was her friendship, a sincere effort, a chance. Quinn's arms slipped around Rachel, held her there for only a moment, before Quinn wriggled from Rachel's grasp, stepped over the diva, and dashed back down the stairs.

Rachel made chase again. Her playful laughter filled Quinn's ears as Rachel caught Quinn by the waist and tugged her backward. Quinn smirked. "I'm so stronger than you, Berry."

Rachel rolled her eyes but squealed as she was tackled into the couch cushions, Quinn tying her hands up with a shoe-string, "Quinn Fabray this is so not considerate at all!"

"When have you ever known me to be considerate?" Quinn laughed as she tied Rachel's hands loosely together. After all, she didn't want to injure Rachel, just prevent her from moving too much. The blonde smirked as she sat Rachel up and watched Rachel struggle against the bond at her wrist.

"Never," Rachel narrowed her gaze. "Wait til I tell Santana."

Quinn motioned around the empty room. "Just you and me, Berry," she grinned.

"Is there a reason you're tying me up?"

"Yes, because I don't want you to move."

"Right, I understand that but why - "

Quinn turned off the light, "Stay where you are." She touched Rachel's shoulder and darted up the stairs.

"Quinn!" Rachel shouted up the stairs, "I'm afraid of the dark!"

Quinn grinned slyly as she quietly snuck back down the stairs. She thumbed the paper in her hand, turned on the lamp in the corner. "This letter is for you, but I'm going to read it to you. I tied your hands because you're not allowed to take this letter until you agree to the terms I'm going to lay out."

So Quinn had broken down and written a letter in the hours between Rachel's phone call and Rachel's arrival. The diva was regarding her carefully as if unsure if this would turn out to be some kind of joke.

Quinn offered a quiet smile, made her way to the couch, and sat down next to Rachel. Comfortably so, as she wasn't too close, but could still feel the warmth of Rachel's leg next to her own. Rachel's eyes were searching Quinn's face fearfully.

Quinn reached over, gently smoothed a lock of Rachel's hair atop her head from their brief tussle. She wanted to murmur something comforting, but she also wanted Rachel to appreciate the dramatics and the tension. Quinn knew Rachel appreciated dramatics, big gestures.

"Just trust me."

Rachel swallowed visibly again, nodded nervously. Quinn reached around and gently tied her truffle scarf over the brunette's eyes. She didn't want Rachel reading anything. She wanted it to come from her own mouth, wanted to be the one.

"Rachel," Quinn began, unfolding the letter in her hands. It was short, but enough to express properly what had been going through her head before .. well, before she'd kissed Rachel last night. The kiss was another matter that she wasn't ready to tackle yet. "I can't promise you anything. We both know that I'm gun-shy, easily scared. We've fought for years, hated each other without really hating each other. I can't promise you I'm not going to be scared, that I'm not going to run away from your friendship. I can't promise you a thing, and I know this is disappointing, but bear with me." She searched Rachel's face as she read, watching the nuances of expression. "I suck with words, I might even be worse than Santana. Since you and I have reached a still point, a truce, since I bought you that bear, I've been wondering what I've even been thinking. I didn't want to be friends with you because I thought that if I did that, I'd hurt you more than I've ever hurt you before. I'd be dragging you through my issues, through my life, and it's never a good thing when I'm doing that to somebody. If you look at Finn, Sam, Puck, I've singlehandedly dismantled their lives. The guilt I feel every day is incredible, and it's crushing. I thought you deserved a better friend than me, and I still think that, but for some reason you've chosen me to care about." Quinn put the letter down. There was no more to the letter. Her hand reached out and delicately brushed a lock of thick brown hair behind Rachel's ear. She placed the letter in Rachel's tied hands, but didn't release her just yet. "And I realize now that I can't change the past, I can't change how you feel, but I can change how I act. I'm going to try, because if someone with such a pure heart can wait years for me to see that she's just waiting for a chance, for one act of kindness, I can put in the effort to be a better person."

Rachel looked as if she might have tears forming, because her chin was quivering. The way she was gripping the letter told Quinn that Rachel knew this part was coming from the heart.

"I don't know all the answers. I've been so confused, I can't even explain to you. I don't know what I'll feel like tomorrow, or next week, or how I'll act. I can't make any promises, besides the promise that I'm going to try. I don't know why you chose me to care about, chose me for anything, but you did. You chose me a long time ago and you've been waiting for years and I realize that now. And I'm sorry. Sorry for everything, past and future. I'm going to try because I like seeing you smile, I like seeing you laugh."

Rachel was sniffling.

"I liked kissing you, more than I should have, but I'm not ready for that yet," Quinn breathed. "So I hope, for now, that this promise is enough for you. I hope that me giving you what you've been waiting for is enough for right now. I know you've been waiting for one act of kindness, for just one moment of me acting like I care too. I care, Rachel. I care. And I'm scared, but I care about you. I maybe always have. I always hated hurting you, always hated seeing you cry," she brushed her thumb across Rachel's cheek, caught a stray tear, "and at this point I'm so scared I could run away. It'd be easy to run away, easy to slip back into being a bitch, the person Santana hates now."

Rachel laughed tearfully, "She doesn't hate you," the diva breathed.

"She does, a little, but her and I will fix that. It takes time. Everything takes time," Quinn began silently, reaching behind Rachel's back and untying her hands. "You probably know that better than anyone because to wait for me to see the simple fact that you only wanted my kindness, my acceptance, wanted just a little warmth and have been waiting for years," she felt emotional about this bit, and she delicately slipped the blindfold from Rachel's eyes, "makes you possibly the most patient and deserving person I've ever met. I'm not good enough for you, but you could care less about what I think," Quinn teased and found her eyes raking the canvas of Rachel's features.

The diva had unshed tears in her eyes, and she looked as if she couldn't breathe. She only nodded, sniffled, and laughed thickly through a wall of her emotion.

"It all made sense, in one second. I'd been agonizing all day and then all of a sudden, you hug me and I get it, I understand exactly what I've been missing this whole time, the message you've been trying to scream at me for so long, and I feel more clueless than Finn," Quinn reached over, brushed a thumb over Rachel's face. "I'm not good at being mushy, so this might be the last time you ever hear all this from me," Quinn felt tears in her own eyes and looked down, her hand gently resting on Rachel's arm, "the only thing I can make sense of is the fact you care about me more than you should, I feel things that ... don't make sense." Quinn shook her head a bit and glanced up. Everything was silent, but so full of expression. "And I just want to thank you, for waiting."

Rachel finally moved, after what seemed an age, and wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck. The shorter girl was pressed flush against Quinn, but Quinn didn't care. Her own arms snaked around Rachel and pulled her in tighter. She wanted to give Rachel this gift, wanted Rachel to have something she deserved.

"You still have to watch Star Wars," Quinn murmured against Rachel's ear, and she felt Rachel stop breathing for a moment. She'd have to watch things like that. She didn't want to get too close sometimes and do the wrong thing. She'd have to start from the bottom up.

Rachel laughed tearfully, but said nothing. Quinn made a note of the time, because she was pretty sure it was monumental that Rachel had no words to describe what she was feeling.

###

Quinn sat through another three movies before she got tired. Rachel seemed just as awake and alert, and the pair had been sitting next to one another on the couch sharing a bowl of popcorn between them. It seemed peaceful. Earlier it had been like a rushing tidal wave of emotion and realization, and now it was just quiet and ... right. Quinn glanced over at Rachel, who sat about a foot away on the couch, and poked her. The brunette started awake, and Quinn laughed a little at the way Rachel made a little huffing noise in surprise.

Rachel rubbed her eyes sleepily, "I'm so sorry," she rasped. "I must be more tired than I thought."

The blonde shook her head, stifled a yawn. "Me too," she nudged Rachel with her foot. "Now get off the couch so I can sleep."

Rachel grinned and shook her head, stood up and set the popcorn on the side-table. The shorter girl dimmed the lamp down in the corner, and tossed a pillow in Quinn's direction. "You're insufferable."

"Sure I am, tell yourself that again, see if you believe it," Quinn smiled, poking her tongue out between her teeth before she reclined on the couch, rested her head against the cool pillow and tugged the afghan over her body. She curled up a bit and watched Rachel as she settled into her sleeping bag.

Those brown eyes looked up at Quinn as the pair settled in. Rachel reached up over the side of the couch, touched Quinn's hand gently. Rachel toyed with her fingers. "Thank you."

Quinn knew that thank you wasn't just for the letter, or the hugs, or any of it. It was for everything. She simply nodded, let Rachel toy with her fingers lightly. Rachel's eyes lingered on her own. She was surprised at her own honesty, surprised anything had come out of all this mess. Yet, it seemed to make absolute sense. It just fit. She didn't know how things would be when they went back to school that coming Monday. She didn't know how she'd feel when she woke up from the aftermath of spilling all her truths out to Rachel in her basement. For the first time, she was taking a huge risk. Quinn thought, perhaps the risk was worth it.

After all, Rachel had always seemed to think so.

The brunette seemed to be dipping off into sleep again. Quinn watched her, felt Rachel's fingers slip from her palm. She reached down, delicately stroked Rachel's bangs away from her closed eyes. She'd deal with the aftermath later.

###

_U bttr not be screwing with her feelings. - S_

That was the text that awaited Quinn when she woke that next morning. As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she saw Rachel was gone and thought maybe she was upstairs making breakfast. Last night crashed into her and she groaned softly. She didn't necessarily regret anything. It just all seemed so daunting now. She didn't know a thing that was coming. When she thought about how happy Rachel had seemed, though, it seemed worth it - for once, to give up control and take a risk.

_I'm not. - Q_

_I mean it. - S_

_I know you do. - Q_

_Ur going to really play the 'just friends' thing tho? - S_

_I'm not playing anything. - Q_

_She wants more than that. - S_

_I know. - Q_

_Do u? - S_

_I haven't thought that far ahead. - Q_

_Hurt her & I'll nvr let u forget it. - S_

_I know. - Q_

_Come upstairs 4 brkfst. - S_

_You guys are here? - Q_

_Yea. - S_

Quinn ran a hand through her messy bedhead, straightened her pajama bottoms, and folded up the afghan on the couch before she trudged upstairs. She heard Rachel's chipper voice first, and smiled a bit. That was one thing she'd have to force herself to deal with - Rachel was a morning person. Recoiling at the thought, she opened the basement door and headed into the kitchen.

Santana and Britt were seated around the table with Rachel, all with food on their plates. Brittany was eating quite fast, and Santana was discussing something with Rachel.

Rachel's eyes shot over to Quinn and her expression lightened, "Morning," she was almost bashful, because she ducked her head a bit as Quinn came to sit down - the only seat left was the one between Rachel and Santana.

"God, do you always look like shit in the morning or is that something special you planned?" Santana smirked at Quinn, her tone lacking any insult. Quinn felt a bit of relief. Santana was still acting as if maybe they could repair their lost friendship. The blonde smiled at Santana and sighed.

"I planned it just for you, actually," she teased softly, and felt Rachel's eyes on her.

"Did you uhm... did you want something to eat? I made you some," Rachel got up, hesitated at Quinn's side. She looked absolutely nervous, beyond shy. Her eyes were darting hopefully from Quinn to the empty plate in front of her.

Quinn nodded sleepily, "Thank you."

Rachel's bashfulness was beyond obvious, and Quinn watched for a moment before she began eating. Quinn felt a hand in her hair, and realized Santana had stood up and was trying to fix her hair. Surprisingly so, because she hadn't done that in a very long time. The Latina ran her fingers through Quinn's hair, wet her hands in the sink and came back. It was something they'd done when they were getting ready for Cheerios practice. That seemed a lifetime ago. Quinn let her do it, grateful for the fact Santana was acting a little bit like her old self.

"Food is delicious," Quinn nodded, and Britt echoed the movement in agreement.

Rachel folded her hands excitedly in her lap, "Oh good, I'm glad." She always seemed to be holding her breath around Quinn, waiting for some kind of acceptance. Their eyes met and Quinn's gaze softened markedly.

"There, now you at least look like a halfway decent cave-woman," Santana stated as she finished, then sat back down.

Quinn smirked and shook her head, her eyes dropping to her plate as she finished quickly.

The world had felt so very upside down, as if she'd fallen down a rabbit hole, a portal into some other dimension. Maybe that was the trick of it, though. It wasn't that the world was now an inverse version of the one she'd known for so long - maybe it was the way things were supposed to be until Quinn screwed it all up. Guilt flushed her face and she glanced at Rachel as the brunette chattered away with Brittany about something.

Santana was watching Quinn, and made it known as she cleared her voice. The pair shared a glance, Santana making it obvious that she was appraising Quinn's intentions. Quinn let her gaze linger on Santana's, and she reached over to do something she hadn't done in far too long. Quinn took Santana's hand in her own and laced their fingers together, much like they'd done when things had been really good, when everything had been right.

Santana squeezed Quinn's hand, and disconnected them only to lean forward and hug Quinn.

"Missed you, Q," she spoke softly.

Quinn nodded, hugged herself close for a second, "I know. I'm sorry."

"Better be."

Rachel's eyes were on them both, and Brittany let out a small _aww, you guys _at the relent of an old grudge.

As they pulled apart, Quinn felt a hand at her arm. Rachel's. Her hazel eyes moved to meet the gaze awaiting her own as Brittany and Santana went about to cleaning up the kitchen. It didn't have to all make sense right now. Much of it didn't make sense. She felt like she'd gotten on a ride and expected it to be one thing, when indeed it was something quite different. Quinn squeezed the hand resting on her arm. Rachel's dark eyes fell to their connected hands, blushed, and smiled.

"We're gonna go get our swimsuits. Berry, get that pool ready," Santana stated from the foyer. Quinn hadn't even been aware that Santana and Britt had left the kitchen.

"Will do," Rachel spoke in response but her eyes moved back up to Quinn's.

It was a funny feeling, when Rachel looked at her. It was as if Quinn might fall apart at any second but that was okay. It had never felt okay before. Rachel was standing, and Quinn mirrored the motion. She didn't think, just felt. Her hand brushed through Rachel's hair, and she watched Rachel blush darkly once more. Rachel looked nervous, and Quinn felt nervous. Rachel made her more nervous than she was ready to admit.

Quinn wanted. She simply wanted. Her eyes dropped to those lips and she had to contain all those screaming urges in her head. Quinn simply wrapped her arms around Rachel and lifted her off the ground. The shorter girl squealed with laughter and she felt those soft hands trace over her back before they found a place to settle on the back of Quinn's neck and in her hair. Quinn spun Rachel around, much like the way Santana had, only this felt different, because it was her spinning Rachel around and making her laugh with joy. The ex-Cheerio set Rachel down, felt Rachel shove her away playfully.

"We're friends now?" Rachel spoke softly, hesitantly, as if to confirm.

More than that, much more, felt much more. Quinn argued with her inner-voices, with Army-Quinn and the guerrilla, and she nodded, "Duh," she teased softly. Rachel lightened. It was really remarkable, truly, the way she looked so happy.

"I guess that means I have to invite you to swim with us today, then," Rachel mock-sighed, turned around, and threw Quinn and playful look before she made her way outside, tested the water temperature.

Quinn grinned, arched an eyebrow, and before Rachel could turn around to register anything, Quinn had Rachel around the waist, and tackled her into the pool. The water encompassed them both, and Quinn didn't care if they were in their pajamas. Watching Rachel flail in the water as she resurfaced was enough to make up for wet clothing. Rachel was in absolute shock. She was climbing out of the pool, and mildly resembled a drowned rat. Her dark hair covered her eyes. Even as she cursed and yelled at Quinn, the blonde felt the absolute lightness of being that came with accepting things as they are. It was going to be a good day, and for that, Quinn was grateful. Rachel, however, had never looked more angry, even if she was trying not to smile at Quinn's laughter, judging from the quirk at the corner of those perfect lips.


	4. Something Happened

**Title**: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing**: Quinn/Rachel, Rachel/Santana (Friendship)

**A/N**: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. So, I've got a bit of angst in store for everybody, as seems fitting. It'll be worth it in the end, though. I'd been really thinking on the plot of this chapter - literally just laying in bed, or soaking in the bath, thinking and obsessing about what should come next and how it will work. I'm pretty secure in what's coming up next so I hope you all enjoy it.

lea's-lamb: Thank you so much for your kind words! That's a pretty big compliment considering the other stories out there, so thank you very much. I really appreciate it. There's more to come, of course, so hopefully you continue to enjoy it. ^_^  
><span>fabcharlie<span>: I'm glad it's one of your favorites! I really am happy about the way things are progressing in the story and I think I'm even happier that Santana's softening just a little bit.  
><span>HappyLaura<span>: Again, let me confirm, continue to ramble! All your feedback helps me out a lot more than you know, my dear kind Laura -hugs and stuff- Yeah I'm trying to keep them as canon as possible but still play with the way they all relate to one another. There've been a few tense moments where I've been writing and I'm like "ahhhhhhhh I want them to kiiiiiiiiiisss" but you know, I have to keep myself in check. :P I update for me, too, but I'm glad you're so happy about my regular updates. ;) Thank you, sweet sweet lady, for continuing to review so kindly.  
><span>Princesskarlita411<span>: Here it is! :D  
><span>Catrien Ayala<span>: Haha, you don't seem like the squeeing type so I did a good job! ;) I was giggling at Army-Quinn, and the guerrillas will win out in the end. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter!

###

Chapter 4: **Something Happened**

_Something happened, that I never understood..._

###

The day couldn't have gotten any better, and as the evening snuck up on them, Santana was reclined poolside, with Brittany draped near her - the blonde's lithe body half in the water and half out. The pair were quiet, exhausted from a long day of swimming. Quinn was floating on a raft as Rachel dove under for the thirtieth or fortieth time that day, swam the length of the pool beneath the surface, and did it all over again. Quinn smiled simply as she felt her raft bob a little from the waves of Rachel's impact underneath the water - subtle, but there. An appropriate metaphor because the changes that had taken place between the had started ever so small but Quinn was feeling the monumental impacts of it. Quinn dragged long fingers through the water, felt the ripple of Rachel swimming under her raft.

"Is it summer yet?" Santana questioned out of the silence, lifted her head and glanced over at Quinn. "Did you drown Rachel?" She teased softly, and got her answer as Rachel surfaced - right underneath Quinn's raft. Quinn went flying off the raft, screeching before she met the water with a loud _splash _and the slap of skin against water. Quinn's sunglasses were floating just below the surface of the water, and as she burst to the surface a moment later, gasping for air and slapping the surface of the water as if expecting to find some ground to hold on to, the raft only flipped over on Quinn's head, causing the blonde to shove the thing off of her.

"I haven't, but I'm gonna," Quinn dove underneath the water, eyes springing open under the surface and catching a glimpse of Rachel streaking just below her. The blonde caught Rachel by the waste and pulled her up to the surface, Rachel flailing in her arms and pushing Quinn off.

Rachel's face was red with laughter already, and she pried herself from Quinn's wet grasp. She couldn't even manage to get words out, apparently, because she was too busy laughing, and Quinn was busily trying to tackle Rachel back underneath the water, her arms thrown around Rachel's back as she attempted a human version of a death roll. The pair wrestled in the water until neither could breathe, with Santana and Brittany watching with interest. "Uncle, uncle!" Rachel cried out as she pushed against Quinn's shoulders, and Quinn could see the surprise in Rachel's face that Cheerios practice had strengthened her so. The blonde smirked a little as she felt Rachel relax in her arms, her body sinking and carefully drifting into Quinn's.

Ignore it, ignore it. It was so delicious, how could Quinn ignore it? She felt Rachel's wet skin slide against her own, and since she was sober this time, she was fully aware of how good that felt. Her throat suddenly felt thick with tension. Rachel's eyes were darting from Quinn's eyes to her lips, and Quinn's grip tightened just a little as the water drifted between them and around them.

Quinn forgot all about everything, forgot about the agreement to put the kiss behind them, forgot about Santana watching - that is, until she felt the solid _thunk _of something against the back of her head, and Santana's bottle of tanning lotion drifted by a second later. Quinn groaned, broke away, held the back of her head. "God, Lopez."

Rachel looked stunned, flushed, disappointed. Concern overrode all those things, though, because she swam to Quinn to make sure she hadn't been injured. Quinn felt Rachel's hands on her shoulders, but one hand released Quinn's shoulder to gently part blonde hair and make sure there had been no real injury. Of course, Quinn knew there really hadn't been an injury but she didn't mind Rachel's hands on her.

Jedi Mind Tricks were really unfair, but someone was definitely using them on Quinn, from the thoughts that flooded her brain. Very inappropriate, non-friend thoughts. Rachel's hands on her skin. Quinn shivered imperceptably and as Rachel seemed satisfied there were no injuries, swam to the edge of the pool - away from Quinn - to set Santana's bottle of lotion back on the side of the pool, Quinn groaned under her breath and sunk under the water. Maybe she could just hide under the water like this. She folded her legs to her chest and her body remained stagnant in the water for a good few seconds before she started to tip sideways and float to the surface. Her eyes were open, and she could see Rachel diving under the water. Soft hands twined with her own and Rachel's body gently drifted toward her. Rachel was even more graceful beneath the surface, and it amazed Quinn. She felt her body lighten as they drifted to the surface of the water and Rachel parted.

"Don't scare me like that," Rachel spoke as she wiped water from her face. Quinn hadn't realized she'd scared Rachel at all, but she supposed it did look bad - getting hit in the head and then sinking yourself purposefully beneath the water and staying there.

Quinn smiled apologetically, "Sorry."

Rachel merely threw her a look, splashed her carefully, before kicking off the side and disappearing under water again. Quinn tried to erase the thoughts of Rachel's skin, the way it felt under the water, the warmth of her body. That kiss. No, no! Army-Quinn was ducking as the guerrillas tried to capture her again, dodging through thick brush and leaping, rolling over huge fallen trees. She wouldn't be caught, wouldn't let herself lose this battle. The guerrillas were far too persistent, though, and one had Army-Quinn by the leg as she dove just a little too late. Tuck and roll, tuck and roll!

It was easy to imagine herself becoming quickly immersed in the whole situation, losing her traction and falling face-first. She just had to make sure she avoided that at all costs. Then again, Rachel in a bikini was not an easy sight to avoid, as the diva made her way out of the pool and settled into a sunbathing chair.

###

By the time Santana and Britt had left, Quinn was in the bathroom changing into dry clothes and draping her towel over the edge. Everything had relatively calmed down after their little wrestling match in the water. Quinn had lapsed into a state of not quite thinking, instead just enjoying herself.

How did she explain to Rachel the feelings she had not for Rachel, but about herself? No one would have believed for a moment that a girl like Quinn had ever dealt with any insecurities - but she did. Not just insecurities, a short list of things she quite passionately hated about herself. No one would have guessed at the self-loathing buried underneath everything Quinn did. The only thing she seemed to be very good at was hurting people. An underlying layer of shame was added every time she saw that pained look on Rachel's face, or her mother's, or Santana's.

Undeserving. She felt undeserving. Her brow knotted together as she sifted her fingers through her wet hair, examining her reflection contemplatively. What did Rachel see in her?

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted her, Rachel's voice following shortly after. "Quinn?"

Quinn thought it was a bit funny that Rachel seemed to ask permission for things even in her own house, and a wry smirk crossed her lips as she chuckled, "Come in," she murmured lightly through the door, smoothing her fingers through wet locks of hair. Her hazel eyes darted to the reflection joining her in the mirror as Rachel opened the door cautiously.

"Just making sure everything is alright," Rachel smiled a bit unsurely, her eyes lingering on Quinn's in the mirror. It was an odd thing, sharing eye-contact in the mirror. It was strangely more revealing than looking at one another head-on. It was as if the mirror could reveal things you'd normally miss - like the way most people's lips quirked upward at the corner on one side of their faces, since most faces were assymetrical. Rachel had an expression of want in her eyes, and nothing made it more obvious than the way she unconciously drew her tongue over her bottom lip briefly as if she'd suddenly gotten a case of cotton-mouth.

Quinn knew that feeling well. Her eyes lingered on Rachel's face as she nodded. Rachel looked nervous. Those dark chocolate eyes darted around the room for a moment before settling on the door handle she was holding.

"I'll uhm...let you finish," Rachel offered, and just as her shoulder disappeared behind the door, Quinn caught the brunette by surprise.

"Finish what? Brushing my hair? Really, Rachel, you can be in the same room with me."

"I really .. " Rachel breathed softly, blushed, "I really can't sometimes." These words came out and apparently surprised them both, because Rachel's hand flew to her mouth and her face flushed about three shades darker. "I should - " She didn't even give herself time to finish as she disappeared, closed the door a little too quickly behind her.

Quinn felt a flush of guilt, and her eyes darted down to the sink. She hated that she was the cause of Rachel's insecurities, that she couldn't return those feelings just yet. How was she supposed to deal with all of this? Her guilt was truly insurmountable. The blonde finished fixing her hair - made it quick - and went in search of Rachel. She found the brunette sitting beside the pool, feet dangling in the water. Quinn hesitated a few feet behind Rachel before she took a seat next to her.

Rachel didn't immediately acknowledge her, but after a moment of Quinn blatantly staring at the girl, she looked over. "I'm sorry," Rachel's apology seemed frivolous.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For being a bad friend."

Quinn gaped. "What?"

"Friends don't .. do that. Say those things like that."

"You are absolutely the strangest person ever. Do you blame yourself for _everything, _Rachel?" Quinn ducked her head to the side to catch Rachel's avoidant gaze.

"I just know that you said that yes, you .. you enjoyed .. what we shared but I know it was an accident and that you probably aren't even like that and I just .. it seems ridiculous, really, to say such a thing to a person who clearly has no - "

Quinn's hand muffled the rest of Rachel's ramble. Hazel eyes searched Rachel's fearful brown ones. "Stop," Quinn whispered. She was torn between feeling confused and guilty. "I hate that I'm doing this to you. Making you .. worry so much. This is why I said you deserved better, because I do this to you. I'm good at hurting people, Rachel, that's _all _I'm good at."

The diva shook her head and removed Quinn's hand from her lips.

"Don't argue with me, Rachel," a hint of frustration snuck into her voice, and Quinn knit her brows together. She stood up, and turned to go. She wanted to walk away, but felt frozen because a part of her knew that walking away would hurt Rachel more than staying. She felt ridiculous. Stupid. Why did she have to complicate things? Why did Quinn always have to complicate things?

Army-Quinn was struggling against restraints but failing to get free. Real Quinn was standing, arms folded over her stomach, head ducked in shame as she chewed on her bottom lip to stifle all the things running through her mind.

"Quinn," Rachel insisted softly, and startled Quinn when her hand gently slid around Quinn's wrist. Brown eyes were raking down Quinn's arm, her wrist, as those perfect fingers curled around Quinn's wrist, thumb brushing up and down the length of that patch of skin. Quinn vaguely remembered, while she was drunk, informing Rachel of the effects that had on her. Goosebumps erupted over Quinn's arm and she bit down on her lip, hard, to keep that tiny gasp in. "You should know me better than that."

"And you should know _me _better than that," Quinn insisted, frowned. "I'm trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"From getting hurt."

"You won't hurt me," Rachel frowned up at Quinn, had slipped from her side to look Quinn directly in the eyes.

"I will." Quinn felt as if she couldn't breathe. "Rachel, why would you wait years for somebody to notice you if they treated you terribly all that time?"

"I didn't have a choice in the matter." Rachel's eyes dropped to the ground, her voice hitched a little as her arms folded protectively across her stomach.

Well, that was certainly not helping her guilt any. Quinn blinked disbelievingly at Rachel. "What do you mean?"

"It's not like I decided one day to wake up and .. and feel this way, Quinn," Rachel sounded almost distant, a little angry.

She'd hurt her, again. Somehow. Why was she always doing that? Furthermore, why did she care so much? Her hand reached forward to find Rachel's arm, and she flinched as she felt Rachel pull away.

"You should go," Rachel stated through a thick swell of emotion.

Again, Quinn found herself gaping. Except this time, she felt near tears. The blonde couldn't move. Had Rachel really just asked her to leave? She was doing everything wrong, doing everything to hurt Rachel instead of protect her like she wanted to. Quinn's eyes filled with tears and she nodded, sucking in her bottom lip to keep a rasping sob from exploding as she passed Rachel. The blonde didn't know how her legs were working, only that they were.

Somehow, Quinn didn't know when, she'd arrived at home. It didn't even matter that she'd left her swimsuit and towel at Rachel's. She couldn't feel anything, couldn't manage to breathe, really. The blonde numbly acknowledged her parents, mumbled something about being tired from swimming all day, and trudged up the stairs. Her emotions surged to the surface as she sat on her bed. Why did it hurt so badly? Why did Rachel asking her to leave hurt _that _badly? It shouldn't have, there was no reason for it. No reason other than -

No. The guerrillas were shouting at her, telling her to do something but she couldn't understand them. She squeezed her eyes shut, as if it would make everything go away. It didn't go away, though. She was trapped, desperately trapped in reality. She laughed tearfully at the irony of it - a week ago she'd wanted this. She'd wanted things to go back to the way they had been.

Helpless. She felt absolutely helpless. Quinn wasn't any good at any of this. Needless to say, she couldn't sleep that night. The blonde tossed, turned, before she finally gave up. It felt absolutely pathetic, the way she'd checked her phone every hour hoping for some sign of Rachel, some sign that she'd made it all up, some horrible nightmare. What had she done to offend Rachel so much? Was it because she'd persisted in the belief that keeping Rachel from her was protecting her?

She'd promised to try being Rachel's friend, so she didn't know why she'd continued insisting that stupid argument in the first place. It was a moot point. Fresh pain surged in her chest and she sat up with a pained gasp as the night before flooded her mind - how perfect the night with Rachel had been, how free she'd felt. Quinn cursed the heavens as she got up, made her way to her door.

Her phone was in her hand. The sun was coming up, but Quinn didn't care. She needed this fixed. She'd made a promise to Rachel and in less than 48 hours managed to upset Rachel already. She needed to fix this. Quinn knew of only one way to do that. As the blonde strode up Rachel's sidewalk, she dialed Rachel's number, noting the time was 6:03a.m. She knew the brunette wouldn't answer - she'd be on her elliptical with her headphones on.

Quinn knocked on the front door, and Hiram answered. He was dressed for work, and surprised to see Quinn so early in the morning. Had it really been 12 hours since Rachel had asked her to leave? Quinn had spent all night tossing, turning, and crying. Her head was hammering, her eyes were red, and seeing Hiram let loose a flood of emotion.

"I need to see Rachel," Quinn all but sobbed, and watched Hiram nod questioningly. He stepped aside to let Quinn inside, and she vaguely registered the sound of him asking if she was okay, if she needed anything, but she only shook her head numbly, folded her arms over her stomach. "Can I go upstairs? Please," Quinn's eyes were red from lack of sleep and from tears. Her throat felt raw, her voice rasped. She looked miserable.

"Of course," Hiram gently touched her shoulder and gestured up the stairs. "You know where to find her."

Quinn thought that was odd, because she'd only been here once, but nothing was making sense right now. She took two steps at a time, not even bothering to knock on Rachel's door. The diva was on her elliptical, glistening with sweat and lost in her music, until she realized her door had just been opened. Rachel slapped at the machine and nearly fell off trying to get to Quinn.

"Why'd you kick me out?" Quinn sobbed, her face contorting with tears and sadness.

Rachel had been making her way to embrace Quinn, but stopped short at those words. She looked absolutely deflated, and a little confused. "I .. I just couldn't... you promised me you'd try and then there you were telling me the same thing you told me before you made that promise," she rambled, and looked as if she was overcome with absolute conflict. "Quinn, have you slept at all since you left last night?"

Quinn shook her head tearfully, wrapped her arms tight around herself as she stepped backward, away from Rachel, as the brunette advanced.

"Quinn," those brown eyes flooded with concern and Rachel was surging forward, hands drawing along the sides of Quinn's face. "Why didn't you sleep?"

The only answer she could give was a sob as she felt all her emotions swelling to the surface. She didn't know, she didn't know what she was feeling. She knew how Rachel felt but Quinn didn't know what her own feelings were. Only that it hurt when Rachel had asked her to leave, it hurt when Rachel was hurt, and she was standing in Rachel's room just after six in the morning, crying.

"Oh, Quinn," Rachel's fingers stopped along Quinn's cheeks, brushed away tears, and forced Quinn down on to the mattress. "I'm so sorry. I understand how confused you must be, about everything," her chin quivered and she stepped forward, ran her fingers through Quinn's messy hair. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," she pleaded quietly, standing between Quinn's legs as she embraced the blonde against her.

Quinn's head dipped forward and rested against the warmth of Rachel's bare stomach - had she been in a more coherent state, she would've noticed Rachel was only in a sports bra and yoga pants - as her hands snaked around Rachel's waist and clung to her hips.

"I can't believe you didn't sleep, I can't believe I was so incredibly insensitive..." Rachel was scolding herself and stroking the tangled locks of Quinn's hair.

Quinn only gripped Rachel harder, tears filling her eyes all over again. "I'm scared, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing or thinking or feeling, Rachel, none of this makes sense, I don't know what I'm doing," her words repeated themselves in her head and aloud, fingers digging into the soft skin of Rachel's hips.

Rachel hushed her gently, "I know, I'm sorry," she could hear the thickness of tears in her voice, and Quinn found herself looking up at Rachel, searching the brunette's face. Rachel's fingers continued to soothe through tangled locks of blonde hair. "Please forgive me?" Rachel pleaded quietly as she untangled her fingers and cupped either side of Quinn's face, thumbs stroking her skin.

Quinn's eyes fluttered shut at the comforting touch, and exhaustion swept over her as she nodded. "I don't know why I'm crying - Rachel," she broke off as another strangled noise came from her throat and she opened her eyes, hands grasping Rachel's wrists softly on either side of her face in the space between them. She could feel the warmth of Rachel's strong thighs between her own, feel the heat radiating off Rachel's body, and even though her tears were still present, she was regaining some understanding of exactly what else she was feeling.

Rachel was chewing on her lip nervously as her thumbs stroked away the remaining tears on Quinn's face, and her eyes were mixed with fear and concern.

"This doesn't make sense," Quinn whispered and her eyes fell closed again, heavy with confusion and sorrow.

Rachel's arms were wrapping gently around Quinn's head, pulling her in close against her body. The blonde felt her arms encircle Rachel's small waist and tug her closer.

"Please don't make me leave."

"I won't, I know you're trying, I know you're confused," Rachel leaned down, and Quinn could feel her lips pressed against the top of her head.

Her chest tightened, ached, and she broke away from Rachel's arms. Their eyes locked intensely, for a long moment of hesitation, but then Quinn surged upward. Her hands caught Rachel by surprise as the tugged Rachel downward into a desperate, sorrowful kiss. Quinn hadn't even intended on kissing Rachel, but her lips crashed against Rachel's desperately and she felt the vibration of Rachel's whimper. Quinn didn't care if she couldn't make heads or tails of her feelings, couldn't define what this meant, she only knew her lips were crashing into Rachel's over and over again, and Rachel's fingers were resting on the sides of her face. Rachel had originally tensed, but the brunette was quickly giving in to her feelings as her fingers trailed from Quinn's jaw to tangle in her hair. She was just as desperate as Quinn was, her lips meshing with Quinn's. The blonde didn't know if it was Rachel's emotions pouring into the kiss or her own, but her chest surged with the powerful rapture of kissing someone you needed, someone you were terrified of losing. Quinn was pulling Rachel down into her lips more forcefully, dipping her lips against Rachel's again and again in that hungry way she had the first night she'd found herself doing this very thing. Rachel whimpered again into her mouth, her fingers tightening in Quinn's hair, as Quinn tugged her down, tugged at her hips. Quinn really couldn't register much beside the fact that Rachel's lips were crashing against her own again and again, and she was now somehow straddling Quinn's lap as Quinn's fingers dug into the diva's shoulders. Her lips pleaded for more, her chest ached, her lungs burned. She didn't care. She needed to kiss Rachel, needed all this emotion to be expressed in some way.

Quinn had never felt this desperation before, this aching in her chest, the fire in her lungs. She ignored the burning, ignored everything but their lips connecting over and over again in a delicious repetition. She was absolutely lost and her head was spinning. After a moment, the pair broke apart to catch their breaths, heavily panting against one another's lips. "I don't know what I'm doing, Rachel," Quinn was the first to speak, her voice a whine. Despite her brain's lack of comprehension, she was suddenly maneuvering Rachel off her lap and crushing their lips together again, Rachel's lithe body spread out beneath Quinn.

Rachel was too lost to protest, apparently, because as Quinn began to comprehend exactly how forceful and emotional she was being, she realized Rachel wasn't protesting. Rachel's right hand was curled at the back of Quinn's neck and pulling the blonde downward into the kiss, her left grasping at Quinn's hip.

What was this? What did it mean? This was more powerful, more intense than anything Quinn had ever experienced. She was pouring her entire heart and soul - as confused as it was - into this passionate liplock. Her tears had long since dried on her face and she found that the kiss wasn't making the ache in her chest any better. It was making it worse. Her lungs burned, pleaded for air, but she needed Rachel, needed this. She was afraid when it stopped, she'd screw it all up again.

Suddenly she was confused not about Rachel but about herself. Finally air became an absolute necessity, and as Quinn continued peppering kisses against Rachel's lips, she felt her confusion vocalize.

"Why can't I stop?"

"I don't know," Rachel spoke, and she sounded just as emotional as Quinn felt. "I don't want you to."

"I don't want to," Quinn's voice was nearly a plea, her lips brushing against Rachel's. She felt a delicious throbbing, a perfect ache, and she let out a small whimper. "What am I doing? What if I hurt you? I don't know.. I don't know what I feel.." Tears stung her eyes again.

Rachel's hand was kneading the skin of Quinn's hip, searching Quinn's face as they pulled away just enough to look at one another.

Why couldn't things just be simple? Couldn't they be? Couldn't she just feel this, whatever this was?

Rachel's eyes were filling with tears as well, and before Quinn could ask her why she was crying, Rachel was leaning up and brushing her lips against Quinn's in the most achingly slow manner she'd ever experienced. Rachel's were so soft as they ghosted over her own, and Quinn melted into Rachel's body. Her own body was finally giving out under the enormous pressure of what she was feeling. She surged against Rachel's lips, demanded more of the diva's lips. She wanted to possess her, wanted to own her, wanted Rachel to be hers.

Another puzzle piece clicked in to place and Quinn claimed Rachel's mouth as her own, claimed Rachel as hers. Maybe Rachel had always been hers. That was the key to it. Not only had Rachel wanted to be Quinn's, but Quinn wanted that too. Again and again, they crashed against one another in desperate kisses.

Quinn was crying as they broke apart, her arms slipping around Rachel's neck as she buried herself against the diva. Rachel was breathing heavily and holding Quinn close, hushing her gently.

"I'm so confused."

"I know," Rachel breathed delicately and slowly sat up. "I know you are," she pulled gently away, searched Quinn's eyes, "please stop crying," her brown eyes were glistening with tears.

"Why do I need you?" Quinn breathed the question, but didn't give Rachel time to answer as she closed the gap between them again. She didn't want air, didn't want anything but the delicious burning of her lungs as she claimed Rachel's mouth again. Rachel was whimpering and moaning softly into her mouth, pleading for more or less but Quinn couldn't be sure. Her head was swimming, her thoughts crashing into one another. Rachel's torso arched in the space between them as Quinn was pushing Rachel back into the mattress, tangling their fingers together.

It didn't make sense. Quinn didn't do this, didn't kiss girls. She was afraid of messing everything up but she couldn't stop, this was some unstoppable force bowling her over, a tidal wave surging over her and holding her underwater. Quinn crushed herself atop Rachel, felt Rachel grasping at her shoulders as they deepened, intensified. Everything was so intense that Quinn couldn't see straight as she pulled away to breathe, her lips ghosting over Rachel's again and again.

Army-Quinn was playing poker with the guerrillas and laughing as she lost the bet.

###

Rachel had managed to convince Quinn to get at least an hour's rest before school. She'd been woken up by the gentle touch of Rachel's hands on her face, the quiet sultry morning-voice Rachel seemed to have.

"Good morning, Quinn," Rachel's voice greeted her softly and she gently took the covers off of Quinn's shoulders. Quinn sleepily blinked at the brunette, trying to clear her vision. Her head was cloudy but she was quite aware at this point of everything she'd just done. Of what it could mean. Her hand sleepily found Rachel's arm and used it as leverage to pull herself into a seated position. Rachel held up a brush, "Let me help," she whispered softly, and the way those brown eyes lingered on Quinn's face, the blonde could only nod and relent. Her eyes were puffy from both lack of sleep and tears, and she was sure she looked terrible. Rachel moved in behind Quinn, manuevered Quinn so she could sit between Rachel's legs, and gentle strokes of the brush slowly untangled Quinn's blonde hair.

Quinn let Rachel brush her hair as she closed her eyes and simply just let herself be. She had now kissed Rachel twice, sober, and had felt emotionally overwhelmed to the point that she had no idea what it meant, what these feelings were that had burrowed themselves into her. Rachel's fingers were sifting through Quinn's locks after long, and the brunette was gently tying Quinn's hair up for her and climbing out from behind her. "I don't know what it means," Quinn breathed the words, an aching confession, and closed her eyes.

She felt Rachel's weight remain on the mattress, the diva half on and half off the matress. She opened her eyes to find Rachel's eyes locked on her, "I know," she hesitated and looked absolutely fearful. She was offering Quinn her best showface, "Look," she shook her head, "I'm not expecting anything, in fact I quite rather expect," Rachel was brushing a long lock of brown hair behind her ear and climbing off the mattress, "I mean I expect you'll -"

Whatever Rachel was expecting, it wasn't what happened next. Quinn tugged Rachel by the hand, guiding the brunette into a slower kiss, a kiss that asked questions and explored theories. It was undemanding, soft, sweet, in a way that Quinn never knew she was capable of. Rachel seemed to agree, because she let out a quiet noise from her throat, something between a whine and a whimper. It was quiet, insistent, and it was Quinn's only way to ask the questions she needed to ask. She wasn't asking the questions of Rachel, she was asking them of herself. The blonde was re-discovering Rachel's lips all over again. Instead of claiming Rachel, she was letting Rachel lead the way down this precarious and terrifying road.

Rachel's lips brushed over Quinn's as she pulled away, and Quinn could make out the fact Rachel's brows were knitted together and the diva was biting her bottom lip as if to keep from saying something, or maybe just to keep from crying. "What was that for?" Rachel sounded hypnotized, pained, but entranced. She sounded as if maybe she was in pain, as if maybe her heart was aching too.

"I just needed to see," Quinn breathed, closed her eyes. "Jesus, I'm so scared, Rach." She didn't realize she was trembling until the tremor made its way to her stomach.

"I know."

"I'm confused."

"I know."

"I think I might be gay."

Rachel's breath hitched near Quinn's lips, and the brunette seemed to be trying to gain some composure over her emotions. Quinn breathed delicately, watching Rachel's reaction. She didn't know how to do this, what it meant. She knew she couldn't be open, couldn't just run around telling people she might be gay, but she needed Rachel to know. Rachel looked as if she was fighting a million emotions at once, and she let a tell-tale whimper escape her lips as Quinn breathed delicately against Rachel's lips again.

The tension was so thick that Quinn's chest felt like it was going to explode. Hovering this close to Rachel's lips but not kissing her was possibly the most intense and difficult thing she'd done. She was afraid if she didn't stop, she wouldn't be able to stop kissing Rachel ever. The worst part was that she didn't know whether or not she wanted to stop.

A voice called up the stairs and interrupted the tension, Rachel moving away from Quinn and looking at the closed door like a deer in the headlights. Quinn's eyes remained locked on Rachel. Hiram was calling up the stairs, "Rachel, Quinn, you'd both better get a move on if you're going to be to school on time."

Quinn had never seen Rachel look so emotional or frightened. She stood slowly, rested her forehead against Rachel's. She didn't have any answers right now for her feelings. Quinn had never felt so hopelessly lost in her own mind. Rachel's arms slipped around her and the pair embraced one another tightly, "Coming, Dad," the brunette called down the stairs without letting Quinn go.

Quinn knew this hug. It was the kind of hug you shared with someone you needed, someone whose very life you depended on. The thing was, this time it wasn't just Rachel hugging her that way. She was hugging Rachel with the same desperation. Slowly they broke apart, searching one another's eyes for a moment before Rachel headed out of her room, her hand delicately reaching for Quinn's wrist. Quinn let herself be guided down the stairs, checking her reflection in passing. Who was she?

Showing up at a friend's house, or someone who was supposed to be _just _a friend and not only sobbing because said friend wanted you to leave, but because you somehow found yourself kissing her a second time, passionately, and found yourself feeling things you'd never felt before in your life. Granted, Quinn hadn't had a very long life, but the fact was she'd never ever felt this before, never felt so terrified or so emotional. Her hazel eyes trailed between them, where her hand was dangling in the air as Rachel guided her, tugged her by her wrist as they headed out to the car. Quinn found herself feeling absolutely exhausted.

In the beginning, she'd felt out of control. Now it was beyond that. The world was tipping over and over on its axis and Quinn was giving up all hope of holding on. She relented. Her hand slipped into Rachel's voluntarily and she felt Rachel's eyes on her. She could only look at Rachel's hand and her own, and grasp Rachel's hand tighter. She'd hold on for dear life if she had to. Leroy was waiting patiently in the car as the girls climbed into the backseat, and Quinn dipped her head tiredly against Rachel's shoulder. Her eyelids were heavy. It was going to be a very, very long day.

"Are you sorry you did it?"

"You mean again?" Quinn laughed in a raspy way, whined a little. "No, I just don't know what it means. I'm scared." She thought she could've fallen asleep if the ride had been longer, but Rachel was gently letting go of her hand as they climbed out and Rachel waited for Quinn to get out. She hesitated just long enough for it to be noticeable as she climbed out of the back seat and joined Rachel's side. Their arms looped together - less conspicuous but still comforting - and she felt Rachel appraising her with that concerned look. The blonde offered a quiet smile, her best show-face. It wasn't as good as Rachel's, but it was something. It was all Quinn could muster.

They parted ways at Quinn's locker, without many words. Yet everything had been expressed in their glance, the way their eyes lingered on one another. Rachel had looked desperate to say something but just as Quinn found herself speechless, so too did Rachel seem to be at a loss for words. Where did they go from here? How did they go about managing their feelings when there was obviously so much more to this than friendship or rivalry? Quinn reached in the space between them, and ever so briefly grasped Rachel's hand in her own. Long enough to feel that spark, long enough to feel disappointed when she let go. "See you at lunch?"

Quinn nodded. It was all she could do. She was drowning in her feelings and she didn't know if Rachel would be able to make sense of them either. Hazel eyes followed Rachel's figure as the diva made her way through the halls of McKinley, and they locked gazes one last time. Rachel hesitated at the end of the hall, just outside her classroom, and Quinn offered a small wave, as if to assure Rachel she wasn't going to disappear.

The day went by slow, and Quinn felt so lightheaded by lunch-time that when she collapsed on the seat next to Rachel, she didn't even want food, she just wanted to sleep. She lay her head down and vaguely heard Santana asking, "What's wrong with you, Tubbers?"

It was the hand at the small of her back that consoled her. She was so tired, so very tired, but that one point of contact was enough to keep Quinn hyper-aware of Rachel's presence beside her.

"She didn't get any sleep last night," Rachel offered an explanation, and she didn't seem to have an intention of removing her hand.

Santana scoffed, from what Quinn could hear, and Quinn directed her glare at the table, glad it was hidden from sight. "I bet she didn't."

Quinn heard the sound of a solid smack.

"Hey! Don't smack my arm...you could hurt yourself on these guns," Santana laughed throatily.

"Don't be so perverted, Santana," Rachel scolded, her hand gliding back and forth along the small of Quinn's back, soothing the blonde's mixture of confusion and sleep deprivation. Quinn could feel Rachel scoot minutely closer, felt the warmth of Rachel's thigh beside her own. One thing was for sure, she needed to stop kissing Rachel until she figured out _why _she was kissing Rachel. It wasn't fair to the brunette.

"You two kissed again, didn't you?" Brittany asked, and Rachel gasped.

Quinn groaned softly. What could she do? She didn't want to answer, but she figured that the lack of an answer would be enough to tip them off. She shrugged her shoulders helplessly, still not lifting her head from her arms.

"Capital G gay, Fabray?" Santana teased quiet enough so that only the foursome would hear the words.

Again, Quinn shrugged helplessly. She only knew she'd liked kissing Rachel, apparently needed to kiss Rachel, and anytime Rachel touched her in some way, she felt comforted. That had to mean something important, right?

"How about we just don't .. say that. At school." Rachel hissed slightly and protectively looped her arm around Quinn's back. "Especially when the last thing we need is more reason for Karofsky to come after me. Do you know how many shirts I've gone through in the last month? Granted, the threat of violence has seemed to keep him at bay but I would really prefer not to worry about such things when clearly there are more pressing matters."

"Yeah, you lost me somewhere around the first sentence. Really, I mean I adore you but I still don't have the attention span for how many words you use," Santana half-teased.

Brittany made a sound that made it seem like she most likely agreed. Quinn finally lifted her head, offered Rachel a sobered expression, "I'm so lightheaded."

"Probably because you only have an hour of sleep to run on," Rachel responded, glanced over at the blonde and as their eyes locked, that familiar swell of emotion threatened to make Quinn's head swim again.

What exactly was happening between Rachel and herself? It had all started so innocently and now... now Quinn really didn't know what she was doing. She rested her head on her forearm, hazel eyes distantly lingering on Rachel the entire time. She thought maybe, maybe the answers were simpler than she thought. The reprecussions, though, she wasn't even ready for those. Quinn found herself staring at Rachel quietly all through lunch, felt her skin responding as Rachel's fingers traced back and forth soothingly over the small of her back.

Quinn kept telling herself that she didn't need all the answers right now.

###

At home, Quinn found herself recovering from her second wind, and eventually dropping off to sleep. Although in the back of her mind she felt the desire to be not at her own home, but with Rachel, she'd insisted to herself that she needed to take a night to catch up on her sleep and figure out her feelings. There was so much going through her mind that she really couldn't keep up with most of it. Needless to say, she was grateful for sleep when it came.

It wasn't until about five the next morning that she found herself awake, and rubbed sleep from her eyes. Her body seemed to have recovered from the trauma of being so devastated. Everything was starkly clear in her mind - at least, everything she'd done, not why. What if she was gay? Her family would disown her all over again, she'd have no place to go. Although when she let herself consider running away from the whole thing, she couldn't. She'd tried a million scenarios and none of them went the way they should. They all ended with her remaining stagnant in front of Rachel.

Her arms. She remembered the feel of Rachel's arms as they slipped around her, the warmth of Rachel pressed against her. The spark turned to a fire the moment she thought about Rachel's lips, the way it felt to kiss her. Quinn let out a breath as she sat up, felt the stretching of her muscles as she arched her back. Simple things. All simple things. Breathing, stretching, getting out of bed.

She'd almost forgotten her phone was nearby until she flipped the comforter over to make her bed. It thudded to the floor and the phone lay staring up at her for a moment. She knew she'd probably have texts from Rachel, and most likely Santana. In some strange way, it felt like picking up that phone and reading those texts would make it all real, would make everything that happened real.

Quinn wanted it to be, and that scared her more than nearly anything else. She leaned down, picked up the phone, and opened all her missed text messages.

_Are you doing any better? - R.B.B._

_Did u 2 really kiss again? - S_

_Can I tell Lord Tubbington about you and Rachel? - B_

The last text made Quinn laugh and cover her face. There was something about the way Britt said things that made her completely endearing. It wasn't that she was stupid, just that she approached everything so innocently. Quinn had known Britt for as long as she'd known Santana, and Lord Tubbington really did have his own personality - so Britt's personification of him wasn't a far cry from the truth.

_You can tell Lord Tubbington about Rachel and me, but I don't know what we are exactly - Q_

_Rachel likes you, you like Rachel. Easy, right? - B_

_It should be, but I can't tell my parents. - Q_

_You don't have to. San hasn't told anyone about us - B_

_I don't know if there's an 'us' with me and Rachel. - Q_

_Do you want there to be? - B_

That was absolutely a valid question, and one that was hard to ignore. Quinn felt like maybe she would, but the strings that came attached to all that .. Quinn hesitated.

_I'm not sure. I think maybe. - Q_

_Take her on dates. That's what San did when she didn't know if she wanted to keep me. - B_

_You are possibly the smartest person I've ever met. - Q_

_Obviously. - B_

She could take Rachel out on dates. It didn't necessarily attach strings to anything, and it could be easily passed off to her family as two friends hanging out. At school it would give them a reason to be around one another without making it obvious to all of McKinley that they were dating.

Next, she texted Santana.

_What's a good first date? - Q_

_Walk in the park. y? - S_

_I'm going to ask Rachel on a date. - Q_

_Tht's pretty big. Is it what u want? - S_

_I do. Plus it'll give me time to figure out my feelings and her to figure out hers. - Q_

_She doesn't need time 4 that but it makes sense 4 u. She'd like tht. Jst dont hurt her. she deserves sum1 who cares abt her feelings 4 once. - S_

_Noted. - Q_

This next bit was the part that scared her. Asking Rachel on a date. She'd have to plan it carefully, wanted to make it something Rachel would remember, even when things weren't perfect and Quinn was still unsure of what it meant.

_Can we sit alone at lunch today? You and me? - Q_

_Of course... - R.B.B._

_It's nothing bad, I promise. - Q_

She left it at that. It was best to surprise Rachel with it. After all, with the way she'd panicked yesterday, besides the fact she'd been the one to show up and kiss Rachel until they were both gasping for breath, she figured Rachel wasn't expecting much out of her. Quinn didn't know why, but she needed to explore this, but she needed to explore it on her own terms. She hoped Rachel would understand.

"Of course she'll understand," Quinn mumbled to herself as she brushed her hair, examined her reflection. "Unlike you, Rachel is goodness and light and all that. You are not."

Wow, that was full of self-loathing like nothing else. Quinn shook her head simply and sighed. That was something she'd have to work on, unless she wanted to hear Rachel lecture her on how bad it was that she continued to berate herself.

_Can I see you before then? - R.B.B_

The text chirped at her from the other room, and quite frankly made her smile. Quinn swallowed the smile. She wasn't someone who got flustered, or thought things were cute. She shouldn't, but she did. It felt .. different. Quinn had never felt all these things before so she felt as if she was lacking the words to describe anything she felt.

_Want a ride to school? - Q_

_I'd like that. - R.B.B._

_Be there in 10. - Q_

They still had nearly 45 minutes before school even started, but Rachel didn't text back so Quinn took that as a positive sign. The blonde found her backpack, which had been lazily discarded at her bedside before she'd collapsed into bed the day prior. She couldn't have moved fast enough, because she felt like all her nerves were crashing into one another.

It amazed Quinn how she knew so easily where Rachel's house was, how easily she'd found her the morning before when she was distressed. Now? Now it felt entirely different. It felt nerve-wracking. Maybe because Quinn had consciously made the decision to ask Rachel out on a date, to explore whatever it was that she was feeling for Rachel. And by extension, to explore who she was as a person, not as HBIC or any other mask she'd forced herself to wear.

She was about to send Rachel a text, that is, until the diva made an appearance right beside the car and caused Quinn to jump, her phone simultaneously flying out of her hand and into the backseat.

Rachel climbed in the passenger's seat just a moment later, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you!"

Quinn laughed quietly, "Jesus, Rach!" The gasp that came from her mouth was hard to miss, and she could only grin as Rachel looked at her apologetically. As their eyes connected, a bashful silence fell between them, Rachel smiling slowly and Quinn blushing as she pulled out of the driveway.

"So why did you want to have lunch alone today? Is everything okay or is this a matter I should be concerned about?" Rachel asked, although nothing in her voice suggested that she was insecure or worried. She really trusted Quinn, and Quinn just hoped she could prove she deserved that trust.

"It's sort of a surprise," Quinn's gentle (yet raspy) tone was full of affection, and she glanced over at the brunette beside her. "Thank you, for yesterday morning. I was.. really upset," she breathed after a moment, and she trained her eyes on the road.

"I know. I'm sorry.. for asking you to leave. I just.. I thought you'd at least moved past trying to push me away. You don't have to protect me, Quinn," her voice was earnest and her gaze lingered on Quinn's face, "I'd rather prefer if you didn't. Often when you think you're protecting someone, you're really only protecting yourself."

Quinn gulped, "Why are you so insightful?" The blonde watched Rachel for a moment, but turned her eyes back o the road.

"You don't have to protect yourself from me," Rachel spoke quietly. "I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye in the past but I feel with recent events that.. perhaps there's more to this than you and I understand."

Quinn nodded in agreement. She pulled into a spot at the park, "I thought we could spend time together before we have to be at school?"

Rachel glanced around, looked suprirsed as if she'd just realized they hadn't been heading to McKinley. Quietly, the brunette nodded. Quinn got out of the car, and made sure to round the side. She opened the door for Rachel, who blushed and smoothed her skirt out as she passed Quinn. Her perfume wafted by Quinn and the blonde inhaled quietly before closing the door. They walked in relative silence next to one another, sharing glances now and again. It surprised Quinn, how bashful she felt now.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," she spoke carefully as they sat down on a set of swings.

"For what?"

"I just.. I feel like I keep pushing you further than you're ready for, or further than I'm ready for, everytime I .. lose control with you." Quinn blushed a little as she spoke, eyes trained on the ground.

Rachel was watching her quietly, and had a hint of a smile on those lips, "Did you really think I minded?"

"Well," Quinn laughed a little, "not really. I just don't want you to think that me .. attacking you is okay. I shouldn't do that until I understand everything."

Rachel's brow knotted together as Quinn glanced over, searching the girl for any sign of acceptance or agreement, "Although I do prefer you .. act on such desires when you want to, hen you know it's something you want - "

"I do," Quinn spoke suddenly, watched Rachel, "I just .. well you'll understand better at lunch. Okay?"

Nodding, Rachel smiled, blushed a little bit. "You really do?"

Quinn smiled a little shyly, "I guess I do, Rachel. You do have ears, right? And eyes, and lips," she teased her softly and bumped her gently with her hip. "If I recall correctly." Rachel blushed three shades redder and laughed shyly.

Quinn's stomach fluttered, and she ducked her head as she swung back and forth. She let out a quiet breath. "I don't think I've ever been this nervous around you, not exactly for this reason," Rachel spoke, looking over at Quinn bashfully.

"What reason?"

"You're flirting with me."

Quinn blushed, laughed. "Oh god, I really am, aren't I?"

Rachel nodded, and Quinn thought the brunette couldn't have smiled any wider if she'd tried.

"We should get going, though." The time was nearing 8, which meant school time. Quinn stood, offered a hand for Rachel to get off the swing a little easier. The warmth of Rachel's hand enveloped her own and their eyes locked once more. Both girls flushed, and Quinn rolled her eyes, "Come on."

Rachel bounced happily beside her as she caught up to Quinn.

This was certainly going to be interesting. It wasn't disagreeable, though. Quinn swung their hands lightly between them, and thought that Rachel blushing was possibly the cutest thing she'd seen. The brunette was smiling so wide that her nose wrinkled.

They arrived at school not long after leaving the park, and although they kept their reasonable distance, the way they shared looks with one another was sweet if nothing else. Quinn felt a nervous flutter every time she passed Rachel, even if one was in the midst of conversation, they seemed to share a brief enough glance to satisfy whatever need it was that drove them together twice now.

It took time, of course, to process everything she was feeling. Though she felt the lifting of an incredible weight now that she'd decided to date her, or at least ask her out on a date. She didn't know if Rachel would say yes, at least not for sure.

Lunch came too slowly, and when it finally did arrive, Quinn thought she was too impatient to be nervous. That is, until she saw Rachel sitting alone at a table studying. Quinn waited in the doorway for a moment, hazel eyes slipping over the features of Rachel's face, the way her brows knit together in concentration or the way she'd brush her hair away from her eyes. Other times Rachel would wet her lips when she was particularly frustrated with whatever it was she was reading or studying. Quinn didn't want to come off as a total stalker, though, and strode across the lunchroom. She sat down wordlessly, and laughed when Rachel looked up in surprise, startled by the sudden presence of another person.

"You scared me," Rachel breathed. "I was about to tell you that seat was saved," her eyes were still wide and she looked as if she was trying to slow her heartbeat by breathing through her mouth.

Quinn laughed. "Sorry, just consider it payback for this morning," she teased softly, eyes sparkling flirtatiously. "So, I wanted to have lunch with you and sort of.. let you know what I've been thinking."

Rachel was chewing on her bottom lip the way she did when she was nervous, and her eyes searched Quinn's own desperately, eager for answers, eager to listen.

"I don't know what it means for me, to have all these," hazel eyes darted around the lunch room, just to be safe, before they returned to Rachel's, "to have all these feelings for you. It's scary, Rachel, and I don't know how to handle it. It's not something I can share with my family, maybe ever, but I obviously can't ignore it because I end up at your house like I did that morning," she couldn't help the smirk that were on her lips. "So, I have a proposition for _you,_" her words echoed Rachel's that first time she'd showed up in front of Quinn at lunch. The tables had turned, hopefully in a way that would be good for hte both of them. "I'd like to take you out on a date."

Rachel gaped, and seemed to falter, "You.."

"Will you go out on a date with me?"

Rachel looked like the wind had been sucked out of her lungs. She blinked disbelievingly.

Quinn felt a pang of nervousness, and knotted her brows together. "Rachel?" Maybe she shouldn't have asked. Army-Quinn had thrown in all her chips and the guerrillas weren't looking too promising.

"You really mean that?" Rachel's voice was barely a whisper, and she tucked hair nervously away from her face. Those deep brown eyes darted around the lunch-room, as if looking for a waiting Karosfsky slushie.

Quinn nodded, "I just.. I think it would help me figure things out better, and ... we could.. take things slower that way. If that's okay," Rachel still hadn't given Quinn an answer, so Quinn found herself rambling an explanation. "So.. will you?" she breathed carefully and looked down at the table. She couldn't watch her own rejection.

"Quinn Fabray, are you asking me out on a date?"

Quinn blinked. Had they not already established that? Quinn looked up in disbelief, mouth agape, and she saw Rachel grinning quietly at her, eyes glistening with unshed emotion. The blonde nodded dumbly, "Yes, I am," she smiled, shyly, and sifted her fingers through her hair as stray blonde locks fell in front of her eyes from all the bashful head bowing.

"I'm quite high maintenance, I hope you realize this in advance, because I'm the kind of girl who makes relationship calendars and -"

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

Quinn fought the urge to jump in her seat, satisfying the urge by smiling perhaps the largest smile she'd ever been capable of, and burying her face in her hands.

###

_So when's the big date, champ? - S_

_Thursday night. - Q_

_Oo, 2 days. - S_

_I know. I'm nervous. I'm glad she said yes. - Q_

_Of course she sd yes. R u blind? - S_

_Apparently I am. - Q_

_Well I'm going 2 go get rdy to listen to about an hr of conversation about you. U better hope I don't kill ur date before Thursday, cuz ur all she's going to talk about now. - S_

Quinn laughed and blushed.

_Sorry in advance. - Q_

_It's ok. We r friends again and all, part of the job descrip - S_

Quinn's smile grew if that was possible. Her eyes read and re-read the text. Santana had just called her friend again. Is it possible Rachel really had been the key to everything? Accepting Rachel as she was, her kindness and all?

_Since we're friends, tell your best friend to teach you how to text properly. - Q_

Quinn gave a wry smile, chuckled to herself.

_Shut it. - S_

Rachel was the next to text, and Quinn scolded herself for getting so giddy when the diva's name popped up.

_She really does spell atrociously in her text messages. I've tried to fix it over time, but she absolutely refuses. - R.B.B._

_I could've warned you about the stubborn thing. - Q_

_It must be a Cheerio attribute. - R.B.B._

_Or a diva attribute. - Q_

_Are you calling me a diva and stubborn in one text? - R.B.B._

_I might be. What are you going to do about it, Berry? - Q_

_I have numerous and unlimited sources of inspiration when it comes to revenge. One acquires such things when they're the target of harassment. - R.B.B._

_I'd laugh but that's really not very funny. - Q_

_I was merely trying to be informative. The funny part is that the devices used against me will now be used against you. That's the part that makes me laugh. - R.B.B._

_I feel like I should be afraid. - Q_

_Terrified. - R.B.B._

Quinn laughed, covered her face briefly. Who knew Rachel could be so fun to banter with? Now that she had an opportunity to really get to know the diva for who she was, she was surprised to find how funny Rachel could be when she wasn't even really trying.

_Srsly, stop talking abt how bad my txting grammar is, or I'm just going to have to come smother you with a pillow or smthng. - S_

_No promises. - Q_

That smile couldn't be wiped from her face. It was overwhelming, how happy she was. The girl watched her phone for a little while longer before she lay down on her bed, satisfied that she wouldn't be getting anymore texts, and began devising a simple but perfect date to take Rachel on.

After all, if she was going to explore this thing, she was going to do it the right away. She really didn't fancy a cranky Latina smothering her with a pillow for taking the diva on a bad date.

Something had happened that first day in the hallway. Quinn's world had spun completely upside down that day. Rachel Berry had been at the wheel, turning the whole thing around. It took Quinn a lot of trial and error, but she thought slowly, she was getting to a place where maybe being turned upside down wasn't such a terrible thing. It should have been, by all means it should have been the thing to destroy Quinn's life as she knew it. Then again, she'd heard somewhere that destruction was the ultimate form of creation. She definitely didn't have all the answers, but who wanted answers when you could take Rachel Berry out on a date instead?


	5. Can't Leave

Title: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

Pairing: Quinn/Rachel, Rachel/Santana (Friendship)

A/N: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. ^_^ Thank you guys so much for the huge response, everyone seems to really like where this is going. To be honest, I was nervous because I knew that most people are used to/enjoy denial!Quinn, but this fic I really wanted to explore a bit of a different approach, and wanted to make Quinn a little more three-dimensional, so thank you guys so much for all the support and the wonderful reviews and I want you all to know I appreciate everyone who reads what I write. It's huge for me to have people who enjoy this stuff that I come up with. _xo's, Merrick!_

Vaneeeyuh: YOU'RE BACK. That is all I have to say. SDLKGJSDALJDSLKG. YAY YOU'RE BACK. Oh, and you know me, I like being more realistic - even though I thought it was a huge risk letting Quinn stay instead of running away right away.  
><span>Saurus<span>: Well thank you! It makes me giggle and lightens the tension, so, :D yay.  
><span>MissMassacre99<span>: Yeah, Denial!Quinn didn't stick around for very long, haha. Really though, I just wanted to explore a different road - most people make Quinn disappear and attack Rachel and whatnot. I'm glad you're enjoying it!  
><span>HappyLaura<span>: I think maybe I replied to this, haha. Graveyard shift is yuck, but I'm glad you took the time to write me a lovely review (as always) because you're spectacular! I'm so glad the kissing came off the way I intended it to - I wanted the desperation and the emotion to be really palpable. I know it was for me, in my head, lol. AND that's the first time I've gotten a marriage proposal! :O Yaaaayyyyy my writing did that. I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
><span>fabcharlie<span>: Yay! I'm glad you love it! :D  
><span>Sharene19<span>: As always you are too kind, but I'm glad you enjoy the whole fic so far. I only hope I can continue to please. I'm proud of you for being able to say you love Santana! She's really not so bad. ^_^  
><span>Roxy4vamp<span>: Thank you so much! Really, I'm glad you think it's genius! Everyone seems to love Army-Quinn, bahaha.  
><span>BleachedBlondeDork<span>: Oh man my friend was at Comic Con all weekend and met Scags (from W13) and met KLaw from Spartacus and yeah, epic. Epic. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, on the other hand, and I'm flattered you even found time to read during the coverage! Thank you!

###

Chapter 5: **Can't Leave**

_You can't leave..._

###

Quinn wanted it to be like one of those movies where you picked up your date and took them out for a beautiful dinner together, then bonded over a shared comical experience. Usually at that point during the movie the two main characters would kiss unexpectedly and fall passionately in love. End scene. "If this is a movie, it's definitely backwards," Quinn scoffed into her reflection and finished fixing her hair, brushing a light powder foundation on before stepping back and appraising herself. As the heroine, let's say, she'd gone about everything backwards. She'd reluctantly befriended her old enemy, gotten confused and panicked, made out with said girl, spent the night and written a friend letter to said girl, gotten kicked out of said girl's house, showed up the next morning, cried, and made out with her all over again, and _then _had asked her out on a date. It was all pretty backwards and it was actually a little amusing.

She checked the time. A half an hour to go until she had to be at Rachel's. Rachel was a girl who appreciated dramatics and big gestures, but Quinn didn't have the money for either of those things. Quinn had about five dollars, food in the cupboards, and a car. She hoped, for their first date, Rachel would be satisfied with something simple. Surprisingly, her nerves weren't overwhelming, just a distant flutter in her stomach as she pulled on her boots. She'd chosen a simple but attractive outfit - she hoped. She'd picked a pair of jeans - straight legs, but they sat nice on her hips and Quinn had to admit she was sure that it would be complimentary - a white cami, a black knit duster, and a pair of knee-high boots with just a hint of a heel. She tugged on the last boot, tucked her jeans inside it, and zipped it over the fabric. Quinn felt her nerves escalate when she realized this was a real date. This was not a promise, but a suggestion that maybe there could be something real. Something real with a girl. What did girls expect on dates with other girls? There were so many things she didn't know about any of this. That's what made her nervous - not knowing how this worked.

Dates with the boys had been simple, easy. He held the door out for the girl and then sometimes you'd split pay for the meal - unless it was Finn, usually if it was Finn, he didn't have money - and then you'd make out a little bit and they'd drop you off at the door and that was it. Easy, bam. This? This was new. This was something unscripted, something real. This was no movie, because Quinn didn't know her lines or her marks. She stood, smoothed out her shirt a little bit and appraised herself in the mirror once more. The logical part of her brain said that of course this was like any dating situation. It's not as if girls had totally different customs or some foreign way of dating. She _was _a girl. That was the confusing part, though. How did lesbians act on dates? Were there gender-roles or did you just go with how you felt?

"Go with how you feel, stupid," she scolded herself quietly, ran a hand through her hair before she grabbed her car keys. Army-Quinn was hiding in a bunker somewhere drawing out a map, but the thing was that the terrain was pretty circular. The map was frivolous.

Quinn didn't have enough for a big expensive date, and Lima didn't have many places to go. Normally in the movie there would be a fancy restaurant, hand-holding, starry eyes. Quinn had a picnic basket, a blanket, five dollars to spare (just in case Rachel wanted a stick of gum, five dollars couldn't buy much), and a semi-secluded location at a park. Romantic, as in not really. Quinn just didn't know how this worked. For the first time she was uncertain of an outcome. Most dates were easily predictable. Rachel was far from predictable. She'd let the diva know to wear something comfortable or casual, just so she didn't dress up in some beautiful gown and then have to trudge through the grass to lay a blanket on the ground. Quinn had made vegan-friendly grilled cheese sandwiches (with vegan-friendly cheese, which surprisingly tasted like normal cheese even though Quinn had no idea what it was made of) for the both of them. It wasn't the most extravagant dinner ever, but she really was just getting used to the vegan thing. She'd looked up vegan recipes and she hadn't known what half the ingredients were most of the time. So she'd settled on vegan grilled cheese sandwiches. Courtesy of some kosher vegan cheese fairy. Quinn had also put together a little frozen fruit-plate, in case Rachel wanted to snack on those while they talked and spent time together.

The general idea was a night-time picnic in the park, with a walk afterward. Quality time together, the quiet kind. Quinn made her way downstairs, picnic basket on her arm, blanket tucked on the bottom of the basket and food on top, and said goodnight to her mother before she headed out to the car. Another positive thing - a big gesture may have tipped her parents to the fact that she wasn't just hanging out with Rachel tonight, she was taking Rachel out on a date. Right now, Quinn just wasn't realistically ready for that step, and she didn't know what the future had in store for her if she ever did have to take that step with her parents. The blonde felt nerves bolting around in her stomach as she set the picnic basket behind the driver's seat and got in. This was one of those times she wished that Rachel lived a little further away. It was an unbelievably quick drive to Rachel's house, especially when she was nervous about her arrival.

How would she act? How should she act? Her mind ran through a million questions, thought about all the examples (a very rare few) of gay dates. Yet, it seemed stupid to think about it all that way, Quinn just had first-date jitters. Especially because this date felt like a real date, felt like one of those dates you remembered, because the person you had it with ended up being incredibly important in your life. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she drove, hazel eyes darting around a bit as the car rounded a right, then left, and two blocks down. Quinn parked in front of Rachel's house, took a deep breath. The blonde checked her reflection in the mirror, long graceful fingers sifting through her blonde hair to be sure it was laying properly, and got out of the car. Quinn checked over her outfit once more before she made her way up to Rachel's house. Walking up to the diva's house had never seemed quite so ... thick with tension. Anxiousness. Quinn hesitated, her hand hanging just inches from the door. She could run now, could just turn around and get in her car and tell Rachel she couldn't do this, couldn't do this with _Rachel_, with a girl. Quinn simply stayed where she was.

Army-Quinn was nervously peering from her fox-hole and waiting for the guerrillas. It was time to go, time to fight or die.

Quinn rose her hand in the air again and rapped on the front door, three solid knocks, and waited. She fidgeted as she listened to the sounds of hurried footsteps on the other side of the door, and the distinct sound of Rachel telling Leroy to answer the door. Quinn chuckled a little, eyes averted to the ground as she waited for them to decide who should open the door. Her nerves were eased a bit by the amusement, before she saw the door swing open and Leroy greeted her warmly. He ushered her in.

"Rachel should be down in just a second," he informed Quinn. "You look lovely, Quinn. Those boots are fantastic," he complimented lightly. "Now before Rachel gets down I just want to let you know - all the same rules apply to this date as they would to any other date Rachel might go on. And we'd like her home by midnight, not a minute later," Leroy's expression was a little stern and Quinn nodded in acknowledgement.

Fight or die. Army-Quinn could hear the thundering of something coming in the jungle. The fox-hole trembled, and she braced herself. Bombs exploded, lit up the sky, trees toppled.

In reality, Quinn was standing in front of Leroy and his voice had faded out, because Rachel had appeared at the bottom of the stairs. The brunette had picked out pair of jeans as well, and a very cute but conservative shirt, with some flats to compliment the color. Rachel's headband even matched her flats, which Quinn thought was adorable. Her eyes felt glued to Rachel, mostly because Rachel looked absolutely alight with joy. What was she supposed to say? This was usually the part someone said something, right?

Rachel came down the last stair and tucked her hair behind her ear, blushed a subtle shade of pink, "Hey," she offered a bashful smile.

"Hey back," Quinn mirrored the smile and they met gazes for a moment. "I'll have her back by midnight, Mister Berry," Quinn promised gently and her eyes moved back to Rachel's dad for just a moment.

"Have fun, girls. Be smart," he warned gently and hugged Rachel before he headed back into the kitchen, humming tunelessly.

Quinn lingered in the foyer, and so did Rachel. They both seemed unsually nervous for their personalities, eyes lingering on one another.

"This is the part where you both leave," Leroy teased from the kitchen, causing both girls to blush and laugh.

"Thanks," Quinn called back and she reached forward, taking Rachel's hand and nodding toward the door. Rachel blushed as her fingers grasped Quinn's hand. The diva appeared to be biting back a bright smile. It was hard not to smile at that, to feel a little bit at ease that she wasn't the only one who was nervous. "Sorry, I'm just .. nervous, I guess." She apologized as she walked with Rachel down the sidewalk, after Rachel had pulled the front door shut behind them.

"You're not the only one," Rachel blushed again at her own words, shoulders shrugging in that little nervous way. Quinn's hazel eyes dropped over Rachel's outfit again.

"You look really.. I love that outfit," Quinn spoke simply. "I'm surprised you own a pair of jeans," she teased softly, nudging Rachel. This was alright. This was okay so far. Not too bad, a little banter, just like spending time with Rachel when she hadn't called it a date. Like the night she'd spent the night.

Rachel laughed a little, "Well, I do appreciate a good pair of jeans, sometimes. And you said casual and sometimes a skirt isn't so casual," the brunette definitely had a nervous blush on her face.

"You look good," Quinn's smoky tone was unintentional, but nonetheless present. Quinn bit her bottom lip nervously before she opened the passenger's side door for the brunette. Rachel even _smelled _good. Quinn tried not to scold herself, but she did feel a little dopey. As the brunette slipped into the passenger's side and blushed in response to the compliment, those perfectly dark eyes trailed over Quinn as well.

Heat crawled up Quinn's neck, and she got the hint as she bit down hard on her bottom lip and tried to contain herself for now. The grin that spread across her face was uncontainable though and she closed Rachel's door.

"Point taken," she commented as she rounded the front of the car and got in the driver's side. "So I uhm...well I asked you to dress comfortably because, well," and here the flood of feeling inadequate hit her like a bag full of very angry bricks, "I don't have money to take you out on a big beautiful dinner right now, but I did plan something." Quinn's hazel eyes searched Rachel's reaction as she threw the car into reverse and backed out, the vehicle itself seeming eager to get going.

"Quinn, although I may have a natural flare for dramatics, it's not necessary to explain - "

"I just wanted it to be special, and I wish I could make it more than what it is but, I think you'll enjoy it," Quinn glanced over, searched Rachel's features. Rachel looked a mixture of surprised and frustrated.

"Just having this date with you makes it more than you can understand," Rachel all but breathed the words as she flushed red, glanced down at her hands - which were busily fidgeting in her lap - and Quinn could clearly see Rachel was overcome with feeling. She hesitated, but reached a hand over to cover Rachel's warm skin, grasping her hands as she used the other to continue driving. "You look really beautiful, Quinn. I've always thought you're exceptionally so, but I just wanted you to know, you're stunning."

Quinn felt herself blush, but before she could say anything, Rachel rendered her speechless by folding Quinn's hand gently in between both of her own, a thumb stroking the back of Quinn's hand. Her stomach fluttered a bit nervously, "So .. for our date," Quinn tried to distract herself from her nerves, but her lips curled in an anxious grin, "I brought vegan grilled cheese - no, Rach I don't want to know what's in vegan cheese or I won't be able to eat it -" Quinn shot Rachel a knowing look, and watched Rachel laugh embarassedly, "and a plate of frozen fruit, to snack on. I know it's not much. I was going to make more but all the vegan recipes I found are really complex."

Rachel laughed softly, "Maybe sometime I can show you a few recipes," her voice took on a sultry tone, and her blush had apparently cleared. Those dark eyes sparkled as they regarded Quinn.

Quinn felt that nervous, strangely turned-on feeling, and she took a breath, nodded, "I'd like that," they shared a bit of an intense look, albeit an innocent one. Sometimes Quinn forgot she was still a teenager - having a child changed your perception of yourself - and could still act like one. Here she was, on a very real first date, feeling as insecure as a 13-year-old. "So uhm," she laughed nervously and turned her gaze back on the road, "so yeah, I made those and the fruit plate, and I brought a blanket. I hope a picnic in the park is okay. Then I thought maybe afterwards we could go for a walk. And I mean, we have until midnight so.. I figured we could just, talk. And spend time together. I don't know how these work, dates like this. At least, real dates. I don't know really what I'm doing I just know I want this to be special and this date actually matters."

Rachel looked surprised. Even from the corner of her eye, Quinn could see her gaping quietly at the blonde. She fought the urge to smirk, not wanting to make Rachel think she was insincere in any way. "It sounds..." Oh boy, here it came. Quinn inwardly flinched, ready for Rachel to sound disappointed, "it sounds lovely, Quinn. Perfect, even," Rachel beamed at her and Quinn glanced over, shock on her expression.

"Really?"

Rachel nodded, smiled happily, "I.. I mean I've always wanted a date where we just .. wanted to be around one another and spend time together. No distractions and no unnecessary pretenses. Just .. it's perfect," her hands squeezed the one held between them and Rachel looked simply enamored. Quinn blushed and smiled, nodded as her eyes stayed glued to the road.

They arrived to the park a few moments following, and strode across the lawn together before finding a decent, relatively secluded patch of grass between a few taller trees. "Here," Quinn smiled brilliantly, offering Rachel half of the blanket, "Help me?" She explained, and watched the brunette nod. They stretched out the blanket over the grass before Quinn set the basket down in the middle. "Okay, so hopefully this is okay," she stated simply as she offered her hand to help Rachel sit, then followed suit. She sat beside Rachel, her thigh resting against the warmth of Rachel's as she leaned forward and got out their sandwiches. "I'm not a good cook so .. yeah, pretty limited," she laughed embarassedly.

"We can work on that," Rachel teased simply, unwrapping the vegan sandwich and taking a bite. Quinn regarded Rachel nervously, and deflated with relief as the brunette gave her a thumbs up. "Delicious. Best vegan grilled cheese ever," she grinned a bit and nudged Quinn's shoulder.

Quinn smiled gratefully, ducked her head a bit and laughed. "I feel so ridiculous," she began to eat the sandwich she'd prepared for herself, and picked at the crust thoughtfully. "I've been on dates before, you know, I've just never.. been on a date with a girl. I've never had feelings for a girl, but here I am feeling nervous about whether or not I picked the right food and feeling bad that I can't take you out for a real dinner."

Rachel was just chewing silently, watching Quinn as she spoke. Quinn glanced over, felt heat rush into her cheeks again.

"It's silly, when I think about it. I mean, it shouldn't be any different. It just ... means something this time. This date with you. Obviously. I just went about everything all backwards, and even though I'm scared and a little confused, I want to make sure I do this the right way."

Rachel had apparently eaten her way through half her sandwich already, which made Quinn think maybe she'd been talking too much. Yet the brunette was only regarding her with silence and curiosity.

"I kind of wish you'd say something," Quinn picked at the blanket before she took a big bite of her own sandwich.

Rachel's words were muffled through food, and Quinn laughed.

"God, Rach, when you're done eating that bite," she teased, and Rachel gave her a look that said what she'd just done was fully intentional.

Rachel laughed softly as she swallowed, "Kidding. I'm flattered that this means something. It says a lot that I make you nervous, of all people. You're the epitome of teenage beauty and grace and I'm.. well, I'm destined for Broadway but I don't fit the socially instated norms for beauty or admiration. I'm chatty and I often speak in large paragraphs which in turn makes people tune me out approximately half of the time," Rachel glanced over at Quinn, "but here you are, nervous about whether or not I like your food, explaining to me that you just want to spend time with me tonight, taking me out on a beautiful first date, and being honest with me about what's going on in your mind. You've always been an enigma, Quinn, and to be frank with you I never expected things to go this way. That first night," Rachel paused and glanced down, "well, realistically I expected you to run away and find some way to slushie me and turn everything back around. You didn't, though. You got scared but you didn't go anywhere."

Quinn glanced up at Rachel, eyes lingering on the brunette as she spoke. She truly admired Rachel's honesty, her way of explaining things perfectly and making everything sound like poetry. She was left a little bit speechless.

"So, needless to say, whatever you may have expected me to want this evening, I don't think you realize that you've already gone above and beyond because you really want to be here, with me," Rachel's gaze flitted upward again, met Quinn's eyes, "so please, stop worrying."

Quinn nodded dumbly, swallowed her last bite and wondered who'd eaten her sandwich when she wasn't looking. The blonde blushed a little bit as she saw Rachel's intensely warm expression, "I thought about running away," she admitted as she put the empty saran-wrap in the corner of the picnic basket and pulled out the plate of frozen fruit, uncovered it in case Rachel felt like picking at the plate while they talked. "I was so scared, and really confused. Things were already weird because all of a sudden you were best friends with someone who used to be my best friend, and everything felt so topsy turvy," Quinn admitted, "honestly I felt like I was Alice and I half-expected to wake up and realize it was all some strange dream. Then .. that first night, I kissed you and I couldn't stop myself. I've spent so much time processing emotions lately, I feel like I'm some kind of machine," Quinn laughed quietly. "I just.. I think I realized that if I really wanted not to hurt you, it was more selfish to run than it is to stay."

"So you stayed," Rachel all but breathed. She looked as if she was in awe.

Quinn nodded, "Obviously," she teased.

###

After they'd finished up the small meal Quinn had prepared for them, the pair had put the basket and blanket back in Quinn's car, then headed side-by-side up the path winding around the park. They still had a couple hours to go and Quinn didn't want to leave any time soon. Rachel looked between them, and although she'd looped her arm in Quinn's, she felt Rachel's hand cascade gently down her arm and find her hand. Quinn felt that familiar quiet jolt of electricity she got every time Rachel's hand joined her own. And this time it wasn't preempted by anything confusing - Rachel was holding her hand because they were on a date.

It turned out going on a date with a girl was easier than Quinn had expected. Her teenage jitters gave way to the fact that this wasn't some stranger, this was Rachel. Someone who, granted, she had a spotted past with, but this was someone she knew. She'd always known Rachel, even when that was hidden behind the pretenses of rivalry.

Her hazel eyes dropped to their connected hands, and she shared a bashful smile with Rachel. "This feels different than I expected," she admitted as they walked along, the moonlight beaming down through the trees as leaves whispered above them.

"Does it?" Rachel inquired softly, with genuine curiosity tinting her voice.

Quinn nodded, "I thought it would be something that would just.. overwhelm me with nerves. I mean I'm nervous but it's not because of the reasons I thought," the blonde pondered that as she spoke. Her eyes searched Rachel's face, her heart thudding quietly against her ribs. "I'm nervous because this feels... normal."

Normal in what ways? Quinn didn't know how to explain that. The question lingered in Rachel's eyes, though, as they strode along and shared glances.

"Normal in the sense that it feels more natural with you than it ever did with Finn or Puck, even though I really can't consider anything Puck and I did vaguely romantic or date-like," Quinn half-joked. "I thought it would be different with you, I thought it would feel.. like learning how to swim all over."

"How does it feel, then?"

"Kind of like this is what I should have been doing all along," the admission was quiet, but it seemed to shatter Rachel's expectations. The brunette halted in her steps, eyes shining.

"Really?"

Quinn nodded nervously and turned to Rachel, their hands still linked together tenuously. The smile Rachel gave her said that whatever she'd just said, whatever she'd just admitted, was something that Rachel had never expected but always wanted to hear. The admission that being around Rachel this way felt _right. _"I mean, I'm not ready to shout from the rooftops, or peek out from some metaphorical closet, but .. I don't know if .. " Quinn breathed, trying to make sense of her thoughts, "I don't know if it would bother me as much as I thought it might, having .. these feelings."

Rachel's gaze didn't falter, and she moved forward. The brunette stared at their linked hands, and Quinn could feel her grip loosening. Rachel's fingers danced over Quinn's palm, caused an eruption of shivers to move up her skin, as Rachel knotted their fingers together - a gesture that felt more intimate than just holding hands.

Quinn wondered if this is what all those teen movies were about. This first rush of human connection. Her eyes searched Rachel's after a moment, as Rachel's gaze lifted from their hands.

"I'm not expecting you to shout from any rooftops," Rachel laughed good naturedly and delicately squeezed Quinn's hand in her own. Her free hand reached up, brushed some of Quinn's hair behind her ear, and she thought maybe she felt Rachel trembling a little. Was Rachel nervous, too?

"Have you ever .. dated any other girls?"

Rachel shook her head in response. "No. I mean I've had passing crushes, but I've always been very career oriented and .. well," she smiled cautiously, "it didn't help that I .. never could let go of the hope you'd at least be kind to me one day."

Quinn flushed with guilt and flattery, "What if I had never - "

"I hadn't really considered it, but I suppose I would have let you go and eventually found something to satisfy my romantic needs. I just hoped. Either that or I considered blatantly seducing you," she teased quietly. Quinn loved how Rachel's eyes glimmered when she was playful.

"Doesn't seem like your style," Quinn grinned playfully and blushed, bit her bottom lip nervously as she glanced between them at their threaded fingers, hands swinging lightly together. Her heart hitched in her throat, though, as she felt Rachel's free hand ghost along the side of her neck, and slowly along her jaw. Rachel looked flushed with .. something. Her lips were parted slightly and that tongue traced along Rachel's bottom lip, as if she was lost in thoughts that couldn't be vocalized. Quinn felt her breath halt to a stop as she watched the trail of Rachel's tongue, thinking that Rachel had possibly the most alluring lips she'd ever seen. She'd told herself she wouldn't end up kissing Rachel tonight, but from the looks of it, Rachel had very different plans.

The way Rachel was looking at her made Quinn shiver a little in anticpation.

"Rach?" Her voice trembled a little. Though she had most definitely, obviously kissed Rachel before - a lot - this felt different. This was a choice, this was the moment she was deciding that she was kissing Rachel because she wanted to, because it was something she was consciously choosing, something that meant the butterflies in her stomach and the way Rachel made her feel was something real.

Rachel's eyes flickered up to Quinn's for just a moment, before they fell to her lips again, "You really don't know my style then, Fabray," Rachel murmured quietly before her fingers glided deliciously from Quinn's jaw to cup the back of her neck, fingernails gently scratching the back of Quinn's neck as she pulled the taller girl down, grinning wickedly as she breathed against Quinn's lips, "that's okay though, I'll just have to show you."

The next thing Quinn knew, Rachel's lips were silkily gliding against her own. As she had claimed Rachel passionately earlier in the week, so Rachel was returning the favor. She was claiming Quinn as her own, letting Quinn know that she belonged to Rachel all along. Quinn all but gasped into the kiss as she felt Rachel's tongue glide delicately across her bottom lip. She granted entrance, tongues luxuriating against one another as Rachel's torso pressed upward. Quinn wondered when her hands had gotten lower than Rachel's back, but there they were, hungrily grasping Rachel's more-than-adequate ... asset. Quinn felt a slow fire burning inside her. This kiss was different. It was both sweet and hungry. It wasn't desperate or needy. It was a first kiss that promised many more to come, and let Quinn know that Rachel was staking her claim.

The brunette's other hand slid up around Quinn's shoulders, raked deliciously over fabric, as the diva pulled herself impossibly closer and deepened the kiss. Rachel's kisses were hungry, and were absolutely full of fire. They were blatantly sensual and sexual all while managing to be emotional. Rachel's torso rolled gently upward against Quinn's, and Quinn found herself lifting Rachel up ever so slightly in her arms, until the diva was on her tip-toes and they were seeking to devour one another in the most sensual way possible.

As air became a need, Rachel broke away only slightly, and Quinn could feel her thick pants against her own, felt the curve of Rachel's lips as they smiled against one another. "I obviously have misjudged you, Berry," Quinn murmured against her lips, feeling the slow intoxication of that first explosive moment when you realize that all those movies and all those stories you read about being physically involved with someone weren't just made up. Just kissing Rachel had her skin lit on fire. "And I'm questioning your motivations for saying girls want sex, too," Quinn laughed softly against Rachel's lips before dipping her mouth against Rachel's, capturing her in another, deeper kiss.

Rachel grinned against Quinn's lips before they found themselves lost in another liplock. The way Rachel's fingernails scraped the back of Quinn's neck was absolutely divine, and Quinn felt shivers roll down her spine in waves everytime she did it. Rachel was demanding more of the kiss, taking control, and Quinn was letting her have it. Kissing Rachel was heavenly, especially when Rachel pressed her body tightly against Quinn's, burned herself into Quinn's memory. "Mmk," Rachel breathed as she pulled away, half-groaned, "we have to stop or we're going to surpass most first-date rules of engagement," she smiled slowly against Quinn's lips, left a sweet peck against them, before she pulled away and tugged Quinn by the hand. "Do you remember how to walk?"

"Barely," Quinn laughed lazily and trailed after Rachel.

###

After that first date, the second date came far easier. They'd planned the second date for that Saturday night - both girls had agreed although they wanted to follow a general rule of taking it slow, they wanted to spend as much time together as possible. When Quinn arrived, she had her over-night bag. They'd planned a long movie-marathon evening, and although spending the night together didn't seem conducive to taking it slow, they'd both agreed that they could obviously handle themselves. Hopefully.

"So I believe I got the right movies," Rachel surprised Quinn at the door as she opened them with a stack of movies in arms. "I think," she looked doubtful before shrugging a shoulder in the direction of the basement. "Come on," she grinned softly and Quinn curiously followed her down the stairs. They hadn't really discussed what movies they'd be watching but judging from that stack it was quite a large collection. She'd mostly expected musicals, or maybe even a live DVD of Cats, but as she dropped her bag on the floor next to the couch and bent over the coffee table, she saw the titles.

"Star Wars!" Quinn all but bowled Rachel over as her arms wrapped around her from the side. The diva laughed in her arms and struggled free.

"Yes, Star Wars. You've referenced it so many times I feel as if it's only appropriate I show you the courtesy of showing interest in things that have obivously been important to you," Rachel informed her sweetly and laughed as she circled the table and grabbed a couple bags of chips, and an unopened container of dip. "I also have snacks and we have pizzas, both vegan and non-vegan, upstairs in case we get hungry."

Quinn's eyes were wide. How was Rachel so simply amazing? She was having a nerdgasm over the fact Rachel was not only catering to her non-vegan diet but had picked out the Star Wars movies to watch for their second date.

Rachel faltered, "Was I incorrect?"

Quinn didn't answer. Instead, she caught Rachel's face in her hands and kissed her sweetly, but not lacking in any enthusiasm. Rachel whimpered a little in response and Quinn sighed at that familiar wash of warmth as she pulled away. Quinn touched Rachel's face, moved her fingers along the brown locks in front of her. "You're somehow completely amazing."

"I believe it has much to do with my genes," she stated simply, but blushed. Qunn smiled at this, her hazel eyes intensely appraising Rachel's face. Quinn leaned in and delicately kissed Rachel's temple. She didn't want it to turn into another make-out session. She wanted tonight to be .. purer, in a sense. She wanted it to be about being around Rachel, being with Rachel.

This was really the girl she was dating. Quinn was dating a girl. This was a fact that sometimes still bowled her over, when she thought about it. Since that first date, and now on the second, it was something that made Quinn feel a bit frightened and simultaneously grateful. She felt those familiar nervous butterflies. This was all so new for her.

Rachel leaned in to the touch of Quinn's lips against her temple, hands wrapping around Quinn's waist. The brunette embraced Quinn before slipping out of her arms. "Movies," she reminded Quinn softly.

"Star Wars!" Quinn exploded her fists into the air before jumping over the coffee table and putting the first movie in, listening to Rachel groan and laugh at the same time at the way Quinn got overly excited. (Or appropriately excited, because Star Wars was simply something you couldn't lack enthusiasm for.) The blonde settled herself right in front of the television, but felt Rachel tugging her backward, nearer the table, onto the sleeping bags. The movie started and Quinn balked about being moved a little further away from the television.

"Quinn, have you never heard that sitting that close will strain your eyes?" Rachel asked, busily opening a bag of chips as she sat directly beside Quinn. "I only dragged you backward approximately three feet. It's really not that far."

"It's three feet further from Star Wars," Quinn gave Rachel a look and dug her hand into the bag of chips, defiantly shoving a chip into her mouth and wrinkling her nose.

Rachel rolled her eyes and grinned, opening the bag of vegan dip, laughing silently to herself.

As the movie marathon began, Quinn was surprised Rachel hadn't gotten irritated with all the times she'd nudged her and gone, _Watch this part! Hey! Are you looking? _Seemingly, as Rachel would later inform her, Quinn thought every single part was something you couldn't miss. And with the movies themselves being so long, by the time Episode 5 was playing in the DVD player, Quinn was still sitting with rapt attention in front of the television. Even Rachel had gotten caught up in the series.

"I've brought you back from the Dark Side!"

"When was I ever the antagonist?"

"When you didn't know what a Sith Lord was," Quinn informed Rachel, laughing a little as the brunette gaped in mock-offense.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Well pardon me, but you didn't even know who the original playwright was or what play _My Fair Lady _was based on. Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw, if you've forgotten."

"Oh, I haven't, you wouldn't let me," Quinn nudged Rachel in the side and grinned deviously.

As the fifth movie came to a close, both girls decided to take a break long enough to put a couple pizzas in the oven. Quinn was craving pizza with Canadian bacon bits, and Rachel was craving her vegan pizza. Quinn chased up the stairs after Rachel, who had triumphantly stolen the last bag of chips and was cackling like mad as she moved through the kitchen. The diva hopped onto the counter, shoved the chips in the cabinet, and body-blocked Quinn as Quinn tried to reach upward for them. "Uh uh," Rachel grinned. "If you want to eat you can wait for pizza."

Quinn groaned and narrowed her eyes, finding she couldn't get to the chips without practically crushing them both together or shoving Rachel out of the way, both things seeming inappropriate for different reasons. "Rachel Barbra Berry, has anyone told you how infuriating you can be?"

"Well, you have. And several others who dislike my use of a large set of vocabulary and references to Broadway musicals and memorable performances by the legendary Barbra Streisand."

Quinn laughed as she stepped back, sitting on a stool on the side of the counter, "Well, okay, not infuriating, just bothersome because I am starving," she emphasized the last word before her eyes trained on Rachel. The brunette set the oven to pre-heat, and set the pizzas out, but there was something about the way Rachel's brows furrowed in concentration that made Quinn feel a little lost in her admiration for the brunette. What did it feel like to love a girl? Quinn didn't know yet. With Rachel, she definitely knew what it felt like to _really _like a girl. To admire everything about her, from the way she laughed, the way she smiled, and the way her facial expressions were ever-changing. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Let yourself be vulnerable?" Quinn didn't realize the question was even a thought, but apparently it was as she heard her own voice, the seriousness in it.

Rachel inhaled a bit quietly, surprised at the question. Behind her, the oven beeped to signal it was pre-heated, so before she could answer, she put the pizzas in the oven and turned around.

Quinn felt a rush of nerves and butterflies as Rachel approached her at the counter. Something about the way Rachel moved, the way she naturally gravitated toward Quinn, the silently expectant look in her eyes. It was moving, Rachel was absolutely moving in every moment.

"I don't have a choice," Rachel leaned on the counter next to Quinn, and the blonde's eyes raked over Rachel's profile, everything from her perfect curves to her flat stomach and those deliciously, ridiculously long legs for someone so short-statured. "It's just how I've always been."

"Doesn't it scare you?"

Rachel smiled, "All the time," she tucked hair behind her ear and looked over at Quinn, holding Quinn prisoner with those perfect dark eyes. She reached over, her hand causing an eruption of butterflies once more as Rachel's hand rested on Quinn's leg.

Quinn gulped - visibly she was sure - as a flood of remembering washed over her. The way Rachel looked at her that day in the mall, the way Rachel had reacted to Quinn's kiss, the way Rachel had embraced her tightly the first time in her kitchen. All that emotion, all that intensity simply rolled over Quinn like a tidal wave crashing to shore.

"Are you nervous?"

"Only around you," her hazel eyes darted to the counter. "Like never before."

Rachel had yet to remove her hand from Quinn's thigh. Quinn didn't know what to expect, never knew what to expect around Rachel, but she felt an arm slip slowly around her back and felt Rachel's hand move from her thigh, up her stomach, to her shoulders. Rachel sidled minutely closer and wrapped her arms around Quinn. Quinn felt Rachel's warmth envelope her, the softness of the shirt she was wearing, the way Rachel's torso pressed perfectly against her own as her hands slipped around Rachel's waist. They just _fit _together. Perfectly.

Quinn closed her eyes, rested her head in the crook of Rachel's neck, and let out a slow breath. It was a breath she really never realized she'd been holding in, until she needed to expell it. She felt Rachel's even breathing against her, the warm hands on her shoulder-blades, the way Rachel's fingers moved minutely every once in a while. Rachel was holding her. Really holding her, the way someone would hold a lover or someone they could never be close enough to. It felt heavenly, felt perfect, the way Rachel's breath made her chest rise and fall, the way Quinn's fingers toyed with the edge of Rachel's shirt.

"You can trust me," Rachel shifted ever so slightly to speak near Quinn's ear, her hands pulling Quinn ever closer in her arms as if to emphasize her point, "You've always made me nervous, but only because I've never felt this way around anyone else."

"Felt what way?"

"Completely bare," Rachel breathed the words reverently.

Quinn felt her breath hitch and she opened her hazel eyes lazily. How did Rachel do that? How did she make Quinn feel so new, so reborn? It was as if Rachel made her feel like she was seeing the world with brand new eyes, like a child seeing sunlight for the first time. Quinn tugged Rachel closer in her arms, the brunette almost stumbling, but keeping herself steady.

For the first time Quinn could remember, she let herself _really _be held. The way you let yourself be held when you were completely honest with someone else, completely nurtured and taken care of, loved and adored.

It felt perfect.

###

"Oh my god, I'm never eating another pizza by myself ever, ever, ever again," Quinn lay back on the sleeping bag, groaned, and held her stomach. The sixth and final Star Wars movie was over, and Rachel was staring open-mouthed at the screen.

"That," Rachel stopped her words and shook her head, "that was the most amazing cinematic experience I have ever had. I love it. How have you never made me watch Star Wars before this?" Her hand smacked Quinn's arm roughly.

"Ow! Listen, Berry, you can't just hit people because you were deprived of sci-fi exposure," Quinn rolled over on her side and laughed. "It's just not nice. You should be thanking me, after all I am the one who introduced you to it."

Rachel merely gaped, pizza hanging limp in her hand. "It was beautiful!"

"Indeed," Quinn nodded, pursing her lips in appreciation. She had to laugh at the way Rachel was gaping at the screen, but stopped as she saw Rachel turn to her with a narrowed gaze. She let out a small _meep _before she scrambled to her feet, but before she could make it up the stairs, Rachel had grappled at her waist and pulled her back. The pair tumbled to the ground and Rachel made a show of holding Quinn hostage.

"Just because we're dating it doesn't mean you get to laugh at me, Miss Fabray," Rachel teased softly, her hands holding Quinn down by the shoulders, gaze narrowed.

Wow, that sounded good coming from Rachel's mouth. Quinn's face exploded in a grin.

"What?"

She kept grinning, felt a small laugh building.

"What?" Rachel whined simply as she climbed off of Quinn.

Quinn sat up, grabbed Rachel's face with enthusiasm, and kissed her briefly, "You said we're dating."

Rachel blushed, "Oh, well.. we are..." Even though she was feigning a cool attitude, Quinn saw the hints of a grin on Rachel's lips.

"Say it again."

"We're dating."

"I'm dating you," despite biting back her grin, it was still managing to cover her whole face.

"You're dating me?" Rachel teased, shoved Quinn playfully by the shoulder and scooted backward.

Quinn laughed, covered her face, and felt absolute elation fill her entire being. She didn't know what spurred it, but something did. She felt absolutely wonderful. She felt Rachel's hand on her arm, the brunette trying to tug Quinn's hand away from her face so she could see her. Quinn dropped her hand and grinned at Rachel.

"Are you crying?"

Quinn shook her head, but she did feel joyful tears in her eyes, "Only the happy kind," she smiled, her brow creasing together as she looked at Rachel. The blonde reached her hands forward, cupping Rachel's face and taking in every feature as if for the first time. Rachel looked a little stunned, a little flushed, but just as emotional. Quinn felt like she was looking at Rachel for the first time ever. "You're so beautiful, Rach, how did I ever overlook you?" The words sort of spilled out. Army-Quinn was surrendering. Fight or die was no longer. She was joining the ranks.

Rachel's eyes watered a little, "You're going to make me cry."

Quinn leaned forward, kissed Rachel's right cheek, then her left, her forehead, and each temple. The blonde finally leaned in and brushed her lips against Rachel's, perhaps more affectionately than she ever had. The kiss was a promise. Not just a promise to try, but a promise that this is what Quinn wanted. Quinn pulled away after a long moment of simply worshipping Rachel's lips. The brunette looked absolutely breathless and flushed. Quinn's heart had grown three sizes, if she could borrow a line from Dr. Suess. Her fingers grazed Rachel's features, her cheeks. She offered a quiet smile and kissed Rachel once more before pulling away.

Rachel bit her lip shyly as she ducked her head, and Quinn heard her giggle nervously, saw her hands cover her face. Quinn only laughed and dipped her head against Rachel's shoulder. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Her fingers gripped Rachel's arm lightly as she felt the brunette's arms slip around her and pull her close. She breathed in Rachel's perfume as her eyes rested on the soft skin near her collarbone. It felt so perfect when she was this close to Rachel.

"Date crashing!" Santana's voice exploded down the stairs, shortly followed by the sight of the Latina tucking and rolling. Brittany was just after her and set down their overnight bags on the floor near Quinn's. "Aww, Kodak moment," Santana teased as she wrapped her arms around Quinn and dragged Quinn off the floor.

"Santana what are you - " Rachel was in shock and so was Quinn. Quinn struggled against Santana's arms but went limp in them as Santana's slightly-stronger grip proved to be too much to slip out of.

"I don't know if I'm mad or amused," Quinn laughed as she felt Santana's warm body behind her. She watched as Brittany hugged Rachel in greeting, and she met Brittany's wave with a pathetic one of her own.

"Well, you know, I just have to be sure you two girls keep it PG-13, I mean after all it's only the second date and there's no way I'm gonna let you mack on my Jewish diva without permission," Santana laughed as she tugged Quinn backward, sat on the couch, and before she knew it, Quinn was locked in a seated position on Santana's lap. She'd missed silly moments like this with her best friend.

Rachel merely rolled her eyes, "Well you're a little late to the party," she folded her arms over her stomach. "We've already finished our movie marathon and had pizza."

Brittany sat on the recliner and rocked back and forth on it, watching the scene with an appreciative glow. "San said we had to make sure that Quinn was making you happy."

"Until you both arrived, quite," Rachel informed Brittany, but sat beside her in the recliner anyway.

Quinn tried to peel Santana's hands from her waist but the Latina wouldn't relent, only rested her chin on Quinn's shoulder, "So, you two were already macking before we got here?"

"No we weren't," Quinn informed her simply, "although we were having a really nice moment then this obnoxious Mayan-warrior-wannabe charged in."

"Damn straight," Santana teased briefly.

It wasn't so bad after all, and although Quinn would have much preferred their second date be shared alone, Santana did eventually let her go and Rachel joined her on the floor, bashfully resuming her place next to Quinn. Even as they popped in a few movies and bantered back and forth, Quinn and Rachel still shared the occasional quiet looks and shy smiles. Quinn's gaze was constantly full of appreciation for the brunette, especially now that it had really hit her that Rachel was dating her, really dating her. Quinn might not be ready to come out, but in her opinion she was dating a girl she'd be proud of when she felt it was time to come out. She felt a flush of warmth as Rachel stifled a yawn and simultaneously rested her head on Quinn's shoulder. The pair didn't even hold hands the rest of the movie nights - it just felt nice to sit beside one another. Quinn wanted to reach over, rest her hand on Rachel's leg, but she also wanted to savor the simple things as much as the intense ones.

Santana was watching them at one point, but when she met Quinn's eyes, she merely offered her former best friend a soft smile. Quinn knew that smile - that was the Santana Lopez smile of approval, and Quinn had never been so happy to see it.

###

Later that night, Santana had passed out in the recliner on Brittany, the pair looped together as easily as ever. Santana snored a little, but Quinn would never mention that, at least not until she needed it for blackmail.

Rachel had fallen asleep as well, leaving Quinn the only one awake. Rachel had fallen asleep on Quinn's lap, and the blonde looked down at the girl with open affection. The even rise-and-fall of Rachel's chest was somehow comforting. The ex-Cheerio sifted her hands through Rachel's dark locks. She'd always thought Rachel had beautiful hair, but it looked more so in the glow of the television set.

How had everything gotten so twisted in the past? How could she have overlooked such happiness?

Quinn had never felt so intensely lucky in her life. It was only their second date, and they had many to go before anything became official, but it was just the most content moment of her life. Her former best friend was asleep in the recliner, draped over the love of her life, and Quinn was finally coming to terms with everything that had changed in what seemed such a short time.

A yawn stifled against the back of her hand, Quinn slowly shifted, encouraged Rachel up so she could lay down. Rachel blinked sleepily at Quinn, and as if it were the most natural thing in the world, scooted forward so Quinn could lay just behind her. Quinn didn't know how these things worked, didn't know how to date girls, how to feel things clearly and explain them, but as she lay behind Rachel and felt the diva scoot back against her, their bodies melding together, and felt Rachel's hand search for her own behind her, then tug her hand around Rachel's waist and rest on her stomach, nothing had ever felt so normal. Quinn tugged Rachel's body closer backward, wanting her warmth everywhere, and closed her eyes. She fell asleep to the sound of Rachel breathing and Santana snoring a few feet away. It was somehow perfect, and completely unexpected. It was the first time since this all started that Quinn realized she couldn't leave the rabbit hole, and what was more, she didn't want to. Her world was topsy-turvy and she was beginning to like it that way.

###

_A/N: I know this chapter was shorter than the rest, I do apologize, but I just felt it was more appropriate to end it on this note. After all, it's only chapter 5 of 13. ^_^ I wanted to focus on the importance of their first couple of dates, plus I have to give my girlfriend time to catch up. d^_-b I'll update tomorrow or the next day! _


	6. Every Second

**Title**: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing**: Quinn/Rachel, Rachel/Santana (Friendship)

**A/N**: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. First off, I want to send out a big apology for not updating either fic yesterday. To put it bluntly, I needed a day off, haha. I was having an emotionally difficult day for a few reasons and knew that if I had attempted to write anything, it wouldn't have come out satisfactory. I always feel guilty when I don't update at least one fic a day (which is a rare occurence but still). Sorry this took all day to get out, too. My attention span is terrible today. So I hope you all aren't too bothered that I didn't update yesterday. Anyway, onward! Thank you for the enormous response and the wonderful reviews. If you leave me a review, I'll always leave a reply. ^_^ Also, the state park mentioned in this chapter as well as travel-time from Lima to Springfield, OH, are both factual. I geeked out and decided to be accurate and do a little research.

TAC: Hey there stranger! ;) I'm so glad to see your name on a review again! I was wondering where you'd run off to. Haha. Thank you so much for the kind review though. I'm glad you're loving both stories. The response to Army-Quinn has been awesome, bahaha, so I'm glad she slipped in there somehow. I just needed a device to accurately depict what goes through a person's head when they're facing such inner-conflict. Come back soon!  
><span>Vaneeeyuh<span>: Clearly I do know these things. Haha, seriously though, I wish I was a writer for Glee. I'd have Faberry fangirls erecting shrines. Lmao, just kidding, I wouldn't deserve that much praise, but it'd certainly be more fun to watch Glee if they played on their own subtext. I'm glad Quinn's pre-date jitters were realistic, too. ^_^  
><span>HappyLaura<span>: LOL you REALLY don't have to apologize. It was flattering and funny all at once, so thank you. Again, I have to say I'm really glad that her jitters came off realistically. I feel like it's been ages since I had the pre-date jitters so it was hard to recall all those feelings to mind - but apparently I did well. I actually hadn't intended on Santana date-crashing with Britt but it just kind of happened (funny how San slips in there). I haven't honestly decided on a big gay panic yet. It's just so expected and I don't know, so far, Quinn has totally taken over the plot (I had everything going a completely different direction and it's just taken on a life of its own) on her own, so I can't say whether I know if she's going to have a really big gay panic, but there may be a small one.  
><span>lea's-lamb<span>: I'm glad I made you speechless! I appreciate you taking the time to review. ^_^ Eventually Quintanna friendship is going to get a bit of a spotlight in the coming chapters. After all, Santana's not one to let go of a grudge too fast. I approve of the thumbs up for nerd references! Quinn's got a bit to go and a little stumbling ahead but I like happy endings.  
><span>thatdamnyank<span>: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it!  
><span>Sharene19<span>: LOL see? I'm converting you to liking Santana! I'm a magician! I'm glad you're getting your work done. :P  
><span>MorningMsMagpie<span>: Haha, I like to complete my stories as quick as possible because I'm the same way - I hate waiting, it's unbearable. Thank you so much for your flattering words, and I'm so glad to see your name on a review! Don't be a stranger, eh?  
><span>Saurus<span>: I'm so glad, hah, Santana kind of did that all on her own without me planning it. Here's the next one for you!  
><span>nickd93<span>: Thank you! ^_^  
><span>lectora13<span>: I'm glad you found it! Hopefully I'll get the updates up quick enough for you and the growing demand for them! :D  
><span>citylights19<span>: :D Ahh, thank you, I'm glad you like it.  
><span>Leni<span>: Thank you so much for the kind review! I'm flattered by your compliment -blush- I'm glad you're enjoying it. Hopefully I can continue to impress!

###

Chapter 6: **Every Second**

_Every second, dripping off my fingertips..._

###

"No, no, absolutely not," Kurt waved his hand in the air and stood up, folded his arms over his chest. "There's no way that everyone is going to agree to this," Kurt sat back down as Santana shot him a vicious glare.

"Listen, pretty princess, either you listen to what Yentl has to say or I temporarily disable your ability to run that mouth of yours," Santana's vicious stare told everyone protesting that they'd get a similar threat if they didn't give Rachel the appropriate attention.

Rachel nodded cordially at Santana, who only shrugged a shoulder and offered a subtle smirk. Everyone knew that they were close these days, and even though they'd never been able to foresee such a thing with Santana's particularly vicious attacks against Rachel in the past, they'd accepted it (mostly because they feared the Latina's predisposition for violence). Rachel cleared her throat and lifted her chin, hands folded in the front of her skirt as she tried to speak, "I do believe that as a social club - "

Toward the back of the room, "We can hardly be called a social club, please, who are you trying to fool?" Mercedes scoffed but recieved a silencing stare from Santana.

"We have obviously fallen on uneven footing in terms of our bond as a team," Rachel beamed proudly, eyes glittering in the way they did when she was planning something monumental. "Therefore I have come up with a perfect weekend getaway for all of us. Not only have our cabins - "

"Cabins?"

"Skinny-dipping," Puck had apparently taken cabins to mean lakes and naked swimming. The Mohawked boy flinched as Santana whacked him in the back of the head.

"I really hope she's kidding," Kurt looked as if he was about to be ill. "Rachel, sweetie, I adore you and we've certainly bonded but this is a terrible idea."

Rachel's nostrils flared and she stomped a foot on the floor, "I understand you all have certain reservations about such an idea but would you _please _let me finish?"

Quinn took all of this in with a slightly amused but sympathetic smile. The book in her lap lay open and she drew her gaze upward, letting her eyes linger momentarily on Rachel's face. Their eyes connected briefly and Quinn flushed a bit, chewed on her bottom lip before ducking her gaze again. The blonde shook her head and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

It had been a little over a week and a half since their second date. Although they'd found time for one another, they'd also gotten wrapped up in opposing schedules and other plans. Sometimes Quinn would come over and they'd do homework together, or other days they'd have lunch alone. During the previous weekend, Quinn had been invited to dinner with Hiram and Leroy, and Rachel of course, but her mother had insisted they all have a weekend together as a 'family.' So she'd been stuck at home, wishing she was beside Rachel. As Quinn glanced up once more, she saw Rachel echoing the nervous lip-bite that they apparently shared in common when they were trying not to blush at one another, but Quinn was sure it was so subtle nobody would notice. Only a moment had lapsed and Rachel cleared her throat again. Quinn could tell the brunette had gotten distracted by the small moment shared between them.

"As I was saying," Rachel stated pointedly. "I have taken the liberty of reserving two cabins southeast of our lovely town. It's approximately an hour and a half away, some of you may have heard of Buck Creek State Park." There were a few grumbles of acknowledgement. "Each cabin has two bedrooms, as well as kitchen and livingroom," the grumbles became looks of interest, and Rachel smiled a little hopefully, "we have them for the entire weekend, and although there won't be an extensive amount of activities, I believe a weekend away from Lima may bring some of us closer where we might not have found ourselves bonding before."

Quinn arched an eyebrow. She was impressed. She hadn't even realized Rachel was planning all this, although she had found it suspicious that when Rachel's dads brought up reservations, Rachel had hopped up from her chair at the table and covered Hiram's mouth and insistently hushed him. Quinn smirked at the recollection and rolled her eyes before she closed her book and turned her attention directly on Rachel.

"So, although you do have the right to step out of the arrangement, I really do hope all of you agree to come on this trip. My fathers would be chaperoning, loosely, as they realize we would have more of a bonding experience if we don't feel we're being guarded. We'd also be taking both family vehicles, large enough to accomodate everyone, if you so choose that you want to come," Rachel looked so hopeful that Quinn felt like she might join Santana in the angry glaring if anyone said no. It was a good idea, after all. They had regionals coming up and it seemed as if the Glee club really was losing interest.

Santana glanced around the room, eyes briefly connecting with Quinn's, and Quinn tapped her pen on her notebook. The blonde offered her former friend a small smile, and recieved a quiet nod in response. "So, all in, raise your hand," the Cheerio stood, hip jutted to the side as she folded her arms over her chest and took her place next to Rachel.

Slowly, one by one, each Glee club member had their hand raised - reluctantly or not - and Rachel jumped in the air and clapped her hands. The brunette caught Quinn's gaze, and as Quinn dropped her hand from the air, they both simultaneously offered subtle and nervous grins with one another.

In school, the pair had kept things to a minimum, even spending time together between classes. Although most of the student body had noticed that they were being kind to one another, and could sometimes be found having friendly conversation, nobody was really the wiser to the growing bond. Much less the fact Quinn Fabray, former HBIC, was dating Rachel Berry. It was a quiet, unspoken agreement to explore their bond in secret. It wasn't a matter of shame - just a matter of not being quite _ready _yet. Although Quinn knew Rachel probably would accept being _out _much easier than herself, she still couldn't quite talk herself into letting everyone know that she was dating another girl. The simple fact was she had hit so low on the social ladder that any further down and she'd be digging her grave, and possibly dooming their slowly budding relationship to a bad end. After all, just like celebrity couples, most people couldn't handle the pressure of all eyes on them.

Rachel tucked her hair behind her ear in that nervous way she did sometimes. Quinn wondered if anyone noticed these things, or if anyone noticed Rachel hadn't stopped looking at Quinn for the last minute. They'd all seemed to lapse into discussions about what to bring and who they wanted to bunk with. Although Quinn was sitting in the back row and Rachel was standing in the front of the room, the blonde felt a subconscious magnetism between them - especially as their gazes lingered a little too long and Quinn's heart pitter-pattered against her ribs. Her nervous grin grew into a blush before she forced herself to momentarily break the spell Rachel had on her.

"For the most part, I'm sure most of the boys will want to bunk with one another at the end of the evening, and I'm sure the girls don't want to be necessarily groped in the middle of the night," Rachel continued on after gathering her composure and bouncing on her heels, "so Sam, Finn, Puck, Artie, Mike, you'll all be sharing a cabin."

"Kurt's a dude, too," Sam motioned to Kurt, who was busily fixing his hair and pursing his lips as if he was annoyed Sam was pointing that out.

Kurt shot Sam a glance, "Obviously, Angelina Jolie. I may have amazing fashion sense but I most certainly am male."

Rachel sighed softly, "I merely have Kurt with us because I don't think he'd be all-together comfortable with the questions I'm sure Puck has for him when the girls leave."

"Aw, come on, Berry, I wouldn't ask him anything to make him uncomfortable."

"Oh, like we don't know you'd have a list of questions about why Kurt would rather kiss you than he'd want to kiss Rachel," Quinn shot across at Puck.

Both Rachel and Kurt made faces similar to ones they'd make if they'd just eaten an entire lemon in one go.

"I would _never _kiss Puck," Kurt emphasized and covered his mouth as if to keep from dry heaving, "I'd kiss Rachel before I'd kiss Puck."

"The hell? I'm manly and beefy, Kurt," Puck looked genuinely confused as to why Kurt wouldn't want to kiss him.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Please."

"It's 'cause I'm Jewish, isn't it?" Puck offered and flared his nostrils unhappily.

Quinn laughed and covered her face, shaking her head at the exchange going on. As she uncovered her face, she saw Rachel's eyes lingering on her, the amused grin on Rachel's lips only causing Quinn's to grow.

"The point is, the rest of us will be in the other cabin, as I think most of us will be comfortable with that particular arrangement," Rachel finished resolutely. "Since tomorrow is Friday, I'll require all of you to write your address down. We'll be picking everyone up at 5pm," a few people groaned at the early time, "just so we can arrive around 7:30pm and have time for an evening of s'mores."

Artie raised his hand, "So your dads can fit a wheelchair in the back of one of the cars?" His expression was a little unsure, and he glanced around insecurely.

Rachel nodded simply, "Of course, Artie. Accomodations will be met for everyone."

"I'm gonna need someone to make sure I get my own bed 'cause there's no way I'm sleeping in the same bed with a dude," Finn stated with a slight darting glance.

"Oh please, be more insecure," Quinn rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Each cabin has two bedrooms, with two beds in each, as well as a bed on the pull out couch. So, Finn," Rachel corrected a little impatiently, "if you can calculate - "

"Doubtful," Santana mumbled under her breath and Quinn stifled a laugh behind her hand.

"The boys will get their own bed. Artie, Finn, Puck, Mike, Sam." Rachel finished simply.

Quinn's heart jumped a little as Rachel's eyes connected with hers and the diva headed up the stairs, a sheet of paper in hand as well as a pen. Quinn tried her best not to be obvious with her staring, but as Rachel stood in front of her - busily fastening the paper to a clipboard - it was hard not to look at those gorgeous legs of hers, or notice the hint of perfume that wafted in Quinn's direction as Rachel stood just in front. Those brown eyes lingered on hers, Quinn's face angled up ever so slightly, lips parted as she watched Rachel and took the clipboard. Their momentary connection was quietly intense, and Rachel was biting her lip at the corner nervously as she turned away from Quinn and made her way back down the stairs. Quinn had to remind herself to keep some kind of show-face on, and filled out her address despite the fact Rachel already knew exactly where she lived - and most likely how many minutes it took to jog on foot - so the address was frivolous. Appearances, though. She passed the clipboard to Puck, who scribbled and so continued on until every one had written their addresses down.

"So I'll see you all tomorrow at 5pm?" Her tone was hopeful as everyone stood, Mr. Schue standing proudly in the corner. Everyone gave a general acknowledgement of agreement, and began filing out. Rachel looked positively joyous that she'd managed to get everyone to agree to a weekend of bonding.

"I think it's a brilliant idea, Rachel," Schuester finally came forward and offered an encouraging smile. "I mean we've got regionals coming up and it'd be ten times better if you guys can enjoy yourselves." He clapped Rachel lightly on the shoulder before he turned his gaze to Santana, Brittany, and Quinn. "And I have to say, I'm really proud of you three. Santana, you and Rachel obviously had a bad history but now ..." he merely shrugged his shoulders in disbelief, "it's just great. And Quinn, it's good to see you making amends too."

Quinn smiled simply at the praise, standing just behind Santana. The Latina glanced behind her; dark brown eyes met green and the former best friends shared a simple smile. She missed Santana, missed being around someone who had a way of making everything seem completely witty - even scathing remarks. Quinn felt a twinge of emotion as her eyes dropped away from Santana's.

Schuester was busy finishing up with Rachel before he excused himself and said goodbye to the girls. The foursome stood in the choir room, and Quinn felt only a little awkward as she sat on the piano bench and wondered if she should leave or if Rachel wanted her to stay and possibly spend time together after school.

"You wanna hit Breadstix with us tonight?" Santana casually offered, her expression guarded but hopeful as she jarred Quinn from her reflection.

Quinn glanced around, as if Santana might possibly be speaking to someone else (Brad?) and after realizing she was being invited, she nodded. "Yeah, I mean if that's okay. I don't want to interrupt friend-time," she motioned between the trio and her gaze faltered as she saw Rachel beaming at her. Quinn smiled quietly and felt Rachel's hand linger on her arm.

"You won't be interrupting. Santana's going to be too busy shoving food into her mouth," Rachel laughed softly but her eyes searched Quinn's shyly.

The simple fact was that although they had made out more than once, and obviously started dating, Quinn still felt fresh butterflies every time Rachel looked at her. It made her feel all the more intrigued by the situation. Many people, even Quinn, expected her to run away at the sight of softening, but there was just something about that nervous feeling that had her hooked. Rachel had more than given her a reason to stick around, but the magnetism of their growing bond was something that seemed to come as natural as gravity.

Santana rolled her eyes, "You'd be shoveling down food, too, if you had Sylvester making you climb rock-walls and do suicides until you got sick."

"I like getting to the top of the rock wall," Brittany mused thoughtfully as she linked her pinkie with Santana's.

It didn't take long for the girls to make it out of McKinley. Santana offered to drive, which secretly made Quinn a little happier than normal - because that meant she'd get to sit in the back with Rachel. The blonde climbed in the back, and her eyes connected with Rachel's as the diva slid in beside her. Where once she was cursing the tiny amount of (or lack of) space between them in the back seat, she was now thanking the heavens above. Though they'd been spending time together, the pair had tried to keep everything to a bare minimum - physical contact included. Quinn had decided deprivation made things all the sweeter when there finally was opportunity. She felt Rachel's hand on her leg, and her eyes darted down to the point of contact. Her own hand gently moved to cover Rachel's, marvelling at her cashmere skin. Both girls seemed entranced - eyes cast at the connection of skin. Rachel turned her palm over underneath Quinn's, and it was something magical, the way it felt to have someone's fingers fitting between her own. Before, holding hands was a simple thing, and all together unfeeling, but with Rachel, Quinn felt everything. Her eyes darted a bit to the front seat, but found Rachel's all over again. Rachel was still entranced by the sight of their hands, and the diva's free hand was skirting over the surface of her hand. Quinn felt little jolts of electricity, her eyes lingering on the expression Rachel wore.

The diva must have realized she was being watched, because her deep brown eyes rose to meet Quinn's. Rachel blushed, offered a shy smile. With Rachel, time seemed to halt. It was something like turning an hour-glass over and watching the sand drop, grain by grain. To be frank, she probably wouldn't have noticed anything being said unless Rachel had spoken. Quinn drew her bottom lip in between her teeth to keep from saying anything - she liked the simple intensity of the moment.

It wasn't until they arrived at Breadstix and Santana was opening the driver's side door and pulling the seat forward to let the pair out that Quinn forced herself to look away - by that point Rachel's hand had gone to tracing over the skin of her forearm and wrist. Quinn's heart jumpstarted every time Rachel's fingers found their way to where her pulse beat strongest on her wrist, just beneath her skin. Quinn slowly crouched and got out of the car, and she had to bite back a smile as she felt Rachel holding on to her hand until the last moment. The diva was close behind her as they made their way into Breadstix. Side by side, the pair moved just behind Santana and Brittany, who piled into one side of a booth. Quinn waited for Rachel to get in, and slipped in beside her.

"So I gotta say this cabin in the woods thing is actually a really good idea," Santana commented simply as she idly checked out the menu. "I'm a little excited."

"Do you think we'll see any bears?"

"I don't think so, Britt," Santana commented as she glanced up at the waitress. She ordered for them - not much, just something to snack on.

Quinn remembered times like this, remembered sitting in Breadstix with her two best friends and talking about everything and nothing. It was amazing, how it felt almost full-circle, sitting here again with them. Only this time they weren't her best friends, they were Rachel's. The blonde ordered a diet soda and sat back comfortably against the booth. She saw Rachel's brown eyes dart back and forth a bit before Quinn had to bite back surprise at the hand on her thigh, gliding over the fabric of her sundress. It skirted up her knee and rested mid-thigh. Quinn glanced over at Rachel and met her questioning gaze with a subtle nod.

Quinn leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, but only in an effort to press her thigh close against Rachel's and encourage her hand to stay where it was. The blonde rested her head in her hands and threw Rachel a flirtatious glance - it was brief, but enough to make Rachel's hand squeeze her thigh gently and press her own against Quinn's. Contact, when deprived of it, became a delicious experience when there was finally a connection.

Rachel's hand was distracting, even as the food came and the trio began talking animatedly, Quinn merely listening and paying close attention to both her former friends and the brunette beside her, who had slipped her foot in between Quinn's, ankles twined as a replacement for her hand on her thigh - after all, Rachel needed both hands to eat and talk. Quinn thought it was amusing when Rachel talked with her hands. She noticed she did that only when she was really excited about something.

"So how's the sleeping arrangement gonna work?" Santana questioned as she finished another breadstick and watched her friend curiously. "In the girls cabin," she clarified as Brittany looked over at her.

"Well, we have the four of us, as well as Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina," Rachel ticked off each name on her fingers, and pondered as if to make sure she hadn't missed anyone. "So between four beds and a pull-out.."

"I don't want to sleep without Santana," Brittany looped her arm around Santana's waist and tugged herself close. Quinn thought it was cute how Santana smiled subtly at that and covered Brittany's arm with her hand.

One bed. Quinn glanced over and secretly wondered if she'd get to share a bed with Rachel.

Rachel was lost in thought, chewing on her lip, and drawing an invisible blueprint on the table. "Well, if we give I'm sure Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina will want to share a room. They seem to get along much better. So we could give them one bedroom. That would leave," her brown eyes glanced over at Quinn, "you and I in the same bedroom as these two."

Quinn nodded, hiding her elation with a small grin.

Santana chuckled throatily, "Damn, really, come on like you were gonna let Blondie sleep with anyone else."

Rachel threw Santana a glare before she blushed, "Well, then that will leave the pull out bed for my fathers, although they may get their own private cabin from what they'd been discussing. If that does happen, then they'll get the opportunity to decide if someone wants to sleep by themselves in the livingroom."

Quinn was very suddenly looking forward to the weekend. Her hazel eyes were sparkling, she was sure, and it made her feel very nervous but grateful that she'd be sharing a bed with Rachel all weekend. Although yes, they'd be keeping things slow, she'd daydreamed more than once about what it would feel like to wake up next to Rachel again. She'd only done so once - because the first night they'd ended up kissing (and confused) Quinn had woken up alone. She could remember, though, the feel of Rachel's body resting back against her own, the way Rachel insisted upon taking Quinn's hand and guiding it over her waist.

Apparently Rachel was thinking something along the same lines because she felt Rachel's knee nudge against her own, and saw brown eyes searching hers with that same inflection of emotion she felt at the memory.

It was going to be a good weekend.

###

"I can't believe how nice this cabin is, I'm likin' this," Mercedes nodded in approval as the girls piled into their cabin the following day. Kurt made a sound of general agreement and looped his arm with Tina's.

"So we get our own bedroom?" Kurt asked simply and Rachel nodded in response.

Quinn was honestly surprised no one had questioned why she had opted to share a room with three people who - not that long ago - were supposed to hate her or at least dislike her. The only person who'd come close to saying anything was Kurt, when he'd arched his eyebrow and pursed his lips when he'd noticed Quinn and Rachel sharing a mutual glance with one another. Thankfully, the boy had stayed silent.

"We call firsties!" Kurt grabbed Mercedes hand and inspected the rooms before haphazardly shoving both Mercedes and Tina into the nicest bedroom and closing the door.

Santana shrugged nonchalantly and smirked, "Whatevs," she murmured and took Brittany's bag for her and lugged it into the other bedroom, putting their bags on the one bed.

Quinn felt a twinge of nervousness, seeing the bed she'd be sharing with Rachel. She set her bag down at the foot of the bed and felt a hand at the small of her back as Rachel passed her and set her own bag down. Quinn watched with a warm smile as the brunette pulled out a framed picture of Barbra Streisand. She wanted to laugh, but it was just too adorable and too _Rachel _for her to really laugh at.

The blonde merely shook her head.

"Girls, camp fire's going, who wants s'mores before the boys eat all the marshmallows or throw them at one another?" Leroy's voice came in through the front door to the cabin.

"They better save me some marshmallows, or I'm going to shove somebody into the fire pit." Santana all but growled and moved Brittany out of the way as she bolted out the door and disappeared. In the room beside them, Kurt, Tina, and Mercedes were all chattering as they followed.

As Rachel unpacked and Quinn sat on the bed, watching her quietly, Brittany sat on the opposite bed and stared. Quinn had to laugh a little bit as she noticed, "Something on my face?" She teased Brittany lightly as she looked at the taller Cheerio.

Brittany shook her head, "I'm just wondering," she began carefully, eyes moving between Rachel and Quinn. The diva turned a glance over her shoulder curiously at Brittany, "do you really like Rachel? I've never seen you blush before, only when you look at Rachel."

Quinn flushed red and cleared her throat, bit back a grin as Rachel shot her a bashful smile herself.

"Why do you ask, Britt?"

"'Cause you make Rachel happy, plus she sings every time after she sees you and then hangs out with us," Britt stood up, shrugged her shoulders, then caught Rachel's hand with her own.

Quinn shared a look with Rachel, who blushed and nodded in admission.

"I do," Quinn responded a bit softly.

"Good," Brittany stated simply and motioned to Quinn, "Now let's go get some marshmallows or stop Santana from throwing someone into the campfire."

Rachel's hand slipped around Quinn's elbow as Brittany let go of the diva's hand, and Quinn allowed her gaze to rest on Rachel's for a moment. Subtly, she covered Rachel's hand with her own as they joined everyone else at the fire. The contact looked casual, but felt intimate, because hidden beneath Quinn's palm was Rachel's thumb stroking over her skin. They sat down together on the remaining log around the fire.

"Puck I swear, if you don't give me that I'm gonna make sure you find out exactly how deep this lake is," Santana was wrestling a bag of marshmallows away from Puck, with Kurt squealing nervously as he yanked his hand away, managing to get one marshmallow out of the bunch.

Rachel laughed softly, and Quinn could feel the warm smile spreading across her lips in reaction to that warm, infectious laugh. Quinn glanced over at Rachel, who caught the gaze and silenced her laugh. Those fingers once again stroked the skin of Quinn's arm, and Quinn felt her breath hitch as their eyes _really _locked. Rachel's eyes smoldered, the way they had that first day they'd spent the day together at the mall. Quinn wanted to stroke her beautiful skin and kiss her, but no matter how bad her tunnel vision was, she knew that the entire glee club would see it. Those dark eyes dipped to Quinn's lips, back again, enough times to let Quinn know Rachel was feeling the exact same burning desire.

"-so they found his body, chopped up, on the other side of the lake and his right hand hanging from a tree branch."

"That's really gross," Brittany frowned as she popped a marshmallow into her mouth and Santana snatched the bag away from her, grumbling about Puck.

Quinn felt her fingers slowly glide over Rachel's, the tension in her chest building. Normally she would have cringed at the gruesome story being told but she could barely hear it over the steady thrum of her heart. It was pounding in her ears and she swallowed thickly, eyes dipping to those delicious lips, "Rach," she breathed quietly at the brunette. If Rachel didn't stop looking at her like that she was going to lose what little control she had and kiss Rachel in front of everyone.

The diva popped up from her seat, startling Quinn, but startling her even more because Rachel tugged her up with her, forcefully grabbing Quinn's hand and dragging the blonde away from the fire. "Quinn forgot bug spray, we'll be right back," she called over her shoulder in a rush and Quinn had no choice but to follow - she glanced helplessly behind her where Santana was smirking.

Quinn wanted to laugh, wanted to tell Rachel to wait, but all she could do was trail after Rachel as the diva forced her into the cabin and closed the door. Rachel checked the windows and seemed satisfied that no one had followed them, before she quite roughly grabbed Quinn by the hand and dragged her into the bedroom and closed the door. Quinn was a little stunned and nervous, and kind of turned on, because Rachel was darting around the room closing the curtains.

"Is there a reason you dragged me in here?" Quinn teased and folded her arms over her stomach, "Because it might look suspicious if I don't come back," she watched Rachel close the last curtains and dim the light.

"Yes, I forgot this," Rachel had yet to turn around but when she did, her words tumbled out of her mouth in a rush and she quickly grasped Quinn's neck and forced her down into a searing kiss, one full of emotion and desperation. The ex-Cheerio went rigid in shock for a moment before she melted. Quinn let out an almost tearful whimper at the intensity, her arms slipping to her sides and gripping Rachel's shirt tightly, feeling her warmth. Rachel was practically crushing her against the wall. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," Rachel breathed against her lips as she finally pulled away slightly, thumb tracing Quinn's jaw. Those dark brown eyes sought to dismantle Quinn. The blonde found herself leaning against the wall for support as she tried to catch her breath.

Quinn's breath heaved a little as she felt her head swimming. She searched Rachel's face, fingers threading through her brown hair. "I know what you mean," she bared a half-smile and felt her voice husk a little with all the emotion she felt. Rachel made her feel everything all at once. No one had ever made her feel so absolutely intense.

She felt Rachel's hands crossing over her shoulders, the brunette pulling herself tighter in Quinn's arm and burying her head against Quinn's neck. It amazed the ex-Cheerio how perfectly the brunette fit in her arms, how amazing it felt to have the warmth of Rachel's body pressed against her own, buried against her. Emotion swelled in her heart and she breathed in Rachel's shampoo. She thought if she could do anything for the rest of her life it would be this - holding Rachel.

Quinn felt Rachel pull herself tighter, impossibly closer, her grip tightening on Quinn's shoulders. There were so many feelings but no words, and Quinn wished she could express all of it to Rachel. She pulled away slightly, guided Rachel's gaze upward, and brushed her lips over Rachel's. She wanted Rachel to feel every ounce of emotion she had. A moment of passion had turned to tenderness, and the kiss was heart-achingly gentle. Quinn's fingers danced over Rachel's jaw, demanded nothing of Rachel's kiss, only sought to convey her speechlessness. She broke away gently and searched Rachel's face for her reaction.

Rachel looked stunned, a little shocked, and she looked up at Quinn through her lashes. She looked like she was having a difficult time breathing, and Quinn pressed her lips to Rachel's forehead, "We should get back out there. I'm pretty sure we should've already found bug spray by now." Quinn winked softly and untangled herself from Rachel's embrace, searched her bag, and tossed bug spray in her direction. Rachel caught it, with a grin, "Yes but I hope you know you can't escape my affections for much longer, Quinn," she teased softly.

"Trust me, that's the last thing I want to do." Quinn's hazel eyes glinted and she motioned toward the door, "let's go."

As the pair arrived back outside, arms linked, Quinn waved the bug spray a bit as proof and shared a mischevious look with Santana that went unnoticed among the rest of the glee clubbers.

Kurt narrowed eyes suspiciously in their direction, but didn't say anything. If anyone was going to notice anything, she feared it was going to be him. Her stomach twisted nervously but she tried to ignore it as she sat down in the place she had before. Rachel took the bug spray from her and handed it to Leroy, who seemed to be particularly swarmed with insects. The brunette resumed her place next to Quinn and bumped shoulders with her. An entirely different set of nerves were fluttering about as she felt Rachel sit down next to her.

"So tomorrow it's supposed to be relatively warm," Rachel informed the group as they all lulled in conversation. Puck was getting out his guitar and tuning it up. Quinn shook her head a bit. No matter how 'cool' Puck always tried to be, he would always be a music geek at heart. It made Quinn smile. "I propose a swimming venture! They have a platform in the middle of the reservoir and it should be rather fun."

"Water might be cold," Sam mentioned, but Santana threw a marshmallow at his face. It bounced off his cheek and he looked offended, "but yeah it'd be fun," he added without much conviction.

"I'm all for it. I'd like to see some of you ladies in a bikini."

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Please," she stated simply. "Not like you have any trouble leering at us if we're wearing more than just a bikini."

"Well, Baby Mama, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy staring at your fine self when you turn around."

"Hey!" Rachel piped up, then flushed red and folded her arms over her chest, "this is precisely why we're not doing co-ed cabins, because - " she pointed accusatorily at Puck, "because you're all horomones and inappropriate thoughts."

"Kurt's a dude though," Finn pointed out, as if the subject hadn't been broached the day before.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Really, Finn, we've discussed this already or were you too busy trying to figure out how to make a s'more tower?"

Finn frowned and looked away, "Some brother."

"Oh please, who else would help you coordinate your closet and pair your socks together? I'm an amazing brother. Not to mention I'm the one who's been teaching you how to cook."

Quinn laughed at the dynamic, glancing in Kurt's direction.

"I just .. get sick of eating peanut butter sandwiches," Finn glanced around as if explaining why he'd be learning how to cook.

Beside Quinn, Rachel was silently laughing at the exchange. The blonde glanced beside her, daring to meet Rachel's eyes for a small moment and share a smile. Rachel's arms dropped from their defensive position over her chest and one hand subtly slid behind Quinn - as if to rest on the log behind her - but in reality it was just an excuse for Rachel to press her arm in behind Quinn and rest against her back, fingers tracing over the small of her back on their way.

"So let's play truth or dare," Santana offered as she finally seemed to be satisfied of her urge to eat far too many s'mores.

Brittany nodded in agreement, "That'd be fun."

"What are we, 12?" Mercedes frowned a little. A marshmallow smacked her on the side of the head and Santana made herself busy looking at the trees behind them, opposite Mercedes. "Girl, throw another marshmallow and you're gonna find some marshmallows melted into your hair when you wake up," she challenged simply.

"Oh, calm down, Hair Weave," Santana folded her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes.

Leroy excused himself at this, offered the kids a bit of a warning to behave themselves, and strode away from the campfire to the small cabin he and Hiram had rented to keep a distant eye on the kids without having to put up with all of them at once.

"In or out?" Puck asked the group. "Truth or dare sounds good to me."

Quinn watched the group and shared a glance with Rachel, "Well I don't know about you guys but I think I'm ready to lay down. I'm tired," she commented before standing. The truth was that she knew it was going to get into dangerous territory if the questions or dares got too far.

"Yeah I'm not really into that idea right now," Tina shook her head simply. "Plus I'm kinda tired. We have all weekend for that kind of thing, right?"

Thank you, Tina. After that, one by one, the glee clubbers seemed to all come to a general agreement that it was late, to Puck's disappointment, who was striding away from the fire with the rest of the boys grumbling about the fact he was hoping he was going to get to see some girls make out. If only he knew the half of it.

Quinn strode ahead of the girls, having parted herself from Rachel reluctantly, only to keep up appearances. She stepped into the cabin first, holding the screen door open for Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes who were all prattling on about something. Quinn headed into the shared bedroom and was followed by Santana, who seemed a little disappointed that they hadn't in fact played truth or dare.

"Man, you're such a kill-joy. Why didn't you want to play?"

Quinn offered her least irritated, 'are you serious' eyebrow arch.

Santana rolled her eyes as she lay on the mattress, "You're so paranoid. It's not like you would've gotten outed or anything." Brittany strode in amidst the conversation, and sat on the bed beside Santana.

Rachel was the last to come in, and her face lit up as she saw Quinn. The blonde could tell Rachel was having a hard time not barrelling into her arms, because of the way she grinned and bounced a little on her heel before she closed and locked the bedroom door.

"I just don't think it's a good idea, Santana, for me to be playing a game which we both know Puck would have turned into his personal fantasy playbook," Quinn stated simply as she tore her eyes from Rachel's. She grabbed a pair of sweatpants and passed Rachel as she changed into them beside the bed, knowing it really was the same as being in a locker room with these three girls. It didn't bother her so much - only she felt a shiver when she saw Rachel hungrily taking in the sight of her legs before they disappeared under the sweatpants.

Santana sighed, "You really gotta get over this," she offered and leaned up on her elbow. "Me and Britt are open about what we do."

"Yeah but everyone thinks you make out in front of Puck for entertainment value," Quinn's eyes flickered over to Rachel's, silently pleading for help.

Rachel watched Quinn as if she was in a daze from seeing the skin of Quinn's thighs, but shook it off and looked over at Santana, "Quinn has every right to be concerned," she told her best friend and gave her an apologetic look, "not to mention I believe Kurt's been eyeing us closely."

Next to their room, the loud raucous laughter of Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt exploded.

"I noticed that, too."

"So what? What's the worst that's going to happen if they find out?" Santana pressed curiously. "Why the big gay panic?"

"Because I don't feel like getting kicked out of my house again?" Quinn offered in return. She really didn't want to be arguing with Santana - things had been going so well.

Rachel tossed a small pillow at Santana and shot her a look, "Don't push."

Santana shrugged a shoulder, "I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, Q, I just don't think you need to worry as much as you do."

Quinn nodded in acquiescense. "I know, but I can't really help it."

Rachel got up, passed Quinn by drawing her hand over the back of Quinn's neck, and went to her own bag to grab her pajamas. She slipped into her boyshorts and beater, causing Quinn to gape slightly and lose her train of thought.

"Just like you can't help ogling Rachel like she's the most delicious piece of bacon you've ever seen," Santana teased, laughed.

"Rach doesn't look like bacon," Brittany knotted her brows together in confusion.

Santana shook her head and grinned. "Yo, Berry, turn that light off," she gestured toward the light switch before turning over and pulling the blanket over herself and Brittany.

Quinn slipped into bed, catching a last glimpse of Rachel's delicious legs before the light went out. She saw Rachel's silhouette crossing the room and felt the mattress shift under Rachel's added weight. Quinn opened the blanket for her, felt her stomach muscles twitch nervously as Rachel slid her hand over Quinn's abs. Even through the fabric, Rachel's hands felt hot against her stomach. The diva's perfume surrounded her as she felt Rachel scoot as close as possible, the warm skin of her thighs eminate warmth against her own. Quinn wrapped her arm delicately around Rachel's waist, tugging the brunette closer and smiling in the darkness at how wonderful it felt. She tried to memorize everything about it, even the way Rachel's shirt bunched up around the edges when she shifted against Quinn and settled her head against Quinn's shoulder. Rachel's fingers traced slowly over Quinn's back, pushing up the edge of the shirt and trailing over bare skin.

Quinn fell asleep wrapped in Rachel Berry, which in her opinion was close to heavenly. The last thing she remembered was the warm, even gusts of breath against her collarbone after Rachel had fallen asleep.

###

Rachel was a possessive sleeper, apparently. Quinn had only woken up with Rachel once before, and she didn't remember positively if Rachel had been quite so ... clingy. The blonde had yet to open her eyes but she felt a perfectly toned leg twined in her own, felt an arm wrapped almost completely around her, Rachel's body half-draped over Quinn's. Not that she was complaining, mind you.

Quinn shifted a little, stretched out beneath Rachel as her muscles quivered in an attempt to wake themselves up. In the back of her mind, Quinn felt the way Rachel's warm body felt when laid nearly completely on top of her, the way it felt to have Rachel's body shift against her own as she stretched. Her stretching didn't interrupt Rachel's sleep, though, because the brunette merely licked her lips in her sleep, furrowed her brow, and continued to sleep. Quinn did her best not to chuckle and she sifted fingers through Rachel's hair while sleepily checking to see if Santana and Brittany were asleep. Indeed, the girls were still asleep. Brittany was snuggled up in front of Santana, and Santana's arm was lazily draped over Brittany's hips. Quinn's heart warmed at seeing the pair's fingers interlinked with one another.

Rachel shifted a little atop Quinn, nuzzled into Quinn's neck. The blonde shivered and turned her attention to the girl in her arms. Rachel looked completely untroubled and beautiful in her sleep. Quinn wondered how she'd honestly overlooked Rachel and directed such insults at her when she was possibly the most beautiful girl most people would ever meet. Hazel eyes guided down Rachel's arm, and Quinn's hand followed the trail. Her fingers grazed over Rachel's bare shoulder, down her arm, centimeter by centimeter, enjoying every bit of it. Rachel stirred only a little, still didn't wake.

A knock at the door interrupted any further actions she may have taken, Kurt's voice coming from the other side. "Are any of you awake yet? It's almost 11 and we're all going swimming!" He tried at the door-handle, wiggled it.

Santana grumbled in her sleep and opened her eyes, threw a pillow at the door and closed her eyes again, "I'm gonna need you to shut it, Gaga," she called out to the door, raspy voice even more so in the morning.

Quinn laughed a little and felt Rachel lift her head. Those sleepy brown eyes met hers, and Rachel blushed softly, "Sorry," the brunette whispered sleepily, "I didn't mean to climb all over you." She began to remove herself from Quinn's arms, but Quinn sat up and gently pulled Rachel back into them. She didn't care if Santana was in the room. Santana probably couldn't have cared less, either. The Latina was already dropping back off to sleep. Rachel, on the other hand, looked surprised, but melted into Quinn's arms. Quinn could feel those perfect arms snake around her waist as Rachel hugged herself completely against the ex-Cheerio.

"I really wasn't complaining," Quinn spoke drowsily into Rachel's ear and concentrated on memorizing how Rachel's weight felt pressed against her. Rachel was blushing but responded with an extra squeeze around Quinn's waist, fingers burying lightly against Quinn's shoulderblades. Her hazel eyes dropped shut as she breathed Rachel in. She still felt tired herself. "Wanna sleep in?"

Rachel yawned against Quinn's shoulder and nodded, "Yes please."

Brittany was up and about a few minutes after, dragging Santana unwillingly from their bed and asking her to get dressed so they could go swimming. Rachel had already quickly fallen back asleep in Quinn's arms; the ex-Cheerio was merely pretending to sleep - mostly because the idea that she'd get an extra hour or two of this with Rachel was too tempting to pass up - but listening to the conversation.

"Should we get the snuggle-bunnies up?" Santana rasped.

"No, they look cute that way," Brittany had a tone of affection in her voice. "Come on, I want to go swimming."

"You're lucky I love you," Santana grumped simply. "Quinn and Rachel get to sleep."

The door clicked shut behind the pair, and after a moment or two of silence, Quinn opened her eyes and saw that indeed she and Rachel were alone. Rachel was passed out completely, and Quinn yawned quietly. She shifted a little so she was laying on her side, and mused at the fact Rachel's body just naturally responded to her own by molding against it. Rachel buried her head against the pillow, Quinn's arm draped over Rachel's back. Rachel slept a little bit like a kitten who desperately needed to be in contact with someone at all times. It was adorable. Quinn drew shapes over Rachel's back as the brunette slept. She let her remain so a little longer before she decided she wanted to wake the diva up. They could have a stolen hour or two alone - talking or at least both coherent.

"Rachel, Barbra Streisand is calling your phone!"

Like a greyhound coming out of the gate, Rachel shot up and basically rolled off the bed, disappearing from view in her effort to find her phone. "Barbra?" The diva reappeared, standing at the side of the bed. Her hair was only slightly mussed from her night of sleep, and she rubbed her eyes.

Quinn had to laugh, "Sorry, it was the only way I knew I'd be able to get you up for sure," she teased with a wide grin. The blonde had nearly forgotten Rachel had only worn those boyshorts to bed, until her eyes dropped to Rachel's thighs as the brunette crawled back on the bed sleepily.

"That was quite unkind. Barbra is no joke," Rachel yawned mid-sentence and glanced down at Quinn. She flushed a deep red when she saw Quinn's eyes locked on her legs. Quinn didn't know what it was but she fantasized about those legs since they started dating, and here they were in a very short pair of boyshorts. She wanted to touch them, wanted to kiss them, wanted to feel what they'd be like -

Quinn flushed red at her line of thinking and glanced up at Rachel's eyes - they'd darkened dramatically at Quinn's obvious physical attraction to Rachel's body.

"What are you looking at, Miss Fabray?"

"Nothing," Quinn blushed even deeper and rolled over so her back was to Rachel, buried her head under a pillow. She wanted to go slow, liked her simple moments with Rachel, but apparently this morning her brain had different plans. The images flashing through her head were certainly not something she should be thinking of just yet. The blonde nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand slip under her shirt and trail up her spine. She groaned into the pillow, "Not nice," she muffled into the pillow, half-hopeful that Rachel couldn't hear that. She wasn't going to stop Rachel, even if her mind was telling her to rewind.

Rachel's fingers danced over Quinn's spine, and Quinn's fingers simultaneously gripped the pillow harder against her face and sighed into the thick down pillow. They continued their luxurious trail over Quinn's back, covering every inch. The hand removed and Quinn thought maybe she was off the hook, that is until Rachel's hand returned by slipping around her waist and Rachel's lips joined in the fun. Rachel's lips, those perfect, searing lips, were pressed against the back of her neck. Behind Quinn, the diva's body pressed in close.

Oh this was so, so beyond taking it slow. These feelings were full on lusty feelings. Animalistic. Quinn gripped the pillow harder and tried to control her breathing, lifting her head from the pillow as she felt Rachel's hand skating underneath her shirt over toned abs. Rachel dragged her fingernails over Quinn's abs as she brushed her lips over Quinn's shoulder. Rachel was pressed impossibly close and pushing the boundaries even further.

Quinn desperately wanted to roll on to her back and pull Rachel down into a feverish kiss, but she satisfied the urge by stilling Rachel's hand against her stomach, "You really, really are going to make me lose control," she breathed out as she let the pillow drop to the mattress. She didn't dare look at Rachel, mostly because she knew what those eyes would look like. Smoldering. They'd burn into her flesh and strip her bare.

"Oops," Rachel seemed to smile against Quinn's shoulder, her hips pressing in behind Quinn.

Quinn elbowed her gently and laughed huskily, "God, Rachel. You make it really hard to go slow."

"I believe you were the one staring at my legs," Rachel pointed out lightly as she sat up. Quinn finally gathered the courage to roll over on to her back, giving Rachel a very pointed glare.

"Have you seen your legs? Seriously," Quinn emphasized, motioning to the brunette, and gulping as she saw Rachel's hand trail up her own leg as if she was examining it. Really, she was just teasing Quinn into staring again. Quinn's hand shot forward, laughing anxiously as she covered Rachel's hand with her own, stilling its progress, "Stop, before I - "

Rachel's grin got even bigger, "Before you...?"

Quinn blushed. Rachel certainly wasn't shy this morning. The blonde groaned, raised pleading eyebrows and pouted, "I'm really trying to behave, like really, and you're so not making it easy."

"Maybe I don't want it to be easy for you," Rachel leaned down, her curtain of brown hair slipping over those olive-skinned shoulders, breathing the air between them before she brushed her lips over Quinn's.

Quinn whimpered a little, felt Rachel shifting slowly, and gasped as she felt Rachel shift a leg between her own, straddling Quinn's thigh and bearing her weight against the ex-Cheerio's. Quinn felt her head swim and she lost all coherent thought the moment Rachel's torso was crushing down against her own. The brunette's tongue familiarized itself with Quinn's, a slow, sensual dance between them. Quinn's hands slipped beneath Rachel's shirt, over the small of her back, and she found herself quite lost in all of it.

Rachel breathed hotly against Quinn's lips as she grinned and pulled away. The diva reached an arm behind herself and encouraged Quinn's hands far lower than her back. Rachel apparently wanted Quinn to be an ass woman. Quinn gasped, eyes dilating. Oh, this felt nice. Very nice. As she squeezed, massaged, she saw Rachel's eyes flutter shut. Then again, maybe she _was _an ass woman whether Rachel wanted it that way or not.

Rachel groaned softly before she dipped against Quinn's mouth, capturing her in a searing kiss and whimpering every time Quinn responded and seemed to be enjoying the placement of her hands. Quinn decided she _really _liked Rachel in those boyshorts.

Just as Quinn had stopped thinking about what they were doing, a loud knock at the door caused Rachel to pull away and look at the window. Quinn buried her head, blushing and laughing against Rachel's neck. Rachel laughed nervously as well, the couple shocked out of their almost-intimate encounter.

"Oh my god, good thing the door is - "

Santana opened the door, "Come on, lesbos."

Rachel practically toppled off Quinn and on to the floor.

Quinn burst into laughter even though she should have been terrified. "Jesus, good thing it was just you."

"Yeah, good for you, 'cause that shit was not very PG-13." Santana grinned. "Get your bathing suits on and get out there, Puck's planning a raid if you're not out in a half an hour."

Quinn nodded, stood, and helped Rachel up. Rachel blushed and ducked her head against Quinn's shoulder as the door closed again, Quinn's arms wrapped around the diva's waist as they shared embarassed laughter. "You see what you almost did?"

"You started it," Rachel blushed and bit her bottom lip. "Swim suits!"

Quinn arched a challenging eyebrow and pressed a light kiss to Rachel's lips. She liked when things went slow, but if what just happened was a preview of what would happen when they finally reached the right level, she was really looking forward to it.

###

"You two slept in awfully late," Kurt observed. He was sitting on the boat deck, one leg crossed over the other as he tried to get a decent amount of sun. Mercedes was laying next to him, eyes closed, enjoying the sunlight.

Quinn shrugged her shoulder simply and lay her towel on the dock. "Don't make me splash you, Hummel," she warned with a nudge to his shoulder as she passed him. Behind her, she heard quick footsteps and felt arms wrapping around her waist.

"Payback!" Rachel shouted just before they both crashed into the lake. Quinn found herself bursting to the surface, realizing Rachel had just done exactly what she'd done to the diva before they'd started dating, when Santana and Brittany had left to get their bathing suits and Quinn had tackled Rachel into the swimming pool.

Quinn floundered at the surface, "Oh my god," she stated with water dripping from her hair. She brushed her gold locks away from her eyes and splashed Rachel in revenge. "I can't believe you."

"If I recall correctly, it's been done to me before. By you," Rachel raised an eyebrow and splashed Quinn again before she jumped in Quinn's direction and tackled the blonde, dunking her for only a moment before letting her up. "That too."

Army-Quinn was sharpening her knife and glaring out into the jungle, muttering about mutiny.

Quinn felt Rachel's arms loop around her neck from behind as Rachel dragged her in the water, and the blonde couldn't help but laugh. She wanted to say something like 'you're so lucky I'm dating you' but she couldn't, especially with the rest of the glee club swimming. Santana was sunning on the dock as well, and Brittany finally jumped in the water near them.

The sun beat down over the surface of the lake, and she felt Rachel's arms slip from around her as the brunette circled her and Brittany. Quinn watched with admiration and treaded water. She felt Brittany grab her by the waist and before Quinn knew what was happening, Brittany was carrying her over her shoulder and running across the dock again. Quinn let out a cry of surprise as Brittany jumped with Quinn in her arms. She really needed to talk to these girls about throwing her in the water all the time.

Quinn came to the surface again, laughing as she moved soaking hair from her face. She felt Rachel's arms slip underneath the water around her waist and pull her backward, and she let herself float and let Rachel guide her as she laughed.

"We need to get Santana in," Rachel stated in her ear. Quinn nodded in agreement. The pair broke apart, and swam around the side of the dock. Rachel dipped under the water and nudged Quinn's thigh in passing. Perfectly timed, Rachel burst to the surface a moment later just as Quinn jumped onto the dock and grabbed Santana by the arm. Rachel's hand was latched around Santana's ankle and the pair pulled a cursing Latina into the lake.

All Puck had to say was, "Girls, dude."

Quinn had never felt happier, even when Santana was struggling in her arms and threatening bodily harm if Quinn didn't let her get out of the water. When Santana stopped struggling, she felt the Latina sigh and lean against her.

"You're an asshole," Santana finished lamely, although she didn't mean it.

"Yeah, well." Quinn shrugged her shoulder and smiled at Santana as she let her go. Santana was smiling warmly at her - the way she had back when they had been friends. The Latina splashed her in the face and Quinn flinched, laughing.

Rachel climbed up on to the dock and was watching Quinn with a softness in her eyes. As they met gazes, Quinn flushed subtly and nodded her head for Rachel to get in. When Rachel shook her head, Quinn pouted simply.

Rachel rolled her eyes, but slipped into the water again. She wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck from behind and rested her head against the ex-Cheerio's shoulder. Quinn wrapped her arms behind her, resting on whatever part of Rachel she could reach, as they tread water and watched the glee club continuously shoving one another into the water and swimming.

After about an hour, some of the others had started to get out and dry off or find lunch. Rachel took the opportunity to grab Quinn under water and resurface, not giving Quinn much choice as the blonde was guided out to the middle of the reservoir. There was a large floating platform out there, and Quinn realized Rachel was trying to get her alone. After that it was only a short swim to the platform, and she followed Rachel's cue as she climbed the ladder to the platform and sat down, letting the hot sun dry her skin.

Rachel lay beside Quinn, her toned and tempting body stretched next to her, and the diva looked up at the blonde. They shared a moment of silent connection, Rachel's hand slipping in to Quinn's. Quinn watched Rachel with affection in her eyes, and in that moment she didn't care who might see them alone out there on the platform. Quinn toyed with Rachel's fingers.

"I still can't believe we're dating," Rachel mused thoughtfully. "I can't believe I'm dating you."

Quinn didn't know if that was a good thing, but as her expression faltered, Rachel clarified.

"You're this beautiful... teenage epitome of everything people want to be and I'm...not."

Quinn shook her head simply, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, Rachel," her warm voice purred with admiration.

Rachel blushed and offered a shy smile, "Really?"

"Really," Quinn wrinkled her nose.

"Sorry about this morning."

"I'm not." Quinn _really _wasn't.

"Want to stay out here for a while? You and me? Everyone else will be getting lunch."

Quinn knew it would be suspicious if they kept sneaking off together all weekend, and Quinn really wanted to force herself to give a damn, but right now Rachel Berry was looking really good in her bikini and she had her all to herself. She wanted every single second with Rachel that she could get, wanted to cherish every moment. The blonde nodded, offered a wry grin, "How could I turn you down when you're looking at me like that?"

Rachel blushed and buried her head against Quinn's arm.

Quinn only grinned and ran her free hand through Rachel's wet hair, hazel eyes full of affection.


	7. War

Title: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

Pairing: Quinn/Rachel

A/N: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. ^_^ I woke up this morning inspired, so I'm going to hit you guys with this next one right away. (_Caught some grammatical errors - sorry about that, working on fixing it now. :P)_

depaul7: Well thank you, M! :D I'm glad you enjoyed that, haha. I like throwing in little 'easter eggs' for either Achele fans or just people who might like the same nerdy things I do (Star Wars etc). Hope you like the story! I have no idea where Quinn gets her self-control, :P There will definitely be Quintanna friendship, don't you worry.  
><span>HappyLaura<span>: Ahhhhh oh my goodness I want to use the word "gutted" now. I wonder if I could do it and sound posh as well? ;) I checked what you were talking about - in terms of people recommending my fic and oh my gosh peole are recommending my fic! You guys really do like meeeee. Excuse me while I cry. I wanted to bring the group in a bit more coming up, I just hope I characterize everyone properly without it being typical. Thank you, again, always, for your kind reviews! -hugs and stuff-  
><span>stix04<span>: Excuse me while I die. I .. I freaked out a little when I saw you'd reviewed the story. To be quite honest you're so quality I'm so flattered you enjoy my fic. I can't even ... what are words ... Thank you so much for the review and I hope you enjoy it! -breathing into paper bag-  
><span>seyan<span>: Hahaha, oh man, yeah. I just don't think it's realistic for Quinn to have reservations about being out but then to have them mauling each other as soon as the doors close. So, slow is good. ^_^  
><span>MorningMsMagpie<span>: LOL I'm glad you enjoyed it! Who would really be able to resist Rachel? I mean really. Sigh.  
><span>Vaneeeyuh<span>: Rachel's leeeegssss. THOSE LEGS.  
><span>beepboopbop<span>: Your name makes me lul. Haha. I'm sorry you had a tough day! I'm glad I can help make it better. -hugs and stuff-

###

Chapter 7: **War**

_Wage your war..._

###

Army-Quinn was in the middle of an intense game of poker. Eyes narrowed, she examined each of the faces around her. Light flickered, the lamp above swaying with the impact of bombs being dropped all around them. One of the guerillas narrowed his gaze. _Bluff. _

In real time, Quinn was swimming back with Rachel to the dock, where Kurt was still sunning himself. He was swinging one leg back and forth, eyes hidden by shades. Rachel made it to shore first, and Quinn was a little winded as she got out of the water.

"I believe three of our number have raised to five."

Quinn glanced over her shoulder and caught Kurt watching them with an observant look.

"The question is, will your children be Jewish or Christian?"

The blonde's eyes went wide, as did Rachel's. The brunette turned slowly and advanced as if she were afraid of land mines. Army-Quinn was diving across the table and wrestling poker chips from the guerrilla most directly across her, and the guerrilla let out a girlish scream and scrambled across the dirt floor. Real Quinn was as still as a deer on the side of the road, trying not to get run over.

"What did you say?" Rachel inquired quietly.

Kurt arched an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. "Honey, the others may have terrible judgement of character but I am the original one-eyed chiclet in the world of the blind," he stood slowly and brushed himself off, slipped on his sandals. "And I have to admit for a while you both had me guessing. At first I thought that maybe you'd just reached an agreement to be friends, what with the walking down the hall together and not running the other way when Rachel said you two would be sharing a room," he motioned to Quinn.

Quinn couldn't breathe. Oh no. She wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready for someone else to know, wasn't ready for this. Had she blinked in the last minute or so?

"Kurt...I mean it's just...what you're suggesting is...ridiculous really...that's just not plausi-" Rachel stammered nervously and her gaze turned behind them, searching for any other onlookers, and then her gaze stopping on Quinn. "Quinn, you have to breathe," Rachel warned softly.

Oh, she had to do that, didn't she? _ I am breathing. _Quinn blinked, and realized too late that her vision was blurring. The blonde slumped to the ground, distantly hearing Rachel call her name in a state of panic. Army-Quinn was busy drawing angry pictures of a very feminine guerrilla, with little land mines all around his feet and his face scribbled out. _Hummel._

When Quinn was finally woken, Leroy was leaning over her looking quite worried. She vaguely felt water being splashed against her face, and noticed her skin felt especially hot. Quinn blinked, panic flooding her again as she sat straight up and nearly pushed Leroy out of the way to get up. As she stood - with full intention on running away and digging a decent sized hole and burying herself in it - she felt Leroy grab her by the waist as she swayed in her spot, dizzy, and went limp against his strong arms.

Rachel looked absolutely panicked. She came back with some kind of cloth in her hand, and upon seeing Quinn standing, the brunette took off at a run. All at once Rachel's hands were checking her face and arms and head as if to be sure Quinn wasn't injured. Her vision was still blurry and she laughed with a sort of self-depricating tone, "Well there goes my bluff," she murmured quietly and met Rachel's eyes.

The rest of the glee club was standing around worriedly a few feet away, but Santana was the first to break away and advance on Quinn. The Latina had concern etched all over her face and she surged forward, glanced up at Leroy, and when he nodded, she took Quinn into her own arms and supported her weight.

"Not cool, Q," Santana spoke softly, warmly, searching Quinn's face with Rachel standing right by. "What happened?"

"Hummel," Quinn all but growled and glared in Kurt's direction. The boy made himself look busy as he pursed his lips and looked everywhere but at the blonde. "He .. called us out .." Quinn stated barely above a breath.

Rachel looked concerned as well, nervously glancing behind them. Quinn felt herself trembling, and felt Santana's arms wrap tighter around her. Quinn slipped her arms around Santana.

"I told him that it wasn't true," Rachel stated meaningfully, "although I think when you fainted he .. well obviously it looked a little - "

"Suspicious," Quinn offered lamely and the diva nodded subtly in response. Brittany came forward after this exchange, touched Quinn's head.

"Are you okay, Q?" Brittany asked worriedly, frowning and looking as if she was on the brink of tears. Quinn nodded and squeezed Brittany's hand as it fell from her sore scalp.

"Let's get her inside," Leroy gently encouraged the girls past the rest of the glee club.

Quinn wondered how long it would take for Kurt to tell Mercedes and Tina what he suspected. Her stomach turned nervously and she clung to Santana as the Latina guided her up toward the cabin. She felt Rachel's hand on the small of her back and sighed quietly. As Rachel opened the front door for them and Brittany followed close behind, Quinn felt Santana relent her grip just a little to step inside. The Latina's hand slipped into Quinn's and guided her into the bed, dark eyes worrying over her figure before she nodded to the bed Quinn and Rachel had been sharing.

"Lay down," Santana instructed. "Thanks, Mr. Berry," the Latina added as Leroy turned around and began to head out of the cabin.

Quinn felt a flush of guilt, closed her eyes as she lay on her back. Her mind was flooded with the first real panic since all of this started. Santana moved aside as Rachel came in, bearing a cold wash cloth. The diva sat on the mattress right away and pressed the cloth to Quinn's forehead.

"I screwed it up, didn't I?" Quinn asked quietly, glancing to Rachel and meeting her gaze. "Now everyone's going to know - "

"Hey," Rachel insisted softly, "it's going to be okay. Kurt hasn't said anything to anyone about why you fainted. He might not say anything." The brunette dabbed the cloth to Quinn's forehead. "And besides, I don't think any of them would judge you - "

"Rachel, if my parents find out," her stomach churned, "if they find out I'm going to get kicked out again. And you and I just started dating and I wanted to do it all the right way and I really just don't want everyone nosing into _our _business."

Quinn didn't know what to do. Her immediate instinct was to end it right now, before Rachel got hurt, before anyone found out. Looking up at the brunette, Quinn knew despite that instinct that she would've never been able to just push off her feelings and stop dating Rachel. She wanted to date Rachel.

Santana looked a little worried, and a little irritated, "Dude, what is the big deal if somebody knows? Every time someone bats a gay eyelash in your direction you freak out. Just deny it if people ask."

"Rachel deserves better." Whoa. Those words came out of nowhere. Who was speaking? "Rachel deserves to have someone who's proud to be with her," oh. Quinn was speaking. Quinn was speaking without realizing it. Quinn felt those things.

Rachel blushed, bit back a smile as she ducked her head, "Although I greatly appreciate the sentiment, Quinn, I understand why you feel a need to keep things - "

"I just.. I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know. I've never... god." Quinn closed her eyes and her stomach continued to do acrobatics. "I don't know how to handle that, if .. how .. " Her brain was flooded with unanswered questions and she reached a hand to the bridge of her nose, massaging between her eyes and trying to alleviate her stress.

"Should we perhaps .. keep a little more distance?"

Maybe. No. Yes? No. "No." Quinn shook her head simply and opened her eyes again. Rachel looked grateful as she looked down at her. "No, I mean it's stupid. I thought I was over all this social .. expectation and now here I am freaking out like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Quinn. San is the same way if she thinks someone's calling her a lesbian," Brittany mused simply. "We've seen how Kurt gets treated by people. It's normal to worry. Plus you got kicked out and that's scary. Nobody wants to see you get kicked out again."

Quinn smiled gratefully, sighed. Her head was pounding and her eyes closed again. She felt Rachel's soft hand on her face. "It sucks. I mean we're not even serious yet, we've only gone on two dates, we've been so careful not to let anybody know and already Kurt's calling us out on it," Quinn griped softly. "We've been so careful. I just .. what happens if we don't respond well to pressure, to everyone knowing, watching us?"

Santana shrugged one shoulder haplessly and glanced down at the floor.

"It's kind of like the big lesbian gathering in here," Brittany observed and smiled as Quinn let out a sardonic laugh.

"I just.. okay obviously I'm scared."

What did it mean, to be a teenage lesbian in a place where being a teenage _anything abnormal _was not okay? How did a person handle that? Quinn's mind couldn't wrap around the concept. She hadn't even really considered herself a lesbian (Army-Quinn hushed real Quinn and shoved her into the brush) at this point. It was more about dating Rachel, getting to know Rachel. Things were so much simpler when she didn't even notice the brunette. Rachel did that, though. Barrelled her way in to people's lives, buried her way into their hearts. Quinn opened her eyes once more and glanced up at Rachel. She met that soft brown gaze and felt butterflies.

"I feel like a bad Lifetime movie," Quinn offered with a quiet laugh. "Pregnant teenager turns into a .. "

"_Flaming _homosexual," Santana teased, grinning wryly in Quinn's direction.

"Damage control?"

"How though, Rach?"

"We talk to Kurt. Tell him the truth but ask him to be courteous and respectful and not share the information."

"He tells Mercedes everything, though," Brittany glanced at Santana, who nodded in agreement.

Well this was a problem. Quinn sighed. "Or we could just let it drop for now, not worry about it. I mean we should enjoy this weekend and then we'll just.." she waved her hand in the air over her shoulder, "deal with it later."

Rachel glanced at Santana and Brittany, who both seemed to be in agreement it might be the best idea right now. Quinn searched Rachel's eyes.

She really wanted this with Rachel. She didn't know how serious she was about the brunette. Quinn realized that she really wasn't panicking at the fear of getting kicked out - she was panicking for the fact that pressure outside the budding relationship would cause them to break up, or fight. The thought of fighting with Rachel, quite frankly, sucked.

Rachel must have read the train of thought in Quinn's eyes, "What is it?"

Quinn grinned, sat up, and threw her arms around Rachel and hugged her tightly. Rachel flailed her arms for a moment before she hugged back, "I'm not scared of getting kicked out," she breathed as if the answer should have made sense.

"What?"

"I'm not scared of getting _kicked out, _Rachel. I'm scared of other people affecting _us. _I'm actually worried about you more than I'm worried about myself," Quinn explained as she pulled away.

Santana was giving her best golf-clap, nodding approvingly, "We've made progress." She high-fived Brittany. "From selfish bitch to caring Romeo," she smirked softly before she stood.

Quinn rolled her eyes and tossed a pillow at the door as Santana closed it, leaving Rachel and Quinn alone.

"You meant that?" Rachel spoke quietly, fidgeting carefully with Quinn's shirt. "You're.. you're worried about us?"

Quinn nodded.

"There's an us to be worried about?"

_Oh. _Well then. Army-Quinn stopped counting her poker chips.

"Like .. a real _us. _Joint-decisions, more dates, more.. of .. what happened this morning?" Rachel hesitated on her words.

Quinn glanced up, searched Rachel's face, and blushed, "Yeah, I guess so." It had snuck up on her. It'd been completely unexpected in the beginning, but here it was.

"I didn't know if you were.. I mean .. I knew you cared and you wanted to date but I didn't think.. I mean I didn't, couldn't hope that you were serious about it all in the end, in fact I rather supposed you would have run away soon after things got serious but - " Rachel babbled and her words trailed off as Quinn laughed. "Don't laugh at me," the diva pouted.

"I'm just.. I mean I'm sorry I made you worry like that," Quinn offered. "I'm not going to sit here and say I know how it works or that everything's going to go smoothly or that I'm ready to tell everyone that we're a serious thing but .. when it's you and me, Rachel, I have absolutely no doubt about the fact I _want _this."

Rachel blushed, offered a beaming grin despite the fact she was trying to hold it in. The question in her eyes asked _really?_

Quinn nodded. "I'm scared, Rachel. I am. I won't sit here and lie to you. I mean I don't even know why I'm telling you all this 'cause I really suck with words but I guess .. I guess I realized it when I couldn't stop thinking about waking up with you, or .. I mean it's all kind of blurry. It feels like it's been forever and no time at all," she tried her best to explain and let out a soft, frustrated sigh. "I really, really wish I had your way with words."

Rachel reached out and delicately covered Quinn's hand with her own. Quinn breathed carefully and laced their fingers together.

"A small part of me is only afraid of my parents because of my dad. We both .. well we don't get along. I'm the shame of the family, you know," Quinn closed her eyes and drew in a breath, "when I moved back in, he would drink a lot of scotch and we'd argue and he'd throw the glasses at the wall," she subconsciously flinched. "I'm.. well he doesn't like me. He's never actually struck me but he terrifies me. And I just don't want you to have to get involved in all that. If he found out we were dating he wouldn't just berate me and throw glasses at the wall." Her memory stung with the echoes of glass shattering, and she saw herself covering her head and cowering against the wall. "He'd come after you, your dads. And I don't want that."

Quinn felt her hand lift with Rachel's assistance, and felt warm lips on the back of her hand. She opened her eyes and found Rachel looking down at her with tears in her eyes. The diva smiled, "You don't have to protect me, although it's very sweet you feel the need to."

All this emotional stuff was getting to Quinn. She still wasn't used to all of it. She sighed a little and closed her eyes. "So.. you know, maybe we should just .. I guess talk to Kurt and ask him to keep quiet and then if anything else happens we'll worry about it then?" Quinn really didn't want this to affect her and Rachel's cautious dating situation.

Rachel nodded understandingly. Quinn's heart fluttered a bit as the brunette leaned down and captured her lips in a soft kiss, one of the most gentle they'd shared. Quinn smiled against Rachel's lips and rested her forehead against Rachel's momentarily. "Come on, before someone comes in and decides to take photographic proof," she sighed softly and slipped off the bed, taking Rachel by the hand and leading her out of the room. They held hands as far as the livingroom, where they parted to find the entire glee club gathered in the livingroom. They were all chattering away.

"Glad to see you're still alive," Kurt spoke with one of those smiles that made Quinn want to slap him or make him scream like a little girl. Quinn arched her eyebrow and her HBIC expression came back.

"Hummel," she stated simply. "A word." The blonde didn't give Kurt a choice, grabbed him forcefully by the arm despite Tina's hesitant protests. Quinn dragged Kurt outside, far enough from the cabin to where they wouldn't be heard.

"Can you please not wrinkle this shirt?" He brushed Quinn's hand off his arm. "What is it?"

"You won't say a word," Quinn spoke quietly. Her body posture completely shifted to a familiar stance - HBIC was back momentarily with a job to do. Army-Quinn was gleefully cackling as she tied the feminine guerrilla by his ankles from a tree branch. "Do we have an understanding? Or I will make sure Karofsky works double-time every single day to find you," she stabbed her finger at Kurt's chest. The boy frowned and rubbed the spot. "The fact is that it's none of your business. It's none of anyone's business. If it gets out, then not only will Rachel get attacked but I'll get forcefully removed from my house again. And I really don't want to live in my car."

"So you are?"

"It doesn't matter. The fact is that you had better keep that pretty mouth of yours shut or I'll make sure you regret ever being born. Are we clear?" She was all but growling, invading Kurt's personal space. The boy stood his ground, arms folded, but he nodded.

"It's not like I was going to tell anyone. I just thought it was ironic. You were both fighting over the same boys all this time and it turns out - "

Quinn narrowed her gaze, hazel eyes flashing dangerously and effectively silencing Kurt. "Not a word. Understood?"

Army-Quinn was wrapping duct-tape around the feminine guerrilla's mouth, running in circles around him.

Kurt lifted his chin and glanced away, "Fine. I don't appreciate your intimidation tactics."

"Trust me, you haven't seen exactly how intimidating I can be. I like you, Kurt, but if anything comes between Rachel and I, or if my parents even hear a whisper of this, I'll know exactly who to blame." Quinn turned on her heel and left Kurt standing outside the cabin.

###

It was war. Puck was waving another fish in their direction. The boys had rented boats and it was boys versus girls fishing competition. Santana was cursing in Spanish and chucked a rock in Puck's direction. The boy nearly fell back and the fish in his hand slipped from his grasp and returned to the water with a loud splash.

"That's cheating!" Puck pointed a finger in her direction and Santana arched an eyebrow.

"We're still winning."

Quinn, it turned out, was an excellent fisherman. Woman. Whatever. She was good at it. Even Rachel had joined in the fishing war, although she'd opted out of using live bait (mostly because when she'd tried to put the worm on the hook, she'd screamed and dropped it and danced around the boat, rocking it dangerously and whining about the way the worm felt). Each fish the vegan caught was released into the water but used as a tally for their team.

Quinn was on her sixth fish. She reeled it in and caught it by the line. Gleefully she motioned for Brittany to mark down the next one. They were 15 to 4. Puck had caught three fish, Artie was keeping tally, Finn was confused about how to attach a lure, and Mike was busy texting Tina. Tina was busy in their boat texting Mike back, and Santana apparently had a taste for blood because she cast her line again. She'd caught eight of the 15 fish on their tally, and they had a few fish in the cooler ready to be taken back to shore.

The sun burned down on them, and Quinn felt her shoulders reddening before she could even see the burn. She'd applied a generous amount of sunblock but for some reason she always burned before she could even hope to tan. Rachel was nervously picking a fish off her line. The tally went up by one, and Rachel squealed and dropped her fishing pole in the boat. The fish on her line flopped back and forth at the diva's feet and Rachel looked about ready to dive out of the boat. Quinn laughed at the sight before getting up, tossing Rachel's fish back in the water, and picking up her fishing pole for her. Rachel had covered her head in the midst of her panicked flailing.

"Here, Berry," Quinn laughed teasingly as she put the pole back into Rachel's hands, the brunette's gaze darting around.

Rachel blushed and sat down. "My apologies. I lost control for a moment."

"Obviously," Santana teased the shorter girl and nudged her with her foot.

It was an easy win, and as the day drew toward evening, Santana and Quinn gave each other enthusiastic high-fives. They'd pulled the girls team in for a solid win, with the boys scowling and claiming the girls had a better fishing spot. Santana nodded in appreciation and offered her hand, shook Quinn's before tugging her into a hug. It surprised Quinn, mostly because she hadn't really gotten hugged by Santana in a long time.

The blonde returned the embrace for a moment before they pulled apart. Quinn tried not to smile too large, mostly because she knew that she'd be ruining the moment if Santana felt it was too mushy.

"I .. I still don't know if it's appropriate to use some of the fish for dinner," Rachel hesitated and peeked into the cooler before making a disgusted expression and closing the lid. She'd given up fishing about an hour ago, after she'd nearly dropped her fishing pole into the water. Quinn smirked at the recollection - Rachel had flailed desperately and nearly toppled out of the boat, but luckily the blonde had been within reach and caught Rachel around the waist just as Rachel's fishing pole got caught on the edge of the boat. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt, so their lives don't go to waste. I, of course, won't be partaking."

Quinn laughed a little and started the engine, the boys following suit as the group made their way through the lake and back toward their cabins. She guided the boat along the water's surface. Being out in the sun and on the water reminded her of an easier childhood. At one point, the Fabrays had a yacht and spent every summer out East on the ocean. The only fond memories she had of her father before he developed his scotch problem were like this - bathed in sun and surrounded by water. Her hazel eyes searched the horizon as she guided the boat expertly through the wake of the boy's fishing boat as they passed. She saw Rachel holding on to the boat as if she were afraid of toppling out, and she grinned.

"I'm really glad you came up with this idea," Brittany was saying as she let her hand graze the surface of the water, the white caps folding around her fingers. "So far it's really fun and I think the guys are even having a good time."

There was a general nod of agreement and Rachel beamed with pride, shoulders shrugging with the intensity of her happiness. "I'm so glad. I know that .. well not all of us get along, but I just think it'll help us with Regionals if we try to tolerate one another."

Mercedes simply nodded a bit in agreement, "I mean we can try. It doesn't help when you're the only one gettin' solos and storming out every practice."

Rachel narrowed her gaze and sighed, "I really don't storm out that often, I mean - "

"Yes you do," Quinn's lips curled into a wolfish grin and when Rachel looked over at her, shocked expression on her face, she shrugged her shoulders. The grin faded soon after; Santana whacked Quinn hard in the back of the head, jarring her blonde head forward. "Ugh, not necessary."

Finally reaching the shore, Quinn cut the engine and they drifted, bumping the beach gently and Kurt taking the opportunity to bail out and pull the boat the rest of the way (not without grimacing at the feel of algae on the side of the boat). The ex-Cheerio was the last to climb out, her eyes trailing after Rachel and smiling a bit. The brunette had leapt up on to Santana's back and they were trudging up the small incline to the campfire, where Leroy and Hiram were seated along the side. Quinn lugged the cooler of fish to the site. Puck gave her a warm smile and took the cooler from her.

"I get to gut the fish," he stated with a raise of his eyebrow and a smirk. Quinn only laughed a little and shook her head.

She loved the smell of smoke in the air, and as Quinn came to the campfire, she shared a grin with Rachel - who was still latched on to Santana's back. There was something wonderful about the sound of the glee club chattering with one another. Even those who normally didn't give each other the time of day - Kurt and Sam, Mercedes and Santana - were talking with one another animatedly. Quinn sank to a spot on the ground, just taking everything in.

Brittany was digging into a bag of marshmallows and asking Hiram if Jewish people write letters to Santa. Neaby, Kurt was discussing the pointlessness of Pokemon with Sam, who was red-faced and quite defensive, was holding up an old Pokemon trading card as if to prove how awesome grass-type Pokemon were. Mike was joining in the conversation, arguing about whether or not grass-type could reasonably defend against any type besides rock-type. Tina was looking confused. Mercedes and Santana were in a heated debate about Aretha Franklin, Rachel was piping in about the fact that while Aretha had a soulful voice and certainly headed an entire musical genre, she was nothing compared to Barbra. Artie was wheeling back and forth, watching Puck gut and clean the fish for consumption. Finn was glaring into the fire as if it had told him his hair looked stupid.

The blonde felt her smile lingering. It was amazing, the things Rachel did for the benefit of the glee club. While she could prattle on about how the glee club affected her future, Quinn remembered a time before now that Rachel had selflessly pleaded with Quinn to rejoin glee club. No matter their history, no matter their arguments, Rachel had sought out Quinn and convinced her to come back. In retrospect, she thought that if anyone else had asked, she would've said no. Hazel eyes moved over the fire and rested on the diva. She was rapt in conversation with Santana and Mercedes, which allowed Quinn ample opportunity to leer at her own risk.

"Why do you stare at her all the time now?" Finn glowered at Quinn across the fire.

Quinn was caught offguard, "What are you talking about, Shrek?"

"You're always staring at her if you're not around her."

"Why are you staring at _me_?"

Finn was brooding as usual, and Quinn's agitation flared. "She doesn't talk to me anymore."

"Probably for good reason," she tried to keep the venom out of her voice but failed.

"What's your problem, Quinn? You're always .. insulting me and calling me names, you used to do that to Rach but now you're like... best friends or whatever," he wore a sour expression as he waved his hands emphatically.

"Hey," Santana barked across the fire at Finn as Rachel slipped off her back and curiously regarded Finn before sitting down next to Quinn. Hazel eyes met those deep brown ones, and Quinn only shrugged a shoulder. "What's your problem, Green Giant?"

"I just find it funny that someone who treated Rachel terrible is allowed to be all friends with her and stuff," Finn glowered once more.

"Oh, you mean like when she was dating you after you cheated on her?" Santana fired back and advanced threateningly on Finn. "After you treated her like shit and then tried to make it up to her by trying to sext her?"

"Hey, those were private - "

"Yeah, well all I hear right now is you being jealous 'cause your ex-girlfriend doesn't talk to you anymore and spends more time with blondie here than she ever wanted to spend with you."

"We should just really calm down," Rachel tried to interject but was cut off by a fiery glare from Santana.

"Since when do you have a problem with Rachel having friends?"

"Since when do _you _care about her, Santana? You were just as bad as Quinn was. You'd think you guys were all like ... gay for each other or something," he said with disgust on his face. "Not like I'd doubt it, you sleep with everyone you can."

Quinn was up on her feet in three seconds flat, and before she could think she had slapped Finn directly across his face, hard.

"Leroy," Hiram motioned to the ruckus.

Rachel's dads both interrupted the escalating argument, Leroy gently pulling Quinn back by the waist as she raged.

"Don't you ever, ever insinuate that Santana sleeps with a bunch of people, and Rachel's friendships are none of your business you freaking ogre! When did you _ever _treat Rachel with an ounce of respect? The only time you _ever _want her is when someone else does."

"Like you should talk!" Finn barked back before shrugging off Puck's grasp and stalking away into the dark, towardthe boys cabin.

Quinn felt a hand on her wrist too late, because she was jumping over the log and dashing after Finn. She pushed him, both palms flat against his shoulders, and caused him to stumble forward. Finn wheeled around angrily and raised his fist. Quinn's eyes went wide in panic, her mind flashed back to a glass of scotch shattering on the wall, and she immediately stumbled back. Recovering her composure, she advanced once more and shoved him back roughly. "Don't you dare raise a hand to me, you oaf!" Quinn shoved him back again, and saw a flurry of brown hair. Santana was rushing on to the scene, cursing in Spanish. Leroy was desperately grabbing for the Latina but she was too quick. She caught Finn's jaw with a wicked right hook and knocked the boy to the ground.

"You bitch!" Finn gasped out and held his throbbing jaw.

"What now, Shrek?" Santana leapt in the air, hands splayed in a 'bring it on' gesture before Leroy finally caught her around the waist and pulled her back. "Don't you ever raise your hand to a woman, you pig! Especially not Quinn."

The rest of the glee club were all observing in shock. It was strange, the fact that they'd gone from a peaceful campfire to Santana and Quinn joining forces against Finn. Apparently he'd been letting some emotions build up, because his outburst was clearly something that had been long-coming. Rachel rushed forward, checking over Quinn and Santana as the Latina was released from Leroy's grasp and Puck hesitantly shoved Finn toward the boys' cabin, telling him to chill out and let it go.

"Where did that come from?" Rachel breathed out and looked between the three of them.

"I have no idea but he deserved it," Santana growled and pushed through to go back to the fire.

Rachel watched Santana for a moment before she touched Quinn's face. Quinn felt a little bit in shock - it had frightened her, seeing someone raise a hand to her the way only her father had before.

Army-Quinn was peering out of a fox hole, holding a white flag.

"Are you okay?"

The inquiry was enough to jar Quinn back to reality, and she nodded, "Yeah, I'm .. sorry about that."

"He deserved it. I didn't hear everything he said but ... we all know he's completely insufferable," Rachel glared darkly in the direction Finn had stormed off in. "He didn't touch you did he?"

Quinn shook her head and offered a smile, "It's okay. Let's go back to the fire. Now I'm really hungry," she nudged Rachel's arm lightly as she passed the brunette.

Rachel looked a little relieved as she trotted to catch up with Quinn, her hand grasping Quinn's elbow to keep stride with her. Santana was watching Quinn with a quiet gaze as they came upon the fire.

"Gave him a run for his money," the Latina nodded in approval.

It was strange to bond over fighting, but after all both she and Santana had a love for confrontation. It was fiery and exciting, not to mention there were many times Quinn had fantasized finally getting in a fight with Finn. "Thank you, for .. you know, stepping in."

"You'd do the same for me," Santana shrugged simply.

Quinn bit back a smile. Rachel beamed and jumped excitedly beside her.

Mending a friendship over conflict. It seemed somehow appropriate.

###

Quinn was snacking on M & M's in the livingroom, the girls all sitting around engaged in conversation about one thing or another - excluding Kurt, who was in the corner of the room fixing his hair and spraying a light amount of hair spray. The blonde leaned back against the couch, her position on the floor basically giving her an excuse to sit near Rachel. She felt the brush of Rachel's leg as the diva repositioned herself, her calf resting against the side of Quinn's arm. Subtly, Quinn shifted her weight against Rachel's freely dangling leg. She resisted the urge to look up at Rachel behind her, instead settling for resting her head against Rachel's knee.

"I really can't believe you decked Finn like that," Mercedes was complimenting Santana.

"Idiot deserved it," Santana shrugged a shoulder, Britt nodding in agreement.

"I don't know where all that inner-rage came from. He hasn't really been brooding around the house too frequently and he barely talks about Rachel or Quinn," Kurt informed the group as he sank to the ground in front of the recliner. "It seems like he apparently has a lot of issues with you two being .. friends." That one second of hesitation was enough to make Quinn narrow her eyes at him in reminder of the conversation they'd had previously. "It's weird that he never said anything until this weekend."

Quinn nodded in agreement. What had caused Finn to act the way he did? Not to mention his 'like you should talk' comment, as if he was insinuating Quinn displayed jealousy toward the boyfriends Rachel had. She felt Rachel's hand toying with her hair and she glanced behind her, shared a smile, and tilted her head forward as she felt Rachel starting to loosely braid her hair.

"Well, whatever his issue is, I knocked it out of him tonight." Santana's tone was full of pride.

"Unless he retaliates or something," Quinn mused aloud as she glanced over at Santana.

"I gots my girls," she motioned to Rachel and Quinn, looped an arm around Brittany's shoulder. "I'm not worried about a thing."

Quinn wished she could have Rachel's determination, or Santana's fire. All those years of being HBIC had stripped her bare of all the strength she'd convinced herself she had. One thing she took away from this evening was that she was officially back under the umbrella of Santana's trust, and she'd rarely felt so relieved about anything. She felt Rachel's fingers delicately knotting her hair into a braid, smiled at the feeling of Rachel's touch as it occasionally warmed her scalp.

"I still can't believe you hit him," Tina commented without looking up from her phone. As per usual, she and Mike were still texting, only now she had her phone plugged in.

"I was just about to," Quinn commented with a hint of shame. "Especially if he planned on hitting me."

"He's absolutely deplorable," Rachel huffed behind her. She finished braiding Quinn's hair and lay the thin braid over the rest of Quinn's long locks. "I love your hair," she commented softly, voice barely audible to anyone within a few feet, but it was just enough for Quinn to hear as they shared a quiet smile.

Finally conversation lapsed into things other than Finn and Santana's epic right hook. Mercedes and Tina both eventually were the first to leave the livingroom to go to bed, with Kurt following soon after. Brittany and Santana both fell asleep together on the couch after a long discussion with Rachel about everything and nothing. Rachel gently encouraged Quinn to stand, and she felt the brunette's hand slip into her own. The blush that crept up on Quinn's cheeks was subtle, but most certainly there. She closed the door behind them and locked it - even though she knew Santana would be making her pay for that one later - before she moved to her bag and grabbed her pajamas.

Rachel was already changed by the time Quinn turned around, and just as Quinn was going to ask how she'd changed so quickly, but her words halted completely against the roof of her mouth as she felt Rachel's hands at her waist, pulling the edges of her shirt up. Quinn distinctly remembered thinking she should probably be breathing but she couldn't. Rachel's eyes smoldered, burned into Quinn's flesh. Those dark eyes lingered over the ex-Cheerio's defined abs, the diva's fingers raking over her sides and her abs. Goosebumps erupted all over her skin, and Quinn found her trembling hands helping Rachel slip her shirt over her head. The blonde felt her insides burning, craving, as her newly bared skin was being devoured by Rachel's eyes, her fingers dancing over Quinn's sides, ribs. For standing there in her bra and a pair of shorts, Quinn sure felt sweltering hot. Rachel looked _hungry _and absolutely insatiable.

She had never expected to be standing here in this moment. Rachel had shown no signs of pushing boundaries again, but it was clear that she had been thinking about this for a decent part of the night. For the first time since she'd brought Quinn into the room, Rachel met her eyes and the gaze lingered heavily. The brunette licked her bottom lip as if preparing, and a slow smirk crossed her lips. Who would have thought that Rachel was the one who consistently tried to make things go just a little bit faster?

Quinn gulped and stayed frozen, her eyes dropping to Rachel's lips as that delicious tongue teased Quinn's senses. Rachel's fingers trailed up, around the curvature of the last remaining fabric remaining between Rachel's touch and Quinn's bare skin. The brunette dipped her head against Quinn's neck, those perfect lips hotly parting over where the blonde's heart raced through her veins, those soft hands slipping around Quinn's waist and tugging the blonde closer. She faltered, melting against the feeling of Rachel's tongue dipping against her throat before the brunette began to suck softly at the flesh there.

"Wh-what.. what brought this on?"

Rachel didn't give Quinn an answer. She only insistently continued the trail of her hands over her ribs.

"Shit," Quinn breathed quietly as Rachel's teeth nipped at the base of her throat and those silky fingers danced along extremely sensitive skin, before they almost roughly grabbed Quinn's hips and jarred the blonde into tight quarters - Rachel had backed her up against the wall.

Part of her wanted to stop this, wanted to tell Rachel they shouldn't be doing this, but she lost all control as she felt the diva's teeth latch on, before leaving an insistent mark at the base of Quinn's throat. Getting a hickey had never felt so good. Quinn's long fingers tangled in Rachel's hair as she dipped her head back against the wall behind her, gasping out as Rachel's hips pressed tighter against her.

"Rach," was all she managed to breathe out before she crushed her lips to Rachel's insistently. She needed Rachel's lips, needed to taste her mouth, her tongue. Quinn felt totally under the diva's thrall. Rachel was grinding her hips against Quinn's, pressing her harder against the wall. Maybe Rachel had gotten turned on by the ex-Cheerio's display of aggression against Finn?

Quinn felt Rachel's insistent grip pulling her back, and the diva didn't give her much time to catch up to what was happening as she was being pushed down onto the bed. Rachel's hungry mouth reconnected with Quinn's neck, hands multitasking and pulling Quinn's shorts off - impressively without breaking the kiss for more than a couple seconds. Rachel's thighs were on either side of Quinn's left, the brunette's hands slipping past her lower back and the ex-Cheerio now understood why exactly Rachel had been so hopeful that Quinn was an ass woman. It felt _really good _when the diva's hands encouraged Quinn's hips from the very bottom up into her own.

Aroused laughter spilled from her lips, "Shit, Rachel," she panted but before she could say anything else, Rachel was grasping her firmly from the bottom again and connecting their lips hotly again. Her tongue languidly sought out Quinn's in a way that had made her feel completely on fire. She groaned into Rachel's mouth, her hands grasping at Rachel's boyshorts and at the small of her back as Rachel got a little more needy and forceful. Her kiss turned into one that threatened to consume all coherent thought. Quinn made a mental note to ask Rachel how in the hell she'd gotten so skilled with her hands, as she felt Rachel's hands slip her bra off without any effort whatsoever, the brunette sitting up only momentarily and removing her own shirt.

Even though she partially expected Rachel to ask her if she was okay with this, she supposed she could've stopped the diva quite some time ago. Quinn's eyes dilated dramatically to mirror Rachel's as the sight of the diva's bare skin. They were now only half-clothed, and Rachel was brushing her lips against Quinn's throat as their skin brushed together. Quinn let out a quiet gasp. That was absolutely heavenly. Rachel's hands were grasping her hips and her skin felt like cool silk flowing over her own. The blonde's eyes closed and she arched her back slightly as she felt the first hint of Rachel's fingers grazing the curve of her breast.

No, wait. Quinn felt a flood of images. Rachel's legs. She wanted those legs, and with Rachel very powerfully showing her that she wasn't going to wait any longer to take things further - slow relationship etiquette be damned - she had no hesitation as she pulled away, grinned, and flipped Rachel over on her back.

Rachel flushed red, grinned, and tried to sit up, but Quinn encouraged her down with a roll of her hips.

"Nuh uh. Don't think about it. Two can play this game," Quinn murmured against Rachel's lips, felt her heart stammer in her chest at the feel of Rachel gasping against her own, and she kissed her slowly before disconnecting and sitting up. Rachel's eyes seemed to be in a struggle to decide which part of Quinn she wanted to focus on. Settling the argument for her, Quinn rolled her hips in just the right way, marvelling at how Rachel's eyes fluttered shut and she groaned when she did it in a particular way. Experimentally, she repeated the action. She'd never been with a girl like this. Hell, she'd never let anyone see this much of her before, but here she was, half-naked, with the diva groaning softly beneath her. It was a surge of adrenaline, a free fall, and Quinn was really enjoying herself. Her fingers glided slowly down Rachel's torso, teasing at the curve of the diva's breast before she dipped her lips in between them, fingers moving over Rachel's ribs. Every action was slow, experimental. She wanted to know exactly what to do, how to make Rachel burn. She brushed her lips over Rachel's stomach, slowly lowering herself more and more. She wanted those legs. She'd fantasized about them more often than she could willingly recount. Her right hand slid slowly down Rachel's hips, down the outside of Rachel's thigh. She was going to enjoy every second of this part. Inside, she was waging war with what her body wanted and what her mind refuted.

Army-Quinn used the butt of her gun, and effectively silenced the refute.

Rachel's heady sigh was enough to encourage Quinn. Her hands slipped slowly over Rachel's perfectly toned calves, up those delicious thighs. She dared go higher - but not too high, she was still nervous about _that_ part of it. She marvelled at how strong those thighs felt, how perfectly they quivered under her touch. Quinn dipped her head lower, pressed her lips hotly to those long legs. She felt Rachel's fingers dig into the top of her shoulders, her mouth exploring those perfect thighs. There were a few times she got dangerously near the place she wasn't ready for yet, but distracted Rachel by slipping a hand upward as her lips reconnected with hot flesh. Rachel gasped more than once, murmured her name. The heady way in which Rachel groaned her name was enough to bring Quinn back up to that delicious mouth. Rachel's hands tugged Quinn's body on top of her own as they kissed desperately.

"I'm not going to be able to stop," Rachel panted as her hands desperately gripped the curve of Quinn's hip, her own hips arching up wantonly.

"Good," Quinn felt her skin flush searing hot. Her lips dipped against Rachel's before she hungrily connected her mouth with Rachel's neck. The diva's arms slipped lower, her hands squeezing Quinn's best-hidden asset, causing the blonde to groan softly and intensify her ministrations. She wanted to mark Rachel, wanted desperately to reclaim her again much in the same motivation she had that morning she'd appeared at Rachel's house.

Rachel groaned softly as Quinn nibbled, bit, and passionately tasted the skin beneath her tongue. Rachel's skin was heaven, her neck, her throat, everything about Rachel was heavenly. Her hand trailed between them and her fingers graced the curve of Rachel's breast again. The diva gasped and arched, effectively pressing her bare flesh into Quinn's palm. The blonde kneaded, pulled, teased the diva's flesh. She wanted to make Rachel beg.

The brunette moaned quietly, fingers raking hard up Quinn's bare back and cupping the back of Quinn's neck, pulling them together in another searing kiss. They were claiming one another, taking ownership. Quinn felt the dampness of her own skin from their heated session, felt the low ache in her stomach.

Quinn wondered why she'd never considered being with a girl, because this was absolute bliss. Rachel ground her hips upward, driving a thigh between Quinn's leg. The blonde lowered a hand, gripped Rachel's toned thigh, and tugged it upward forcefully, effectively driving their deepest shared ache intimately close. Rachel moaned softly into Quinn's mouth, that delicious leg wrapping around Quinn's hip.

_Oh. _That felt _really _spectacular. Images flooded of Rachel's bare thighs wrapping around her hips, rolling, crashing into her own like waves. Like a dream come to life, she felt Rachel's hip roll upward into her own, strong thigh muscles pulling Quinn down even more, crushing them together. She felt heat radiating between them in a very particular way, and the blonde's moan reverberated through them both.

"Fuck, Quinn," Rachel breathed against her mouth, rolled her hips up against Quinn again. Quinn's left hand had sought out Rachel's other thigh and was massaging it the best she could as their hips rolled together. That ache was building, slow and steady, and the blonde thought hearing Rachel swear was possibly the _sexiest _thing she had ever had the pleasure of hearing. Images Quinn had never even considered before were rushing into her head. Things she'd over the years picked up through exposure and media and stories, raunchy images that before would have made her recoil now made her lust grow exponentially. "Fuck," Rachel breathed again as her center connected with the curve of Quinn's hip. "Holy - "

Quinn cut her off with another slow cant of her hips, and the blonde slipped her hand beneath the hem of those wonderful boyshorts. She knew where she was going instinctually, although the nerves in her stomach reminded her she'd never done this before. She experimented, lowering her fingers dramatically over Rachel's thigh, near the place where Rachel was radiating intense heat. Rachel gasped as Quinn felt a hint of wetness. She gulped.

Now or never. The war waged inside her. Now or later. Now or never. It fought, refuted, Army-Quinn was caught in a bear trap and struggling.

"Please," Rachel whimpered against Quinn's mouth, and heat flooded Quinn's senses. The diva's hips were canting upward, insisting, and fingers still danced along the place Rachel wanted her most.

Quinn swallowed. "You sure?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically and crushed her lips against Quinn's, whimpered as long fingers once more experimentally got a taste of her wetness. _That _was addicting. Rachel was moaning into her mouth, sometimes breaking away to plead.

Quinn was terrified. Her heart was pounding heavily against her ribs, but her fingers had a mind of their own. They dipped once into Rachel's folds, amazed at the silky, swollen flesh there. Rachel let out something between a whimper and a whine, her fingers digging into the back of Quinn's neck. Quinn's free hand pulled Rachel's thigh up a little bit more as her fingers explored. She found precisely what she was looking for as she found the diva's swollen nub, experimentally drew over it once or twice. It fascinated her, enthralled her, as Rachel pleaded more and more.

Her fingers pressed experimentally inside, and Quinn held back a gasp as Rachel dramatically arched into her touch, fingers clenching her shoulders. Quinn immediately craved more, became lost in the way Rachel panted, pleaded, connected their lips desperately and whimpered the closer she came to the edge. "F- yes, oh god," the brunette's head dipped back against the pillow and Quinn saw the evidence of her brand, her mark on Rachel. It drove her on as she continued, pushed just enough, and all of a sudden Rachel's fingernails were marking her flesh as the diva crushed herself against Quinn's touch.

There it was, that beautiful peak of ecstasy everyone talked about. Rachel's face was alight with the reflections of stars, space and time stilled, galaxies spun to a slow stop. Rachel was lost somewhere in the cosmic universe, and Quinn had launched her there. The blonde leaned down, slowly drew her fingers out in a circular fashion. The ex-Cheerio leaned down, captured Rachel's lips with her own as Rachel began to show some coherence.

"Wow," Rachel gasped against Quinn's lips. Quinn marvelled at the fact that she'd just done that to Rachel, and it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be. If anything, Rachel was trembling more than she was. Quinn caught Rachel's lips in a devoted kiss, worshipping her mouth, her tongue. Rachel's emotion was seeping through every single connection of their lips.

Quinn felt a swelling of emotion as well. She was in awe. The universe suddenly held so much more beauty and warmth than she'd ever been prepared for. It was as if a whole new world had been opened up to her. Slowly, as they broke away, she pulled Rachel into her arms, crushing their damp, heated skin together. She needed to hold Rachel, needed to feel like she'd never lose her. Her arms wrapped tightly around Rachel, and she pressed feverish kisses to Rachel's shoulders and neck, especially where she'd already marked Rachel.

The blonde wanted Rachel to be hers and hers alone. She didn't know what that meant, couldn't think very clearly in the moment, but she was feeling more intensely emotional than she ever had before - excluding the birth and adoption of her daughter.

She didn't have words for how she felt, and neither did Rachel. As the pair clung to one another, Rachel's chest heaved slightly as she tried to catch her breath, tried to come down to earth. Her hands held on to Quinn with a different sort of desperation, her thigh looped around Quinn's hip, crushing their bodies fully together.

Rachel's fingers were tangled in Quinn's hair, and she was just as speechless as Quinn felt.

"You're stuck with me now," Rachel's voice jested huskily, laughed softly in Quinn's ear.

Quinn felt an infectious grin take over her lips as she pulled away. Her eyes connected with Rachel's, brows knit together as she tried to figure out how to say what she felt, "That was .. scary. But amazing."

Rachel nodded simply. "You were my first," she breathed unbelievably.

Well that was something she never thought she'd hear. Quinn searched Rachel's face, tears welling up in her eyes, and she surged forward, capturing Rachel's luscious lips in a desperately emotional kiss, one that attempted to connect their very souls.

Quinn was stuck in a free-fall of emotion, both terrified and enamored. The beginnings of love were wrapping themselves around her heart. She crushed her lips to Rachel's over and over again.

She didn't know what she was headed for, or how it could all be handled. The war was over inside of her. She'd chosen her path, chosen Rachel. Now it was a matter of finding how exactly that placed her in the real world, where it would place her. For the night, it was just herself and Rachel, kissing until their lips were swollen, til their voices were thick with emotion.

Army-Quinn leapt and bounded through a waterfall, singing 'The Hills are Alive with Music.' The world couldn't have been brighter.


	8. Afraid

**Title**: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing**: Quinn/Rachel

**A/N**: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. Also, I want to issue a sincere apology for the long wait in between updates lately. I suffer from Bipolar I Disorder. While I mostly suffer manic episodes, occassionally I suffer from very, very depressed episodes where I can't even pull myself out of bed. I had been struggling with my mental health for the better part of the last month and a half, as well as waiting for my medication refills. Anyway...replies and then Chapter 8! Thank you so much for the incredible reviews you guys have been leaving. Also, MorningMsMagpie/Aelithe created an amazing piece of fan-art. Seriously it was spectacular, so thank you so much for that Aelithe. I'm so flattered and honored and speechless that everyone is giving the story so much love and attention. Yeah... just.. thank you guys. I really appreciate it more than you know.

truelovepooh: I'm glad I caught you off-guard! I wasn't really expecting it either, to be honest, it just kind of snuck its way into the chapter at the very end. I feel it was really appropriate and weirdly perfect. Not to mention fun. I'm glad you like Santana in this. I was talking with someone else about how usually Santana or Quinn are the bad guys and this I just want them to be the good guys.  
><span>d80p<span>: More coming your way!  
><span>beaner008<span>: Thank you so much! Hopefully you'll keep enjoying it.  
><span>HappyLaura<span>: ;) You may not be posh but you're simply astounding, HL. Hopefully you read and enjoy this chapter. Keep being my favorite. OX  
><span>STL<span>: Army-Quinn IS a stud! Freaking amazing awesome MMM/Aelithe did a spectacular fan-art drawing of her. I'll have to find a way to link it for everyone to see!  
><span>depaul7<span>: Haha, I know, it was all a bit of an intense rollercoaster, wasn't it? I couldn't have been happier with the way the last chapter ended though. Finn deserved to get his ass kicked, also.  
><span>MorningMsMagpie<span>: You amazing creature, you amazing artist! I have no words. You are the awesome one. I bow down to your incredible artistic skills and I hope I can continue to please you. I flailed as well when I saw Stix's review, I felt so undeserving of the attention.  
><span>lea's-lamb<span>: Hahah well I gave you a bit of a break, yeah? Really though, I wish I was a bit faster lately with getting these chapters up. Thank you so much for your kind review and I'm so glad you're enjoying it.  
><span>stix04<span>: I'm so flattered you loved it. I don't think you realize how astounded I am by _your _skill and the fact you're reviewing _my _story and enjoying it. Holy cow. You're wonderful, Stix.  
><span>seyan<span>: Not so slow now! Haha. Sorry it took so long to update. I don't think I could write any smut that involved more than two people. I'm not the sort to enjoy all that as much as I enjoy a genuine emotional connection between two people that happens to result in good times.  
><span>Mary1988<span>: Thank you so much! Here's the next one for you. ;)  
><span>14thChronicle<span>: Who needs concealer? A little speculation is always fun to write, LOL. Plus who doesn't love being marked?  
><span>Emri<span>: Oh Santana was just as happy to punch Finn. I've always wanted to see his character (Sorry Fin-fans; not Cory though, he seems nice) get a good left hook to the jaw.  
><span>Sharene19<span>: Kurt can be a little bit nosy sometimes and a little out of line but I think of all the characters he's the one to be most understanding, at least when it comes to privacy. He wouldn't have spilled the beans anyway, but Quinn has every right to be paranoid with all her fears.  
><span>Leni<span>: Thank you so very much! X  
><span>Me<span>: Well I never thought I'd be talking to myself. Haha just kidding. :P Sorry this update took so long to get out. I hope you enjoy it.  
><span>Cam<span>: I'm glad I could provide you your two most favorite things in the world! I don't deserve all the awards but thank you so much.  
><span>beepboopboop<span>: LOL how'd that roommate thing go? Do they still think you're insane? I'll try to limit my musical inspiration so you don't get looked at too funny.  
><span>threshold<span>: Thank you for your kind words! :D  
><span>agoodwinpd:<span> Normally people cover the relationship with Quinn's dad more in depth - I might later on in the story but I thought hinting at it would be a little more appropriate and leave more to the imagination. You flatter me with your words, thank you.  
><span>SoFlaComet:<span> Actually I'm considering an Army-Quinn story, or at least something based around the idea. ^_^ I WILL be exploring the backstory of the Pezberry friendship. It's interesting and it'd make a good (short?) fic.  
><span>cali:<span> I try to make people sing, I mean, it's just good writing if you can do that, right? Hahaha.  
><span>Gleek1990:<span> Here's the update! I'm glad you liked it enough to read straight through - seriously, that's a lot of words to read!  
><span>anon:<span> I'm glad you enjoyed it a second time. :D  
><span>ButcWolf:<span> Epic? You're too kind! There will be more love scenes eventually, but I want to make it all realistic as possible.  
><span>SuperGleek18:<span> So I read your review at about 3 this morning or something when I randomly woke up to it, but thank you for the long review! I'm really appreciative of it. I'm quite glad it stands out among the different stories - it seems to have gotten some attention over my mental-health break so I'm taking that as a good thing. I just want to save your review and put it in my pocket, haha.

###

Chapter 8: **Afraid**

_Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die..._

###

Somewhere in between four and five in the morning, a harsh knock at the door caused a half-clothed Quinn to tumble to the floor, shoot up in a panic, and dart around looking for her discarded clothing. The blonde even scrambled to find Rachel's clothes for her. "Rachel!" She hissed harshly into the dark, once and then twice. "_Rachel!_" The brunette groaned and Quinn found herself practically jerking Rachel into a sitting position and shoving Rachel into a sweater.

"Quinn, what on earth are you - you can't possibly - " Rachel's voice was muffled by the hoodie being shoved over her head, arms flailing and confused.

Quinn hushed her harshly, "Berry, unless you want someone to see you naked besides me, you'll stop struggling," another knock at the door caused Rachel to gasp and suddenly go into panic mode. Quinn was almost knocked backward as Rachel violently batted Quinn's hands away and struggled to get her hoodie the rest of the way on.

Rachel looked flushed and panicked even in the dark, and Quinn practically dove off the bed. There was a hard _thud _as Quinn's knees connected with the floor. Rachel was hissing quietly with laughter from behind her hand. "Oh my god, Quinn, are you okay?"

"Laugh it up," Quinn whispered harshly and tossed the blanket that had been carelessly discarded during their passionate first time directly into Rachel's face. The brunette peeled the blanket from her head and sent a glare in Quinn's direction.

Another knock. Impatient. "God, open up already, the only reason you should have this door locked is if you - _mrrphmrphmm _- " Santana's voice was muffled as Quinn threw the bedroom door open, clapped her hand over Santana's mouth, and forcefully drug her into the room.

"How about _not _insinuating sex?"

Santana peeled Quinn's hand from her mouth and her nostrils flared in irritation. "How about you keep your hands off my face next time or I'll go wake everyone up and tell them you two hooked up?"

Rachel was blushing a deep red, even noticeable in the barely-there light of the morning. "Oh god," she groaned quietly and rolled over, buried her face underneath a pillow.

Quinn seconded that, "I'd really rather people don't find out right now," the blonde moved back over to the bed.

"What, regrets?" Santana arched an accusing eyebrow.

"What? No! No! No regrets I just .. Santana you of all people should understand wanting to keep things, erm, secret - " Quinn frowned. She certainly didn't regret a second of what had happened with Rachel. It was just that dealing with it this way meant that the likelihood of ending up homeless again was little to none. If her parents ever found out that she was dating a girl, dating a _Jewish _girl, and had sex with said girl, she'd be out on the streets quicker than Sue Sylvester could come up with a horrifying scenario to frighten the Cheerios into working harder. "I don't regret it, not a second of it," Quinn clarified insistently and glanced over her shoulder at Rachel, who had peeked back over her own shoulder and was looking a little in awe at what Quinn was saying. "Do you?"

Rachel didn't speak. She gaped, and shook her head insistently.

"Good," Quinn breathed.

"Next time, be a little quieter. I'm a light sleeper. Lucky for you, no one else seemed to hear anything or be awake," Santana practically collapsed into her own bed, but then eyed the bed suspiciously. "You used your own bed right?" A hand hovered above her pillow as if she thought she might need a haz-mat suit.

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Obviously."

"Hey, just making sure." Santana eased herself quietly onto her mattress. "I got uncomfortable on the couch but I didn't wanna wake Britt up. She's still passed out."

The blonde wanted to say that Santana didn't really need to explain, but seeing as how she'd nearly had a heart-attack at the idea of someone walking in on herself and Rachel, she appreciated the sentiment. Rachel's hand reached the distance between them and found Quinn's. Although Quinn had to squint to see, she could read that pleading expression in Rachel's eyes. She immediately understood what the brunette wanted, because she wanted it just as badly. Carefully, Quinn lifted her legs and moved the blanket from underneath herself, slipped beneath the covers. It felt natural, but somehow still exciting, as she wrapped an arm around Rachel's hip and felt the brunette settle against her. Quinn idly wondered if it was possible to still have a very intense crush on someone after you'd just had sex with them. The way her heart reacted against her ribcage when Rachel let out a contented sigh confirmed that yes, even after you'd been intimate, you could most certainly have a crush on someone.

Santana seemed to have dropped off into sleep not long after she'd stopped speaking, and Quinn felt exhaustion slip over her like a heavy blanket as well. Pulling her own body forward, into Rachel's, she buried her face near Rachel's hair and settled against her pillow. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, content for now and her atoms still thrumming evenly beneath the surface with the warmth of affection she had.

###

_Quinn moved through the brush quietly. For the last 12 hours, she'd been tirelessly making her way through the dark jungle surrounding her. Religious insurgents had ambushed the base she'd been hiding out in with a few other guerrillas stationed at the southern outpost. Two men had died, and Quinn had managed to escape. She thought one in particular had managed to escape as well, but judging from the sounds coming from behind her, she was barely ahead of the attackers. They were shouting in the distance._

_"Traitor!" One voice, deep and gruff, similar to her father's, shot from what sounded to be less than 6 feet behind her. _

_Quinn's instincts led her to dodge left and make her way back. They would be so busy runningtoward where they thought she was, that they likely wouldn't expect to be flanked by her. She fingered the trigger of her AK-47 as she dropped to the ground silently, behind a fallen tree, and waited. Footsteps slowed._

_"Traitor!" These were the men she'd fought with, defended. These were the men she formerly allied herself with. "You forget what purpose you serve, Fabray!" That gruff voice bellowed in the deep, swallowing darkness. A warning shot fired in the opposite direction._

_She steadied the gun in her hands, and just as the silhouette passed into her line of sight, she used the log as leverage and let out a fierce cry, black streaks of war paint greased onto her cheeks. "I serve no man!" She managed to shout in response, hazel eyes flashing dangerously in the dark. The soldier wheeled around but as he spotted her, she fired off the rounds, the butt of the gun jarring against the crook of her shoulder. Teeth gritted, she let the shots ring out, heard answering shouts, and quickly disappeared into the brush again. She throw the gun over her shoulder, tightening the strap, and peered from behind the thick root of a tree. Body flattened against the ground, she breathed as quietly as possible. Any indication of her position meant death._

_"Where'd the traitor go?" One of the soldiers, a little younger than the one she'd just injured, looked desperate to find her. He wouldn't be stupid like the other had been - firing off warning rounds only wasted precious ammo, a limited resource where they were. He drew a machete and began hacking his way through thick brush in her direction._

_Shit. She'd left a foot trail. Quinn, as quietly as possible, moved around the ancient trunk hiding her and began inching her way out of sight again. He still hadn't seen her. She pulled on the strap for her AK-47, back to the tree, closed her eyes, and listened. Her heart beat heavily in her ears, thrumming unevenly, and she felt her skin starting to react with sweat. She freed a hand and hastily wiped away sweat from her eyes. Chest heaving, she heard him come ever closer._

_Just the right moment, she had to wait for just the right moment. A crack to her left._

_She spun from her position, aimed the gun directly at the young soldier. "Don't move a muscle!" _

_Caught off-guard, he didn't have time to react as she used the barrel of her AK to dislodge the knife from his hand and kick it into the distance. He reached for the smaller gun at his side, but she aimed and fired at his knee. Crying out in pain, blood spattering outward, the man fell. _

_"I told you not to move," Quinn growled and knocked him out, before she slung her AK over her shoulder once more and began to salvage whatever supplies she could off of him. A few sealed food packets, a couple Capri Sun, commonly sent to soldiers through supply tanks. She didn't want any unnecessary weight, but she'd need supplies. She didn't know how long she'd be on the run. A third soldier was still out there somewhere, but he was apparently too frightened to do much._

_That gruff voice bellowed out again. She'd killed him, how was he still alive? "You're a traitor to the cause, Fabray! I'll have your head for this!" His voice sounded considerably weaker. She nearly fell over when she felt a hot breath at her ear, "How dare you turn your back on your own kind."_

Quinn awoke from the dream trembling. Her eyes wide, she patted the spot next to her, felt Rachel's warmth. She sank into the mattress, panting with anxiety. That dream had been too realistic for her, too symbolic of her inner struggle. Rachel stirred beside her, blinked sleepily. That perfectly soft hand reached over and touched Quinn's arm.

"Quinn? Are you okay?"

"Bad dream," Quinn grumbled quietly, frowning a bit and closing her eyes. Her breath was still coming a bit short. She kept trying to tell herself it was only a dream, but fear still drummed quietly against her ribs. "What time is it?"

Rachel groaned sleepily, craned upward to glance at the clock. "11," she stated mid-yawn, stretched, and slowly sat up.

Although that dream had been markedly unpleasant, looking at Rachel made her feel a little more calm. Rachel looked positively radiant. "Rachel," she murmured quietly, "I'm scared."

"Scared?"

Quinn nodded silently.

Recognition slowly flashed over Rachel's features, knitting her brows together as she reached out. Her soft hand twined with Quinn's, and the pad of her thumb stroked carefully over her skin. "Nobody has to find out right away. I mean .. I-I certainly don't expect everything to be .. I mean.." Those brown eyes darted around with uncertainty and a little bit of disappointment.

Quinn felt a pang in her chest. She didn't want to be a cause of Rachel's doubt. Rachel deserved someone who could openly admit they were proud to be dating her. Quinn laughed, a little bitterly, "God, Rach, how can you even - "

"Quinn," Rachel hissed softly, "don't you dare start that. Your self-deprecation is not welcome in my presence, understand?"

The blonde only nodded, gulping down air and closing her eyes. "I have such an intense crush on you," she laughed a bit ironically. Her eyes slid open and she rested her gaze on Rachel's face. Rachel was smiling in _that _way, the way she did when she felt bashful - biting down on her bottom lip to keed her grin from splitting across her entire face.

"I would hope so after.. after .. you know," Rachel blushed a deeper red, and Quinn chuckled softly.

"I'm just scared, that's all. And I wanted to be honest with you about it. I don't know where we .. go from here, I really don't. I think that's the worst part. If my parents find out I-I get kicked out again and I have nowhere to go. And I'm not ready to be thrown out again." Quinn could see Rachel nodding quietly in acknowledgement and agreement, "but you deserve someone who can be open and proud that you're dating them. You deserve that."

Rachel smiled quietly, "I appreciate you saying that, Quinn. Truly. I can wait for that step. Right now I feel as if it's more appropriate to focus on what's between us, and not so much on what everyone else gets to see and understand. I'm not concerned about who knows and who doesn't."

Rachel Berry was an astounding woman. She constantly outdid her own extensive capacity for compassion, and it was difficult not to admire her for that very quality. As Quinn stared up at Rachel, searching that open expression, the blonde was only pulled out of her trance as a small pillow came flying at her head.

"I hate you both for waking me up," Santana groaned from the other side of the room. "I can't wait til I can get back to my own house and I won't have to listen to you two moon over one another."

Rachel laughed a little bit. "Good morning to you, too," her tone was affectionate and she threw the pillow back in Santana's direction. "Lucky for you, we head home today."

"Lucky me," Santana gestured at Rachel, shared an affectionate smile with her very unlikely best friend. "Shit," she rasped, rolled over onto her back, and stretched.

Quinn smiled a little bit. There was still a lot to discuss with Rachel. She'd been Rachel's first. That was a pretty big step, something she'd never expected them to fall into so very quickly. They were still only teenagers, and Quinn was experienced enough to know that she couldn't even fully understand the consequences of such a serious relationship this young. She'd learned a lot from having Beth, and the main lesson had been a humbling one. Maturity wasn't gained through action, only through growth. Her eyes searched Rachel's face, and her smile grew as Rachel's deep brown eyes dropped back down to meet her own. The blonde reached up, gently touched Rachel's face, before she stretched and climbed out of bed. She made a quick job of changing into clothes, and crouched down on the floor to begin packing up her clothes.

"So, how was it?" Santana's tone suggested that _it _was a rather personal matter, and Quinn was glad her back was turned to the Latina, because she flushed a deep red. Rachel's gasp confirmed Santana was speaking of the very same thing Quinn suspected.

"Santana I really don't believe that's an appropriate line of questioning," Rachel stuttered out and quickly stood up as well. Quinn glanced at her from the side, spotting the tell-tale nervous way Rachel was pretending to be very focused on making the bed.

"Sure it is. Was it good or not? I mean, you two were totally all bottled up sexual tension and shit. Did Q blow your mind?"

Quinn blushed, glanced over her shoulder in disbelief. "I... uhh.. yeah, I'm just going to...is that bacon I smell?" She hurriedly zipped up her bag and darted out the door, hearing Rachel scold Santana as the door swung shut. Her stomach was a little twisted with nerves. She was sure everyone would be able to tell. That frightened her. Luckily, the cabin was mostly empty, besides three people. Kurt and Mercedes were sitting on either end of the couch, Brittany still sprawled out between them, snoring a bit loudly. Kurt looked irritated, and Mercedes was busy filing her nails.

"Morning tiger," Kurt raised an eyebrow, a smug expression crossing his features. His expression fell when Quinn shot him a vicious, dark look. A simple warning was enough, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably, eyes darting as if she was a gorgon and looking at her would turn him into stone.

"Tiger?" Quinn gazed in his direction as if to suggest he'd better come up with a believable lie for that nickname.

"The hair. It's dreadful," he waved his hand dismissively and arched an eyebrow.

Brittany had impeccable timing. She was mumbling something about the moat around Tubbington's castle and stopping the evil Sylvester from crossing the bridge with her army of cereal, before she started to rouse. Sleepy eyes blinked open, and the lithe cheerleader sat up, yawning, "Good morning... where's San?" her expression contorted immediatley, noticing the absence of her sleeping partner.

Quinn smirked at everything that had just come out of Brittany's mouth, both while unconscious and conscious. "She's in the bedroom with Rachel," Quinn motioned carefully before busying herself in the kitchen. Quinn Fabray could make one thing well - bacon. So that's what she was going to make. She fished around in the refrigerator, found some bacon in the meat drawer, and readied the skilley. Humming quietly to herself, she thought over the very passionate joining that had happened last night following Finn's dethroning of manhood. The blonde didn't know what had caused Rachel to practically maul her and jump her bones the second that door had shut, but she didn't mind one bit. There had been something else besides lust there. Something deep, a bit like a time capsule someone had buried inside of them both and only then had it been able to open for them. As if it was something intended by a higher power... or something. After all, Quinn hadn't had many positive experiences with the 'higher power' her parents had so thoroughly pushed her to believe. This kind of blessing could only be universal in scale.

It meant a lot, being their first time. It had been a little sudden and kind of hasty, but somehow perfect all in the same. Rachel had looked at Quinn in the aftermath with such love that she couldn't have imagined it being anything but perfect, and safe. That was the thing, Rachel made her feel _safe _despite her fears of being outed, of being homeless, of being rejected, disowned. Rachel seemed to tether her safely to the ground and one look from those brown eyes and a squeeze of that soft hand told her _everything will be just fine, you'll see._

The only real downside she could see in this situation was that Rachel might kill Quinn's hard-earned cynicsm with her overbearing optimism. That was a trade she could deal with, though. And, the blonde had to remind herself, she still wanted to make it all proper and slow - as contradictory as it seemed. They had a _relationship _to build. Sex didn't constitute a relationship. They'd built a slow foundation of trust and affection with one another, and now came the real work. Relationship. How did you _have _a proper relationship? How did you keep it real and exciting at the same time? How did you keep it from taking over your entire life? All valid questions, but nonetheless all complicated. One day at a time, Quinn supposed.

Wait, hold on a second. Army-Quinn smacked real Quinn hard in the back of the head with the butt of her AK-47.

Relationship. Call Quinn a broken record, but she'd just thought to herself that she wanted a relationship with Rachel. That was serious. That was ... that was a commitment.

Rachel smiling. Rachel laughing. Rachel singing. Rachel's warm embraces. Rachel's affectionate gazes. Rachel fingertips tracing over Quinn's wrist.

She could commit to that feeling, the one that surged up like heated rock from beneath the earth's surface. She could commit to the feeling Rachel gave her with every bit of attention she showed Quinn. The power-play was fun, too, especially with Quinn and Rachel's past now officially their _past _and therefore something to mimic playfully. Maybe pursuing a committed relationship could still be fun. It didn't have to be like one of those U-Haul situations. Quinn wasn't ready to nest.

The blonde smelled the bacon's crisply-done scent and turned off the skillet, piled a bit of bacon on a small plate and left the rest for anyone else who wanted some, and plopped down on the recliner. She munched away happily at the bacon, lost herself in the joy that was eating. It wasn't until Rachel came out with their bags that she felt completely distracted. The brunette made her way over to Quinn's chair and sat on the arm of it, making idle conversation with the rest of the group, but all Quinn could concentrate on was Rachel's thighs. Resting right near her line of sight. The way those perfect hands were drifting up and down the side of her thigh as if itching an invisible bug bite.

Quinn sunk a little lower in her chair. It was really hard to concentrate on how perfect bacon was when the girl she'd just had sex with was teasing her with the sight of those perfect, delicious, lust-inducing thighs. She wanted her head between them, wanted them rested over her shoulders, pale fingers clenching into those perfect muscles as Rachel's head dipped back -

"The bacon tastes good," Santana stated absentmindedly as she sat heavily down beside Brittany. "Good job, Q," the Latina congratulated her. It was enough to jar Quinn from her very lusty, very inappropriate thoughts. Rachel's eyes sparkled as they searched Quinn's, and Quinn blushed. Rachel knew _exactly _what she was doing.

"Thanks," Quinn commented darkly and avoided the burning lust in Rachel's eyes.

###

"So how was everyone's weekend?" Schue clapped his hands together and looked around the room expectantly.

"These losers went on some Brownie trip," Lauren narrowed her gaze and looked disapprovingly around the room.

Rachel frowned and looked behind her, "In fact, we rented two cabins and had a wonderful time," she lifted her chin haughtily before turning back around. Beside her, Quinn grinned a little bit and secretly took in the sight of her irritation. In school, they still didn't act particularly like they were dating just yet, but they definitely sat next to one another at every chance possible, lunch included. "It's too bad you couldn't pry yourself from your gaming schedule long enough to join us. Perhaps you'd stop acting like we're _forcing _you to be here."

"Oh be quiet, midget," Lauren rolled her eyes, to which both Santana and Quinn popped out of their chairs.

Finn flinched, "Uh, Lauren, you might wanna .. cool it on the insults," he warned shakingly. His jaw was still significantly bruised and a little swollen.

"I could take these bitches," Lauren folded her arms over her chest.

"Why don't you can it, Zizes?" Quinn barked.

"Before we find a way to permanently dismember that rude-ass mouth of yours," Santana finished and was still tense despite Britt's hand on her arm.

"Dyke squad all up in arms."

"Hey!" Rachel popped up from her chair, whirled around, and pranced determinedly in front of Quinn, who was shaking with anger. Rachel's short stature was nothing compared to her ability to call up a sense of quiet fury. Quinn had learned it was similar to her ability to cry on command. "How dare you use such offensive language, Lauren Zizes! We've done nothing to you, and neither have I, so I would greatly appreciate it if you would cease and desist."

Lauren scoffed, pushed Rachel by the shoulder a little too hard, causing her to stumble backward into Quinn. Quinn caught Rachel by the waist, made sure she was okay and steadied her. Without hesitation Santana was behind Lauren's chair and had tipped it backwards. Quinn circled from around Rachel and was kicking a leg off of Lauren's chair. Apparently getting defensive over Rachel brought a violent streak out in her. Just as she raised the shining leg and swung it into her palm, slow-as-ever Schuester was dashing up the stairs.

"Hey! Girls! And Zizes, you need to refrain from using such ... offensive language in this room or I can't condone your membership here," he scolded, pushing Quinn gently away and shooting Santana a look. Rage boiled up in Quinn and just as she was about to land a kick in Zizes side as the word 'dyke' echoed in her mind again, she felt arms encircle her waist and pull her gently back. It took a few moments to register it was Rachel, pulling her back.

Just like back in the beginning, when she and Santana had been at each other's throats and Rachel had pulled her away from the Latina. Quinn was leaning against Rachel's shorter frame, feeling soothed immediately. This time, instead of pulling violently out of those perfect arms, she let herself rest there as long as she could without being conspicuous. Her hand rested gently over Rachel's and the metal leg of the chair slipped from her hand, fell to the floor next to them both. Her rage all but disappeared. Rachel. Rachel was right behind her. She'd always been right behind her.

Santana was being similarly contained as Brittany held her hand and tugged her away from a standing Lauren.

"Now if you're honestly all going to continue acting like this ... I mean it's just completely unnecessary - "

_Beep-buzz, _"William! I see your animals are as unruly as ever." Sue Sylvester shouted through her megaphone from the doorway, a shit-eating grin on her face. "I'd say I'm surprised but I'm not. May I say it looks like you may have gotten just the right amount of Crisco on that head of yours today? Now if you're going to encourage such violence I just may have to report you to Figgins, and once and for all get this pathetic excuse for a club," _beep-buzz, _"shut down permanently. Then I won't have to listen to you loathsome children squawking like baby chickens on stage. Chickens, which I might add, that I wouldn't even grill up and eat if I had the choice."

This brought the room to a standstill, and Quinn found herself turning around to the familiar feedback of that megaphone. She didn't give it much thought, but her body flushed warm as she felt Rachel's hand slip into hers. Those hazel eyes glanced at their joined hands, her heart fluttering a little bit, and Quinn felt like she was jumping for joy. Only she wasn't. She was merely standing quietly next to Rachel, holding her hand.

The rest of the room had slowly begun to mumble apologies and put things back together and take their seats, all except Santana (who was still cursing under her breath in Spanish), Brittany, Rachel, and Quinn. Schuester was heading down the stairs and frowning.

"Sue, is there a reason you've interrupted our - "

"Bloodfest? Gladitorial display?" She was still speaking loudly through her megaphone, even as William was standing right in front of her. "To be honest I just wanted to see if the pure volume of this megaphone would make that greasy, wavy hair of yours move out of place but as it seems you use enough Crisco to fry the entirety of the Mexican hen population. That isn't moving an inch. Well _done, _you sad excuse of a leprechaun-man. Now if you can pull yourself away from your harem, Figgins wants to see us both in his office," _beep-buzz, _"pronto."

Schue was flaring his nostrils angrily and glanced back at the Glee club, "Behave. I'll see you guys tomorrow, then." He shoved past Sue and stalked out of the room.

Sue merely grinned at them all wolfishly, then pointed a finger at Lauren Zizes, "Hey, Fat Albert, if you ever decide you want to weigh less than an average beluga whale, I'll give you the recipe for the drink my Cheerios substitute at every meal."

With that, Sue Sylvester left a snickering Glee club behind, all except Lauren, who was barking at them to shut up before she hospitalized all of them.

After that, everyone seemed to filter out on their own, Santana and Rachel joining up right away in the hallway, with Brittany and Quinn behind them. Quinn felt silent today, she felt happy. It did bother her, however, that Lauren had called herself and Santana the 'dyke squad.' Did that mean other people were suspecting her of being a lesbian as well? Well, she was, so it wasn't like they'd be wrong, but word would get around and then her parents... she couldn't let herself think about it too much. Instead, she focused her gaze on Rachel, who was striding meaningfully in front of her talking with Santana about where they were all going to go tonight - Santana's, Brittany's, or Rachel's. Santana's house was almost always a no, Brittany's was usually a yes, but the group tended to agree when they went to the Berry's they got to eat the best vegan food ever. At Brittany's it was just fondue - which only Lord Tubbington seemed to enjoy that fully.

"My house it is," Rachel announced matter-of-factly, her head craning back for a moment to share a bright glance with Quinn. The brunette smiled quietly at Quinn, and that familiar stirring in Quinn's stomach made her falter a little beside Britt. There was something about the earlier subtle exchange as well as the feeling of Rachel's hand in her own in the middle of that choir room a little while ago that made Quinn feel flustered the way she had when she'd first began to realize her feelings for Rachel. Amazing, she thought, how they could've already had sex and yet somehow Quinn still felt just as shy as she would if it was an unrequited crush.

It was actually quite spectacular.

###

"Oh, man, okay so if you put this one right here - " Santana was busily snacking as she leaned over Quinn to place a card atop the unrealistically large tower they'd already all built together.

"Santana if you put that there it'll - " Rachel panicked, flew forward, her fingers splayed as she tried to stop Santana from placing the last card on top, but it came toppling down before the diva could do anything. Her expression fell and her bottom lip pouted outward, " - fall."

Quinn was torn between laughing and letting out a sympathetic 'aww' at Rachel's disappointed expression. "I mean that really wasn't your smartest idea, S," the blonde smirked quietly at her friend, who shoved her shoulder a little roughly and rolled her eyes.

Brittany took the opportunity to steal the bag of chips from Santana and lay back on the couch, idly taking a handful and popping each chip one by one into her mouth.

It felt good to be friends with Santana again. Even though she hadn't really let herself overthink it when they'd been split apart, being without Santana was a little bit like being without a limb. The girl was smart, funny, and guarded - but somehow beyond all that she was warm and gentle without openly displaying it. Every sarcastic remark masked some affection, every shove tended to cover up Santana's desire to embrace whoever it might be (usually just Brittany or Quinn).

"So you guys never really explained how you two became friends," Quinn observed and motioned between Santana and Rachel. "I mean, obviously I know _why _but not how. Or when."

"That's because you don't pay attention," Santana arched an eyebrow. Quinn gently nudged her shoulder and looked to Rachel for the answer.

The diva shifted almost a little uncomfortably. Curious reaction, Quinn thought, and lifted an eyebrow in questioning. "We kind of uhm - "

"They made out one time when Santana was drunk at Puckerman's party and then they started texting each other and became friends," Brittany said without a drop of jealousy in her tone.

Quinn gaped. She felt a jealous stirring in her stomach and her eyes darted between the pair as if to confirm this was true. Rachel was blushing guiltily and staring at her hands, and even Santana was blushing a little bit.

"Don't give me that look, Q, I mean I was drunk and we all know I'm gonna end up shacking up with Britt the rest of my life," Santana seemed to find her voice after a few moments.

Okay, so this would take a little bit of processing. Quinn didn't want to think of herself as a particularly _jealous _person, but this feeling was definitely not a pleasant one. Her hazel eyes blinked as she merely nodded and took a moment to soothe the burning jealousy in the deepest pits of her heart. Brittany didn't seem to care, after all. And why hadn't _she _been at this party? Had it been during her anti-social period, when even her mother hadn't been able to coax her out of her bedroom? Surely Puck would have spent enough time drooling publicly at school about it that she'd have noticed. Then again, she'd never noticed Santana defending Rachel until everything had already changed.

Army Quinn stopped sharpening her knife, looked at the blade as if she didn't know where it had come from and frowned a little bit at her mirror image. _"Stop being an idiot, you had sex with her and she's been pining after _you _this whole time." _

Right. Okay.

"Well, at least I know her first lesbian kiss was with someone worse than me," Quinn finally managed to find some words to choke out and she felt Santana shove her backward. A smile returned to her lips and the blonde chuckled as Santana batted at her.

"You're a bitch."

"You love me."

"You don't even know if it's true!"

"I'm not about to find out, especially not with an audience."

"Ew, like I'd even let you kiss me."

"Oh, Lopez, you know you've dreamed about it."

"You _wish._"

"Every day."

Santana rolled her eyes in end to the argument, but there was a small quirk at the corner of her lips that told Quinn they were okay.

Rachel, on the other hand, was gaping disbelievingly at the pair. She appeared to be struggling with some feelings as well, "I don't think I'd like the idea of you two .. you know, - " she waved her hand between them, " - kissing one another."

"Afraid I'd steal your girl?" Santana teased her best friend and Rachel glared. "I mean we both know how good of a - "

"Okay, _really _we need to stop talking about this, " Quinn breathed out and covered her face. Why were they all talking about making out with one another anyway? Really, this wasn't some kind of badly written, no-plot, soft-core here.

Brittany only laughed at the three of them and shook her head. Those long legs were stretched over the back of the couch and the Cheerio was laying now upside down - as if she were five years old and watching cartoons while doing a hand-stand.

Rachel seemed to notice that Quinn was markedly uncomfortable. The diva met her gaze as Santana dipped over to the couch to press a quick kiss to Brittany's cheek and settle against the back of the couch. Taking advantage of Santana's distraction (she had grabbed the TV remote and was flipping through the stations while Brittany righted herself and played with Santana's hair), Rachel had reached gently over and found Quinn's hand, the warmth of her fingers spreading Quinn's palm open and tracing over it. Those brown eyes searched the lines of Quinn's hand as if she'd find the future there, and Quinn could only look at her beautiful face. That perfect face. How it enchanted her every moment, every time she took a glance. Hazel eyes searched Rachel's expression, and breath halted in her throat as Rachel's eyes rose to meet her own in question.

A silent question passed between them. Quinn nodded mutely and stood, Rachel following suit.

"Be right back," Rachel spoke softly to Santana as she stepped over long, tan legs.

"Use a condom."

Quinn laughed at Santana's comment but her laugh was silenced as they entered the hallway and began the climb up to Rachel's room. The diva had reached behind her and taken Quinn's hand in her own again. Although the blonde really didn't know exactly what Rachel wanted to be alone with her for, she had a couple vague ideas of what she might want. She moved through the doorway and Rachel shifted behind her briefly to close the door, and Quinn took a nervous seat on Rachel's bed. A moment passed and Rachel was still standing at the door, fingers dancing over the surface of the door handle, and Quinn tilted her head to the side to see Rachel's profile. The diva was nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

"Does it bother you?" Rachel spoke finally, appearing to be afraid to turn around. Was she afraid Quinn was angry?

Quinn didn't know just how to respond, "I mean.. I guess I'm .. I was kind of jealous thinking of it but .. we've .. and you know everything's.. we're obviously.. you and I..." Okay, so Quinn wasn't good with words at all.

Rachel appeared to smile softly, but still didn't turn around. "It wasn't anything. For the longest time, I mean, it's always been you."

_It's always been you._

_You._

The words rang in her head, and Quinn blinked dumbly before she stood and moved behind Rachel, resting her head against Rachel's shoulderblade from behind, eyes cast to the floor before the drifted shut. "Rachel," she breathed reverently. Quinn could feel Rachel inhale quietly but sharply, as a hand moved to Rachel's hip delicately and slipped around from behind.

The brunette's hand hesitated at Quinn's fingers, grazed over them, before resting her palm over Quinn's grasp. Rachel appeared to have stopped breathing. Quinn lifted her head, pressed her lips to the back of Rachel's neck, her shoulder, as her hand slipped further around her. Gently, she coaxed Rachel into turning around and her fingers drifted over Rachel's jaw.

Rachel looked flushed, a little breathless with anticipation. Quinn felt it too, that deep tension that was always between them, that had always _been _between them from the start. "I don't deserve you, but I'm not letting you go now."

Rachel smiled in what appeared to be a quiet sense of disbelief. Quinn searched her face, her everything, wanted to memorize her moment of rapture. It was funny, how they still had this affect on each other. The air thick between them, Quinn finally inched forward and brushed her lips over Rachel. It felt like the first time they'd kissed, even though it wasn't. Sparks flew into Quinn's skin, started her heart thumping against her ribs. She thumbed the curve of Rachel's jaw as the diva whimpered and parted her lips. Deeper, always deeper, Quinn felt herself falling headlong into the perfect ocean that was Rachel Berry. Carefully, she was backing Rachel against the door and grasping her hip with her other hand. Rachel's fingers slipped around Quinn's waist and cupped the curve of her shoulderblades, fingers gripping Quinn through her shirt. Quinn loved the feeling of those fingers grasping, pulling silently at the fabric of her shirt. The ex-Cheerio languidly drew her tongue along Rachel's bottom lip and finally sought out the warmth that was Rachel's tongue, her sweet taste. It amazed her how Rachel tasted like vanilla, honey, like sweet tea.

It wasn't one of those fiery kisses from the movies. It was quiet and undemanding and ... well, loving. Quinn was pouring her heart into this kiss. She wanted to convey all her promises to Rachel, wanted to claim her without consuming her. The blonde pressed closer, kissed just a little deeper. Rachel was whimpering softly and asking for more in her own silent way. Quinn couldn't quench that desire just yet, even though Rachel's hips were pressing against her own and one hand had slipped to Quinn's backside and pulled her in. It took all of Quinn's self-control not to continue on with this.

She broke away, much to Rachel's displeasure. That bottom lip of Rachel's pouted out noticeably.

"I just don't want us to rush through it again. I want to do it all the right way, even if I don't know exactly how to do that yet," Quinn breathed quietly against Rachel's mouth, dipped her lips against Rachel's again and avoided that all-consuming fire. "Okay?"

Rachel hesitated, then nodded, "Okay." Her petite arms snaked upward as Rachel seemed to struggle with the concept of not kissing Quinn the way she apparently wanted to. Quinn felt the diva slowly wrap her arms around her, tighter, and her own slid easily around Rachel and pulled her close. "Who knew Quinn Fabray was such a romantic."

"Not me," Quinn laughed throatily, quietly, and buried her face against the sweet-smelling curtain of Rachel's dark hair.

"Me either," came the reply from the other side of the door, Santana sounding amused. "She's so good at playing a bitch," the Latina teased, her words muffled. Rachel and Quinn both grinned, and Rachel banged gently against the door. Her smile grew larger as they both heard Santana jump a little in surprise. "Hey, no need to get aggressive."

"That's what she said," Brittany responded from somewhere around the same vicinity as Santana.

###

"What's your favorite scary movie?" Santana breathed against Quinn's ear, and the blonde shoved her away playfully. They were in the middle of a _Scream _marathon (Brittany's request), and Rachel was curled tightly against Quinn. The blonde didn't know if she was shivering from the feel of a warm whisper against her ear from Santana's side or the way Rachel's hand was slipping over her stomach from the other side.

"I absolutely do not understand the concept of scary movies, do not, do not," Rachel's words were muffled against Quinn's collarbone.

"Aw, come on, short stuff. It's only a slasher film. In fact it's probably one of the funnier movies you'll see in the horror biz," Santana hopped up and rounded the couch, retrieving a bag of chips from the table before hopping over the back of the couch and landing next to Brittany.

"It's gratuitous and violent."

"It's good."

"It's terrible."

"Shhh, you _guys _I'm trying to remember who the killer is," Brittany emphasized.

Quinn glanced behind her at Santana, who was smirking devilishly. A smile crossed her lips and she wrapped an arm further around Rachel's waist and tugged her closer. At least she could use this as a reasonable excuse to snuggle as close as physically possible to Rachel. She personally wasn't scared a bit - Santana was right, these movies had their own peculiar brand of comedy - but Rachel obviously was a huge chicken.

It was quite distracting, the way Rachel's fingers moved over her hip bone and gripped tightly at the sound of glass breaking on the television. The diva made it hard to control her urges. Ever since that delicious kiss earlier, she'd been thinking about how it'd felt when she and Rachel had taken things further at the cabin. Rachel's olive skin dampened with sweat, the absolutely carnal but somehow beautiful noises that had come from her throat every time Quinn did something just _right_ and made Rachel feel really good.

Right, movie. Must watch the movie. Think about the movie. Quinn blinked, cleared her head. She was sure her cheeks were flushed with arousal but thank goodness for that 'all lights must be off' rule that seemed to apply to all scary movies.

Truly, Quinn was determined to slow things a bit, make them just right for Rachel. There was something absolutely emotional about the fact that she'd been Rachel's _first_, the one person she'd always remember for the rest of her life - if not for the fact they'd still be together (she hoped), than for the fact she'd been Rachel's first real intimate experience. Quinn had never really considered love before, never really thought about it as something that was possible for her, but as her grip tightened around Rachel's waist and she felt her stomach flutter at the feeling of Rachel burrowing herself tightly into her arms out of fear and the need for comfort, she realized it was entirely possible. She wouldn't give it a name just yet, but the feelings she had, the desire she had to make everything right for _Rachel, _they could very possibly be the kind of love you saw in movies and read about in old literature.

This was something worth fighting for. This feeling right that moment, in both the memory of her first time with Rachel and the current moment being shared. Even if her family found out, even if people made mouths behind her back, nothing could replace the strength of feeling when Rachel looked at Quinn.

"You okay?" Quinn asked Rachel quietly against her ear, and she felt Rachel nod quickly.

"Just keep me safe."

"Of course. I mean it's just a tv..." Quinn teased quietly.

Rachel nudged her, and dared to break away just to wrinkle her nose at the blonde.

Hazel eyes met brown, "You don't have to be afraid. I'm not," Quinn all but whispered. Those words were loaded with so much meaning, so much emotion, that even Quinn felt surprised. Rachel looked surprised as well, and quietly rested her head on Quinn's shoulder - but not before leaning in and pressing a delicate kiss to Quinn's neck.

Rachel's grip tightened even more, but this time Quinn sensed it wasn't out of fear, but emotion.

Yeah, she could face down the world for this feeling. Quinn could face down the army of Mordor for this. Gladly.


	9. I Am

**Title: **Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing:** Quinn/Rachel, Pezberry Friendship

**WARNING! **

That chapter was experimental, though planned, to see how much 'faith' my readers actually have in me. I've explained before that each thing I do is a calculated plot moment. It might not make sense to _you _but to me, who knows the ending, it fits perfectly. So far, people are responding with doubt and concern — but why would I call a fic Faberry if Faberry was _not _the end result?

It's interesting, to see how people react when you put them outside of their comfort zone. They forget sometimes that the writer, not the reader, has control of the piece. Often times, they react with privilege and offense when things don't go the way they expect. I'm seeing exactly that result.

Sometimes strange things happen in real life, and I like to incorporate that within my fanfiction. I like to make things realistic in the way that you don't always _know _what's going to happen. Besides, why would I write the same fanfiction that's been written thousands of times? If I didn't incorporate my own ways of doing things, my way of navigating what it means to feel and love and understand those things, then what would be the point of writing? People may like my reading for what they expect me to write — but never do I want to be predictable to the extent that my readers feel that is what I owe them.

There are still four chapters to be written. A _lot _can happen in 4 chapters. I'm a fan of happy endings, and never intentionally leave loose ends. I feel as if the amount of judgement that occurs when a writer chooses to deviate from the expected path is quite unfair.

I don't want to be controlled by what people _want _me to write. Fear not, though. Have faith in me, if you will. Have faith that I want the same ending you do. I just have different ways of getting there.

**A/N:** Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. Thanks for being so patient, guys, even though I know it was difficult with the amount of you that have subscribed to the Alerts. I hadn't intended to take so long (who ever does?) in getting this out. I appreciate those of you who are still sticking around to see where this story goes. Also, thank you guys so much for the amazing amount of emotional support you've all offered upon finding out about my bipolar.. I couldn't feel any more loved than you guys make me feel when I read those things. Anyway, since my creative juices are flowing and I miss my Faberry fix, here's the next chapter (after some review replies).

_ButchWolf:__ thank you! The cuddling at the end was my favorite, too. I just love Faberry snuggles, which shows up in my writing a lot. Maybe because I'm more of a snuggly person than a sexual person, hahaa.  
><em>_truelovepooh:__ I can see the 'taking it slow' thing going either way - the characters kind of decide that on their own as I'm writing, so I can't say whether I know if Rachel's going to be persistent about getting physical. Though, it's plausible, since "girls want sex too" and well, Rachel is persistent.  
><em>_endlessthirst:__ I love the references! It's always fun to see how and when I can fit them in. I'll definitely put a Harry Potter reference in, just for you! :D I'm also glad you like Army!Quinn. She seems to be really popular with people so yay.  
><em>_SuperGleek18: __that was the trick with this story - everyone always shows Quinn running away so I wanted to see what would happen if she stayed. ^_^  
><em>_sallygleek:__ I am back! :D I'm glad you're enjoying all of it so far. I try to keep the story as realistic as possible, no matter what I'm writing, so I'm glad it works.  
><em>_Blue-Portrait:__ I think young love definitely does that to people. You feel invincible.  
><em>_cali:__ I like replying to all the reviews! I want people to know I'm reading what they've said and that their reviews aren't lost in a cluster. As the stories gain popularity I'm always afraid people will be irritated with me for having a giant intro but I like giving the individual time to each person, too. The Pezberry kiss was actually unexpected for me! I've been toying a little bit with all of their interactions and I think it makes it more fun for me that way, because I can blur the lines between friendship a little more. Santana's a smartass and I don't think the story would be the same without her. Quinn's stronger than she thinks, so I think being honest with herself will only strengthen her. NONE FOR GRETCHEN!  
><em>_Ryuen:__ Thank you for the good wishes! I'm super glad you enjoy the stories and I hope I'll be able to update every weekend since I have class all week at Uni. I'll definitely take care! Rachel and Quinn need me! Hahaa.  
><em>_lea's-lamb:__ LOL I'm glad you enjoyed the reference and that you like my Quinn and my Rachel. Quinn's always had the possibility of being so dynamic so I could never figure out why people didn't explore the more complex side of her - I guess because it's not as simple doing that as it is working with a formula.  
><em>_MorningMsMagpie:__ The reviews definitely make me feel loved. ^_^ I would never ask for reviews but I'm sure glad to get them whenever I do. Army Quinn is there til the end! Definitely. She's a major part of straightening Quinn out, so to speak, where she would have otherwise run away from what she was feeling. I'm actually planning an Army!Quinn AU story since she's become such a hit.  
><em>_k-la15:__ I'm glad you like the relationship as well as Santana! I love San in this story.  
><em>_depaul7:__ I really wanted to give Quinn more depth than in other stories. I think anyone would be like 'whoa, that was her first time' and feel some kind of impact from that. There will be smutty goodness to come (maybe not in this chapter but really soon). Thank you for the good wishes and the hug. OX  
><em>_augs:__ I've grabbed another one! Muahaha. I've really put a lot of thought into the group dynamic for this story so I'm always glad to see it's working out in the way I want to portray it. In the upcoming chapters it'll definitely be covered - the group being less afraid to be themselves - but hopefully more realistic than others.  
><em>_Erise:__ I'm honestly really flattered that this ranks that high in your favorite Faberry fics. Quinn's lemon isn't totally unpressed but eventually all will be gay and joyous. I wanted Quinn to realistically come to terms with her feelings - I guess I modeled it closer to my own self-acceptance than the formulaic treatment of how she might react.  
><em>_jock:__ I'm on Tumblr AND LChat? O_O I feel honestly really flabbergasted. I didn't realize I was getting such attention and word-of-mouth but I'm really glad for it! I'm humbled for sure. I like the idea of figuring out how to make all of it realistic in terms of normal reactions and also trying to find the 'excitement' in a relationship. Once some people put Faberry in a relationship, they make it really boring and 'I love you' and 'aww I love you too!' when that's not realistic to me. So yes, I'm really glad you enjoy that. My nerd references are all personal loves, hahaha, so I'm glad you enjoy Quinn's nerdiness. Thank you thank you!  
><em>_livemusic181:__ LOL ~FEELINGS! Hahaha, I'm sorry I kept you up but I'm really glad you enjoyed it!  
><em>_Azuri-chan:__ here it is! Sorry it took so long!  
><em>_xWaitfortheSparkx:__ I'm enjoying writing the Pezberry friendship and I have a Pezberry fic in the works, actually..  
><em>_HappyLaura:__ As always, L, I'm glad to see your name among the rest. Sue and her megaphone was so frakkin' fun to write. I think I got so wrapped up in laughing at her myself that I had to remind myself to keep writing. Some drama may be coming up but nothing too heavy - I'm not very good with super!angst.  
><em>_meso30180:__ Hahaha, oh man there should be a LOTR marathon. I can only imagine the commentary that would come from Rachel on that. And from Santana (HOBBITS HAHAH). I love Army!Quinn almost as much as everyone else seems to. The other story will hopefully get an update this coming weekend - Uni work takes up a lot of my time so far._

###

Chapter 9:** I Am**

_Well I am scared..._

###

"I don't like you hanging out with that girl all the time," Judy Fabray appeared to have just smelt something foul, with the way she wrinkled her nose before sipping from her coffee mug. Quinn had stopped at home after last night's sleepover; she'd actually intended to avoid her mother - Judy was supposed to be at work but judging from her appearance, she was ill.

"It wasn't just Rachel this time," Quinn all but mumbled under her breath as she zipped her hoodie up. "I'm leaving for school now," the blonde turned her back to the older woman and did her best to quell the feeling of anxiety building in her chest.

"Some of the other parents have said that girl might be gay."

Quinn stopped in her tracks, felt her body and muscles freeze up as if Medusa had just stared right into her eyes. The ex-Cheerio didn't dare turn around, didn't dare move an inch. It was almost as if her instincts were warning her not to give any sign through her body language that Judy Fabray might be right about that.

"I don't know if I want you hanging out with a gay girl," the accusation continued, pierced her heart like a needle.

Steeling herself, all on her own, Quinn shook her head, "I don't care what you want." Wheeling around, she met her mother's gaze. "If you can't see that spending time with her makes me happy, or if you do see that and you don't care for my happiness, then I really don't care what you want. I'm not living my life for you." Quinn's strong voice betrayed the fact that her frame was trembling from head to toe. Terrified of her mother's words, she pivoted and ran out the front door before the reaction could hit.

It took approximately 10 minutes to run from her house to Rachel's block, not breaking a sweat but her heart pounding in time with her panic. Rachel was waiting for her outside of the Berry household, backpack slung over her shoulder proudly and beaming from ear to ear.

"Good morning!" Rachel's chipper greeting was harsh to Quinn's ears. Quinn flinched a little.

"Hey."

Rachel's expression fell a little at the monotone response. "What's wrong?" The shorter girl took fearful, brief steps beside Quinn as if she thought the ground was going to open up and swallow her whole. Quinn felt a rush of guilt.

"My mother has been saying she doesn't like me spending so much time with you."

An intake of breath. Quinn could feel Rachel's walls go up immediately, another short breath and a nod, "O-oh."

As if she expected Quinn to tell her it was over. Quinn's hazel eyes lingered on Rachel for a moment, stopped her at the elbow, and a slow caress moved down her arm. The brush of skin over skin made Quinn's tension explode from her pores and dissipate. She laced their fingers together, just as slowly as she had touched Rachel's arm, "I told her I didn't care what she thought."

Rachel looked so genuinely surprised, wide brown eyes speaking volumes, that Quinn felt a sharp pang. Had she been so unreliable in the past? She furrowed her brow slightly, chewed on her bottom lip. Rachel mirrored the expression, eyes falling to their locked hands. Rachel squeezed her hand harder, "Really?" It was so hopeful, so delicate; it was like holding a butterfly in her palm.

Quinn nodded. "Look, I can't promise I'm ready to run around announcing anything but I'm not going to stop ... this. This is the first thing that's made me happy in the _longest _time, Rachel," her voice strained as if to communicate the long struggle to happiness. "I won't lose it. I won't lose you." Rachel was - for the most part - all she had.

Rachel smiled, hesitated, and then smiled wider. She nodded as if she'd been rewarded her first Tony, and before Quinn could start walking again, Rachel pounced into her arms and wrapped her own quite fiercely around her neck. Legs dangling in the air, Rachel held on to Quinn as if Quinn was a life-raft.

The blonde held her just as tightly, breathed in the scent of cinnamon and vanilla shampoo, and closed her eyes. She wished she could tell Rachel everything. Tell her how much she was coming to mean to her.

"That's what you do in a relationship, right? You stand together against all odds?"

Rachel must have thought it was a fluke, an accident, a lucky draw of the cards, because the soft gasp in Quinn's ear followed by, "Relationship?" mirrored her very reaction when she'd realized she was considering a relationship with Rachel earlier on.

"If you .. I mean - "

Rachel dropped down from Quinn's arms, stood directly in front of her, hands still draped over the taller girl's shoulders, "Of course I do. I mean it's ... I didn't think you'd want a relationship with a girl."

"I didn't either." Quinn laughed a little, despite the un-funniness of it. She'd never expected any of these feelings back when this whole thing began. The fight in the hallway, the trip to the mall, it had all spiralled. Wonderfully so.

Rachel smiled quietly, canted her head forward against Quinn's collarbone and rested it there.

"It's not about you being a girl. You're ... more amazing than anyone ever gives you credit for, myself included. You're so wonderful, Rachel," Quinn spoke lightly against Rachel's ear, trying to give the best voice to her feelings that she could. "I'm sorry I didn't realize it until now."

Rachel must have wanted to say something, say lots of somethings, but she only said, "It's never too late for anything, Quinn."

Quinn smiled.

###

"'Bout damn time," Santana sipped at the soda in her hand. They were having yet another sleepover, after Judy Fabray had angrily blown up Quinn's phone earlier that afternoon. Likely, Quinn thought, her father was drinking too much scotch again and her mother was upset that she had to bear it alone. Maybe if she kicked the bastard out, Quinn would spend more time at home.

Rachel's head whipped to the side, and she stopped what she was doing (meticulously organizing her Broadway albums after Brittany had knocked them over) to stare at Santana confusedly, "What?"

"The relationship thing. It took you long enough, Q," although Santana sounded congratulatory in her own way, it still seemed as if there was something else behind what she was saying. Quinn's eyes glazed over for a second in thought, trying to decipher that particular way Santana had been glancing at her all day during school hours, even at lunch. When Kurt had commented on it, Santana had thrown something at him and he'd fallen to the floor - or would have if Puck's strong arm hadn't flung out to catch the squealing boy. When the blonde had tried to catch Santana after school, the Latina had dodged her and made some excuse about helping Britt get stuff ready for the slumber party and practically run the other way.

Quinn shrugged a shoulder, "I just think I needed to come to it on my own terms."

"Yeah, San, it's like when you were having sex with me but wouldn't call it a relationship." Brittany stuck a caramel in her mouth and sucked on it absent-mindedly, her comment making Quinn smirk a little bit in Santana's direction. The Latina only glared back.

Sighing, Santana picked at her hoodie, "Whatever. I'm just saying. So, short shit, what are we going to watch tonight?"

"Brittany picked out Finding Nemo," Rachel informed them before sitting down next to Quinn. The blonde felt a slow tingling moving over her arm, and realized the shorter girl was running her fingers down and up her forearm in a slow trail. Her breath hitched at the sensation, especially once Rachel found that ceremonial spot - the inside of her wrist, the place she'd drunkenly confessed made her feel butterflies whenever Rachel grazed it with her fingertips. She found herself smiling in response, her fingers twitching deliciously with ever stroke of Rachel's fingers over her sensitive skin, the way she drew over Quinn's veins as if they were a roadmap to the future.

Brittany happily started the movie, and they all settled into their usual positions. By the time the movie was part of the way through, Rachel had covered herself and Quinn with a blanket and was comfortably snuggled against her side. Quinn found herself watching the brunette more than the movie, stroking her fingers lovingly over her hair. It was hard to believe the progress she'd made with Rachel in such a short amount of time. Really, it was progress she'd made with herself.

Army-Quinn was knocking against normal-Quinn's skull, a reminder that she, too, had a big part in Quinn's progress. To emphasize this, Army-Quinn was holding up all her medals. Grudgingly, Quinn had to give that inner-psyche credit.

They'd dated, she'd been Rachel's first, and now it was an actual relationship. Quinn felt like the luckiest girl alive, but she wouldn't voice that in front of Santana because the Latina might just make fun of her. Or maybe not. Either way, keeping that feeling settled in her chest was like stoking a warm fire in winter. Unconsciously, she squeezed Rachel closer and felt a responding grip at her side, saw Rachel's lips quirking upward into a smile although she was still fixated on the screen.

Despite all the worries of being outed, being kicked out, Quinn lived for these moments. When it was just them (sans Brittany and Santana) and she could be herself with Rachel. She wouldn't let anything steal this away, wouldn't let her mother or her father crush her happiness with a fist. They couldn't find out right now, but if they did, she knew she'd fight for this. Like Sam followed Frodo, Quinn would follow Rachel no matter where it would lead.

It wasn't until Rachel passed out that Quinn could coax her to lay down. Brittany as well, since the television had long flipped over to infomercials once the DVD player shut off. Santana seemed tired, but disappeared into the bathroom. Leaving a kiss on Rachel's temple, Quinn brushed her fingers through the long brown hair splayed across the pillow they were going to share and stood. Quinn padded down the stairs as silently as possible, grabbing a glass from the cupboards and turning the faucet as far as it could go to the left, waiting for the water to cool and filling the glass. She hummed to herself, and didn't notice the presence behind her until Santana cleared her throat.

"We need to talk," the voice came from behind her, startled her. Santana moved forward further just as Quinn turned around, leaving them face to face.

Quinn arched an eyebrow. Santana's hushed tone made her feel like she was in trouble. "What?"

Santana folded her arms, eyes cast to the ground, "I'm not good at this talking shit but I feel like you should know. I love Britt, and you love Rach, right?"

Although Quinn and Rachel had not explicitly said 'I love you' to one another, Quinn supposed she truly did love Rachel. With all her heart. The way she felt as if she blossomed under Rachel's gaze, grew like a flower underneath the sun. She nodded simply, without hesitation.

"Then why the fuck did it hurt me so bad when you basically left me in the cold?" For the first time since they'd started to rekindle their friendship, Santana looked vulnerable. Her brows were knotted together. "Why can't I stop thinking about you?"

She couldn't be saying these things. Why would she say these things? Quinn was absolutely confused, and Army-Quinn was peering out from behind a barricade with a narrowed, suspicious gaze. A boot tapped the soil beneath her, looking for a land-mine. The blonde was struck silent.

"It's like a fucking ... worm has buried itself in my brain and I can't fucking think about anything but the way you hurt me and it still hurts even though you're back now. You were the only person besides Britt I ever trusted and you fucking just ... how could you just ... " she moved forward, inadvertantly causing Quinn to stumble back against the counter. Hazel eyes darted around for an escape.

"Santana, what's wrong with you? Why are you saying these things? _Both _of our girlfriends are sleeping upstairs," Quinn whispered. Suddenly, memories fell upon her, little moments. Santana's violent reaction to Finn, which Quinn had previously attributed to a defense of Rachel but instead was in defense of her; Santana's eyes on her, the way she phrased things. How had she missed it? Santana had started to grow conflicting feelings. As much as she loved Brittany, she must have something buried deep down directed toward Quinn. Well that was a fucking wrench in things. Just when she was starting to feel normal.

Army-Quinn poked at the ground, looking for more landmines, hissing about ambush tactics. Once again, someone had tilted the world on axis and her former best friend was telling her that she couldn't stop thinking about her.

"I love Britt, I'm in love with Britt, that's how it's always been," Santana insisted tearfully. She stepped forward, closing more space between herself and Quinn. The blonde had nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

Quinn swallowed, "Listen, Santana, maybe it's just unresolved ... stuff, from our friendship and we can talk about it, really, but it just seems like maybe right now isn't a good idea."

Santana all but growled, "Quinn," her voice lowered, "just ... stop."

"This isn't a good idea. Everything just started getting back to normal, and I think you're just _really _confused."

"You're fucking telling me."

And as Quinn moved to step around Santana and head toward the stairs, she felt a warm hand enclose her wrist and hold it just tight enough to be insistent. In another world, it could've been construed as a gentle, desperate act. Santana's thumb was running over that _spot _and Quinn almost lost it right there. How did she know about that spot? What fucking bizarro world was she in right now? Santana was just standing there, holding Quinn's wrist with her thumb drawing shapes over the vein, and it felt like she was getting electric shocks right to her heart. That spot, of all the ones to grasp. Quinn stopped breathing.

"I love you, Q. I missed the fuck out of you and somehow it's all twisted in my head and I just can't ... " she could hear the sincerity in Santana's voice, the hidden plea.

Quinn closed her eyes at the words. She didn't want to be the cause of Santana's pain - although this time it was apparently for reasons she could not help. The blonde sighed and turned around, gently pried Santana's hand from her wrist, "Look, S, I think you just ... I think you're a little lost right now and I don't want you to get the wrong idea. You just .. think about it, think about what you're saying." Her hand rested lightly on Santana's shoulder, a gesture not too intimate.

Santana had unshed tears in her eyes, and suddenly they darkened with that characteristic Latina fury, and she shoved Quinn back, "Of course you'd say that."

"Santana," Quinn hissed, catching her friend gently by the waist and tugging her into the livingroom; the farther from earshot the better. "Stop, where is any of this coming from?"

"I don't know," Santana all but collapsed into Quinn's arms, let herself be guided into the livingroom. "I don't know. Fuck, it's all mixed up, I don't understand. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe I just .. I missed you so much, it hurt so much."

She gently pried her friend from her arms, gripped her shoulders, "I'm sorry, I really am." Hazel eyes met near-black eyes, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I shouldn't have. I was a terrible friend."

Santana was looking at her as a wounded animal would its aggressor, both sorrowful and angry. Darkly, she glanced away. Quinn's heart hurt at the sight of Santana in so much confusion and pain.

"Santana," Quinn whispered softly, moved forward and embraced the Latina in a warm embrace. She held her as close as Santana would allow, the dark-haired Cheerio clutching to her as tightly as possible. They stood there like that, combined for a moment. Quinn toyed with the ends of Santana's hair, and thought maybe in another world there could have been a _something _between them. She could certainly imagine it. They'd been close enough, and always been affectionate with one another. Not now though. Quinn loved Rachel, loved Rachel with all her heart. Santana was Quinn's former best friend, Rachel's current best friend, and the love of Brittany's life.

As Santana pulled away, Quinn expected her to pull away completely, but she didn't. Before Quinn could back away or move even the slightest inch, Santana was leaning forward and capturing Quinn's lips in a slow, luxurious kiss. Quinn's heart fluttered and she couldn't _move _even though Army-Quinn was screaming 'abort, abort!' Santana was definitely a good kisser. Quinn's knees were going weak even though every second was a second stolen from Rachel. The Latina's fingers were tangled in Quinn's short locks, pressing her closer. After a moment, the kiss became a simple brushing of lips against lips, Quinn's body acting and her mind rebelling against her body. She couldn't do this, couldn't let this happen. Moaning softly in protest as she felt Santana's lips brush against her own again, she pushed her shoulders slightly away, putting distance between them.

"Don't," Quinn pressed, her heart aching at the tenderness that just occurred and the fact that it hadn't happened with Rachel. "Santana you can't just .. you can't ... " Hazel eyes flashed with anger. "You can't do that to Britt and I won't do that to Rachel," she hissed in the silence, eyes making sure nobody had seen what just happened.

Santana's eyes were darkened, lips parted and face flushed. She'd gotten more from the kiss than Quinn should have allowed, because she moved forward and grasped the curvature of Quinn's hips, pulled her forward. The blonde reacted too slowly, because as she was grasping at Santana's hands and trying to pull them off of her, Santana was kissing her again and Quinn flushed with shame as she whimpered. It was a hot, open-mouthed kiss that left nothing to the imagination. Quinn felt Santana nipping at her bottom lip, sucking. It was just horomones, just a kiss. Rachel would never find out and it would not happen again. Even as her mind stated these things, Quinn was still trying to pry Santana's hands from her hips and locked against the Latina's body. They kissed, the blonde protesting as much as she could, Santana insisting feverishly, craving Quinn in a way Quinn had never expected her to.

Quinn tried to fight against it but eventually her hands gave up and she gasped as Santana bit her bottom lip just hard enough, a jolt of electricity going straight from her heart to that low place in her belly. Finally she found the strength to break way, pushing Santana back a little more forcefully, "Stop."

"You liked it," Santana purred, then backed away slowly. The Latina held Quinn to the spot with the force of her gaze, the way her eyes raked, and all Quinn could think is that she was utterly and totally fucked because not only was she gay, in a relationship with Rachel Berry, but apparently also the victim of the unfortunate attraction to more than one person. The difference was, she tried to comfort herself, that she loved Rachel in a way she could never love Santana. If anything, that kiss had been nothing but a product of teenage lust.

Santana, ever the torturer, left Quinn standing breathless in the livingroom and near tears, because god damnit if the world hadn't just been spun completely around just when Quinn had gotten her footing.

It took her nearly 20 minutes to recover and make her way back up the stairs, where Santana had curled up next to Britt. Shakingly, Quinn lay down next to Rachel and held on to her diva for dear life, taking in the smell of lilacs. She pressed her lips to Rachel's forehead, and as Rachel stirred, the shorter girl tugged Quinn's arms around her and snuggled against her.

Quinn buried her head in the crook of Rachel's shoulder and neck, and fell asleep that way, hoping that in the morning, Santana's kiss would be just another dream she could attribute to eating meat before bed.

###

Santana acted as if nothing had happened, and Quinn had nearly convinced herself that it actually had never happened. The only telltale sign that it had been real was the caramel flavor on her lips when she woke.

"Sleep good?" Rachel inquired sleepily as she found Quinn laying awake, snuggled up behind her. The diva tangled their fingers together and kissed each one. The blonde was glad it was Saturday morning, glad for sleeping in and most of all, glad she was not in the Fabray household. At the end of Rachel's bed, Santana and Brittany were playing Mario Kart and the Latina was begging the television screen for a red shell.

Quinn nodded her head, felt guilt flush her system as Santana's voice brought to mind the seductive way she'd observed Quinn _liking _their late-night tryst. "I did," she murmured to the beautiful girl in her arms, buried her head against Rachel's shoulder and breathed her in. She felt the brunette's fingers tangle in her hair, heard her soft breathing.

"What's wrong?"

Always so damn observant. Quinn shook her head without removing it from Rachel's shoulder, "Nothing, just weird dreams." Very weird indeed. Except they hadn't been dreams, and she could still taste Santana's caramel kiss.

She could not lose Rachel. Yet it confused her that she'd even responded in the first place to Santana's ambush. The fact that she'd let Santana kiss her not once but _twice _while their respective girlfriends slept upstairs. She loathed her body for betraying her. As if Rachel was coaxing Quinn's bodily reactions to focus on her instead, she was tracing her fingers along Quinn's wrist and pressing kisses to the side of the blonde's neck. They were sweet, lazy kisses that made Quinn's lower consciousness respond with vigor, her fingers tangling in Rachel's hair and she found herself possessing Rachel's mouth with her own. It was a hungry, apologetic kiss; she kissed Rachel with a hard sort of passion, a need that made her wish they were alone.

Santana and Brittany seemed not to notice the activities going on somewhere behind them, and Quinn was glad for this.

Rachel was tracing her tongue along Quinn's bottom lip, pressing her torso forward in a way that reminded her of the first time they'd kissed in Rachel's bedroom, the morning after Quinn had been kicked out of the Berry household. The ex-Cheerio shifted her leg against Rachel's center, felt the responding low groan, and was surprised when Rachel's hand slipped to her ass. Jolts of electricity moved all over her frame as those hands kneaded, hungrily pulled Quinn closer. The kiss confirmed what Quinn knew - her feelings for Rachel were far more powerful than anything romantic she might have felt because of Santana's kiss. It was love with Rachel.

Breaking away, she felt Rachel protest but caught the girl's hand as it moved to pull her in for another kiss.

Army-Quinn was pressing forward.

"What?" Rachel breathed, concerned expression knitting her eyebrows.

Quinn took a breath, felt the tension in her chest leaving, "I love you," she breathed, searching Rachel's eyes. It was more than dating, more than a relationship. Her mind fished through every memory, every moment since the beginning. The bear, their first accidental kiss, their first non-date, their first actual kiss, their first actual date. Rachel's smile. The feeling of holding Rachel's hand in the choir room after they'd all almost pummeled Zizes.

Rachel's eyes glazed over with emotion, her fingers stilling themselves alongside Quinn's cheek. She searched, was searching for confirmation, "You ... you love me?"

Their hushed conversation continued to go unheard, much to Quinn's gladness. This needed to be a moment between them, a moment they'd forever remember as their own. "I do."

Rachel stared in disbelief for a moment, wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck and pulled herself as close as possible. "Oh, Quinn," she breathed. The warmth of her words burrowed itself inside Quinn's chest, "I absolutely love you ... god, do I."

Quinn closed her eyes. No matter what had happened last night, it didn't matter. It didn't matter to Quinn at all. She just _hoped _it didn't matter to Santana, either.

###

It didn't seem to matter. For the next week, everything continued as normal. Things ... evened out, for a little while. Until one day Santana stopped talking to Quinn, and Rachel began to notice Santana avoiding all of them for a little while. Much to Rachel's dismay, even her inquiries went unanswered.

It wasn't the smartest decision Quinn had ever made, waiting for Santana after glee club.

"Why aren't you talking to Rachel? Or me?"

Santana was about to walk around her, when she caught her arm.

"Santana, we _have _to talk about this. Is it about what you ... is it about that night?"

The Latina jerked her arm away, refused to look at Quinn. "I'm just dealing with shit, all right? How do you think I feel, knowing what I did and not knowing why the fuck I did?" Like Quinn, Santana must have been wrestling with the guilt. While both their respective relationships were going smoothly, Quinn's relationship with Rachel only getting better by the day, Santana had been wrestling with her guilt for what she'd done. "I'm sorry, all right. I must've been crazy fucking deluded. I confused my anger at you for something else and now I don't know what the fuck I'm feeling."

"So you ignore your best friend?"

"Rach..." Santana sighed. "She's involved with you, she hasn't even noticed - "

"Bull _shit _Santana."

"Damnit Quinn!" Santana closed her eyes, breathed through her nose. "I'm fucking attracted to you and I don't know what I'm gonna do about it."

Quinn was stunned to silence.

"What ... what are you guys ... ?" Rachel. Quinn's stomach dropped. Rachel had walked in, and Quinn didn't know how much of the conversation she'd heard. "What do you mean 'that night?'"

"A mistake," Santana's eyes shot to Quinn's face. "Before we stopped talking to each other." A half-truth.

Quinn was frozen, felt suddenly very sick.

"You two ... " Rachel moved forward haltingly, her hand going immediately to Quinn's and grasping it.

"She kissed me," Quinn murmured, feeling ill. "She kissed me twice."

Rachel stared between them, swallowed. A bit of hurt flashed through her eyes and she licked her lips as if trying to form words.

"And I think that's why she's - " Quinn began.

Santana interjected, "I can fucking speak for myself, _Q._ That's why I've been avoiding you. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way and I'm not gonna fuck up our friendship and my friendship with Quinn. I need space."

Rachel nodded simply, took a breath. "Okay." As she tried to move forward, catch Santana's hand with her free hand, the Latina retracted hers before they could make contact.

"I'm sorry," Santana breathed and moved around them.

Quinn felt speechless and utterly confused.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you'd ... " Quinn shook her head. "I thought you'd be upset."

"You should have told me," Rachel whispered softly.

"I'm sorry." Too many apologies. She'd apologized - had reason to - far too often. As she glanced at Rachel, met those emotional brown eyes, she'd expected to see anger there, or sadness. Instead, those brown eyes were creased at the corners with a forgiving smile to compliment the expression. "Why are you so wonderful?" Quinn ran her fingers over Rachel's face, her soft skin.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, blushed, and covered Quinn's hand with her own, "Good genes."

The blonde leaned forward, and poured her love into a tender kiss full of expression. She brushed her lips over Rachel's as reverently as one would recite a prayer, and momentarily forgot where they were. After a few moments, she pulled away and rested her forehead against Rachel's temple, the shorter girl's arms wrapping around her waist.

Rachel seemed to sigh with relief. "Quinn Fabray, I love you with all of my heart."

"That's fortunate," Quinn smirked softly, and thanked the gods above for Rachel Berry. Again, she brushed her lips across Rachel's temple and held her closer. "I love you."

It felt good to say it. For now, she pushed the worry about Santana to the back of her mind.

###

Santana found her one day after school. Rachel had gone to her voice lessons and Britt was nowhere to be seen, so it left Quinn in a very vulnerable position. The Latina didn't say anything at first, only caught Quinn by the arm as she was leaving the building. Immediately, Quinn knew that warmth, that spreading feeling deep down in her stomach.

"Santana."

"I'm so sorry," the voice was tearful, but before Quinn was able to turn around and match face with voice, she felt warm lips pressed on her own. Languidly, their lips met and Quinn forgot who she was, where she was, forgot everything. Santana's kisses were hypnotizing, even if they were supposed to have ceased. The Latina kissed her with a fire that Quinn couldn't understand. She felt it as one feels the heat of a flame, without understanding what it's like to be fire. Quinn's hands were frozen in midair just near Santana's arms, hovering between grasping and pushing, instead remaining stagnant as Santana worshipped her mouth.

Quinn took a breath the moment Santana pulled away. Their eyes met - Santana's darkened considerably and Quinn absolutely speechless. "I told you ... you know how I feel," her voice trembled.

Santana nodded, "I know. And I feel the same for Britt. I just ... I think there's something there. It's small. It's not .. it's not the same but - " Surging forward again, Quinn gasped as Santana's lips crashed against her own, full of need and the blonde though Santana tasted like coffee and cigars. That kiss made her knees weak, made her insides quiver.

The first times Santana had kissed her, Quinn had never crossed that line. Somewhere, though, something yielded within her and her tongue met Santana's with a jolt of electricity that set her aflame. This was the last, she understood. This was the very last kiss they would ever share. That's why Santana had sounded tearful. In that spirit, Quinn wrapped her arms gently around Santana's shoulders, her fingers scraping the back of Santana's neck. There was an affection in the kiss that made Quinn feel guilty. Their torsos were all but crushed together, Santana's fingers digging into her shoulder.

It was a kiss you shared with the person you _could have _loved.

As they broke apart, Santana pressed her lips one more time, light enough to be a whisper, against Quinn's mouth. Those dark eyes searched Quinn's face, and Santana left Quinn standing in the hallway as she left McKinley as though the building were aflame.

###

Rachel never found out about the last kiss. After, things returned to normal. They had slumber parties, sometimes snuggled all four under the same blanket. Brittany was loving and Santana was content, often affectionate with her blonde counterpart. The two Cheerios were made for each other. Sometimes, though, Quinn would catch Santana's eyes and see a ghost of that last kiss there. She would see the unspoken concession that they _could have _been something, in another lifetime.

Quinn was happy with that. She was happy being Rachel's, belonging to Rachel. Some nights, though, she'd dream of that last kiss. She'd always awake with guilt heavy in her heart, but all it took was Rachel's sweet, sleepy smile and a press of her lips to Rachel's temple to soothe her heart. She knew, knew that Rachel was hers, was perfect for her. At one point, her greatest fear had been losing Rachel.

Never would she be afraid of that again. Army-Quinn thought they had crossed through strange territory, but finally they seemed to be safe for now.


	10. The Blast

**Title: **Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing:** Quinn/Rachel, Pezberry friendship

**A/N:** Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. **This chapter is all Faberry. Angst, obviously. Followed by resolution.** As expected, already, your reactions are _very _strong to the last chapter. I feel like everyone sometimes forgets that these kids are still 17/18, and that reality is apparently jarring. I apologize for your discomfort only in that there is now way I could have warned you. Realism is what I am for - not idealism. Have faith in me. This is a _Faberry _fic and I feel sad some of you seem to have so little faith in my goals and in my writing. For those of you still reading and showing support, my eternal thanks. Alas, I suppose I cannot please everyone, but these stories are mine and such as they are written. Due to the strong reaction, I'm putting out the next chapter sooner than I planned. I've responded to a majority of the reviews personally, so without further ado, here is chapter 10 of 13.

_**ETA: I have gotten reviews that are really, really blatantly rude, both here and elsewhere. They have also now been removed. It is undeserved and quite frankly if it weren't for my love for this story and the plan I have for it, I would completely delete it. Thanks for those of you who are being understanding, but wow, I am ashamed of those of you who feel the need to swear at me when this fanfiction isn't even completed yet. I am absolutely sickened by the cold and unfeeling reaction. You seem to forget that I am a person, a writer, a creator, and just because there is a wrench thrown in your expectations that does not warrant you the right to treat me badly. I am trembling as I write this last comment to you all, because I am highly upset that people feel they have the RIGHT to swear at someone who's merely sharing a creation of theirs. I am a frakking human being, and some people seem to forget that.**_

###

Chapter 10: **The Blast**

_In slow motion, the blast in beautiful..._

###

"_...as long as nothing happens between them, the memory is cursed with what hasn't happened." - _Marguerite Duras

"_I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they?"_ - Jess C. Scott

###

Eventually, the guilt of that last shared kiss - and to be fair, the others as well - began to eat Quinn alive. It gnawed at her memory, and the dreams turned into nightmares. Often, Quinn awoke feeling as if the nightmares had become real, feeling as if Rachel would leave her. After all the preamble, she'd managed to jeopardize their relationship anyway. Some nights, she'd find herself so shaken by the nightmares that she would cry. Quinn was just as bad, just as terrible as her parents. Just as terrible as everyone expected.

The guilt made her quite physically ill. It hit her suddenly, the inability to hold food down and the discolored palor of her skin. In her state of high-stress, she'd begun to lose weight. Rachel, of course, noticed. Rachel, who was sweet and perfect, overly forgiving and under-appreciated, she noticed.

"You're losing so much weight, I'm worried, Quinn," Rachel murmured, pressing her palm to Quinn's cheek. "I don't understand why you're so sick."

Quinn could have cried at Rachel's perfection, her compassionate heart. If she knew what a terrible person she had been, how she had sinned against their relationship (however fresh), she wouldn't be here worrying about Quinn. The blonde could not bear the weight of her guilt. Her body was a very clear sign that _something _had to be done. "I think I know why," hazel eyes fell shut and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. Well-deserved punishment.

Rachel's eyes, even when Quinn's were closed, put a heaviness on the blonde's conscious awareness. A hand found Quinn's and she felt a kiss upon each finger. A gesture so loving that hot tears welled up behind the ex-Cheerio's eyelids.

"I don't deserve you, Rachel," a simple breathing of words. The pressure was not yet expelled, though. "And before you tell me I do, I need you to know that something happened. I don't know why."

That last kiss had been a complete disregard of all reality. It had been a last act of a lust-driven, horomonal pair of teenagers who realized their bodies enjoyed physical interaction with one another as well. She loved Rachel, but in that moment she had lusted for Santana.

"Santana and I kissed."

"I know, you both told me when - "

Quinn shook her head, and she felt Rachel's hand drop from her own. "You don't know everything. She ... that one night we all watched _Finding Nemo, _she cornered me in the kitchen and we ... she kissed me, twice. It wasn't as far away as you think. She kissed me and I told her to stop." Petrified to open her eyes, she continued to speak with her eyes shut. A tremor had begun inside her.

"Oh, Quinn, I'm so - "

"No," interjecting again, she followed the sickening path one must when revealing all truths. "A couple weeks ago, she caught me after school. She ... we. We kissed. One last time. It was ... I don't know why. We kissed and it's killing me because I'm ... I just ... I'm having nightmares of losing you and I hate that my stupid body has horomones and reactions that I can't control. I have barely a family to speak of, barely any friends, and now I'm about to lose you."

Rachel didn't speak. She had since let go of Quinn's hand, a realization which made her nearly wretch. There was no comfort here, no good in this strange land.

Army-Quinn was taking the safety off of her weapon, staring at the bit of metal guiltily. Holding a loaded gun, she looked haunted. Before she could do anything else, someone smacked her in the back of the head and knocked her to the ground, spoke in words she couldn't understand, and began to drag her away no matter how she fought. Prisoner of war.

"Please," her voice was blatantly, almost obscenely tearful, "say something."

"Why .. why would you?"

"I don't know."

"You told me you loved me ..."

Quinn's eyes shot open, full of panic and hot tears. Her stomach turned and she shot forward as Rachel stood. "I do! God! Rachel, please! I swear to you I love you, more than anything! That's why this guilt is killing me, why I'm losing weight and I can't eat. I love you so much and I don't .. "

"I - I need time." And just like that, Rachel left the room, unable to meet Quinn's eyes.

Just like that, Rachel was gone and Quinn felt all meaning had been sucked from the world.

###

No matter how Quinn tried to contact Rachel, she recieved nothing but radio silence. Her heart shattered each time the voicemail kicked on, and all she could do was sob helplessly as she hung up the phone.

When Santana came by to see how Quinn was, she'd send her away. She had never been so angry at the Latina as she was for putting this situation on Quinn, spurring the strange act of lust. From what Quinn gathered, Rachel was not talking to Santana either. At times, Quinn mourned the loss as one mourns a living thing. Sobs wracked her ribs whenever she would awake with the very real realization that her nightmares had now come true.

Her self-deprication got worse, and within a week she was willingly not eating. It was sleep and music. That was all Quinn had or did. It took a night of her father shouting at her to make her realize she had missed almost two weeks of school. Her father had slammed her door open so hard that she'd practically fallen out of bed, managed to scramble to a corner.

She deserved this, she thought, as a hand swung low and caught her by the arm. Quinn knew she would bruise. Her cheek stung as her father slapped her hard enough to make her see red. He was shouting at her to snap out of whatever she was in. Numbly, she took what came next. Her father shoved her back down on the floor, spat in her direction.

She went to school after the bruises had mostly cleared. The blonde knew she was sallow and thin, her skin an unhealthy remnant of a chalky color. The stress of losing Rachel was too much. The blonde was torn between seeking Rachel out and running from her. She managed to avoid her for the most part, and it wasn't until they were in the locker room after gym that Quinn was caught by Rachel. In the midst of changing her shirt, she heard a gasp. The familiar voice made her stomach drop and she immediately pulled her shirt back over her head and grabbed her things as if the room had caught on fire.

Rachel chased after her. "Quinn!"

That voice. Rachel saying her name. She stopped, all but fell against some lockers with a clattering sound.

"You're ... you're bruised," she whispered, and she advanced on Quinn.

"I don't deserve your compassion, Rachel. I understand what I did to you, how wrong it was."

"Nobody. _Nobody _deserves to be thrown around like a rag doll no matter _what _they've done," Rachel was almost angry. "God, Quinn, oh Quinn," and when she stepped forward and grasped Quinn's hand, the blonde felt tears well up in her eyes. She drew her hand back as if Rachel's hand was deathly cold. Rachel flinched, looked absolutely sorrowful. "You've lost so much weight," Rachel whispered, eyes falling over Quinn's form.

Quinn couldn't take it. Couldn't take the screaming in her head, the guilt, the loss, the absolute despair, the anger in herself. Without further ado, the blonde scrambled off the floor, leaving a pile of her things behind as she ran out of the locker room as best she could. Behind her, Rachel called after.

"Quinn _please, _we need to talk about - "

"_Whoa _there you little pygmy Streisand clone," Sue Sylvester caught Rachel by the arm. "While I appreciate your athleticism, I can't have you barrelling down this hall like - "

Quinn didn't hear anymore, though she felt Rachel's gaze on her until she was out of sight.

###

"You look terrible," Sam had found Quinn nearly unconscious and carried her to the nurse's office. Luckily there hadn't been an audience to see her in that condition.

"I deserve it, Sam, I deserve it. I deserve to waste away," Quinn croaked sickly, curled over on her side.

Sam's confused tone was full of concern, "What do you mean? Nobody deserves to waste away..."

"Rachel and I ... we ... "

"You were dating."

In another world, in a less-complicated hell, Quinn would have been horrified that Sam had figured it out. And then the realization that he used past tense and not present caused Quinn to openly cry into her palms. She felt his firm hand on her arm, felt him tugging.

"Hey," he murmured, closer than before as he sat. "Hey, come on," the boy had his heart in the right place.

"I cheated. I kissed Santana."

Any other boy would have had some comment, some surprise, but Sam only gently gripped Quinn's slightly limp hand. "Hey... Rachel's ... I mean for a while she was walking around not talking to anyone but now she and Santana are finally talking again. They even sang a duet yesterday in glee. I know she'll forgive you, it just takes time..."

"I don't _deserve _to be forgiven."

"That's not true," Rachel's voice imparted upon them, and Quinn clenched her eyes shut. Tears fell hot on her pillow, cooled the moment they hit stiff, white fabric. "Sam?"

Sam's footsteps retreated after one last squeeze of Quinn's arm.

Quinn felt she was going to be sick. More than anything, she wished to cease existing. "You can't forgive me, Rachel."

"It's been three weeks, and I've had plenty of time to think about the situation myself, Quinn Fabray. I don't like people making decisions for me and you're no exception." Her firm voice was almost a _relief. _"While what you did was completely wrong, and Santana is equally responsible for the infidelity, it does not mean it can't be forgiven."

Quinn couldn't speak, only listened. She flinched when she felt Rachel's hand sift over her hair.

"You should never have kissed Santana. She told me everything that happened as well, and your version of events coincide. I have discussed what's happening with my fathers, as they often know better than myself what's right and what's not. While they are admittedly upset that you would do such a thing to me, they've also reminded me that we are still _teenagers _and mistakes are often made by the young." Rachel's rambling was stern. In her rambling, Quinn could hear her disapproval and that was almost as bad as not hearing Rachel at all. "This doesn't excuse your behavior. The whole situation made me question whether or not you actually loved me. Finn ... he would cheat on me and then I'd forgive him and he'd do it again. You completely betrayed my trust and my affection."

"I know," the words came out of Quinn's mouth so suddenly and so tearfully that she felt as if her chest would collapse. Again, she felt Rachel's touch.

"However," Rachel's tone softened. "I have processed all of these feelings and realized I love you more than I am angry with you," the words were so gentle that Quinn began openly crying. "I'm worried about you. Clearly, if the stress of hurting me is so much so that you've lost this much weight and are bearing the brunt of an abusive father without even so much as thinking of telling me that you're in danger ... " Rachel trailed off, and she sounded sad. "Quinn," her voice cracked. "I'm so worried about you. I just needed time to think but I feel like I ... I can't stand this anymore. I can't watch you waste away with guilt."

Quinn's heart simultaneously broke and healed. She couldn't stop her crying, couldn't breathe through her tears. A heaviness in her chest was lifted and she cried. Cried for her mistakes, for her guilt, cried for relief. The blonde couldn't breathe after a few moments and she felt Rachel round the other side of the nurse's cot and pull Quinn into her lap. She smelled like vanilla, like coconut, and Quinn cried hard enough to see stars. Weakly, she held onto Rachel's leg. "I'm so sorry," were the only words uttered.

"It'll take time, for us to get back to normal, but I won't leave your side, Quinn. I just ... I needed time to think." Rachel whispered against her ear. "I still love you, Quinn. I do love you."

Never were words so simultaneously painful and sweet. Quinn's fingers clutched at Rachel's shirt and fresh sobs erupted from her throat.

"You aren't a bad person. You're human. You make mistakes. You _have _to realize that you cannot be perfect. I have to realize that. Me loving you doesn't make you perfect," Rachel was speaking so lovingly that it felt like knives in Quinn's chest. "Although it was wrong, it wasn't worth throwing this away over."

"All I've done is hurt you," Quinn breathed through her tears after she finally began to calm down. It had taken Rachel's fear of Quinn hyperventilating to get her to stop crying so hard. "All I've ever done is hurt you, Rachel."

"Not true. You made one mistake, Quinn. Well, three, technically if you count it separately but - "

Quinn laughed tearfully and found herself crying again.

"I'm not walking away from this. It's something we have to work through."

"I don't deserve your trust."

"You don't have it fully, yet."

The words hurt Quinn and relieved her all at once.

"We'll work on it, okay?"

###

It took a bit longer for Quinn to gain weight once more. Although things between her and Santana were tense and apologetic, things were far from normal. All remnants of whatever horomonal lust were gone, but the guilt of their act remained. Quinn noticed Brittany also acted more tensely than normal, not as affectionate.

It killed Quinn to know she and Santana had caused this. Had marred the easy relations that used to be between the four of them.

Things at home weren't much better. Quinn accumulated bruises still. She only went to glee club once in a while. She couldn't bear the weight of questions asked of her. Everyone wanted to know why she'd been missing school, losing weight.

Her relationship with Rachel was still there, although it was slow and budding. Rachel still had trust issues, deservedly so, and still seemed hurt by what had happened. She very rarely spent time with Santana and Quinn at the same time and avoided the subject of one or the other.

Quinn began to wonder if she'd created a wound that could not be healed. When this doubt began to settle upon her and the sorrow returned, no matter how she tried to be sweeter to Rachel, more attentive, the more she worried.

A month into recovery, Rachel snapped. "Quinn! Stop. Please. Honey, look I - I know you feel terrible about everything that happened but you're .. you've got to trust that things will be okay." She gripped Quinn's hands gently, placed them on her hips and slipped her arms around Quinn's waist. "If you haven't lost me yet, I'm not going anywhere. It's just ... it takes _time _to fix things."

Quinn hated that there was something that needed to be fixed, hated herself for creating this situation. She dipped her head agianst Rachel's shoulder.

"You have got to stop beating yourself up over this. I've forgiven you. You have to forgive yourself."

The weight of sin was not easily forgiven. Quinn could not forgive herself, no matter how she tried. She breathed in the smell of lilacs and closed her eyes. Rachel was soothing her hands over Quinn's back, trying to ease the girl's guilt in some way. There was a kind of sickening self-hatred growing inside of her. "What if I can't?"

"You will. We'll be okay, we'll figure things out. We'll figure it out. Together."

###

Quinn finally returned to her normal weight, her skin gaining its glow. Santana seemed to have forgotten things over the last two months, and started to relate to Quinn casually. All traces of lust or attraction were completely gone, and an easy banter had begun to form between them again.

Rachel seemed happy at this development, though uneasy at times. Quinn would sometimes ease off, fall silent when she'd see Rachel's smile dimly flicker away. Hazel eyes cast to the ground with guilt, she would feel Rachel's hand slip into her own beneath the cover of the lunch table and their fingers would knot together. They held on to one another like life-rafts, having admitted their relationship was far from perfect.

It was the little moments of affection that began to return. Sometimes Rachel would kiss her cheek just before she left, or she'd slip her arms around Quinn's waist. Rachel's love was a blessing, something Quinn would never again take for granted and something she might always fear losing.

It was Hiram who began to mend Quinn's self-hatred first. Rachel had been in the shower, Quinn absent-mindedly staring at the television, when Hiram had come into the livingroom bearing a bowl of soup and a sandwich.

"Here you go, Quinn," he stated, jarring her from her state of thought. She'd been - once again - running herself through her usual self-flagellation. "You should eat," he offered her a friendly smile and sat on the couch near her.

"Thank you," she sipped at the broth a moment, grateful for its warmth and grateful she could finally keep food down.

_"Passed through the damned mountains, went hellwards, and some of us returned, and some of us did not," _Army-Quinn sang in Quinn's head, lyrics from PJ Harvey's 'In the Dark Places.' It was a sorrowful song, about men gone to war and the ghosts that followed them home.

She'd almost forgotten Hiram was sitting there until he cleared his throat and began to speak, "You know, Quinn, Rachel has forgiven you for what you did."

Quinn swallowed, almost choked, and turned her eyes to her plate and bowl. _Please don't. _

"Strange things happen to us when we're teenagers. We do things we wouldn't otherwise do, hurt people when we're not thinking of doing so," his voice was soft. "I know your family has pressed upon you very ... strong ideals. A sense of morality. It isn't _human _to do everything right all the time. You did what you did but it's done. You're a kid. You're going to make mistakes."

Wordlessly, Quinn's eyes searched the space next to her, saw Hiram watching her with a fatherly gaze.

"Rachel's crazy about you. You should've seen her when you two first started dating. I've never seen that girl smile so much."

Her brows knitted together, tried to guess what might follow.

"She still smiles like that because of you. There are measures of good and evil in the world, but mostly there's a _lot _of gray area. While that's no excuse, it's been what ... three months?"

Quinn nodded, cast her eyes to the ground as Hiram spoke.

"I can't help but feel part of your self-deprecation is because of how you're treated at home. It's not like that hear. You don't have to forever atone for some sin you think you've committed. You have to forgive yourself or you'll never find happiness. And Rachel wants nothing but to see you happy."

"Rachel's an angel," the words were all but a whisper. "She's wonderful, and forgiving, even when people don't deserve it."

"_You _deserve it."

Quinn didn't know what to say. Hiram merely reached over, squeezed her shoulder, and left her in the livingroom alone. Rachel arrived shortly after, freshly showered, and beamed at Quinn as she entered.

Rachel sifted a finger through Quinn's locks as she sat next to her, "How are you feelings?"

The blonde only nodded simply. She searched those compassionate brown eyes, "Rachel?"

"Hmm?" Her fingers stilled near Quinn's ear, and those eyes searched her own.

"Do you forgive me?"

Rachel looked confused, "Yes," she stated carefully, as if she wasn't sure Quinn understood her. "I did a long time ago. It's been ... I mean it's been three months."

"Why?"

"Everyone deserves forgiveness, Quinn," Rachel's voice softened.

Quinn closed her eyes.

"Even you. Especially you."

###

Quinn began to redeem herself in her own eyes the day she hit Finn Hudson. Everyone was clearing out at the end of another beautiful performance by Brittany and Santana, when Finn had grabbed Quinn by the arm.

"So what'd you do, Fabray?"

Jerking her arm away from Finn's grasp, she narrowed her gaze. "What are you talking about?"

"How'd you get Rachel to forgive you for _macking _on someone else?" Ignoring the confusion that she felt at the fact Finn had noticed, or known something, she fired back at him.

"What, Finn, because I didn't _fuck _some other girl and get broken up with, you're mad? Trust me, I'm paying for my mistake every day. She might have forgiven me but I _know _I don't deserve it."

"So it's true then?" Finn sneered at her. "You're a dyke? You caught Rachel too and made her one?"

Not caring that Mr. Schue was staring at them, mouth agape, or that Rachel was moving toward her to stop anything from happening, or that all of the other guys in glee club, even Artie, were holding Santana back, Quinn swung a fist hard and caught Finn's jaw. "Listen, you ogre," she snarled and shoved him against a wall, gripping his shirt with a strength she didn't realize she had. "Don't you _ever _call Rachel Berry a dyke in my presence. That is my _girlfriend _and while your cowardly ass _never _stood up for her once in your miserable relationship, that doesn't mean I won't. I actually happen to love her, unlike you, who wouldn't understand how to love someone even if someone drew pretty _fucking _pictures for you in a children's book since your reading level is that of a four year old."

Everyone was stunned. Not only had Quinn Fabray just admitted to being in a relationship with Rachel to Finn, but to everyone else present in the room with them. She had not even flinched.

"So I suggest if you want to keep your _fucking _balls, you'll refrain from disrespecting Rachel _ever _again," each word was spitting with venom, enough to kill a man if he looked at her wrong. "That's the girl I love and I'm not perfect but goddamnit I don't need your opinions about me, her, or the fact that she forgave me when I didn't deserve a glance from her."

Just like that, she lifted her knee and connected with Finn's most precious asset, causing him to fall to the ground in pain as she stepped back. Rage boiled in her veins, and it didn't quite register what had happened until she was being tugged away by the girls and Kurt had gone over to check on his brother's welfare. A bit numbly, she let herself be directed out of the room and down the hall.

Quinn realized she'd just admitted to a room full of people that she was in a relationship with a girl. Slowly, she smiled. In the crowd of glee girls, she found Rachel pressing forward and reaching for her hand, she pulled her into her arms and without one second of hesitation, she brushed her lips over Rachel's in a way she hadn't allowed herself to since she'd made the mistake with Santana. Rachel gasped, fingers clutching at Quinn's arms in surprise, but she melted in Quinn's arms.

"I love you," hazel eyes burned into brown as she pulled away, and they filled with tears as her chin quivered. "I love you, Rachel."

Tears slipped down Rachel's cheeks and she beamed, blushed under the intensity of Quinn's affection. Strong arms wrapped around Quinn's neck and Rachel all but leapt into her arms, laughing tearfully.

Quinn could breathe again, could feel the flowering of forgiveness in her own heart. She knew this didn't excuse her behavior with Santana, but maybe they could move past it. Maybe it had taken some really, really bad decisions to make the first _good _decision she'd ever really made - letting Rachel Berry be loved unconditionally and in front of everyone she cared about.

She loved Rachel more than anything, deep down in the marrow of her bones.

###

News of their coupling passed around McKinley fast. Already there were a mixture of reactions - mostly disbelief and requests to see them make out.

Despite all that, it was the greatest honor of Quinn's short life to be able to hold Rachel's hand in public. To be able to wrap her arms around Rachel or kiss her gently before class, even if only on the cheek. Sometimes Rachel would blush at the attention and Quinn would insist Rachel deserved all the attention in the world. It was a happy feeling, a lightness that came with being free. Often, Quinn would scoop Rachel up in her arms at lunch or something equally playful until the shorter girl flailed about being dropped and breaking her talent.

Things were slowly, carefully returning to normal. Returning to a state of peace that Quinn had never once expected out of this whole situation. It had taken them - by the time Quinn began to notice - four and a half months to become an open and happy couple. She'd never been happier in her life. It was the weirdest bomb to ever go off in Quinn's life.

She'd read somewhere that destruction was the purest form of creation. It made sense now.

She spent less time at home, avoided issues there. Although she knew eventually the rumor mill would reach her parents ears, she didn't care. Quinn knew no matter what, as long as she had Rachel, she'd stay afloat. Her 18th birthday was approaching, and she'd picked up a part time job on the weekends. She'd been saving in secret, and had almost enough money to put a downpayment on an apartment. Even Rachel didn't know what she was saving for. Quinn wanted a chance to flourish, and she knew she couldn't do so under the thumb of her parents rule.

One weekend, after she arrived at the Berry household fresh from another long day of answering phones and getting hung up on, she found Santana, Brittany, and Rachel in the livingroom watching Lord of the Rings. She stopped in the doorway, for the moment unnoticed.

"Why are we watching this weird shit again?"

"I like the people with pointy ears. They're really pretty."

Quinn grinned, almost tearfully.

Rachel was rapt with attention, "Shh! I told you. Quinn makes references all the time to this particular series and I want to understand when she's referencing things. She should be home from work soon and I want to surprise her with my knowledge and effort."

It was hard not to laugh, and Quinn skulked behind a door for a moment as she listened.

Relations between herself and Santana had mended. Some time back they'd sat down and discussed the mistake they made. Santana had confessed that she had confused her feelings of sadness for lust, for something beyond attraction to Quinn. They'd resolved all their confusion, and Quinn had realized her reaction had been just the reaction of someone kissing someone physically attractive. After all, she couldn't think of a person who would turn Santana down initially, although with confidence she could say she no longer felt the burn of attraction and would gladly turn Santana down in a heartbeat. It had been a fluke, and they'd found the closure they needed to find. Santana had made amends with Rachel, explained the very same thing, and spent just about as long as Quinn beating herself up.

For the moment, all was relatively quiet and well.

"Hah! I'm like Legolas and you're like Gimli," Santana was telling Rachel, and Rachel scoffed in return. Finally, Quinn stepped inside, made a show of tripping over the doorframe as if she just got there.

Rachel whipped her head around, then scrambled as if to turn off the television, "Oh! I lost track of time I just - "

"What are you guys watching?" Quinn raised an eyebrow, chuckled quietly at Rachel's panic. "Lord of the Rings? Without me?"

"I was ... it was ... " Rachel was fumbling with the remote and groaned with frustration when she couldn't find the right button.

A smile tugged the corner of Quinn's lips, then grew into a full-on grin. The blonde moved into the livingroom. "Move over, short stuff," she teased Rachel, and sat beside her. Brittany bumped shoulders with her and smiled.

Together like that, they remained, watching the movie. Rachel eventually fell asleep in Quinn's arms, and she gently carried the brunette upstairs. She left a sleeping Santana and Brittany behind as she did so. The blonde covered Rachel up, felt Rachel tug her down into her arms. Quinn laughed, "Let me change out of these clothes," she whispered to Rachel, pressed her lips to the diva's and sighed at the sweetness. She fished out a pair of pajamas she kept at Rachel's, changed into them, then crawled into bed beside her. Opening her arms, she felt Rachel settle against her.

"Oh, how I love you," Rachel whispered as she sometimes did.

Hazel eyes closed, a dreamy smile crossing her lips, "I love you, you amazing human being." Moments like this made Quinn aware that she'd never take Rachel for granted, ever again. To be without her would be the suffering of one without air. She'd been through that suffering, deserved it in fact, and had been cleansed by it.

"Don't you know? I'm not human, I'm Gimli, son of Gloín."

"No, you're Galadriel. Beautiful Galadriel. And I'm only just so lucky to be loved by you."

###

Quinn awoke to the sound of singing and the airy sound of Rachel's elliptical. A sleepy smile crossed her lips as she groaned. Rachel didn't seem to notice her movement, because she didn't stop singing.

"_You wait, wanting this world to let you in, and you stand there, a frozen light in dark and empty streets; you smile behind a God-given face, but I know you're so much more, everything they ignore is all I need to see,_" Rachel was singing a song by the Goo Goo dolls, and suddenly Quinn was aware that Rachel had intended for her to hear. The blonde sat up slowly, pulled the covers around herself, and met a pair of loving brown eyes. "_You're the only one I ever believed in, the answer that could never be found; the moment you decided to let love in ... now I'm banging on the door of an angel. The end of fear is where we begin, the moment we decided to let love in._"

Quinn heard the solidity of emotion in Rachel's voice, and the lyrics began to hit home. She smiled, almost tearfully, and met the eyes of the girl she loved with the entirety of her being.

"_I wish, wishing for you to find your way, and I'll hold on for all you need. That's all we need to say, I'll take my chances while you take your time with this game you play, but I can't control your soul,_" Rachel meant every word, and Quinn could hear the thickness of emotion. The brunette stopped the elliptical, moved off of it, and sat next to Quinn on the bed. Her fingers traced Quinn's palm, opened it like a delicate flower, and reverently laced their fingers together, "_You need to let me know, you leaving or you gonna stay ... there's nothing we can do about the things we have to do without, the only way to feel again is to let love in. You're the only one I ever believed in, the answer that could never be found; the moment you decided to let love in. Now I'm banging on the door of an angel,_" Rachel's free hand cupped Quinn's cheek, thumb grazing the skin there, where Quinn had begin to blush with emotion. "_The end of fear is where we begin, the moment we decided to let love in._"

It took her a few moments to realize the singing had stopped. She'd gotten quite lost in the deep brown eyes searching her own hazel, and Quinn bit her bottom lip lightly as if to hold back tears, "What brought that on?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I guess sometimes music is the only way to express what I find I cannot say," her voice was soft, intimate. She pressed her lips to Quinn's cheek, lingered there warmly. "I've been waiting to say that for four and a half months. I just didn't know how to."

Hazel eyes fluttered shut as Rachel pressed forward, captured her lips slowly, luxuriated against Quinn and sought out all her love. Quinn felt tears slipping from her eyes and tasted the salt of them in her kiss.

"I don't know when," Rachel whispered against her lips, "but some moment, I fell in love with you."

Quinn felt the air sucked from her lungs in response, and she pulled away. "In .. love?" It was different than saying they loved one another. It was what you said to the person you knew you'd spend the rest of your life with.

Rachel nodded simply, traced her fingers over Quinn's face.

It was like hearing birds after a very long winter. It had been a very long, dark journey indeed, but after all it seemed to lead to this point.

Those brown eyes held no doubt, only adoration.

"I'm ... definitely," Quinn breathed, felt nervousness flutter in her stomach, "in love with you." First loves felt like magick. They felt like poetry. Quinn revelled in this. She heard Rachel gasp at the words, felt the intake of breath between them, and Rachel surged forward, captured the blonde's lips in a kiss that spoke of many emotions. The brunette worshipped Quinn's lips, and when she began to meet Rachel's ferocity, a long-sleeping fire began to build in her low belly.

At some point, Rachel had begun kissing down Quinn's neck, each kiss open-mouthed and hot, leaving Quinn to shiver with each contact. Her body had been dormant for so long in the slow-building repair and romance of their relationship that every touch felt like electric shock. Her fingers trembled as they pulled at Rachel's arms, felt the insistent mouth trailing hot kisses across her collarbone. When had Rachel tugged her shirt off? The cold air bit at Quinn's body, but her eyes rolled back in her head as she felt Rachel's lips enclose a nipple and draw it in her teeth. A rumbling moan reverberated through Quinn's chest, her legs twitching in response to the arousal as Rachel's hand cupped the curve of Quinn's unattended breast and began to knead and massage the skin there with almost a forceful desire. Rachel whimpered as the blonde tried to take control of the situation by pressing her thigh between Rachel's perfect legs. Her thigh met Rachel's burning center, and the brunette gasped. She broke away, captured Quinn's lips with almost bruising force. A jolt of electricity, and Quinn raised her thigh again, only to feel Rachel gasp against her mouth and moan.

Things progressed from there, passionate and heady kisses followed by a near-coupling that was interrupted by the sound of Judy Fabray in the Berry household.


	11. Doors

**Title**: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing**: Quinn/Rachel

**Rating**: M for language and reference to child abuse

**Synopsis**: (11 of 13) Judy Fabray has arrived, and she is not happy. Quinn, Rachel, Santana, and Brittany are forced to face another arduous bump in the road.

**Author's Note**: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. Thank you to everyone who has been exceedingly patient with me for getting this update out. I've been going through a weird time - I've recently come out as a trans-man and am starting natural supplements to boost testosterone levels, school is weighing really heavily on my shoulders, and I've also started therapy for my bipolar disorder. And I broke my ankle back in April. Needless to say, it's felt like my life is in disorder. Nonetheless, here this is for all of you amazing people. I love you all.

###

**Chapter 11**: Doors

_Doors slam shut..._

###

"And it's all over, for the unknown soldier, it's all over." - _The Doors, _Unknown Soldier

Judy Fabray's arrival was unceremonious at best. Rachel barely had enough time to scatter off the bed in a panic before shouting was heard a floor below. Quinn was shellshocked, frozen in place and flushed warmth receding from her face.

Hiram's voice trembled from the bottom of the stairs through Rachel's door. Rachel was grasping Quinn's hand, fixing her hair and straightening her clothing out for her, the way an army wife might prepare her husband for impending battle. Quinn looked blankly at the door, her hand instinctively clutching to Rachel's as it fell to straighten the hem of her shirt.

"I can't do this. She's going to kill me. She's found out," Quinn's barely contained panic caused her words to tremor.

Hiram called up the stairs a second time, a little more urgently. In the background they could hear Leroy trying to talk Judy down and explain things. Vaguely, Quinn heard her father's name spat from her mother's mouth. This could not be good.

Rachel shook Quinn's shoulders, her muffled voice suddenly clear. Brown eyes were full of a sort of assertion only Rachel was capable of, "Come on, everything's going to be fine, you hear me?"

Quinn nodded dumbly. She didn't realize she was supposed to move until Rachel shoved her gently toward the door, guiding her with soft hands out of the room and down the stairs. If it weren't for Rachel's presence, the shaking in Quinn's knees might have caused her to topple to the bottom of the stairs.

Her mother didn't wait for her to get to the bottom before she started in on Quinn, "Your father got a rather interesting phone call the other day from Mrs. Hummel, Finn's mother."

The color drained from Quinn's face, she was sure. Rachel slipped quietly to the bottom of the stairs and stood beside Leroy, who looped his arm around the diva's shoulders. Quinn couldn't breathe. Hudson was probably pissed he'd been shown up at school and told his mother. Yet, she didn't think that Finn's mother would do that - after all, she was Kurt's stepmother and exceedingly kind. Anything she might have said that lead to this could only mean that she'd slipped and said something she hadn't realized Judy didn't know.

"And?"

Judy's palm stung Quinn's cheek, the slap causing Rachel to gasp and Hiram to push the older woman cautiously back.

Hiram spoke in a low warning tone, "Do not, I repeat, do not hit this child. Especially not under our roof."

Judy didn't seem to hear Hiram, or care that he had said anything, "Don't you dare speak to me in that tone, Quinn Fabray! You've obviously been spending too much time with these ... _detestable _people," the Fabray matriarch motioned at the family gathered in the kitchen, and the two sleepy and confused Cheerios standing in the living room doorway. "What's this I hear about you and this _girl_?" The way Judy said 'girl' carried enough venom to make the message clear: she knew.

Quinn couldn't breathe.

"I've also phoned the other parents involved, and at least Mr. Lopez seems far more sensible about this whole thing. Whatever _experiment _you girls are trying to conduct with one another, we will have none of it." Haughtily, Judy Fabray ignored the obviously stunned and angry faces looking at her. "Now if you don't mind, gentlemen," of course, she intended no respect whatsoever and that was clear by the way she refused to look at Hiram and Leroy, "I'm going to take my daughter out of this den of _filth._"

"I keep a very clean house!" Leroy called after her.

Quinn tried to wrench her mother's grip from her wrist, but found the effort fruitless as she was pulled forcibly from the Berry household, her helpless girlfriend looking on her. Santana was yelling something, but Judy was violently shoving her daughter into the backseat of the car and slamming the door before Quinn could do anything else.

###

Quinn felt her head crack against the kitchen floor and her vision blurred. She may have cried out but she wasn't all-together sure.

"You have brought shame on this family," Russell Fabray smelled of scotch and cologne. It permeated Quinn's senses and she cringed. Her head throbbed, and as she moved her hand back to touch the spot where she'd hit her head, she felt precariously for any serious injury. She would not cry, would not allow herself to cry.

Instead, she screwed up her expression defiantly, "Oh, and beating your wife and daughter brings such _pride _at the country club, does it?" Quinn spat up at her red-faced father. "I'm sure they love to hear how a full-grown man slaps around two half-sized women in his spare time, smelling of scotch and piss." Long-simmering anger burst to the surface with every syllable; she didn't know what courage possessed her but she knew she would pay. He had come close to fully beating her before, and tonight she knew he would. If she was going to have to endure this, she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Army-Quinn loaded her AK-47 and waited, sizing up the enemy.

Russell seemed shocked at the words confronting his consciousness. It took him more than a few moments to recover, and Judy Fabray's earlier venom was almost gone. When Russell was around, she was docile and meek, in order to keep herself safe. There was of course no preamble when it came to Quinn; it was every person for themselves when Russell was in a rage. "You ungrateful cunt," Russell leaned down, whispering dangerously. The smell of alcohol made Quinn gag, and as she tried to push him away he grasped her wrist and pulled her up off of the ground. "We let you live under this roof, give you every opportunity, and because of your little dyke friends this life isn't good enough for you?" Russell shoved Quinn against the kitchen counter and slapped her across the cheek hard enough to make her vision go white for a moment.

Quinn struggled against her father's grip. "Stop calling them that," she hissed, and in vain tried to kick at his knee so he would lock up and be unable to stop her from slipping away. Another slap.

"You speak when I say you can," the man breathed again. He was a monster. He was Mr. Hyde. "If I ever hear about you spending time with that sort of crowd again, I will send you as far away as possible."

She was losing ground as his grip tightened around her wrists, and his free hand wrapped itself around her throat.

"Do – you – understand – me?" Each word was emphasized by the flames dancing in Russell's eyes.

Quinn wouldn't speak. She couldn't, mostly because his grip was tightening with every word.

Suddenly a rap at the door caused him to slacken, and he barked at Judy to answer it. Obediently, she disappeared into the foyer and Quinn could hear the door open.

She panicked. Not because he was going to let her go or beat her more later, but because _he wouldn't get caught if she didn't do something now. _He would lock her in her room and whoever it was would never know that she was likely to have a broken bone or two. Murmurs in the foyer. She had to think quick. In her head, Army-Quinn fired the first shot – draw the enemy out.

"You are nothing but a drunk and a wife-beater. You think it doesn't count because you have a nice house," she felt Russell pulling away just before he registered her words, and his eyes filled with a level of hatred she'd never seen before, "but it makes you worse. You pretend you're perfect, when you're the worst kind of coward there is. A coward beats his children and his wife. Real men own their mistakes."

Judy's hurried footsteps, "Really it's just – it must have been a prank call, really it wouldn't – you know us, we've known you for very long, been over to dinner and everything!" Her voice was hurried, panicked, and her footsteps even more so. Heavy padding footsteps sounded a bit closer than Judy's.

Just as Russell slammed Quinn's head against the cupboard, Quinn heard deep male voices shouting at Russell. Her head cracked again, very close to the same spot as before, and the thud sickened her and she immediately felt her stomach coil. Her vision turned white as she dropped from Russell's grip and fell against the counter. Her arms felt like rubber. She couldn't catch herself and began to dry heave. He'd done some damage this time. Before her vision went completely dark, she saw men in police uniforms pointing their guns at Russell Fabray, and smelt ammonia. Russell was pissing himself in fear.

The police officers split up and shoved Russell face-down against the tile of the kitchen floor. Quinn's blood was spattered here and there, and she hoped they were shoving Russell's face in it. She felt her stomach tighten and twist again. Concussion.

"Call an ambulance," one of the police officers ordered. He sounded far away, as if in a distant end of some tube.

Judy's voice joined the rush of sound in Quinn's ears as she closed her eyes. "You can't arrest me, this is ridiculous! There was nothing I could do – " she continued to try and save herself, and Quinn let out a laugh that was barely audible. Nothing Judy could do. Sure.

"Miss, are you okay?"

Just peachy, Army-Quinn slapped the man on the back. In reality, Quinn could only shake her head. All she could do was slump against the floor. She couldn't see very well. She didn't want to end up in the hospital.

"We got here just in time, she's bleeding out."

Bleeding out?

Army-Quinn touched her head, and pulled her fingers away. Blood. The AK-47 dropped with a dull thud against the rainforest soil.

Quinn blacked out.

###

"_Took some damage, soldier." Army-Quinn was laying her cards out on the table, and slapped her comrade on the shoulder affectionately. "Fought like a real man," she smirked._

_Quinn could only smile at her reflection. "I don't know what I'm doing here."_

"_Waiting, you know. Train's coming into station and all that. Come on, play some cards and forget about it. Old man's in the clink and you're scott free. Even the old hag is wishing she had a bottle of wine but instead probably lookin' for some butch daddy in jail."_

"_I think they only have those in prisons."_

"_Little rabbit's late. And the gang's all assembled."_

_Quinn watched herself lay out her own cards, "Straight."_

"_Far from it," Army-Quinn chuckled. "Now you won't get shot for it."_

_The world felt fuzzy. It was hot and muggy in the little shanty Army-Quinn had set up for herself. In her mind, she was in her own mind. Like a weird dream._

"_Thinking some loud thoughts there," Army-Quinn commented, sucked on her cigarette. Some Thai brand, light blue with white packaging. The smoke smelled sweet. "Want one?"_

"_No."_

"_Come on, soldier, those ain't your real lungs. You're gonna be here for a bit anyway."_

_Quinn seceded, and took a cigarette. It was already lit when it touched her lips. _

"_Gotta leave Underland soon," Army-Quinn motioned to the door where a silhouette soon. "Your ride's here."_

Quinn awoke to the sound of salsa music. The room was a little dark at first, but as her vision cleared she saw two dancing figures at the foot of her bed. One taller, one only a little shorter. She didn't realize someone was also next to her bed until she felt a hand on her forehead and then heard a gasp.

"Awake!" Rachel's voice chimed, and she jumped up enthusiastically, slapped at Santana's arm. The Latina turned her head and Brittany broke away. Forgetting herself, Quinn moved to sit up and felt the room spin dramatically around her. "Shh, shh, no, sit still. It's okay. You're okay."

"I'm in the hospital," Quinn stated the obvious but sounded confused. Her parents. Were they really locked up? Was Army-Quinn right? "Where – are my parents uhm, still … ?"

"It's been a week, Q," Santana explained briefly, "Rach had her dads call the cops that night, just to make sure that you were going to be okay and – "

Rachel broke in, tears in her eyes. She reached over and took Quinn's hand, pressed her face against the palm of it, "They said they got there just in time. You lost a lot of blood just before they came. You were in intensive care for three days. They couldn't get you to stabilize. I'm so sorry we couldn't stop him." Suddenly, the full Berry waterfall was unleashed. Rachel's expression forewarned, and tears came heavy and hard. The funny thing was, Quinn was only sorry that she'd worried Rachel so much. Gently, she sifted her fingers through Rachel's hair until she found the nape of her neck, gently encouraged Rachel upward just a little. A little awkwardly, without lifting her head, she pulled Rachel to her shoulder and held her. The diva's small hands gripped the safest parts of Quinn and they embraced for a moment. Quinn closed her eyes, hushing Rachel softly.

"It would've been much worse if you hadn't called the cops. You probably saved me." Quinn opened her eyes as she felt a warm pair of lips at her forehead. Brittany pulled away and brushed the damp spot with her thumb.

"I'm glad you're okay now, Q. And that your dad's finally where he belongs."

"No kidding," Santana stated a little darkly, cursing in Spanish as she took one of Quinn's hands and held it for a moment. "I'm glad you're awake. I was starting to miss that smooth voice of yours, Q. I'll expect you to be singing tunes by the end of the night."

In the background, salsa music continued playing quietly. Sunlight fell in through the blinds, a warm orange glow across her bedsheets. The warmth of Rachel pressed into her shoulder and relief of Rachel's tears, Santana's strong grip in her own, and Brittany's sympathetic smile gave Quinn a reason to smile.

###

A kind police officer, one she recognized by his voice, came in the next day when Quinn was alone. Rachel and the other girls had gone home – or rather as Santana explained the day before, to Brittany's, because Santana's parents had kicked her out thanks to Judy spilling the beans.

"How are you doing, Miss Fabray?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Quinn wasn't all-together sure whether or not she was really okay. "I'm alright," she stated simply. She wondered why the police were here.

"Well, I know you're probably not feeling the best, so I promise I'll make this as quick and painless as possible. I need to take a statement from you on what happened that night between you and your parents. I have the statements of those involved before you were removed from the Berry household, and just need yours to tie up the loose ends."

Ah, so that was it. Relief swelled. They were going to pay. They weren't just going to be bailed out. From beginning to end, Quinn didn't spare any small detail on what happened. She wanted the bastards to pay for terrorizing her since she was old enough to speak. She wanted them to pay for outing her friends, terrorizing them. It took a little bit of time, and by the time she was done telling the story, there were tears in her eyes and her hands shook.

"How long has this situation been happening?" The officer was nice, and seemed to empathize. He even looked a little angry in Quinn's defense.

"Years. And years."

The officer nodded his head. His badge said "Howell." Officer Howell.

"Thank you, for getting there when you did."

He clapped her gently on the shoulder, so as not to aggravate any injuries she might have, or bruises. "It's cases like this that make me go out there every day. I want to protect the people who can't protect themselves. I'm only sorry we didn't get there sooner. You're a strong kid though."

Quinn hesitated, nodded. "So – what … happens now?"

"Well, I can't let you in on all the details, but your parents are being investigated for abuse and neglect, obviously. Since you are 17 years of age, you are at the legal crossroads in which you can emancipate yourself from them, pending results of the case. I'm sure you'd prefer that to the foster system."

The blonde nodded just a little, and her eyes became unfocused as she stared at the window ahead of her. What would all of that mean for her? Where would she go? There was little she could do except get better right now. All the legal stuff was almost too much to think about.

"They're both in the county jail and will remain there. They are not allowed to contact you, even after their release, unless they're cleared of _all _charges, which I can personally assure you they won't be. The best lawyer in the world couldn't clear them. Not after what the other officers and I have seen, the ones who arrived on the scene that night."

Quinn's hazel eyes shot up – she felt hopeful. She had been so afraid that she'd only end up back with her parents, and they most certainly would find a way to kill or cripple her for the 'shame' she'd brought them.

"You're safe, Miss Fabray. That much I promise. I'll be back in once I have more information for you. It might be a few days. It seems that the Berry men have vouched to take you in once you're released from here. While," he looked at his paperwork, "it seems that there's really no legal grounds for it, you don't have any family in the state and therefore you're technically a temporary ward of the state. And the Berry family seems to be the safest place for you."

Silently, Quinn nodded and took a breath.

"I'll let you be. You get well soon, Miss Fabray. Everything's gonna be just fine, I'll make sure of it." She noticed for the first time that Officer Howell had a slight Southern accent. He winked, offered a kindly smile, and left the room.

She felt little stabs of pain, and lay her head back. It was time for her to get some rest. She knew when she woke up, Rachel would be at her side. She wanted time to go faster, and the only way she knew how to make that happen was to sleep. The rest she'd have to deal with when she was out of the hospital, when the sting of trauma had faded away and logic could take over.

"One damn good soldier," Quinn spoke aloud to herself, and smiled.


	12. Hidden

**Title:** Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing:** Quinn/Rachel

**Synopsis:** (12 of 13) After a brutal confrontation at home, Quinn finds herself faced with a problematic situation and decisions to make; where will she live? Santana, also removed from her home, faces the same.

**Author's Note:** So upon discovering that this fic was voted graciously at number 26 on a list of favored Faberry fics, I decided to finish up this chapter as a thank you. I was honestly rendered speechless when Laura informed me of the vote. It's such an honor that people even read the stories I want to share, and much more of an honor to know that a mass of you really love them. It means the world to me. My schedule's been a little hectic and everything, so my apologies for being slow to update as of late. As always, the lyrics and title are from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol.

###

**Chapter 12:** Hidden

_A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away_...

###

_"The trick is growing up without growing old."_ - **Casey Stengel**

_"I think from here on it's up to me to prove that I'm growing up and that I have other things to say." _- **Shiri Appleby**

Freedom. Release. Absolute freedom from her parents, from abuse, and freedom from guilt that had plagued her. Her life in this last amount of time had been easily a rollercoaster – full of much happiness and joy, but full of confusion, angst, and real physical harm. That part was over now, though. As Quinn stepped into the front doors of the Berry household, she felt as if she really were walking into a true home. She was safe here and she was surrounded by people that loved her. It felt fresh, a new beginning, but she had much work to do to straighten her life out. She still had to figure out how exactly to work things out to where she could be independent and pursue a life of independence when it came to finances. Graduation was coming up fast and she had to figure out where and how she was going to school. There were so many details she could hardly keep track, but thankfully Rachel had helped her get a head-start before things got bad. She had been given her old car and access to a small amount of her trust funds, but that would only last so far. The Fabray Mansion was vacant; nobody expected Quinn to really want to live in the place that held every bad memory that she could recall. It was best that it lay dormant, awaiting the return of its two evil masters.

Quinn still limped just a little bit, and sometimes winced if Rachel squeezed her ribs too hard, but life was going to be good with the Berries. After all, they had become family to her in so many ways, helped her through the worst parts of her short life. Hiram Berry was the first to greet her, not having expected her to return with her belongings from the Faberry mansion so soon.

"We've set up a room for you in the basement," his kindly touch to her shoulder said that it wasn't that they didn't _trust _her, just that they thought if either girl would get anything productive done, they couldn't share a bedroom together. Not yet anyway. "You can decorate it any way you please – although I believe you and Leroy share a love of classic movies and crooners, so there are a few large Fred and Ginger posters as well as a Frank Sinatra poster. You seem like the very classy artistic type." All the while he was leading Quinn down the stairs, and she was beaming with delight at the fact she would have her own _room _where she would be welcome. A room where somebody _wanted _her to stay. A space that could be her own, untainted by bad memories and flashbacks. "So there's plenty of room for you to put what you like … bookshelves that we already have, Rachel says you enjoy reading as well. This bed should suit you well, Leroy decorated and I think you two have very much in common. Otherwise we can accommodate any hobbies you have – art, or … well, whatever it is you'd like to do."

Hiram talked quite a lot, that was one thing Quinn had gotten used to by now. She was only smiling graciously, unshed tears in her eyes. Without speaking a word, she swung her arms around and hugged Hiram like he was her real father. She hugged him tightly and buried her head against his chest, "I owe your family so much."

"We are your family, Quinn, don't ever forget that." Hiram murmured, petted Quinns' hair gently before letting her go. "If you need anything, come find me, otherwise I'll leave you to settle in. Rachel should be home soon from her vocal lessons."

Quinn gave a humble smile and as Hiram retreated, she let a few tears fall. She really had found a family here. People who loved and supported her. A place seemed to be waiting here for her all along, if only she'd had the chance to discover it.

###

Quinn had just finished hanging up all of her clothing in her closet and aligned her shoes properly, then started stacking the extra tubs of books that wouldn't fit on her bookshelf in the back of the closet. She otherwise had plenty of room to store everything, and within an hour's time she felt as if she had put all the personal touches she needed in her room – most importantly, a framed picture of herself and Rachel from that weekend at the lake with everyone. They looked happy. Rachel was trying to lift Quinn off the ground and failing. It was Quinn's favorite photograph of them. She set it directly beside her bed. Her bedroom door clicked open hesitantly; Rachel peered in, "May I come in?"

Quinn's face was alight at the sight of her love, and she all but pulled Rachel to her in as tight of an embrace that she could manage with her few healing injuries. "Hey," she whispered in Rachel's ear.

"Hey."

"I missed you."

"I always miss you."

"I'm finally home," Quinn murmured even softer.

"Home with me," Rachel leaned up, pressed a sweet kiss to her lover's cheek, and studied her face for a moment while she laced their fingers together. "Do you like your room? Daddy and I worked on it a lot…we tried to make it more "you." It used to be Hiram's den but he wanted to remodel it for you. He said you deserved a space that was just yours, so you'd really feel like you're a part of our family." Rachel pressed Quinn's hand closer to her thigh, brown eyes glittering as they watched Quinn take in the entirety of the bedroom.

"I mean it's … just really amazing. I never expected this. I'm so…grateful."

Rachel only smiled, "I know."

"So I have uhm, homework, due Monday. Do you want to be my study buddy?"

Rachel's sweet smile was her answer, and she grabbed Quinn's books, darted out of the room and upstairs with them, leaving Quinn to chase up after her. There was still so much to be resolved, but right here and now, things were simple. Two problems had been solved: Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry were now out, and in a stable relationship (not without a few bumps along the way), and the last problem was that Quinn was legally emancipated from her two abusive parents.

The thing about high school is that it seems important for itself, but in reality, it becomes important for the doors it will open and the decisions to be made.

###

Quinn fell asleep, face-first, on her textbook. Rachel was writing notes about some other class she was in, and amusedly grinning at the fact Quinn had a slobber spot on her textbook. She supposed with the mix of medication and continuing to recover from her injuries, this might be a common occurrence. She had to wake her up as sweetly as possible.

So she threw a pillow at her head.

Quinn started, jarred backward and confused. Rubbing her eyes, she couldn't figure out where she was, what time or even what day it was. Her blonde hair was up around her skull like she'd been electrocuted. As the blurry vision of Rachel cleared, Quinn scowled and began combing her fingers through her hair.

"You let me fall asleep," Quinn croaked as she stretched on the mattress, long, thin limbs hanging over the edge of the bed.

"You let yourself fall asleep."

"You were supposed to be _helping _me."

Rachel arched an eyebrow, swirling around in her chair and smoothing her skirt, "If you'll recall, I was helping you until you said, 'No, no, forget it, I got this part, it's fine.'"

Argument won, Quinn couldn't say anything else. "Where did I leave off?"

"Check the drool?"

Quinn chuckled.

###

The girls were gathered in Quinn's bedroom for the weekend – the bed itself was massive enough to hold four people easily, plus another two. A bag of chips between them, they were talking about what they planned to do after High School. After all, where would they go? How would they get there?

"I was thinking about joining a dance troupe in NYC. I sent in my sample video to them, to the work I've done, and they were really impressed," Brittany didn't make a show of it, but she was likely very proud and honored. "They're one of the top dance Troupes across the country, almost internationally known."

"That'd be hot, B. Travelling a lot though?" Santana asked. Something in her voice betrayed the fact that just perhaps being in a long-distance relationship might be touch.

"Mmm, probably. We could work something out though, baby," Brittany reached over and stroked Santana's hand lovingly.

"I don't know what I'm doing, honestly. I've looked at schools but I mean … the only thing I've ever really been good at is gymnastics and cheering. I'm not that smart. I'm not the best singer around," she ignored the flurry of disagreement from her friends, "so I'm just not sure yet.

"Well," Rachel beamed, "I've sent my application into NYADA, auditioned, and am officially in the final round of selectees."

It was cheerful news, and the girls either hugged Rachel or took her hand. That left Quinn to reveal what her plans were.

"I'm getting a job. Here. To save money until I can afford to move to New York. I don't want to just … run off and go to college to get a degree in something I'm not all that passionate about. I'm passionate about art, photography, feminism, but in all those tracks there's very little money to be made."

At the realization that she and Rachel may also have to deal with a long-distance relationship, she took Rachel's hand in hers and kissed it. "Growing up is weird."

The four nodded in agreement. Their uncertain futures shared between them, a sense of relief washed over them as they continued to talk and mingle. There was noticeably no tension and confusion between the foursome who had been so dramatically involved in a love … square?

Amends had generally been made. One would assume human error, and that love overrides human error. The friends were friends again, as they should have always been, and trust had been built in both relationships in a way that left all wounds healed.

###

Laying together in bed one night, Rachel asked Quinn a surprising question, "Move to New York with me. You can get a job there, we can share an apartment …"

"Is that something you really think we're ready for?"

"Do you think we're not?"

It was a very serious decision. There was something inside Quinn that merely stated sometimes you had to do the irresponsible thing – and her mother would certainly see that as irresponsible.

"We could afford it together, split rent, live together, and I'd still be able to attend NYADA. And you could work and eventually do whatever it is you want to do. We'd be together and independent and able to pursue all of our dreams outside of this … this… barren place." The sparkle in Rachel's eyes was catching. It was like a spark that lit something inside of Quinn.

We could do this, she thought. We could do this. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it. It would be freedom. A dive into adulthood without any fears.

Was she capable of such a thing? Such a risk? Yet as Rachel toyed with her hair and contemplated Quinn's coming reaction, it seemed like more of a risk to split them all apart instead of jumping together, hand in hand, into a future that would be hard for one person but perhaps less hard for two.

"Give me a day to think about it. I mean, we're close to graduation and all, but give me a day to think about it. I don't want to make a decision on a whim … you know me," she murmured bashfully and was met with a loving, tender kiss from Rachel.

Hiram knocked on the bedroom door, "Time to split up for the night girls. Class in the morning."

"Thanks, Dad," Rachel sighed, but leaned down for one more loving kiss. "I love you, Quinn Fabray."

"I love you, Rachel Berry. Now leave me to my thinkage."

They shared a loving smile before Rachel coyly slipped out of Quinn's room.


	13. Safe and Sound

**Title:** Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

**Pairing:** Quinn/Rachel

**Author's Note: **(Chapter 13/13) We've finally come to the end of this story. It's hard to believe, honestly. A novel, at least in former standards, runs approximately 50,000 to 60,000 words and as it stands, this runs just about the same if not more. My girlfriend wants to get it bound for me in book form, and I have to say although this didn't start out as my favorite of the works I've written for the fandom, it's become a sort of baby, a lovechild. I will miss this story once it's completely done, and likely will re-read it along with the rest of you when you get nostalgic. Thank you for the constant support and feedback, for all the wonderful comments, and for voting this into popularity. I love all of you, and hope the future stories I write will be as impactful and loved as this one has been.

###

**Chapter 13**

_Safe and sound…_

###

"_What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."__ - __**Jack Keruoac, On the Road**_

Quinn got off the airplane; she hadn't realized that she'd been holding her breath as it expelled from her lips. She hated airports, mostly because they were busy and everyone was in such a rush that it was a little overwhelming. She hoisted her backpack over her shoulder and started past the crowds; her legs couldn't carry her fast enough. A few people bumped and jostled her but nothing could deter her from getting to Rachel. They'd been apart for a month now, while Rachel got everything sorted out in New York – including their low-budget two-room apartment close enough to campus. A month without Rachel next to her in bed, a month without waking up to the sound of an elliptical whirring, and a month without even being able to hug Rachel. Of course they Skyped, but once one has had the luxury of being with their partner _every day _it wasn't exactly easy to feel close to them on screen.

Rachel had been sending text messages every three minutes since the plane was supposed to land. She'd asked more than once if the plane had crashed, or if something had gone wrong; she even asked if Quinn had gotten on the right plane. Rachel's panic was all the confirmation Quinn needed to find out that she wasn't the only one jumping out of her skin in anticipation.

Of course, it didn't really take much longer than a second of coming through the boarding area that she felt someone collide into her, full-force, trembling like a leaf. She smelled berries and had never been so grateful for that scent as her fingers wrapped around Rachel's frame and held the clinging woman to her.

"You smell so good," Quinn sputtered, and felt tears sting her eyes as she buried her face in the curtain of dark brown hair.

Rachel gave a tearful laugh and pulled away, kissing Quinn softly on the lips. "Baby," she whispered the word reverently and Quinn pressed her lips to Rachel's in response.

"Missed you."

"That's the last time we're going to be apart like that," Rachel was firm and sure about this; it made Quinn smile quietly and brush her fingers through Rachel's hair.

Quinn more than agreed. She delicately brushed her lips over Rachel's again and in afterthought realized she, too, was trembling.

"I love you."

"I love you way too much," Quinn laughed a little at her own words and sighed. "Come on, let's go to our apartment. I've got a present for you."

###

New York had been lovely the first time Quinn had come last year, but the city took on a whole new kind of beauty when she realized she was going to be living here. The buildings seemed that much more magnificent, the hustle and bustle, the sirens and taxi cabs, the street lights and half-drunk people. Maybe that didn't seem appealing to some people but mostly what that told Quinn was that this city _lived, _thrived, it had a heartbeat you could hear every moment of every day. Rachel belonged here, and so did Quinn.

Their apartment looked beautiful at night. There was a decent view from their living room window, and as she watched the lights crawl along city streets, she felt a warm pair of hands grasp her hips. "Do you like it?"

"It's perfect."

"Especially now," Rachel's chin rested on the curve of Quinn's shoulder, and the blonde could feel fingers trailing through her hair. "You're here."

"Cheeseball."

"Your one and only," the playful warning-tone made Quinn smile too large, so she turned around and kissed Rachel firmly. It started out soft but grew into something a little more consuming. Soon, Rachel was urging Quinn down onto the bed, bottom lip grazing Quinn's throat as the blonde forgot how to breathe. She'd forgotten just how Rachel could set her on fire. It had been too long without these lips, without this passionate brunette above her. There was something far too irresistible about that curtain of brunette hair grazing Quinn's bare skin; Rachel had tossed Quinn's shirt to the floor just before they got to the bedroom door, and sat up just now long enough to remove her own.

Their first night in the apartment together made Quinn hope that there was an extra layer of insulation in the walls.

###

Quinn, in short, loved every moment in that apartment. She loved waking up and finding Rachel sipping coffee at the kitchen counter, where she would murmur lovingly against Quinn's lips about how cute she was when she had sleepy eyes. Those were her favorite moments.

It wasn't always easy. Sometimes they got mad at each other, and sometimes Rachel spent too much of their money on things they didn't need; Quinn had a bad habit of leaving clothes lying everywhere in the apartment and not picking up after herself. It wasn't always perfect, but at the end of the day Quinn knew that happily ever after was a real thing. They just had to make it themselves. There were plenty of adventures to be had together, and she supposed part of the adventure was the bumpy side-road they had to take sometimes.

They never fell out of love; somehow love had a way of growing. It bloomed inside Quinn impossibly, and she was grateful for every second, because Rachel looked cute even when she was mad.


End file.
